Why Do Women Mistreat Each Other.

[syze6]

So I got a text a while back where an associates wife was calling me out of my name, telling me to cease communication. What was crazy is that I worked with her hubby and him along with others would check up on me. It would be sporadic check ups at that. They would give me the office updates, as I was let go.

After, I relayed this to her and apologized for any misunderstanding, she did not have the decency to respond and apologize. It got me thinking, about how women mistreat each other and why? Where did this culture begin of just straight up disrespecting each other, fighting the woman over a man, sleeping with men in known marriages and relationships, not being supportive and deliberately hurting each other.

It made me sad to think how far women have falling. That is why I have issues with these reality shows, where the women are fighting and calling the women out their name. Why are we so hostile toward each other? If my hubby is stepping out, I'm dealing with HIM. I would think it's sad that a women knowingly participated in an affair, but my issue lies with HIM. I'll pray for her and keep it moving.

Too many women try to harm the other woman and sail off into the sunset with the man. I used to watch Cheaters years ago and I remember those men had no concern for their women. They are caught up in full blown courtship with the other woman. Then upon confrontation, the wife or woman attacks the woman. In my younger days, when a woman contacted me about a liar who pretended to be single. I would respectfully tell her all his business and we would be done with all communication. I never felt the need to be rude or disrespectful to the woman. Even when some ave came off rude from the jump.

Is that a learned behavior for women to always be attack each other? It really is sad. I was thinking to myself, if there was something inappropriate going on (which there wasn't) about the text communicating, YOUR hubby would have to text me as well. The only B and H is me though...shameful!

 

[janaq2003]

Ive always wondered this too. Its pretty pathetic. I had something similar happen when I was in college.. dude was talking to me and a girl in another dorm. My roommate was friend with this girl and was going back and telling her everything that went on between me and him. The girl comes trying to confront me and it didnt turn out so well for her...or my eventual roommate

 

[syze6]

Ive always wondered this too. Its pretty pathetic. I had something similar happen when I was in college.. dude was talking to me and a girl in another dorm. My roommate was friend with this girl and was going back and telling her everything that went on between me and him. The girl comes trying to confront me and it didnt turn out so well for her...or my eventual roommate

It's so sad, how we treat each other. The only head I'm coming for is his, and pray she stop selling herself short as well. Then the man will have the nerve to turn around and talk about the woman, yet you wasn't talking about her when you was with her.

 

[Menina Preta]

Well. When a woman is crazy over a man, she ceases to reason effectively and at times will lash out at the easiest target, the other woman. Moreover some men lie and say the other woman is pursuing him. And in certain instances, some women are actively pursuing the guy too.

 

[mrselle]

I think it's easier to be mad at the other woman because the consequences aren't that great. If she confronts the man then there's always the chance the man could leave. Honestly, most women don't want to be left for the other woman.

As to why do women mistreat each other. Jealousy, no home training, low self-esteem.... Some of the messiest things done and said to me have been by women.

 

[Lylddlebit]

I avoid these situations. My best friend from childhood was a man. I remember when he got engaged everyone was saying I was supposed to be his wife. Even people in both our families. I know she heard that stuff and that made me very uncomfortable because I knew all about her and was happy for him when he got engaged. I kept telling people don't put me in no mess. Me and my siblings were all good friends with him and his siblings. I was around the same age as him one of my siblings was the close in age to his brother and other other the close in age to his sister. It was just that me and him were a year apart in age. After I graduated from college we talked about the potential of dating even went on one date but after the date told him it wasn't going to work because he was the nice to everybody guy. I didn't want the guy that every woman could count on. I wanted a man who treated me special and different than every other woman. Things that I found kind, sweet and endearing as a friend didn't fly with me with the potential of being together and I knew that about myself so was honest with him when I told him why we wouldn't work out. There are things that a woman needs a man for but that man won't be mine who delivers it. I am not even talking about sexual stuff, but a man's perspective, protection, emotional support, and help with stuff like moving is really helpful and gives such a sense of comfort. Those are great things that can build inappropriate ties and desire for more. I just find it inappropriate for another woman who isn't family to depend on a man that isn't hers. I find it inappropriate for a man to depend on or need a woman who isn't his and that experience taught me some pitfalls to giving people access to certain attributes of a relationship when they are friends even when those attributes are all emotional. I remember after my dear friend got married he called me like normal to talk about some emotional problems and I said "I got to stop you there friend. For me, now that you are married there things you are going to deal with in life that aren't appropriate for me to know. There areas that where it's more important for you to discus with you wife as you cleave to her and build your union". I didn't care for what people were saying when he got engaged but I played a part in them saying it. We had to many attributes of a romantic relationship to just be friends. So when I created the boundary when he got married it was a matter of respect for my friend having a shot at happy marriage. It was a matter of respect to his wife as a woman that I had no desire to be a threat to her. I saw him as more her husband than my friend. Could I have justified carrying on like normal, sure. However it wasn't about that. I do find it inappropriate for men to jump all in my face and give "I need you" vibes when they have a woman to meet their needs and I have a man to meet mine so I felt convicted to fall back out of respect.

