Why do some guys get mad when...

[DayStar]

you dont want to date him because he has kids....1 kid is pushing it...but 2,3,4 5+ kids...and im ......i thought we all had choices.....it just irks me when guys think you are passing up a good man because he has kids, or because you simply dont want to date a man with kids....im in my early 20's and am not trying to have a ready made family......

rant over...

 

[Bunny77]

Because many men are full of themselves and think you should want to be with them no matter what because they're "good black men" and since you're single, you obviously need a man so who cares if they have a kid or two?

With some of these men, if you express ANY type of standard, you're a golddigger, too picky, destined to be single or the reason that black men run to white women.

(I've heard it all, trust me.)

 

[dlewis]

Been there. I've had several tell me that I didn't have to deal with their kids at all. One said he didn't spend time with them (two same age - 1 month apart) anyway. And I thought "do I really want to date a man like this?" NO!!!!!!!

 

[DayStar]

Because many men are full of themselves and think you should want to be with them no matter what because they're "good black men" and since you're single, you obviously need a man so who cares if they have a kid or two?

With some of these men, if you express ANY type of standard, you're a golddigger, too picky, destined to be single or the reason that black men run to white women.

(I've heard it all, trust me.)

you aint never eva lied!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is this one guy who is really digging me but he has 3 kids and is 25 ...im like DUDE.....pump your brakes....3 kids? ....He thinks i need to be more opened minded........he must think ill be the sucker to have kid #4...negro please.

 

[TCatt86]

you aint never eva lied!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is this one guy who is really digging me but he has 3 kids and is 25 ...im like DUDE.....pump your brakes....3 kids? ....He thinks i need to be more opened minded........he must think ill be the sucker to have kid #4...negro please.

I was just about to say that. I can deal with 1 child maybe, but not more. I don't have kids and I don't really need a ready made family. And if a man told me I wouldn't be bothered anyway, I sure as hell wouldn't want to mess with him.

 

[cocoberry10]

Couldn't have said it better myself. I mean, if you were passing over a guy b/c one earlobe was bigger than the other, I might think. But not wanting the responsibility of his children (since there is more than one) is not unreasonable.

Because many men are full of themselves and think you should want to be with them no matter what because they're "good black men" and since you're single, you obviously need a man so who cares if they have a kid or two?

With some of these men, if you express ANY type of standard, you're a golddigger, too picky, destined to be single or the reason that black men run to white women.

(I've heard it all, trust me.)

 

[BrooklynSouth]

you dont want to date him because he has kids....1 kid is pushing it...but 2,3,4 5+ kids...and im ......i thought we all had choices.....it just irks me when guys think you are passing up a good man because he has kids, or because you simply dont want to date a man with kids....im in my early 20's and am not trying to have a ready made family......

rant over...

Who gives a 'sput' what those guys think? Do you..stay away from those family encumbrances, kids may be sweet as peach pie but..oh brother,sister, baby,toddler!!.....He didn't stay with any of those mamas..(just guessing there's more than one mama}...stay free from all the drama.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Because many men are full of themselves and think you should want to be with them no matter what because they're "good black men" and since you're single, you obviously need a man so who cares if they have a kid or two?

With some of these men, if you express ANY type of standard, you're a golddigger, too picky, destined to be single or the reason that black men run to white women.

(I've heard it all, trust me.)

So true. I've heard this nonsense too, and I'm just as over it. They kill me with that, acting like it's unreasonable to expect him to have gotten to whatever age and not have children. I'm like, "I DID IT!" and not with fiftyleven abortions either. It's about personal responsibility at some point, and I think they fail to realize that part of the consequence of the "mistake" they made is not having their pick of women. Some women just don't want to be bothered with the baggage and issues surrounding children.

It's not rocket science.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

you aint never eva lied!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There is this one guy who is really digging me but he has 3 kids and is 25 ...im like DUDE.....pump your brakes....3 kids? ....He thinks i need to be more opened minded........he must think ill be the sucker to have kid #4...negro please.

