music-bnatural-smile
New Member
Not really off topic, but you gotta look at the relationship between mother and son before getting married... that alone will derail MANY issues...
Who should be first in a man's life, Mother or Wife?
- Thread starter LatterGlory
- Start date
:blowkiss:No apologies or spin off necessary Shimmie, like Momi said this is a topic that many singles and married folks don't discuss enough .
My hope is that we learn and share in this thread so that when/if the issues arise it won't hit likeand there is room to deal with this aspect of life with wisdom and in a godly fashion.
Right back at you Mrs. Beautiful Heart and Full of God.... :blowkiss:
But HEY! Who voted for MOM in the poll?
One person out of all of the other voters and we get a "mama's boy or girl'... or maybe it was someone's Mother in Law who's lurking in this thread.
Laela
Sidestepping the "lynch mob"
Awwww.. dont' let that one vote get ya.
..but it does stick out like a sore thumb. too funny...
Right back at you Mrs. Beautiful Heart and Full of God.... :blowkiss:
But HEY! Who voted for MOM in the poll?
One person out of all of the other voters and we get a "mama's boy or girl'... or maybe it was someone's Mother in Law who's lurking in this thread.
GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I
New Member
previous deleted...........................just needed an actual solution, actual advice for someone already in this situation. Maybe they'll confront at the risk of being dishonorable of the mil.
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LatterGlory
New Member
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Awww shucks Shimmie :Blush2:.
I wish he/she would come forward and explain why they voted this way it would add to the interest of the thread.
Probably afraid of being:gotroasted: or.
... it's okay you can come out whoever you are.
@ They'll never come out.I wouldn't. I wanna keep my hair length.
Whoever it is we 'love' them anyway.
LatterGlory
New Member
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DivaD04
New Member
i find it odd that 1.96% simply 2 people would vote mom.....i suspect these two are obviously not married b/c i'll be ---doggon it if i came 2nd in dh's life. i refuse to take the back seat in our car let alone his life...especially when i said i do!
you lonesome 2 come forward! and yes, you're going to need a dc when i get done!
you lonesome 2 come forward! and yes, you're going to need a dc when i get done!
TWO? Last time I looked t'was only one.
Now two?
Well howdy-do
whoever you are, you two ... 
they're alright, they should know that.
Laela
Sidestepping the "lynch mob"
This is true..speaking of marriage. It's not a one size fits all. ITA wisdom and love are essential when dealing with some situations. Some may need more of God's strength than others, when dealing with in-laws. But through God.. anything is possible!
But through God.. anything is possible!Thanks for this. I don't know why people think the mother goes first as if children owe their parents because they don't. Once you are married your priority is to your husband or wife and children, if you have any. The mother is no longer part of the immediate family.
Prudent1
Well-Known Member
It's sad but a lot of parents do think their kids owe them.
As adult children we are to honor ,respect, and love our parents. Little children obey, we honor. In a loving relationship of any nature there should not be any record keeping of debts owed. 
1Cor 13-4:7
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Mamita
Back to basics
I'm engaged to a "favorite" son.
Have lil problems with the MIL AND SIL, they're so possesive lol mama is saved, but boy she can't let her mom's side keep quiet lol
like, just engaged, if he buys me a piece of jewelry (not even engagement ring, just a ring) he has to buy these two gifts too FIRST lol
no idea how annoying it is, he's 30 next year lol he says once married they know they'll have to start working on liking me cause they know it's forever...
still it's stressful. He is a family man, so am i in a way concerning my mother, but we did have to adress stuff like how close we should live to his fam, how many days a week we'll see them (not counting service and bible study) etc...
