Why do so many black women relax their hair? video

[godsflowerrr]

I happen to relax but according to these people---- and I quote "when we relax we are destroying ourselves mentally, spiritually and wholistically" and also that people who relax don't love themselves!!!!
whaaaaat???? is it really that deep???
I totally disagree.
what do yall think?
check this out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QNVhdNBIE-s&search=black hair

 

[jaiku]

I totally disagree also. I don't relax but its because I choose not to. I still have the same spirit and demeaner I had when I did relax. Its choice, pure and simple. Of course there are people who relax and their reasons are filled with self hatred. But there are also some naturals whose reasons are all wrong too. Every other race is allowed to color, chemically alter their hair all they want but as soon as we do it people come with this mess.

 

[plove]

I totally disagree also. I don't relax but its because I choose not to. I still have the same spirit and demeaner I had when I did relax. Its choice, pure and simple. Of course there are people who relax and their reasons are filled with self hatred. But there are also some naturals whose reasons are all wrong too. Every other race is allowed to color, chemically alter their hair all they want but as soon as we do it people come with this mess.

what she said and braids are not natural if you add fake hair to it.

 

[RabiaElaine]

I totally disagree too...I am relaxed right now as well, but I was natural a couple of years ago. I think it's a matter of how you want to wear your hair. I have no problem being natural, I recently was, I have no problem being relaxed. I know I can handle my hair both ways. Right now I want to be relaxed as a matter of style preference.

I am not denying who I am as a black woman. I know I can be equally as beautiful natural as I can be relaxed, because I know how to care for my hair both ways. I think this board is a testament that both ways of wearing our hair can be equally as beautiful!!!!

Just my opinion!

 

[*ElleB]

WOW....I agree with you ladies...It's not that deep, but there are some who really are against it and that is for historical reasons. Most of us here accept the history of what relaxers stood for but do not let it consume us and relax as a personal preference. A lifestyle. not because of self hatred.

 

[RainbowCurls]

I wonder who edited the video...?
Did anyone else notice the 'crazy people talking here' goofy music?

I'm not saying they are crazy, maybe a little extreme.
But it seems like whoever edited it is maybe wants them to look crazy.

 

[chocolatesis]

I happen to relax but according to these people---- and I quote "when we relax we are destroying ourselves mentally, spiritually and wholistically" and also that people who relax don't love themselves!!!!
whaaaaat???? is it really that deep???
I totally disagree.
what do yall think?

I disagree with this statement. I relax my hair because I like the way it looks relaxed and it makes my hair easier to manage. I also happen to love being a black woman. I do understand that some black people don't approve of relaxers because of the history of prejudice views regarding our hair. But for me, I see so many sisters with afro's, dreads, braids, cornrows, and relaxed hair, and I'm proud to be one of them. We may have had a bad beginning in this country, but as far as hairstyling goes, the sky's the limit. IMO we shouldn't limit ourselves or make others feel bad if they choose to wear their hair differently than ours.

 

[Lovelylocs]

I think that these women just don't know how to take care of their hair. None of their hair looked nice to me. They either had fake hair braided in, SHORT dreads, or dry, brittle, broken hair. How can anyone LOVE their hair when it is always breaking off into their bathroom sink? I know that I can love my hair relaxed, texturized, or natural if it is healthy!

I agree that SOME black women relax their hair for the wrong reasons. What percentage exactly? I don't know. But, if they wanted to prove a point that black hair is just as beautiful in it's natural state then they should learn to take care of it and present beautiful, healthy natural hair as an example. You can't come around me with a beat up looking head and persuade me to drop my hair regimen and take up yours.

 

[Sistaslick]

Taken from one of the comments under the clip.

Too bad all those women looked ugly or they could have made a point that black women don't need to straighten their hair to look good. I'll just stick with the Beyonces.

dang, what kind of comment is this though? Sometimes people on both side of this argument confuse me

 

[nurseN98]

I think that these women just don't know how to take care of their hair. None of their hair looked nice to me. They either had fake hair braided in, SHORT dreads, or dry, brittle, broken hair. How can anyone LOVE their hair when it is always breaking off into their bathroom sink? I know that I can love my hair relaxed, texturized, or natural if it is healthy!

I agree that SOME black women relax their hair for the wrong reasons. What percentage exactly? I don't know. But, if they wanted to prove a point that black hair is just as beautiful in it's natural state then they should learn to take care of it and present beautiful, healthy natural hair as an example. You can't come around me with a beat up looking head and persuade me to drop my hair regimen and take up yours.

