WHY did he CHANGE???

[Latomian]

I met a guy a couple months ago, and trust me I was a little hesistant because it's safe to say that my previous relationship was a horrible one. However, I decided to open up and give him a chance because he was sweet, treated me well and...he's not my ex, so why treat him like he was?

Now, 2 mos later...everything has come to a screeching halt. For the past two weeks, he has called me once. If I call him, he won't return the call but when I got sick and didn't contact him for a few days, he still hit me up. He's a firefighter and used to text me at work during their downtime, but now he says he can't do it because he's at work. He even complained when I told him I can't text at work b/c I can't text on and off in front of my students!

On his days off, he says he can't call me because he has things to do...all day...from sun up to sundown. He never can explain even what ONE of those "things" are.

I tried to talk to him about it, he ignored the question. I tried to text him, he didn't return my text for the rest of the day and next morning. I don't like this attitude so I'm pretty sure that I can't continue with him but, I would still like to know what happened. I mean, if he's not "feelin" me anymore, just say so. Matter of fact, last time I saw him in person, we went out and saw a movie, had dinner and had a good time. So...what happened?

It's only been 2 mos knowing him so I shouldn't be that upset but, it's confusing. He wasn't perfect; he just liked me for who I was and we used to be able to talk for hours a/b everything. He liked the things about me that I liked about myself and I liked him for who he was, his ambition....

Why do they change???

 

[SvelteVelvet]

There could be a myriad of reasons. Just do yourself a favor and don't contact him anymore, he'll probably contact you..with some lame excuse. He's showing you who he is and this switchup is a part of that so you may want to reconsider considering him someone you want to be involved with. He may be helping you dodge a bullet.

 

[BrownieBrie]

Chances are its another women (new or old) Either way he's a coward for not being up front. Don't worry about it. Just move on.

 

[Makenzie]

I don't know why, but you need to leave him alone. Show him by your actions you know you deserve better.

I went through something similar. Wanting to know why things changed can really drain your emotions. Its not worth it. He's showing you the real him.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

No guy is going to straight up tell a woman 'I don't like you anymore', and in most cases their change of feelings for you catches them by surprise, too. Unfortunately it's time to stick a fork in it. Many things change in 2 months, be glad it wasn't 2 years and move on. It would also help to think back earlier in the relationship and see if you noticed anything then that was a red flag. I've been there and it's upsetting, but there are plenty more men where he came from, keep your head up!

 

[noemi]

One of three things happened,

1. You either had sex and that's what he was after....
2. He met someone else, or...
3. He isn't into you, your time is up with him, or some other lame *** excuse.

But all of that doesn't really matter. Don't stress yourself over it. Be glad he showed himself to you and can get out the way for the one that is really for you. It doesn't matter if something bad happened or if he has a legit reason as to why he doesn't contact you anymore. No one is that busy that they can't talk for 5 minutes.

Too many men have shown me that they do what they want, including spend time, call, text, chat it up with me if that's what they want. Believe that!

And another thing, they ALWAYS come back. He won't tell you that he isn't into you, because he doesn't want to burn bridges, and they think that so they'll always have that 'in' with you. Don't fall for the bull when he comes back. Just ignore him like he's ignoring you.

 

[Jade Feria]

It's only been 2 mos knowing him so I shouldn't be that upset but, it's confusing. He wasn't perfect; he just liked me for who I was and we used to be able to talk for hours a/b everything. He liked the things about me that I liked about myself and I liked him for who he was, his ambition....

Why do they change???

There you go..too much talking time. He got bored. I know, I know..you enjoy talking to him, but you have to pace these kinds of things, especially time together and time on the phone, especially in the beginning of the dating stages. I know sometimes we don't want to do this. I even have to remind myself sometimes not to spend too much time on the phone with my guy because we just LOVE talking to each other, and we are in different states because of my work. Here is where The Rules have to come into effect. If I find that I just let the conversation go on for an hour or 2, I'll keep contact with him VERY limited for the next couple of days.

