Where do I even begin to help her...

[tmhuggiebear]

I'm in the Big Brother Big Sister program and my little sister is an AFrican American girl raised my her caucasian grandmother who has absolutely no idea how to care for her grand daughter's hair. On top of that, the little girl lives in a predominately caucasian neighborhood and is convinced her "nappy" hair is ugly because no body in her class has hair like hers. I am constantly telling her that her hair is beautiful.

So the other day, her grandmother was asking me what she should do to her hair because she doesn't know how to care for it in it's natural state, doesn't believe in relaxers at such a young age and doesn't want to keep flat ironing it (she wants her to embrace the natural hair she has.)

What tips should I give her in caring for her hair? I told her that moisturizing it frequently and deep conditioning is important but other than that I don't even know where to begin. There is such a wealth of information...

What is some basic information I can give her? And (moderately priced) product suggestions I can point her to?

 

[kupenda]

Wow. You are in an amazingly awesome situation OP! You have the power to change how this young girl feels about her hair and herself in general. I would of course recommend washing and deep conditioning. And the children's line Just For Me at target. As for styling, what about braids? Even if they are done with her own hair. Or twists? Twists look adorable on children!


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[SmilingElephant]

Maybe try teaching the girl the simple things...so she can do them on her own...like co-washing...and nthen her grandmother can deep condition it every week.

Also show her how to properly moisturize her hair....and if its an issue...show her how to slick her edges down.

How old is she?

 

[JJamiah]

Cool yeah some nice cool styles, Braid outs, Bantu Knot Outs, Corn Rows, Buns, Pony Tails that are nicely done. HOw old?

Products wise you can suggest a few that you love. A nice Detangling comb?

a few hair accessories

YOu can even show her how you wash yours while she does hers

 

[tmhuggiebear]

Wow. You are in an amazingly awesome situation OP! You have the power to change how this young girl feels about her hair and herself in general. I would of course recommend washing and deep conditioning. And the children's line Just For Me at target. As for styling, what about braids? Even if they are done with her own hair. Or twists? Twists look adorable on children!


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Thank you so much. It is really a heart warming situation and she is the sweetest little girl.

I completely forgot about the line Just for Me. It's been such a long time! I seem to only associate Just For Me with relaxers, but I will certainly mention it to her grandmother.

As for styling, the grandmother just puts the girls hair in a ponytail/puff everyday because she doesn't know what else to do to it. She said that she doesn't know how to braid and that she doesn't trust other people do it because the last time someone braided the girls hair, it was too tight and broke off. What I will do is recommended two strand twists.

Maybe try teaching the girl the simple things...so she can do them on her own...like co-washing...and nthen her grandmother can deep condition it every week.

Also show her how to properly moisturize her hair....and if its an issue...show her how to slick her edges down.

How old is she?

She is 8. I never really thought about teaching her to do things herself. That's a great idea!

 

[tmhuggiebear]

The reason why I don't know what products to tell her about is because she mentioned that she doesn't want to spend too much money and the products I use can be pretty expensive. I use elucence, kinky curly, and shescentit.

I know they go to sally's periodically so I was trying to figure out what products in there I can suggest she can use on her grand daughter.

It also makes it a little difficult, because I'm still a little style challenged my self. LOL

 

[cbanks67]

There is a website by a Caucasian woman that adopted black girls and I can't think of the websites name but she has a ton of tips for Moms that don't know how to deal with African hair.

 

[silenttullip]

I would pick her up a little gift basket with hair goodies especially since it's christmas. It doesn't have to cost a lot. You can grab a goody comb, vo5 conditioner for detangling, evoo for sealing, ouchless goodie bands, and maybe a trusted conditioner like shea moisture or aubrey or tresemme naturals for deep conditioning and a nice shampoo maybe by giovanni or tressemme which is usually at walmart or target. I say get something instead of trying to explain because it may be easier for the grandma to understnad I'd also find some articles like the one or moisture & protein balancing print it off and wrap it in a cute ribbon and put it in the basket with a few more articles and a satin pillowcase, the whole basket would probably be under 20 bucks. or bonnet. I hope that made sense.

 

[nzeee]

moisture will change her hair life. for real.

there's not much to be done about her classmates. if they're racist and proud there's no style that will make her hair less ugly to them. the most important thing is how she feels about her own hair. and if she can have hair that feels soft and retains length she will love it more.

can the grandmother learn to plait? or even twist? twists should be easy enough, she can keep her hair in twists for a couple weeks at a time and style it while in twists. how long is the little girl's hair btw?

oh, some great great resource:
- the children's forum on this board
- Happy Girl Hair http://www.happygirlhair.com/ (so many product recos and info on cute styles (sort of advanced for poor g'ma but nice to see)
- the story of this devoted dad who works the sh!t out of his adopted daughter's hair http://blackgirllonghair.blogspot.com/2009/07/bglh-interview-with-white-dad-of.html (also see the related links below)

