Why Does "struggling" With A Man Only Payoff For White Women?

[Crackers Phinn]

My mother warned me about this mess when I was a teen. She even gave me real life examples of men who were no longer with their first wives or the women who put them through university.[/QUOTE]

See, I would see this with black girls at my college who would feed their boyfriends off their school meal plans. Sometimes these dudes were boyfriends from high school who didn't go to our school. I was surprised by how common that was.

 

[Dposh167]

I haven't seen proof that it only works with ww. There's enough proof on my FB

 

[quirkydimples]

@BK Bombshell

Good post, but "Bummy McBummerson" made me giggle.

 

[Brwnbeauti]

See, I would see this with black girls at my college who would feed their boyfriends off their school meal plans. Sometimes these dudes were boyfriends from high school who didn't go to our school. I was surprised by how common that was.

I was such a savage in college. My girlfriends would be like cafe you gotta give him another chance, work with him. I was like bih I'm 19.

 

[hothair]

Wow. I think I was meaner as a teen/early twenties. I didn't want ANY projects. I dated as close to my ideal as I could somehow I ended back home ( never intended to marry from my country/culture ).

To an extent unless as ladies have mentioned you marry an athlete or similar early on, most guys are a work in progress even if their family's rich. Truly for most it's only with age that they gain massive achievements (and finished personalities).


Dh and I are close in age, I couldn't have got with him if he wasn't on his way somewhere the the first few years I concentrated on myself and it paid off financially.

Only thing I noticed he was allowing himself be swept along career wise instead of working to a goal (and it affected our family dynamics). I have now taken him in hand much as I have my career a bit less though.

His mother's suggestion was to do nothing but be his attachment. Her life is a cautionary tale of what not to do with a man. So frankly I ignore her.

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

I don't see this working out for white women either tbh. The ones I know who were dating low, are now married low. Men need to be challenged to provide and go above and beyond, if they know you are willing to take them in the gutter, they have no incentive to do better IMO.

 

[sarumoki]

or when George Lopez' wife donated him a kidney and he left her right afterwards so he could date 20 year olds.

What???

 

[Crackers Phinn]

What???

After he got that fresh new kidney, George decided he was ready to live like a single man. His wife filed five years later but she said they hadn't lived together long after he recovered.

 

[greight]

After he got that fresh new kidney, George decided he was ready to live like a single man. His wife filed five years later but she said they hadn't lived together long after he recovered.

I'm angry on her behalf. This site is not good for my soul.

I would have cut that kidney out of him.

 

[okange76]

The George Lopez one was trifling beyond measure. He had genetic kidney disease since he was born and he had struggled for so long. He was on his last legs when she saved him. 17 yrs of marriage down the drain after getting a new lease on life. This is not uncommon. I once read one of those Ask Amy type columns. Can't remember which one. Basically the guy was asking for advice on what to do because he didn't love his wife anymore after she gave him a kidney and he didn't know how to tell her. He had met someone new. I would never donate. We would find a family member come hell or high water or someone on the donor list.

 

[sarumoki]

After he got that fresh new kidney, George decided he was ready to live like a single man. His wife filed five years later but she said they hadn't lived together long after he recovered.

That's disgusting.

 

[movingforward13]

I once read one of those Ask Amy type columns. Can't remember which one. Basically the guy was asking for advice on what to do because he didn't love his wife anymore after she gave him a kidney and he didn't know how to tell her. He had met someone new.

Wow

 

[Dellas]

The George Lopez one was trifling beyond measure. He had genetic kidney disease since he was born and he had struggled for so long. He was on his last legs when she saved him. 17 yrs of marriage down the drain after getting a new lease on life. This is not uncommon. I once read one of those Ask Amy type columns. Can't remember which one. Basically the guy was asking for advice on what to do because he didn't love his wife anymore after she gave him a kidney and he didn't know how to tell her. He had met someone new. I would never donate. We would find a family member come hell or high water or someone on the donor list.

Yeah it should be a family member ( Cousin, Aunt,....). Hopefully, she got paid.
I would need half his earning or I would be like Steve Harvey's ex wife.
People would be reading my sob stories in remote villages in China.
Someone told me me never have compassion for men. She is married and I am single.
I always wanted to be sweet and kind. She was smart and strategic

 

[hopeful]

...
Someone told me me never have compassion for men.

Excellent advice .

Whenever I hear men talking about how a woman holds him down, always got his back, I know he is a punk, looking for a mommy to feel compassion for him and all of his wittle problems and concerns.

 

[DarkJoy]

Yeah it should be a family member ( Cousin, Aunt,....). Hopefully, she got paid.
I would need half his earning or I would be like Steve Harvey's ex wife.
People would be reading my sob stories in remote villages in China.
Someone told me me never have compassion for men. She is married and I am single.
I always wanted to be sweet and kind. She was smart and strategic

Hard, cold but true 10000%. They don't need coddling and saving. . They'll see you as mom then move on to a true wife.