Men instinctively like to hunt, and when you're just out of his reach, he will be turned on by the concept of hunting for YOU. Being too available to see him and talk to him all the time is like the deer laying down on the hunter's doorstep - no challenge, no excitement, no fun. The mental challenge of chasing a particular woman is to men as romance and all the gushy stuff is to women. And the more you give him a chase, the more romance and attention you get. Give him the gift of missing you. TRUST ME, you will be glad when he does see you again after being out of his reach for a while, especially if he was into you to begin with.

I'm not sure how this particular situation will turn out, but hopefully this will help you in your future situations.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

Does it matter? We get too much into the WHYs instead of the THATs.

The fact is THAT he's treating you differently and you don't like it.
WHY he's doing it isn't the issue. HOW you feel about it IS.

 

[Ms Red]

This needed to be re-posted! Thank you.

One of three things happened,

1. You either had sex and that's what he was after....
2. He met someone else, or...
3. He isn't into you, your time is up with him, or some other lame *** excuse.

But all of that doesn't really matter. Don't stress yourself over it. Be glad he showed himself to you and can get out the way for the one that is really for you. It doesn't matter if something bad happened or if he has a legit reason as to why he doesn't contact you anymore. No one is that busy that they can't talk for 5 minutes.

Too many men have shown me that they do what they want, including spend time, call, text, chat it up with me if that's what they want. Believe that!

And another thing, they ALWAYS come back. He won't tell you that he isn't into you, because he doesn't want to burn bridges, and they think that so they'll always have that 'in' with you. Don't fall for the bull when he comes back. Just ignore him like he's ignoring you.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

One of three things happened,

1. You either had sex and that's what he was after....
2. He met someone else, or...
3. He isn't into you, your time is up with him, or some other lame *** excuse.

But all of that doesn't really matter. Don't stress yourself over it. Be glad he showed himself to you and can get out the way for the one that is really for you. It doesn't matter if something bad happened or if he has a legit reason as to why he doesn't contact you anymore. No one is that busy that they can't talk for 5 minutes.

Too many men have shown me that they do what they want, including spend time, call, text, chat it up with me if that's what they want. Believe that!

And another thing, they ALWAYS come back. He won't tell you that he isn't into you, because he doesn't want to burn bridges, and they think that so they'll always have that 'in' with you. Don't fall for the bull when he comes back. Just ignore him like he's ignoring you.

COMPLETELY agree with everything! Especially the bolded!

I'll even go so far as to add in a 4th bullet/number:

4) He just got "bored" and "scared"

Sorry to say, but if a woman doesn't "pace" a relationship, MOST guys will get bored or will start to lose interest right around the 3-month mark. Guys tend to drop back a bit around that time. The mistake MOST women make is going after him and chasing him when they see that he isn't making as much effort anymore to "catch" her. Before, he was trying to be on his best behavior so that he could catch you and win you. Now that he figures that he has you, he feels like he can relax his standards and not do as much.

Don't go after him!

DROP back yourself. Don't call him, don't text him...nada. In fact, I would even let one or two of his calls go to voicemail Let him figure out his feelings for you. If he's really interested in you, he WILL call you, he will apologize for his lack of contact, AND he will ask you out on a proper date in advance. Trust me, he knows what he's doing isn't right.

Also, the quote "guys always come back" is sooo true. I have an "ex" of mine who even has a GIRLFRIEND that had the nerve to call me the other day. Go figure! I missed his call (thank goodness!), but that just goes to show that once a guy thinks that he has you, he feels like you're his indefinitely and that he ALWAYS has you. Whatever jack! You better do a "switcheroo" on HIM!! lol

Does it matter? We get too much into the WHYs instead of the THATs.

The fact is THAT he's treating you differently and you don't like it.
WHY he's doing it isn't the issue. HOW you feel about it IS.

Hah! I love this! Lisa's right. Try not to analyze too much about what's going on (I tend to do this a lot myself), focus more on how it's making you FEEL. If he's not making you feel good, then why do you need to waste your time and energy on him and the why's of his actions?? Just get busy with your friends or date some other guys, and stay happy and care-free!

Miss a couple of his calls/texts (especially if he doesn't leave a voicemail), and if he DOES call you more than once, answer the phone and be just as sweet as pie. Let him know that you were kind of "busy" too for a while, so you didn't even notice how fast time flew! I know this sounds like "game-playing" but hey! Guys are tricky. You gotta beat them at their game sometimes.