I'll be leaving my homeland, i'll need my husband lol
Gotta pray hard, but He'll give me the desires of my heart and that's a nice not too mean MIL and SIL... sigh
My answer though will be it should be a balance, yes wife first, but ideally wife and MIL should at least tolerate each other. and meanness coming from either of the two should be adressed, and that means hubby's MIL and FIL too lol
PS in our case, she's healthy and not widowed, and her husband, my FIL is our preacher, thank God he puts her back in her place when she goes too far lol
Have lil problems with the MIL AND SIL, they're so possesive lol mama is saved, but boy she can't let her mom's side keep quiet lol
like, just engaged, if he buys me a piece of jewelry (not even engagement ring, just a ring) he has to buy these two gifts too FIRST lol
no idea how annoying it is, he's 30 next year lol he says once married they know they'll have to start working on liking me cause they know it's forever...
still it's stressful. He is a family man, so am i in a way concerning my mother, but we did have to adress stuff like how close we should live to his fam, how many days a week we'll see them (not counting service and bible study) etc...
I'll be leaving my homeland, i'll need my husband lol
Gotta pray hard, but He'll give me the desires of my heart and that's a nice not too mean MIL and SIL... sigh
My answer though will be it should be a balance, yes wife first, but ideally wife and MIL should at least tolerate each other. and meanness coming from either of the two should be adressed, and that means hubby's MIL and FIL too lol
PS in our case, she's healthy and not widowed, and her husband, my FIL is our preacher, thank God he puts her back in her place when she goes too far lol
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LatterGlory
New Member
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Laela
Sidestepping the "lynch mob"
Well congrats on your impending nuptials! 
I hope everything works out for good, for both sides.
I hope everything works out for good, for both sides.
Mamita
Back to basics
Thank youuuuu Laela,
It should lol we're doing it God's way, both waiting to get the Holy Ghost before anything, not living together nothing, i was a stonecold sinner when we met, he had just gotten baptised and started seeking, 4 years later long distance we're going for it, and only with the Lord's blessing. we do believe we were meant for each other.
He's been stirred a whole lot lately, no peace, made him pray hard, we all feel it's getting close for him, and we think for me too, had a humbling experience not long ago.
So we trust it will all go fine, even with the visa papers that are a real loooong pain in the butt lol
It should lol we're doing it God's way, both waiting to get the Holy Ghost before anything, not living together nothing, i was a stonecold sinner when we met, he had just gotten baptised and started seeking, 4 years later long distance we're going for it, and only with the Lord's blessing. we do believe we were meant for each other.
He's been stirred a whole lot lately, no peace, made him pray hard, we all feel it's getting close for him, and we think for me too, had a humbling experience not long ago.
So we trust it will all go fine, even with the visa papers that are a real loooong pain in the butt lol
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Mamita
Back to basics
If your mother is concerned I am concerned.
Does not sound like he is leaving them to cleave to you yet .
Make sure your marriage starts out how God ordains ( leaving them, cleaving to you) or there is no telling what will happen.
Leave
i think there's a misunderstanding lol
i'm not making my mother concerned, i am, also, a family woman, concerning my mother lol
well he's still living at home for now lol so yeah he's not living them lol but i think it's more a matter of jaleous mom and sister than anything really major. they know once we say "i do" it's a whole other ball game lol
and he knows i'll be his help meet/partner in crime/everything lol
Uber
Active Member
I think that my husband would always tend to his mother if she is unwell. He'd tend to my mother if she was unwell. if I tried to argue there'd be trouble he'd feel as if i was being selfish towards others. I've come to learn that my hubbie would drop everything to help others.
However rather than to get annoyed about it and argue. I accept him for who he is. And I take the attitude that it is my responsibilty to build the home. So i always do things to make sure that my husband puts us first in most things. I also remind my hubbie that we must be first and he has come to realise that. He has said himself that God first then family. Now he even puts us first before his choir duties if necessary.
i say us becuase sometimes putting the wife first includes kids. although i expect hubbie to put me first before kids and the same would go for me.
that;s my opinion on the discussion anyway
However rather than to get annoyed about it and argue. I accept him for who he is. And I take the attitude that it is my responsibilty to build the home. So i always do things to make sure that my husband puts us first in most things. I also remind my hubbie that we must be first and he has come to realise that. He has said himself that God first then family. Now he even puts us first before his choir duties if necessary.
i say us becuase sometimes putting the wife first includes kids. although i expect hubbie to put me first before kids and the same would go for me.
that;s my opinion on the discussion anyway
Uber
Active Member
Having read the other posts, just to add to mine. there are different types of mother -in-laws that are exceptionally needy. and there are husbands who are always helpful to eeeevvvvverrryyyone.