 

[Evolving78]

RG3 was rich when he met his wife.

That first wife was a college sweetheart, right? He traded her big headed behind in for someone better in his eyes. That other woman wouldn't have paid his funny looking self attention before he made it to the NFL.

 

[Evolving78]

Hard, cold but true 10000%. They don't need coddling and saving. . They'll see you as mom then move on to a true wife.

I just recently told somebody that. at that point they are grown men. If they didn't getting from their mothers, then oh well.

 

[Evolving78]

Yeah it should be a family member ( Cousin, Aunt,....). Hopefully, she got paid.
I would need half his earning or I would be like Steve Harvey's ex wife.
People would be reading my sob stories in remote villages in China.
Someone told me me never have compassion for men. She is married and I am single.
I always wanted to be sweet and kind. She was smart and strategic

I wasn't taught this at all...

 

[hopeful]

I wasn't taught this at all...

Right. Taught to coddle, be overly helpful, patient, etc.

 

[Evolving78]

Right. Taught to coddle, be overly helpful, patient, etc.

A codependent. Ha!

 

[DarkJoy]

Right. Taught to coddle, be overly helpful, patient, etc.

A codependent. Ha!

right!

I wasn't so much told anything but my family's actions and behavior was the lesson.

 

[hopeful]

right!

I wasn't so much told anything but my family's actions and behavior was the lesson.

They don't have to say a word. They taught us by how they treated us.

 

[kanozas]

@Bkbombshell said something profound in a recent thread:



Is there a racial component to this or am i tripping?

I'd argue that typically white dudes have no problem doing the right thing and marrying the woman that struggled with him. I've known many struggling white couples that ate beans for dinner every night, lived on a tight budget etc. in order to get to the next level.

When that guy get his med degree, business degree etc. he doesn't act brand new and leaves the woman who was by his side during his low moments. Instead his loyalty compells him to marry her and she enjoys the spoils of his success.

However, on the flip side, this type of set up generally doesn't work for black women. We all know the line from the Kayne song, "when he gets on...."

Why doesn't this set up work for black women? Is it black men's self hatred? Lack of loyalty? How can bw better position ourselves to not only recognize potential in men, but benefit from and actually enjoy it when it is realized?

If I were you, I wouldn't assume such a thing. It's VERY common for WM to be brought up by WW and then move on to younger, "better" WW. I think it's a man's ego. He needs to impress someone else as the man who's come up. Fronting, no matter what.

 

[kanozas]

I would have cut that kidney out of him.

What's that movie with that Nigerian actor and Sophie somebody from U.K. and they got back at some gangster and he woke up in a tub filled with ice, no kidneys and a note o call 911

 

[Holla]

Excellent advice .

Whenever I hear men talking about how a woman holds him down, always got his back, I know he is a punk, looking for a mommy to feel compassion for him and all of his wittle problems and concerns.

Headnod!

I told a guy once that he was looking for a woman to take care of him. ..financially even. He vehemently denied it. He claimed that he had his stuff together, that he had more than I think he had, that he had always taken care of himself ...yada yada. I stuck to my decision and threw that fish back lol.

He was always talking about how a woman can build with a man, can help him to be a better man, can do a/b/c for the man and then he would do x/y/z for her in return. Always about what a woman can do for him FIRST. Never about what he can do for a woman beforehand. I also picked up on his BS (and called him on it) by pointing out how his baby momma did alladat and the only thing she got was knocked up! He moved on looking for someone better and was still looking. He got pissed! I didn't care. I am all about calling out brothas who on some BS yet they call themselves "men" - SMH!

That said, I agree about not being compassionate with grown dudes. They are looking for a woman to pity them ("work with a brotha") and pick up their slack in life ("support them").

 

[Afro Puff]

white men leave struggle wives and "trade up" too.

Jeremy Meeks.

 

[caribeandiva]

... I guess what i'm getting at is how can bw benefit once a man becomes successful, instead of staying on the loosing end of thing?

Don't f**k with struggle dycks.

 

[caribeandiva]

The women that are successful with working with a guy usually sees something tangible- whether it's a strong work ethic, intelligence, resilience - that's applicable to being successful. She also sees he has a goal he's working toward. The key is he's ALREADY doing something.

Agreed

 

[caribeandiva]

See, I would see this with black girls at my college who would feed their boyfriends off their school meal plans. Sometimes these dudes were boyfriends from high school who didn't go to our school. I was surprised by how common that was.

Nooooo... no freaking way!

 

[Carrie A]

I don't think this is what I observed, but it's better to be a struggle wife (from a young age mind you if the guy has potential.) Being a struggle girlfriend is not a good idea.

Most of the (blk) professional men I know are married to their college sweetheart or grad school girlfriend. They are on Marriage #1. Also most of the older long time married couples - professional I believe are married to the same person or if they divorced it wasn't before wife #1 one got some benefits.

Of course I don't know the exact stats.