PS--Jade is also right about the "Rules" thing. It's best for women to pace the relationship from the get-go so that the guy doesn't get "bored" or loose some interest. Always keep him on his toes so he doesn't pull any of this no-contact-for-two-weeks crap.

 

[AstroQueen77]

Players only love you when they're playing....

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

He's no longer feeling something about the 2 of ya'll.
Keep it moving.

 

[honeycomb719]

I met a guy a couple months ago, and trust me I was a little hesistant because it's safe to say that my previous relationship was a horrible one. However, I decided to open up and give him a chance because he was sweet, treated me well and...he's not my ex, so why treat him like he was?

Now, 2 mos later...everything has come to a screeching halt. For the past two weeks, he has called me once. If I call him, he won't return the call but when I got sick and didn't contact him for a few days, he still hit me up. He's a firefighter and used to text me at work during their downtime, but now he says he can't do it because he's at work. He even complained when I told him I can't text at work b/c I can't text on and off in front of my students!

On his days off, he says he can't call me because he has things to do...all day...from sun up to sundown. He never can explain even what ONE of those "things" are.

I tried to talk to him about it, he ignored the question. I tried to text him, he didn't return my text for the rest of the day and next morning. I don't like this attitude so I'm pretty sure that I can't continue with him but, I would still like to know what happened. I mean, if he's not "feelin" me anymore, just say so. Matter of fact, last time I saw him in person, we went out and saw a movie, had dinner and had a good time. So...what happened?

It's only been 2 mos knowing him so I shouldn't be that upset but, it's confusing. He wasn't perfect; he just liked me for who I was and we used to be able to talk for hours a/b everything. He liked the things about me that I liked about myself and I liked him for who he was, his ambition....

Why do they change???

Sounds like you fell for his "representative"..Now you starting to see the real person. Well, if I were in your shoes I would K.I.M. and let him know you enjoyed the brief encounter, but he's just not who you thought he was and you dont want to waste any more of your time or his.
I say thank your lucky stars you met "him" after just 2 mths...Some Reps stay on the job longer than that, and for many they are too emotional invested to just walk away.

Please remember ALWAYS, that when I man wants you he persues what his after. Nothing would be able to stop him from doing so if you are the object of his desire.

Good Luck!!

 

[Farida]

Everyone puts up a front the first few weeks/months...

It is also possible that he wanted to get into your pants, and it was only so long he could keep up the act.

 

[jerseygurl]

Nothing to add cos it's been said. Just move on and let him be. Don't try to analyze it, that won't help.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I don't know if you did, but IF you happened to give up your "goodies" in these few months that you've know him, the thrill of the chase is gone for him--this happens with most men who are given too much, too soon, in the beginning of a relationship.

AND, he's letting you know that he's no longer interested in you by his actions.

I know it hurts, but you'll have to let him go--sounds as though he's already let you go.

 

[FeelinIt]

*walks in*
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PHUCK HIM..........
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*walks out*

 

[IMFOCSD]

*walks in*
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PHUCK HIM..........
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*walks out*

 

[mscocoface]

I think you have great advice including FeelinIt comment...LOL

You learned early on as Maya said when someone shows your their personality the first time believe them.

Fortunately you don't have much time invested, reflect to see what you may have done if anything, notice if there were any warning signs in the beginning and what you can learn from this and move on.

Still don't treat the next person who shows interest based on the outcome of this short relationship.

 

[MRJ1972]

I agree with the ladies, it could be a number of reasons; including that he only wanted a physical relationship; he already has a girlfriend; not interested and too scary to tell you....

However, the best thing is that he showed his true colors early, so you just walk away and dont look back!

Enjoy the dating scene and keep in mind that you may have to weed through a lot of losers to get to the one that is meant for you!!!

 

[Blyss_curls]

Chances are its another women (new or old) Either way he's a coward for not being up front. Don't worry about it. Just move on.

So much great advice here!

Just wanted to support the quote above, as that is the bell that went off for me, when reading your post. Dude sounds like he's involved, married or in some other kind of relationship.

In these days of high-tech, we have to be SO careful (as it's so much easier for men to be shady, than EVER before).