....and his ass need to be more closed zippered!

fools crack me up.

 

[MzLady78]

So true. I've heard this nonsense too, and I'm just as over it. They kill me with that, acting like it's unreasonable to expect him to have gotten to whatever age and not have children. I'm like, "I DID IT!" and not with fiftyleven abortions either. It's about personal responsibility at some point, and I think they fail to realize that part of the consequence of the "mistake" they made is not having their pick of women. Some women just don't want to be bothered with the baggage and issues surrounding children.

It's not rocket science.

I'm so glad you mentioned this. One fool I used to talk to knew I didn't have any kids. He asked me something and response was "I've never been pregnant, I dont' know". He actually told me he figured the reason I didn't have any was because I'd had an abortion or a miscarriage. I'm like "no fool, I've never been pregnant- period. It's not that hard.

 

[autumnbeauty29]

I broke it off with my last ex because of this issue. I tried it for a few months but it didn't work for me. He honestly thought I was the one with the problem and threw every stupid response at me including "you're being unreasonable". Negro please! I'm in my early 20s, have a college degree, a career, no children and limitless posibilities and opportunities in front of me. Call me selfish but I don't want the responsibility to having to take care of someone else's child and something be not of their liking and thus there goes drama....

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I'm so glad you mentioned this. One fool I used to talk to knew I didn't have any kids. He asked me something and response was "I've never been pregnant, I dont' know". He actually told me he figured the reason I didn't have any was because I'd had an abortion or a miscarriage. I'm like "no fool, I've never been pregnant- period. It's not that hard.

YES!!!! I've had the same convo. They look at me like I have 4 heads when I tell them that.

This speaks to the new standard in society though, particularly with black folks. This OOW baby business has gotten out of hand and now it's an expectation. And men act like there's nothing wrong with it. It's all about choices, and once a woman is in love with herself, it's time out for settling and putting up with the okey doke.

Besides that, you simply can't ignore the fact that men who have multiple children OOW with multiple women did NOT marry them and oftentimes, they didn't even bother to try to work things out with them. There is NOTHING attractive about a man who shirks responsibility and abandons his seed. But even if he's doing right by the little one, there are PLENTY of women who have no issue with men with children, but it's like they insist on wanting a childless woman who wants a childless man. Stop trying to make the round peg fit through the square hole, bruh!

 

[HoneyDew]

Sounds like men that are immature or just not someone you should be interested in anyway.

Most mature men with children would understand. They have standards, too so would respect yours and move one.

For every woman that does not want him, there are several others that would think he is the next think to sliced bread - most mature men that are secure in themselves would not sweat it.

If they have kids and they are good fathers they would not want to be with a woman that could not deal with his children. Why get mad?

I could see him being disappointed. I can't comment on Leroy with 6 kids by 5 different mothers and has NEVER been married. I am talking about men who just happen to have a past, as so many people do. With the number of divorces, there are just people out here that are single parents. He may be disappointed that that he is back in the single world and a woman can't stay with him because of his kids.

But, like I said, a good man that loves his children would cut his loss and keep steppin.

 

[HoneyDew]

I broke it off with my last ex because of this issue. I tried it for a few months but it didn't work for me. He honestly thought I was the one with the problem and threw every stupid response at me including "you're being unreasonable". Negro please! I'm in my early 20s, have a college degree, a career, no children and limitless posibilities and opportunities in front of me. Call me selfish but I don't want the responsibility to having to take care of someone else's child and something be not of their liking and thus there goes drama....

Actually I think it is unreasonable for him not to respect you!

I had a guy that wanted to be with me, but vowed after his last girlfriend (she had 2 kids) that he would never date another woman with children. After months of us going out, he broke it off.

BYE!! LOL My son is NOT going anywhere - complete package deal baby!!!!!!!!!!

But, really, I respected his choice. Life goes on, you know. I respect it when people know what it is that they want. If you know that you cannot deal with the kid factor, it is good and fair that you keep it real.

I have standards, too. We are all grown and need to do what we know is right for ourselves.