Who comes first husband or wife??

[Ladybelle]

Scenario: both husband and wife have older model cars. Both vehs have well over 200k miles on them. the wife's car has broken down several times over the course of two years and so has the husbands. The household can't afford to get two new vehicles at the same time. Who gets a new car first?

In situations such as these, does one spouse take precedence over the other?

 

[Keen]

It really depends on the individuals. Some men would rather drive the old beat up car no matter what it is and let the wife get the new one. It could be the person who's car is worse off. It could be the person needs a car most (like drive longer distance, drive the kids around).

If they can't decide, they can forgo getting a new car and just get two use cars.

 

[MD_Lady]

I wouldn't say that one spouse would take precedence over the other, but since (IME) many men seem to have more concerns/reservations about the idea of their wives being stranded by the side of the road than themselves, I'd say that (in the absence of any other information), the wife would probably get the new car first.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I wouldn't say one spouse takes precedence over the other but I'd consider the lifestyle of the family and how it operates. Are there kids involved? If so which spouse spends more time driving them around? I agree that many husbands would not want their wives driving around in a beat down car at risk of being stranded. IMO this isn't a question of precedence of a spouse but what's best for the family.

 

[ThickHair]

I wouldn't say that one spouse would take precedence over the other, but since (IME) many men seem to have more concerns/reservations about the idea of their wives being stranded by the side of the road than themselves, I'd say that (in the absence of any other information), the wife would probably get the new car first.

I believe most men who are "bout it", would never want to take a chance that their wife's car breaking down on the side of the road somewhere.

My brother always brought a new car for my former SIL and kept old beat up cars. My former SIL was a SAHM. So my brother put her and my nephew's needs before his own.

 

[Ladybelle]

I guess I worded it wrong, it's not about one being more important than the other- I guess i used the wrong term. I can't think of anything to replace the word "precedence" though.

Thickhair (post #5) sums up how I feel about it & pretty much gets at what I was trying to ask.

 

[PeopleTalkDaily]

a real man would keep both broke down cars and allow his wife to have new one..
So she will be safe...

 

[ladysaraii]

My dad would make sure my mom had the new car.

If it were me, we'd have to weigh each person's need, in some cases, it might make sense for the husband to get the new car.

Although I'm more like a poster above, maybe we can both get better used cars

 

[chicitygirl]

In my parents' relationship, my dad has always seen to it that my mom has the nicest car. Both of their cars have always been reliable and in good working order but when it's time to upgrade, my mom got the new car and my dad took her car. He said he wanted to provide the best for his wife and my mom did a lot of the kid chauffeuring.

I expect the same from my husband.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Scenario: both husband and wife have older model cars. Both vehs have well over 200k miles on them. the wife's car has broken down several times over the course of two years and so has the husbands. The household can't afford to get two new vehicles at the same time. Who gets a new car first?

In situations such as these, does one spouse take precedence over the other?

If a man is taking care of his responsibilities as "protector" then I think the wife should get it first. Case in point he breaks down on the side of the road...less likely chance of something happening to him. Unless she knows martial arts...she's the vulnerable one especially if she finds herself in a wooded area away from people without a signal on her cell phone and finds she has to walk (in the dark, etc)....it's like the opening of a horror movie.

God Forbid anything happen of course, but I can say I'm independant all I want but I know that most men are stronger than me period. And I am starting to take self defense classes but really unless you have that down pat....HE should make sure that you are safe first and foremost...What if they have kids....what man wants his wife and children broke down on the side of the road helpless? Or a woman by herself...I still don't think it's right.

I say this because I've seen it happen the other way. My dad always got the new car always (until recently as my mom got fed up and as they have more they also try to keep their cars maintained so that they don't break down...unlike their youth where there was more of a financial crunch).I've seen my mom going through break downs and b.s that I really don't think should happen in her youth. Does she know how to change a tire, sure. But what about smoking engines, etc...needing cars towed but stuck without a signal. In those positions a man is able to walk (and feel a little more confident in his safety). Whereas there are always stories of missing women in situations like this everyday. Can a man be vulnerable too...sure. But he's less likely.