 

[LivingInPeace]

Most cultures encourage women to believe that they are less than men and less trustworthy. Religion plays a role in blaming women for what we do and for what men do. Any situation that goes wrong between a man and a woman is considered to be the woman’s fault. We don’t hold men responsible for their actions if a woman is there to blame.

 

[cinnespice]

I remember when I was in high school and I called my friends house but she didn't pick up. They had caller ID and my mom's name showed up on the phone. My friends mother calls my house looking for my mother because that's who's name showed up. My mom picked and she starts yelling at my mother about why you calling my house why you calling my man My mother told me and I told my friend what happened and I told her to come get her mother cause, she needed to calm down. My friend explained that her dad was a cheater and the mom thought that was one of the women. I told her that's nice and everything but what does that have to do with me and my mom, she needs to apologize. She did. But i always remember what her mom did every time i see her.

I don't have the energy to be dealing with any man like that if he cheating and I find out, the side piece can have him. I'm done. I don't believe in mistreatment of others especially women, but it's been done to me, there doesn't have to be a reason. If i don't like someone or as I say their soul don't take with me i just have minimal contact that's it. If it's being done to me I have got some petty for you and handle you in different way.

 

[syze6]

I remember when I was in high school and I called my friends house but she didn't pick up. They had caller ID and my mom's name showed up on the phone. My friends mother calls my house looking for my mother because that's who's name showed up. My mom picked and she starts yelling at my mother about why you calling my house why you calling my man My mother told me and I told my friend what happened and I told her to come get her mother cause, she needed to calm down. My friend explained that her dad was a cheater and the mom thought that was one of the women. I told her that's nice and everything but what does that have to do with me and my mom, she needs to apologize. She did. But i always remember what her mom did every time i see her.

I don't have the energy to be dealing with any man like that if he cheating and I find out, the side piece can have him. I'm done. I don't believe in mistreatment of others especially women, but it's been done to me, there doesn't have to be a reason. If i don't like someone or as I say their soul don't take with me i just have minimal contact that's it. If it's being done to me I have got some petty for you and handle you in different way.

That's crazy and very sad! I couldn't believe that I woke up to a text with her starting it out with the B and H word. This man was a coworker and nothing else. You would have thought we were setting up dates. If she had read the texts, she would have seen it was nothing but well wishes and company updates. Not...one apology!

I remember in my younger days, I was dating this guy. I found out he was cheating and I sent the woman a message letting her know he was a liar and we lived together and had been together a while. No need to blame her, as I assumed he had told many lies. She was so thankful and we both left him alone. No disrespect ever left our mouths toward each other. Although, I'm sure if I had approached it with disrespect, I'm sure I would have gotten it.

 

[Lylddlebit]

That's crazy and very sad! I couldn't believe that I woke up to a text with her stating it out with the B and H word. This man was a coworker and nothing else. You would have thought we were setting up dates. If she had read the texts, she would have seen it was nothing but well wishes and company updates. Not...one apology!

I remember in my younger days, I was dating this guy. I found out he was cheating and I sent the woman a message letting her know he was a liar and we lived together and had been together a while. No need to blame her, as I assumed he had told many lies. She was so thankful and we both left him alone. No disrespect ever left our mouths toward each other. Although, I'm sure if I had approached it with disrespect, I'm sure I would have gotten it.