Back in the day, all they had were pagers--maybe a cell phone.

NOW they can text OR page. Instant message OR e-mail, etc.
A woman really has NO idea where they REALLY are, when they are contacting us electronically. Kwim?

Firefighters, EMT's and others who do the frequent "over-night" shifts, away from home....BEWARE!

You don't know if they are at the station (when texting you), or at the house with a baby mama and kids in the next room. (which could explain the big gaps in time when you don't hear from him).

If you've known him for a while (and know for a fact this is not the case) I sincerely apologize for suggesting such things. I'm just putting this out there, in the event Mr. Man is trying to play both ends against the middle.

Hugs to you and hope this helps!

 

[LovinLocks]

You sisters have kicked some most good advice to this young lady. I am proud of you all.

LL

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

So much great advice here!

In these days of high-tech, we have to be SO careful (as it's so much easier for men to be shady, than EVER before).

Back in the day, all they had were pagers--maybe a cell phone.

NOW they can text OR page. Instant message OR e-mail, etc.
A woman really has NO idea where they REALLY are, when they are contacting us electronically. Kwim?

This is SO true.

This is one of the reasons why I HATE text messaging! Now days, I'm refusing to have "text convos" with men in the beginning of a relationship unless he's asking me out for a date, or he has to make a last-minute change to pre-arranged plans. Otherwise, I'm ignoring. A man can CALL me. They know how to use the phone.

Text messaging and technology in general has just made some men waaay too LAZY!

Firefighters, EMT's and others who do the frequent "over-night" shifts, away from home....BEWARE!

This is also true.

Yeah a girlfriend of mine used to work as a firefighter and EMT specialist years ago, and unfortunately she always tells me that the "stigma" is true about them. She tells me stories you wouldn't even believe! A lot of the men cheat on thier wives, go to strip clubs, have affairs, work "odd hours", etc. It's part of the environment of the job unfortunately. She eventually had to leave that lifestyle.

I'm not saying that this is what happened to the guy in question in this thread (he could very well be completely innocent) , but let's just say...I wouldn't be surprised if he's living a double-life.

 

[Princess4real]

*walks in*
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PHUCK HIM..........
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*walks out*

I love the advice!

 

[SweetNic_JA]

He's playing you. Take this as a lesson learned and don't waste anymore time on him.

 

[MissJ]

He's seeing someone else, and he's just not that into you. He was lying when he said he was.

 

[chicacanella]

One of three things happened,

1. You either had sex and that's what he was after....
2. He met someone else, or...
3. He isn't into you, your time is up with him, or some other lame *** excuse.

But all of that doesn't really matter. Don't stress yourself over it. Be glad he showed himself to you and can get out the way for the one that is really for you. It doesn't matter if something bad happened or if he has a legit reason as to why he doesn't contact you anymore. No one is that busy that they can't talk for 5 minutes.

Too many men have shown me that they do what they want, including spend time, call, text, chat it up with me if that's what they want. Believe that!

And another thing, they ALWAYS come back. He won't tell you that he isn't into you, because he doesn't want to burn bridges, and they think that so they'll always have that 'in' with you. Don't fall for the bull when he comes back. Just ignore him like he's ignoring you.

Girl, you are so right! I heard it from the "horse mouth" as an older man schooled me...unfortunately he didn't know I was listening and tried to pull the same stuff he was teaching about other dudes on me.

He basically asked: Why are you still friends with a man who you used to date or that has a romantic interest in you. He said the only reason they are hanging around is so that hopefully, they will be able to get back with you (you know what I mean) someday when you are lonely, or when your guards are down, or when you break up with your boyfriend they'll be right there.

From the mouth of a 42-year-old man that knows, I mean knows all the moves of the player handbook.

There you go..too much talking time. He got bored. I know, I know..you enjoy talking to him, but you have to pace these kinds of things, especially time together and time on the phone, especially in the beginning of the dating stages. I know sometimes we don't want to do this. I even have to remind myself sometimes not to spend too much time on the phone with my guy because we just LOVE talking to each other, and we are in different states because of my work. Here is where The Rules have to come into effect. If I find that I just let the conversation go on for an hour or 2, I'll keep contact with him VERY limited for the next couple of days.