 

[arosieworld]

A gentlemen would give it to his wife but otherwise I would say whoever drives the kids more or drives more at night.

 

[carcajada]

The wife, always. I would side eye any man riding around in a new reliable car while his wife drove an old car that may break down at any moment.

 

[Ladybelle]

If a man is taking care of his responsibilities as "protector" then I think the wife should get it first. Case in point he breaks down on the side of the road...less likely chance of something happening to him. Unless she knows martial arts...she's the vulnerable one especially if she finds herself in a wooded area away from people without a signal on her cell phone and finds she has to walk (in the dark, etc)....it's like the opening of a horror movie.

God Forbid anything happen of course, but I can say I'm independant all I want but I know that most men are stronger than me period. And I am starting to take self defense classes but really unless you have that down pat....HE should make sure that you are safe first and foremost...What if they have kids....what man wants his wife and children broke down on the side of the road helpless? Or a woman by herself...I still don't think it's right.

I say this because I've seen it happen the other way. My dad always got the new car always (until recently as my mom got fed up and as they have more they also try to keep their cars maintained so that they don't break down...unlike their youth where there was more of a financial crunch).I've seen my mom going through break downs and b.s that I really don't think should happen in her youth. Does she know how to change a tire, sure. But what about smoking engines, etc...needing cars towed but stuck without a signal. In those positions a man is able to walk (and feel a little more confident in his safety). Whereas there are always stories of missing women in situations like this everyday. Can a man be vulnerable too...sure. But he's less likely.

Why was that?

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Why was that?

Cause he's a bully. He thinks of himself and his comforts first and foremost. And it's hard to deal with him...and he preys on the weak. And my mom married him right out of high school when she was just that: insecure, unsure of herself, scared of the world, and painfully shy (though she had offers to go to Harvard he convinced her they had to be together and because my mom was really shy...he used this to make her feel like she needed him and he would protect her from the world. Later he says that he knew she was going somewhere...but that didn't pan out. I think it's because of him And my mom is getting it together but it took her years. Because my dad is one of those people who is so wonderful, and then critical, until he has you under his mental mind weld of "gaslighting" b.s and then you think you're scum on the bottom of a shoe). He's actually trying to get better because my mom pointed out that my brother never comes to see them (in a decade and always makes excuses) and that I have threatened to cut him off (and if I do because of his bs she's leaving for good because he isn't going to take everyone from her. And I also told him he couldn't walk me down the aisle or say a speech at the wedding. So now he's all pitiful like what did I do? And he's backing off a little with everyone). SO after decades of b.s my mom is now tired and starting to assert herself.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

^^^I just re read that and it seems like it belongs in another thread. "Narcissists, Gaslighters, and just Selfish men in general...how they affect you and your children and how to spot them"
Cause that's nothing really it's the milder part of what my dad does (shrug)
I was going to erase it (because it seems harsh) but it's the truth and it is what it is....so I guess I'll leave it.

 

[Theo]

It depends on the marriage.

I think it should go to the person who needs it to most. Like if one spouse is the breadwinner and drives 30-40 miles to work each day, I think it makes sense that he/she get the new car, as opposed to the SAH spouse who drives to the grocery store down the street or something. That's just my take on it though.