Even with her being wrong it's not worth it. It's obvious that no matter the reason, she doesn't like the contact between you and her spouse. My guess is that the issue is not the topics you two discuss rather the reason why you still are in contact when you no longer work together. In some recent situations you have alluded feeling awkward and blindsided. So is it worth it to be "right" and innocuous yet dealing with mess surrounding another woman's man? To me it wouldn't be. You bring up a good point about women mistreating one another. She should have handled the true issue with a lot more impact to her actual husband redirecting his focus on her and forgetting about you. However just like we can speak of women mistreating each other we can speak of allowing people to wallow in there own mess without using you as a scapegoat. We can speak of when we recognize a mess we can just leave it alone before it's reach has collateral damage. We can speak of how keeping my distance from another woman's man takes very little effort from me but good for her if it's one less thing that she was worried about. I wouldn't focus on the mess that is going in her household. However it wouldn't gain enough steam to reach mine. Be careful OP. I am not saying you are wrong but with the friend text in a prior post and the wife txt in this one... I wouldn't have time for that. I'd have to cut foolishness out at the source...these dudes.

 

[Ms. Tarabotti]

Boundaries, OP, boundaries.

To be honest, your former co worker has no real cause to be in contact with you since you no longer work together. Why do you need to get updates on where you used to work and why does he have to give them to you? Apparently his wife takes issue with this. You may need to fall back with this relationship; same thing with your friend in the other thread.

Ask yourself, are you doing anything consciously or unconsciously that would lead these women to believe that you have designs on their men? Are you 'too close' emotionally to these men? If you feel that you are not doing anything, the men might just have picked insecure women. But you may need to watch your interactions a little better to ensure that this kind of drama by passes you and your own marriage.

 

[Browndilocks]

^^^^ Yup. Women often act oblivious when in actuality they're all-knowing. That's what usually gets them cursed out.

 

[Enyo]

Most cultures encourage women to believe that they are less than men and less trustworthy. Religion plays a role in blaming women for what we do and for what men do. Any situation that goes wrong between a man and a woman is considered to be the woman’s fault. We don’t hold men responsible for their actions if a woman is there to blame.

*sigh* Sadly, this. ALL of this. I was on insta - can't remember what page, but it was statistics about domestic abuse against women. This WOMAN said, "I don't understand why women want so much power", and then started talking about the Bible. A bunch of men started posting negative stats about men instead of just being supportive It was pathetic and upsetting for me to read.

I don't like religion and feel all gods are made-up. One of the reasons I question religion is directly related to the fact that women are supposed to submit to our husbands and be their helpmate or whatever, but they are statistically more like to hurt and kill us than anyone else. Literally. You're statistically safer with strange men than you are your boyfriend or husband. How sad is that??

 

[syze6]

Even with her being wrong it's not worth it. It's obvious that no matter the reason, she doesn't like the contact between you and her spouse. My guess is that the issue is not the topics you two discuss rather the reason why you still are in contact when you no longer work together. In some recent situations you have alluded feeling awkward and blindsided. So is it worth it to be "right" and innocuous yet dealing with mess surrounding another woman's man? To me it wouldn't be. You bring up a good point about women mistreating one another. She should have handled the true issue with a lot more impact to her actual husband redirecting his focus on her and forgetting about you. However just like we can speak of women mistreating each other we can speak of allowing people to wallow in there own mess without using you as a scapegoat. We can speak of when we recognize a mess we can just leave it alone before it's reach has collateral damage. We can speak of how keeping my distance from another woman's man takes very little effort from me but good for her if it's one less thing that she was worried about. I wouldn't focus on the mess that is going in her household. However it wouldn't gain enough steam to reach mine. Be careful OP. I am not saying you are wrong but with the friend text in a prior post and the wife txt in this one... I wouldn't have time for that. I'd have to cut foolishness out at the source...these dudes.

Yeah...I told him, not to upset her and cease any updates. Even though it was probably three times since my leaving. We worked together 10+ years and out of the three communications, one consisted of him and two other coworkers. I apologized to her, he apologized to me on behalf of her and I wished everyone well. I am all about boundaries with other people relationships and I don't wish any troubles.

 

[syze6]

Boundaries, OP, boundaries.

To be honest, your former co worker has no real cause to be in contact with you since you no longer work together. Why do you need to get updates on where you used to work and why does he have to give them to you? Apparently his wife takes issue with this. You may need to fall back with this relationship; same thing with your friend in the other thread.

Ask yourself, are you doing anything consciously or unconsciously that would lead these women to believe that you have designs on their men? Are you 'too close' emotionally to these men? If you feel that you are not doing anything, the men might just have picked insecure women. But you may need to watch your interactions a little better to ensure that this kind of drama by passes you and your own marriage.