Maybe that's what they were talking about......to YOU, a relaxed woman, their hair looked bad. Is that because it wasn't all straight & shiny down to there butts? I saw their hair, it didn't look bad to me. How do you know they have dry, brittle, broken hairs all over the sink? They are natural and black....how is their hair supposed to look? Natural hair has a way of looking one way but feeling another. I remember years ago my aunt had a TWA once and I went to feel it thinking it was gonna be dry, brittle & rough........to my surprise and embarassment (thank God I didn't say anything stupid) it felt sooo moisturized and as soft as cotten....literally!

As far as the video overall, I personally don't think relaxers equal self hate. I relaxed my hair and I probably would not have stopped if I hadn't moved to a state with really hard water. So I don't agree with that HOWEVER I do think there are women that will continue to relax their hair (even through hair loss and trouble, balding, etc.) because they don't believe their natural hair is beautiful and acceptable.

 

[jwhitley6]

Maybe that's what they were talking about......to YOU, a relaxed woman, their hair looked bad. Is that because it wasn't all straight & shiny down to there butts? I saw their hair, it didn't look bad to me. They are natural and black....how is their hair supposed to look?

As far as the video overall, I personally don't think relaxers equal self hate. I relaxed my hair and I probably would not have stopped if I hadn't moved to a state with really hard water. So I don't agree with that HOWEVER I do think there are women that will continue to relax their hair (even through hair loss and trouble, balding, etc.) because they don't believe their natural hair is beautiful and acceptable.

well said.

 

[peacelove]

I am not mad at these sisters. I am more bothered by the responses. But I'm not surprised. It just underlines the points they were making. I think that being chemical free - hair and body - is ideal for overall health. Once you tamper with nature you run risks. So I don't really argue with anyone who feels strongly about not having the chemicals. We are all socialized to some degree - I think that is just a reality. If I grew up with all natural haired women in an all natural haired environment with people that were knowledgeable about natural black haircare, I probably would have never relaxed. So I know that at least some part of my being relaxed is because of social factors.

 

[silverflyt]

Hmm...is it just me, or does anyone else feel like our 'sistas' overseas seem to be *overcompensating* ? Don't get me wrong-we are all in the family and I know we are kindred spirits, but come on...who cares...really.

 

[*ElleB]

Maybe that's what they were talking about......to YOU, a relaxed woman, their hair looked bad. Is that because it wasn't all straight & shiny down to there butts? I saw their hair, it didn't look bad to me. How do you know they have dry, brittle, broken hairs all over the sink? They are natural and black....how is their hair supposed to look? Natural hair has a way of looking one way but feeling another. I remember years ago my aunt had a TWA once and I went to feel it thinking it was gonna be dry, brittle & rough........to my surprise and embarassment (thank God I didn't say anything stupid) it felt sooo moisturized and as soft as cotten....literally!

As far as the video overall, I personally don't think relaxers equal self hate. I relaxed my hair and I probably would not have stopped if I hadn't moved to a state with really hard water. So I don't agree with that HOWEVER I do think there are women that will continue to relax their hair (even through hair loss and trouble, balding, etc.) because they don't believe their natural hair is beautiful and acceptable.

I also agree with you. But I don't LOVE myself because I relax my hair?

 

[sugaplum]

I am not mad at these sisters. I am more bothered by the responses. But I'm not surprised. It just underlines the points they were making. I think that being chemical free - hair and body - is ideal for overall health. Once you tamper with nature you run risks. I don't really argue with anyone who feels strongly about not having the chemicals. We are all socialized to some degree - I think that is just a reality. If I grew up with all natural haired women in an all natural haired environment with people that were knowledgeable about natural black haircare, I probably would have never relaxed. So I know that at least some part of my being relaxed is because of social factors.

ITA with you peacelove.

 

[Tene]

I am not mad at these sisters. I am more bothered by the responses. But I'm not surprised. It just underlines the points they were making. I think that being chemical free - hair and body - is ideal for overall health. Once you tamper with nature you run risks. So I don't really argue with anyone who feels strongly about not having the chemicals. We are all socialized to some degree - I think that is just a reality. If I grew up with all natural haired women in an all natural haired environment with people that were knowledgeable about natural black haircare, I probably would have never relaxed. So I know that at least some part of my being relaxed is because of social factors.

I agree with this

 

[filthyfresh]

I like having the versatility to either wear my hair natural (although I'm not currently natural) or relax it. As Black women we have the ability to make our hair whatever we want it to be. So that's what I draw from that. So what if she thinks that we're being oppressed by the standards of beauty. It's not all one sided because there's millions of White women going to plastic surgeons to get the breasts and asses that we naturally come with.