 

[Ladybelle]

Cause he's a bully. He thinks of himself and his comforts first and foremost. And it's hard to deal with him...and he preys on the weak. And my mom married him right out of high school when she was just that: insecure, unsure of herself, scared of the world, and painfully shy (though she had offers to go to Harvard he convinced her they had to be together and because my mom was really shy...he used this to make her feel like she needed him and he would protect her from the world. Later he says that he knew she was going somewhere...but that didn't pan out. I think it's because of him And my mom is getting it together but it took her years. Because my dad is one of those people who is so wonderful, and then critical, until he has you under his mental mind weld of "gaslighting" b.s and then you think you're scum on the bottom of a shoe). He's actually trying to get better because my mom pointed out that my brother never comes to see them (in a decade and always makes excuses) and that I have threatened to cut him off (and if I do because of his bs she's leaving for good because he isn't going to take everyone from her. And I also told him he couldn't walk me down the aisle or say a speech at the wedding. So now he's all pitiful like what did I do? And he's backing off a little with everyone). SO after decades of b.s my mom is now tired and starting to assert herself.

^^^I just re read that and it seems like it belongs in another thread. "Narcissists, Gaslighters, and just Selfish men in general...how they affect you and your children and how to spot them"
Cause that's nothing really it's the milder part of what my dad does (shrug)
I was going to erase it (because it seems harsh) but it's the truth and it is what it is....so I guess I'll leave it.

Your Dad sounds like my future ex-husband. I mean exactly like him and your thoughts about him make me wonder if my children will feel the same way about him in the future.

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

I would want SO to get the new car because I take the train and only drive my car on the weekends where he works 5 pm till the early morning. But knowing him if anything was wrong with my car he would make sure it was fixed.

 

[JayAnn0513]

The wife, always. I would side eye any man riding around in a new reliable car while his wife drove an old car that may break down at any moment.

What she said. No way would my husband ever leave me to drive the old beat up car.

 

[ThickHair]

It depends on the marriage.

I think it should go to the person who needs it to most. Like if one spouse is the breadwinner and drives 30-40 miles to work each day, I think it makes sense that he/she get the new car, as opposed to the SAH spouse who drives to the grocery store down the street or something. That's just my take on it though.

I respectfully disagree, because that SAH spouse would more than likely have a child. Ok, he doesn't want his wife to have a reliable car, but what about his child? SAHW\M do more than just go to the grocery store down the street.

 

[Mrs. N Lugo]

I would get the new car for sure. My Dh always says woman and children come first.

 

[Theo]

I respectfully disagree, because that SAH spouse would more than likely have a child. Ok, he doesn't want his wife to have a reliable car, but what about his child? SAHW\M do more than just go to the grocery store down the street.

We can agree to disagree.

Like I said, it depends on the marriage and the situation. Its not about not wanting your wife/child to have a reliable car, its about doing what works for you. I'm just thinking that if I were a stay at home wife with or without a kid, I probably wouldn't be traveling all over the place... most likely the school would be pretty close if we're in the public school system, people usually utilize their local library, grocery store and whatever else a SAH spouse might do during the day.

But I'm just saying what I would do if I were in the situation. A decision like this requires a discussion, and I wouldn't walk into the discussion assuming that I'm gonna get the new car b/c I'm the wife. I don't think that's fair, and in the situation I posted above, I don't think it makes much sense. I wouldn't want my husband to have an unreliable car, especially if he were the breadwinner and main provider for the family. We gotta eat. Plus any major trips can be scheduled in advance if the spouse is a SAH.

 

[rafikichick92]

I would expect the wife to get the new car unless circumstances are extreme and the husband needs it more. My dad just did this for me over the weekend. He didn't feel comfortable with me driving 400+ miles between school and home in an old car, so he bought me a new one even though he really needs one worse than I do.

As to SAHM not really needing a newer/reliable car, my mom was a SAHM and we had to travel to choir and orchestra practice 2x a week and both were nearly an hour away one way (my brother and I were in professional children's choir and orchestra, not to mention opera). So I would not assume that because one is a SAHM, she's not doing anything with the car. I would expect otherwise, actually. Now a SAHW might be a different story.

It all depends on the circumstances. The husband's job might be 5 minutes away and he might just give the SAHW the new car anyway out of deference, even though she might not use it much. *shrugs*