I guess by updates, I mean just letting me know who asked about me, how they are doing in such. One co worker actually passed away and I was informed by him. Another one, wanted my info from him and he called me to ask if it was okay to give it out. It's not that I need reports, it's that a group of us were a tight unit while there.

As for my family friend, I always kept everything within our family gatherings. I have always acted accordingly, even when he had other girlfriends prior to that one. I never had a problem with others before her. I can assure you, I am very respectful to the women in their lives. The wife has no idea, I gave advice on her ring and proposal ideas and such for her. guess I'll just limit all my male interactions to my hubby and male family members.

 

[GetHappy2014]

Op, I guess I’m in the minority... when it comes to a woman adjusting her behavior with her male friends who are in relationships. I’ve always questioned this philosophy. Are women really supposed to be the gate keepers for another woman’s husband/SO? I say, “No”. It is the married man’s responsibility to develop and maintain boundaries and it is the wife’s responsibility to keep him on task. Are ‘single’ women supposed to keep a checklist of which of her male friends are married/engaged/committed? Again I say, “No”. If you have the kind of personality that men, gravitate towards... “Good for you”. Live your life and just never cross the line.

 

[Ayesha81]

I think because we view another woman as a threat.

 

[Enyo]

Op, I guess I’m in the minority... when it comes to a woman adjusting her behavior with her male friends who are in relationships. I’ve always questioned this philosophy. Are women really supposed to be the gate keepers for another woman’s husband/SO? I say, “No”. It is the married man’s responsibility to develop and maintain boundaries and it is the wife’s responsibility to keep him on task.

Agreed. Years ago, my jerk ex-fiance tried to have an affair with me. I rejected him multiple times, but he broke down and told his wife about his efforts...and failed to mention I was disgusted and refused to even see him. Bisshh tried to call my phone telling me to "respect the sanctity of marriage" and I told her that I wasn't on the alter when they made their vows to each other and that it wasn't my job to keep their marriage together. I remember saying something like, "You're the dumb @!&$ that was stupid enough to actually marry him! He shyte in ya'lls marriage bed, so roll around in it!!" Not the most clever thing but whatever.

 

[syze6]

I have never been one to cross boundaries in relationships. Even though I didn't take vows with someone, I respect marriage even if they don't. I approach someone's marriage as I approach mine and relationships as well. I may not owe him or her anything per say, but I just live by respecting whatever relationships people have. It has more to do with who I am as a person...than anything. I have never seen myself as a threat to any of my male friends. In fact, I was always the one gave them the female perspective when they thought they were always right.

I had a married man approach me when I was younger. Just as fine as he can be.. I reminded him he was married and the fool ask me, "What that meant, was I friends with his wife!" I told him, she is a total stranger to me and I don't do other peoples mates...ever! I could care less if I didn't know her, I knew me and my character would never allow me to stoop so low. He said, most women would't mind. I told him, please don't group all women together. For every woman who would screw a married man, I'll show you two or three who ain't trying to be bothered with that childish, selfish, self-destructive, ego stroking shish! Let's just say he never bothered me again.

I don't buy into that shortage of men, get in where you fit in crap. If you married, or in a relationship you are off limits to me. Even if you don't think so. It just never been that serious for me.

I had a friend who I promise you EVERY man she was involved with was attached. AS in married or living with someone...every one of them. She wore that like a badge of honor and I could never understand it. These men paying bills taking care of the woman at home and you get a couple dollars and hours spent sexing. A man leaving your crib at 2am or 3am is not spending the night. It made her feel good that a man was choosing her over their wife or SO. I never understood it.

 

[mrselle]

I had a friend who I promise you EVER man she was involved with was attached. AS in married or living with someone...every one of them. She wore that like a badge of honor and I could never understand it. These men paying bills taking care of the woman at home and you get a couple dollars and hours spent sexing. A man leaving your crib at 2am or 3am is not spending the night. It made her feel good that a man was choosing her over their wife or SO. I never understood it.

I can guarantee you that her feeling was temporary. They weren't choosing her, they were using her to feed their egos. She may have had their attention for a few hours, but once her time was up she was alone. No side chick is content with being a side chick.

 

[syze6]

I can guarantee you that her feeling was temporary. They weren't choosing her, they were using her to feed their egos. She may have had their attention for a few hours, but once her time was up she was alone. No side chick is content with being a side chick.

I guess you are right, but she seemed to be happy with the situation. It does seem at some point, if you fall for someone you would want more.