Men instinctively like to hunt, and when you're just out of his reach, he will be turned on by the concept of hunting for YOU. Being too available to see him and talk to him all the time is like the deer laying down on the hunter's doorstep - no challenge, no excitement, no fun. The mental challenge of chasing a particular woman is to men as romance and all the gushy stuff is to women. And the more you give him a chase, the more romance and attention you get. Give him the gift of missing you. TRUST ME, you will be glad when he does see you again after being out of his reach for a while, especially if he was into you to begin with.

I'm not sure how this particular situation will turn out, but hopefully this will help you in your future situations.

Yep, talking to much isn't a good thing. We need to also stop talking to these men like they are our girlfriends. We women, like to talk just for the sake of talking but best believe, that in the beginning stage a man is

1.) listening to every single word that comes out of your mouth and

2.) evaluating what type of women you are and how he is going to treat you if he should continue in a relationship with you.


So, ladies don't spend hours and hours talking to a man on a phone as Jade said. All he is doing is gathering information about you and since we often are more talkative, you may end up sharing some information that shouldn't be shared or at least not that early in the relationship.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

There you go..too much talking time. He got bored. I know, I know..you enjoy talking to him, but you have to pace these kinds of things, especially time together and time on the phone, especially in the beginning of the dating stages. I know sometimes we don't want to do this. I even have to remind myself sometimes not to spend too much time on the phone with my guy because we just LOVE talking to each other, and we are in different states because of my work. Here is where The Rules have to come into effect. If I find that I just let the conversation go on for an hour or 2, I'll keep contact with him VERY limited for the next couple of days.

Men instinctively like to hunt, and when you're just out of his reach, he will be turned on by the concept of hunting for YOU. Being too available to see him and talk to him all the time is like the deer laying down on the hunter's doorstep - no challenge, no excitement, no fun. The mental challenge of chasing a particular woman is to men as romance and all the gushy stuff is to women. And the more you give him a chase, the more romance and attention you get. Give him the gift of missing you. TRUST ME, you will be glad when he does see you again after being out of his reach for a while, especially if he was into you to begin with.

I'm not sure how this particular situation will turn out, but hopefully this will help you in your future situations.

You're so right about this, and it goes both ways. I find that I'm more excited about getting to know a guy when learning about him a little at a time. Those long conversations in the beginning can be very draining.

 

[Latomian]

There you go..too much talking time. He got bored. I know, I know..you enjoy talking to him, but you have to pace these kinds of things, especially time together and time on the phone, especially in the beginning of the dating stages. I know sometimes we don't want to do this. I even have to remind myself sometimes not to spend too much time on the phone with my guy because we just LOVE talking to each other, and we are in different states because of my work. Here is where The Rules have to come into effect. If I find that I just let the conversation go on for an hour or 2, I'll keep contact with him VERY limited for the next couple of days.

Men instinctively like to hunt, and when you're just out of his reach, he will be turned on by the concept of hunting for YOU. Being too available to see him and talk to him all the time is like the deer laying down on the hunter's doorstep - no challenge, no excitement, no fun. The mental challenge of chasing a particular woman is to men as romance and all the gushy stuff is to women. And the more you give him a chase, the more romance and attention you get. Give him the gift of missing you. TRUST ME, you will be glad when he does see you again after being out of his reach for a while, especially if he was into you to begin with.

I'm not sure how this particular situation will turn out, but hopefully this will help you in your future situations.

I would agree, except that I ABHOR talking on the phone. He would be the one continuing the conversation, adding his piece, trying to keep me on to talk about his work, his mother's death, his life, his friends...him...

Unfortunately, I don't want to see him again. After my last relationship, it's like this: If a man isn't acting in a way that makes me happy, he can go on about his business. It's not worth the stress and I will not let a man drive me crazy again like my ex did. Oh boy, did that man drive me crazy...

I was just upset that he changed. I already think of men like this and I was very upset he proved me right. He was really into me, which is so cool, since it's never happened before.

If it takes all these "rules" just for a guy to be interested, I think I'm done with the dating scenario. Or perhaps, I really should have taken that year off from my last relationship, lol.

Thanks-a-million everyone!

 

[Coffee]

He probably didn't change....the real him just came out.