 

[brooklyngal73]

Thank you for saying this. Why can't we experiment with our hair without being branded as a "self-hater"?

I just don't get it...

I totally disagree also. I don't relax but its because I choose not to. I still have the same spirit and demeaner I had when I did relax. Its choice, pure and simple. Of course there are people who relax and their reasons are filled with self hatred. But there are also some naturals whose reasons are all wrong too. Every other race is allowed to color, chemically alter their hair all they want but as soon as we do it people come with this mess.

 

[nurseN98]

I also agree with you. But I don't LOVE myself because I relax my hair?

That is a broad statement, I definitely do NOT think that of women who relax. You can def. love yourself and be relaxed, I know I did.

There are women on both extremes and I was just responding to the comment that I quoted.

 

[beyondcute]

Interesting... I personally think that.... I wont be answering this thread... I think Nurse summed up my thoughts. I also think that its a cultural conditioning started by slavery that we should really take a closer look at it. Kinda seems wierd that we have accepted it as just a styling 'option' (not really an option for many people that feel as though they HAVE to relax) when it came from such negative beginnings. BUT its a personal choice. Weird to me now that Ive read up on it but none the less its a personal decision.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Maybe that's what they were talking about......to YOU, a relaxed woman, their hair looked bad. Is that because it wasn't all straight & shiny down to there butts? I saw their hair, it didn't look bad to me. How do you know they have dry, brittle, broken hairs all over the sink? They are natural and black....how is their hair supposed to look?

Look, you'se my people's and all and normally I would agree with you but I think there is some validity to the other side of this arguement.

First off, the women in this video seem to be the type of folks who believe that having natural hair means just letting it sprout from your head without any maintenance. The loose haired and bunned up speakers from the audience had visible breakage. Both panelists with braids had receding hairlines that looked alot like severe traction alopecia. When the camera panned the audience and panel, there was no trace of luster or sheen (signs of healthy natural hair) on not nan head in the room.

Now I put this out there to say that IF folks are going to preach the gospel of natural hair THEN their natural hair has got to be on point. I'm not talking about people needing to have curl definition or a certain style, I mean your hair should look like it's thriving because it is natural.

A major beef I have with people who lecture about perms is that they go in for the 'self hate' card because it's easy as opposed to the reality that most people who relax are doing it out of habit. They want to tell you how evil the perm is, but the harder issue is how to break the habit.

Going natural is not a simple or easy process for people who have been used to applying perm every 6-8 weeks for 10, 15, 20+ years. Perm is familiar, women know what to expect from a relaxer. Dealing with natural hair after a lifetime of relaxing can be frustrating and expensive, because now it is up to you and you alone to essentially learn a 'new trade' when it comes to dealing with your hair.

If I had made a video about the 'evils/dangers/whatevers' of relaxing -I wouldn't be adversarial and put myself on a pedastal as natural equating self love while relaxing indicates self hate. I would talk to people the way I wanted to be talked to (as someone who had relaxed hair for 27 years) and address the fear of the unknown. I would give them the lowdown on the pluses and minuses of whatever state they wear their hair and talk to them about the options available. To me, that's how you break ground on the issue.

But instead, this us vs them them stance, causes more heartache and resentment than there needs to be.

 

[Amarech]

whatever.

I love natural hair. I think ALL textures are BEAUTIFUL.
I choose to relax my hair because
1. It fits my lifestyle
2. Its actually easier for me to take care of than natural hair.
3. I am not ashamed to say that I love straight hair, especially on me.

Relaxing is an option that is available to me and I'm gonna use it.
I used to feel that my natural hair was unacceptable and that's why going natural, twice, was good for me.
Being natural helped me to fully accept my hair and when it came time to make a choice between staying natural and relaxing, my choice was NOT based on self hatred OR a self righteous motivation. It was based on personal preference.

 

[secretdiamond]

Look, you'se my people's and all and normally I would agree with you but I think there is some validity to the other side of this arguement.

First off, the women in this video seem to be the type of folks who believe that having natural hair means just letting it sprout from your head without any maintenance. The loose haired and bunned up speakers from the audience had visible breakage. Both panelists with braids had receding hairlines that looked alot like severe traction alopecia. When the camera panned the audience and panel, there was no trace of luster or sheen (signs of healthy natural hair) on not nan head in the room.

Now I put this out there to say that IF folks are going to preach the gospel of natural hair THEN their natural hair has got to be on point. I'm not talking about people needing to have curl definition or a certain style, I mean your hair should look like it's thriving because it is natural.