But there needs to be balance. due to cultural reasons i'll have no problem if my hubbie wanted to support his mother in any way at all. God also asks to be mindful of the poor, widows, the elderly etc etc so there needs to be a balance. i think both parties husband and wife should remember that.
whilst i think a wife comes first I also think that a wife should take things into perspective.
But there needs to be balance. due to cultural reasons i'll have no problem if my hubbie wanted to support his mother in any way at all. God also asks to be mindful of the poor, widows, the elderly etc etc so there needs to be a balance. i think both parties husband and wife should remember that.
whilst i think a wife comes first I also think that a wife should take things into perspective.
Choirgirl
New Member
I'm also dealing with aging parents. They demand a great deal from DH. Even when they were younger and more capable, his whole family -older brothers and sisters expected him to disregard our marriage for whatever needs they had... we hardly have any down time. It can be frustrating, but I try to be patient and understanding.
I voted wife.
Deszdamona
Active Member
My husband and I are already preparing to care for his mother when she can't do for herself. There are no others in the family to look after her and she isn't the best when it comes to money. She's young- mid 50's- so I'm sure we don't have to worry about that for many moons.
My mom is financially stable, but you never know. Thankfully, we are from the same small town so if we need to move closer to them, both of our mothers will be looked after.
Other than that, one's wife definately comes first. Now, when it comes to my grand-daddy (I call him Daddy) I have to admit that on some levels I'm more devoted to him than my husband. I know that if something happened to both my grand-daddy and my husband on the same day, I would have a hard time choosing where to go.
Thankfully, our moving across the country 3,500 miles away from my grand-daddy has helped me cleave to my husband more.
I'm a grand daddy's girl too!
God's Anointed
Member
Def choosing wife. Otherwise, God isn't that third cord in the marriage anymore. It's the mother, and we know that can only lead to disaster down the road.
nathansgirl1908
Well-Known Member
The Bible does say that two people become one in marriage, but the Bible also says honor your mother and father. Having said that, I think it depends on the situation.
My mom died when I was 22, and now my father is in an assisted living facility and he isn't doing well. Should I ever get married and my dad is still alive, I will not be moving anywhere and I would expect my husband to respect that. I think it can be applicable on the other side as well. One of the initial questions posed in this thread was about whether the husband should stay near his mom or move far away with the wife. In my opinion, the answer is a given: he should stay near his mother.
It has been my experience that spouses who harp on the stuff about cleaving and leaving are really doing so because they don't like the in-laws anyway and they use that as an excuse. Not to mention that I would wonder why a man would want to be married to a woman who is so heartless that she would be more concerned about her desires than his ailing mother. Besides, since two become one, HIS mother is now YOUR mother as well.
This of course is different from allowing the mother to interfere and run the marriage. That is not acceptable.
My mom died when I was 22, and now my father is in an assisted living facility and he isn't doing well. Should I ever get married and my dad is still alive, I will not be moving anywhere and I would expect my husband to respect that. I think it can be applicable on the other side as well. One of the initial questions posed in this thread was about whether the husband should stay near his mom or move far away with the wife. In my opinion, the answer is a given: he should stay near his mother.
It has been my experience that spouses who harp on the stuff about cleaving and leaving are really doing so because they don't like the in-laws anyway and they use that as an excuse. Not to mention that I would wonder why a man would want to be married to a woman who is so heartless that she would be more concerned about her desires than his ailing mother. Besides, since two become one, HIS mother is now YOUR mother as well.
This of course is different from allowing the mother to interfere and run the marriage. That is not acceptable.
*crystal*
New Member
Unless mom is sick or needs care and there is no other help available, the wife's needs come first. Financial needs can be met long distance, emotional voids are meant to be filled by GOD and with any fulfilling relationships HE would bless mom with.
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