A major beef I have with people who lecture about perms is that they go in for the 'self hate' card because it's easy as opposed to the reality that most people who relax are doing it out of habit. They want to tell you how evil the perm is, but the harder issue is how to break the habit.

Going natural is not a simple or easy process for people who have been used to applying perm every 6-8 weeks for 10, 15, 20+ years. Perm is familiar, women know what to expect from a relaxer. Dealing with natural hair after a lifetime of relaxing can be frustrating and expensive, because now it is up to you and you alone to essentially learn a 'new trade' when it comes to dealing with your hair.

If I had made a video about the 'evils/dangers/whatevers' of relaxing -I wouldn't be adversarial and put myself on a pedastal as natural equating self love while relaxing indicates self hate. I would talk to people the way I wanted to be talked to (as someone who had relaxed hair for 27 years) and address the fear of the unknown. I would give them the lowdown on the pluses and minuses of whatever state they wear their hair and talk to them about the options available. To me, that's how you break ground on the issue.

But instead, this us vs them them stance, causes more heartache and resentment than there needs to be.

I wasn't going to even post in this thread, but this is by far the best response I've heard regarding this debate EVER! Thanks again JCoily for your great words.

I'm glad this is a nice and civil discussion without everyone jumping down everyone else's throats. The responses from all of you ladies have been great and it's wonderful reading all the different viewpoints as it will further enlighten both relaxed heads (like myself) AND naturals.

 

[kristina]

Look, you'se my people's and all and normally I would agree with you but I think there is some validity to the other side of this arguement.

First off, the women in this video seem to be the type of folks who believe that having natural hair means just letting it sprout from your head without any maintenance. The loose haired and bunned up speakers from the audience had visible breakage. Both panelists with braids had receding hairlines that looked alot like severe traction alopecia. When the camera panned the audience and panel, there was no trace of luster or sheen (signs of healthy natural hair) on not nan head in the room.

Now I put this out there to say that IF folks are going to preach the gospel of natural hair THEN their natural hair has got to be on point. I'm not talking about people needing to have curl definition or a certain style, I mean your hair should look like it's thriving because it is natural.

A major beef I have with people who lecture about perms is that they go in for the 'self hate' card because it's easy as opposed to the reality that most people who relax are doing it out of habit. They want to tell you how evil the perm is, but the harder issue is how to break the habit.

Going natural is not a simple or easy process for people who have been used to applying perm every 6-8 weeks for 10, 15, 20+ years. Perm is familiar, women know what to expect from a relaxer. Dealing with natural hair after a lifetime of relaxing can be frustrating and expensive, because now it is up to you and you alone to essentially learn a 'new trade' when it comes to dealing with your hair.

If I had made a video about the 'evils/dangers/whatevers' of relaxing -I wouldn't be adversarial and put myself on a pedastal as natural equating self love while relaxing indicates self hate. I would talk to people the way I wanted to be talked to (as someone who had relaxed hair for 27 years) and address the fear of the unknown. I would give them the lowdown on the pluses and minuses of whatever state they wear their hair and talk to them about the options available. To me, that's how you break ground on the issue.

But instead, this us vs them them stance, causes more heartache and resentment than there needs to be.

So loving this post.

 

[Plenty]

What a bunch of danm fools! LOL!

 

[brooklyngal73]

Excellent post--thanx!

Look, you'se my people's and all and normally I would agree with you but I think there is some validity to the other side of this arguement.

First off, the women in this video seem to be the type of folks who believe that having natural hair means just letting it sprout from your head without any maintenance. The loose haired and bunned up speakers from the audience had visible breakage. Both panelists with braids had receding hairlines that looked alot like severe traction alopecia. When the camera panned the audience and panel, there was no trace of luster or sheen (signs of healthy natural hair) on not nan head in the room.

Now I put this out there to say that IF folks are going to preach the gospel of natural hair THEN their natural hair has got to be on point. I'm not talking about people needing to have curl definition or a certain style, I mean your hair should look like it's thriving because it is natural.

A major beef I have with people who lecture about perms is that they go in for the 'self hate' card because it's easy as opposed to the reality that most people who relax are doing it out of habit. They want to tell you how evil the perm is, but the harder issue is how to break the habit.

Going natural is not a simple or easy process for people who have been used to applying perm every 6-8 weeks for 10, 15, 20+ years. Perm is familiar, women know what to expect from a relaxer. Dealing with natural hair after a lifetime of relaxing can be frustrating and expensive, because now it is up to you and you alone to essentially learn a 'new trade' when it comes to dealing with your hair.

If I had made a video about the 'evils/dangers/whatevers' of relaxing -I wouldn't be adversarial and put myself on a pedastal as natural equating self love while relaxing indicates self hate. I would talk to people the way I wanted to be talked to (as someone who had relaxed hair for 27 years) and address the fear of the unknown. I would give them the lowdown on the pluses and minuses of whatever state they wear their hair and talk to them about the options available. To me, that's how you break ground on the issue.

But instead, this us vs them them stance, causes more heartache and resentment than there needs to be.

 

[godsflowerrr]

I totally disagree also. I don't relax but its because I choose not to. I still have the same spirit and demeaner I had when I did relax. Its choice, pure and simple. Of course there are people who relax and their reasons are filled with self hatred. But there are also some naturals whose reasons are all wrong too. Every other race is allowed to color, chemically alter their hair all they want but as soon as we do it people come with this mess.

excellent statement! i never really thought about the flip side of the situation. i have worn my hair natural, relaxed, texturized and every couple of years i start the cycle again. i have always loved myself and my feelings never changed because of my hairstyle.
i can't believe that these people actually had a public meeting about this issue. like i said before "it's not that deep"

 

[nurseN98]

If I had made a video about the 'evils/dangers/whatevers' of relaxing -I wouldn't be adversarial and put myself on a pedastal as natural equating self love while relaxing indicates self hate. I would talk to people the way I wanted to be talked to (as someone who had relaxed hair for 27 years) and address the fear of the unknown. I would give them the lowdown on the pluses and minuses of whatever state they wear their hair and talk to them about the options available. To me, that's how you break ground on the issue.

But instead, this us vs them them stance, causes more heartache and resentment than there needs to be.

Now I agree with this 100%!

I saw the traction alopecia women but the other women, I'on know, the tape wasn't that great but their hair looked aight to me. Not all black folks hair has major shine naturally, without the added oils and such. There are a lot of naturals who just use shampoo, condition and rinse, no styling products. A lot of us are conditioned to see natural Afrikan hair as ugly. When I was a teenager, I was natural till I was 16. I thought my hair was pretty behind closed doors but when I got out in public, my thinking switched. I thought it was not cute at all. I begged my mom for a relaxer right before school started.....I'll never forget all the attention I got for my frest "perm" Nobody even noticed me with natural hair. Now I did all this but when I look back it wasn't self-hate, it was trying to be like everyone else. Like you said, I keep going out of habit and had great hair IMO. No probs, I probably wouldn't have even looked for the hairboards had I not moved to the land of extra hard water.

I do not agree with naturals beatin folks over the head with propaganda and anger. I don't agree with the automatic self-hate that is assigned to those that relax. But honestly, everybody who is black knows that there are MANY issues that we as a ppl have regarding hair. Dialogue is good though, it allows everyone to make a decision at their own pace

 

[Cheleigh]

Now I agree with this 100%!

I saw the traction alopecia women but the other women, I'on know, the tape wasn't that great but their hair looked aight to me. Not all black folks hair has major shine naturally, without the added oils and such. There are a lot of naturals who just use shampoo, condition and rinse, no styling products. A lot of us are conditioned to see natural Afrikan hair as ugly. When I was a teenager, I was natural till I was 16. I thought my hair was pretty behind closed doors but when I got out in public, my thinking switched. I thought it was not cute at all. I begged my mom for a relaxer right before school started.....I'll never forget all the attention I got for my frest "perm" Nobody even noticed me with natural hair. Now I did all this but when I look back it wasn't self-hate, it was trying to be like everyone else. Like you said, I keep going out of habit and had great hair IMO. No probs, I probably wouldn't have even looked for the hairboards had I not moved to the land of extra hard water.

I do not agree with naturals beatin folks over the head with propaganda and anger. I don't agree with the automatic self-hate that is assigned to those that relax. But honestly, everybody who is black knows that there are MANY issues that we as a ppl have regarding hair. Dialogue is good though, it allows everyone to make a decision at their own pace

I won't comment other than to say: "I feel what you're saying 100%".

 

[caltron]

I agree with Nurse. What did you all think of this comment?

People of African ancestry generally want to have hair like non-Africans. Could it be because things like shininess, smoothness, pleasant texture, attractive movement and so forth actually ARE better than a 'fro or cornrows or dreads? Apparently they are to most people, just as tanned skin is apparently more attractive to a lot of pale-skinned people. I think it has less to do with race and more to do with aesthetics and sensuality.

This seems to be the underlying question that is going unanswered here.