 

[tmhuggiebear]

I would pick her up a little gift basket with hair goodies especially since it's christmas. It doesn't have to cost a lot. You can grab a goody comb, vo5 conditioner for detangling, evoo for sealing, ouchless goodie bands, and maybe a trusted conditioner like shea moisture or aubrey or tresemme naturals for deep conditioning and a nice shampoo maybe by giovanni or tressemme which is usually at walmart or target. I say get something instead of trying to explain because it may be easier for the grandma to understnad I'd also find some articles like the one or moisture & protein balancing print it off and wrap it in a cute ribbon and put it in the basket with a few more articles and a satin pillowcase, the whole basket would probably be under 20 bucks. or bonnet. I hope that made sense.

[USER=110859] [USER=131943]silenttullipI was actually thinking about doing this but wasn't sure what products I should include. I appreciate the suggestions.

I was also hoping to find a kids books of some kind about loving your hair to give her but the search for that continues.

 

[nzeee]

There is a website by a Caucasian woman that adopted black girls and I can't think of the websites name but she has a ton of tips for Moms that don't know how to deal with African hair.

cbanks67 yep, i think i know the one you mean. i mentioned it in my recos above.

this one, right?

 

[NewHairWOWeave]

I guess since she is 8 you can show her pictures of woman whos hair is long like on LHCF. Then teach her the proper way to comb her hair and moisturize. You can teach her and her grandmother the simple things that you know. And keep it as inexpensive as possible.

 

[tmhuggiebear]

moisture will change her hair life. for real.

there's not much to be done about her classmates. if they're racist and proud there's no style that will make her hair less ugly to them. the most important thing is how she feels about her own hair. and if she can have hair that feels soft and retains length she will love it more.

can the grandmother learn to plait? or even twist? twists should be easy enough, she can keep her hair in twists for a couple weeks at a time and style it while in twists. how long is the little girl's hair btw?

oh, some great great resource:
- the children's forum on this board
- Happy Girl Hair http://www.happygirlhair.com/ (so many product recos and info on cute styles (sort of advanced for poor g'ma but nice to see)
- the story of this devoted dad who works the sh!t out of his adopted daughter's hair http://blackgirllonghair.blogspot.com/2009/07/bglh-interview-with-white-dad-of.html (also see the related links below)

I don't believe her classmates are racist. She told me she has 25 friends LOL... I think the problem is that she feels left out because she doesn't see anyone else who looks like her or has hair like hers. And it doesn't exactly help that her grandmother doesn't really know what to do style wise.

When I last saw her, we went to the library and I showed her pictures of women with beautiful natural hair on the internet. I think that helped a little.

 

[classoohfive]

Hair aside, I think it's really awesome you're in this program! You're doing a wonderful thing. I'm sure you already know that but it can't be said enough.

I think pointing out the good things about her hair is a good start. I think once she starts to feel more comfortable with doing her hair she'll start to embrace it more.

I try to scroll Beads Braids Beyond for ideas and tips. I'm not even close to being that good but I do pick up ideas to try on my own.

We've used some of the Just for Me line and her hair seems to like it. We mostly share our products.

Right now my daughter and I both like braids/braid-outs because they're simple, quick, they don't have to be tight braids, and they can last through the week. If I keep them well moisturized I can take them out for a braid out at the end. We have a bunch of cheap accessories that we use to change up the style a bit everyday. My daughter's too young to do her own hair, but I still let her pick out the accessories so she can feel like she has some control and say in her hair.

I would start with finding a good washing technique. You can know all the styles in the world but if the hair is dry, breaking, etc then it's going to make the styles more difficult.

Also, maybe suggest some Youtube videos on braiding? They can both learn together. I won't let anyone braid my daughter's hair for the same reason.


I wish I had better suggestions but I'm still trying to figure out my daughter's hair (we have different hair types and she's still at the age where her hair is changing, usually right when I think I have it figured out, lol). I'm still tryng to figure some things out about my own hair, lol.

 

[tmhuggiebear]

classoohfive Thank you so much. It truly is a rewarding experience. I highly suggest it!


And I forgot to mention her hair is about shoulder length.

 

[empressri]

I wonder...would you be able to actually go to the grandmother's house one day and go the little girl's hair? Show her how to wash, condition and detangle it.

You don't have to be fancy with styling, heck two strand twists or ponytails are fine for little girls.

And she can use stuff like herbal essence conditioner as a leave with some type of oil on top. No need to spend an arm and a leg.


WAIT! She goes to sallys?? You know what I LOVE from them? The GVP paul mitchell the conditioner. It's a leave in and all I use is that with some castor oil on top and my hair is moist for a week if not longer in twists. And the bottle is only like $6 the liter size $9.

 

[tmhuggiebear]

I wonder...would you be able to actually go to the grandmother's house one day and go the little girl's hair? Show her how to wash, condition and detangle it.

You don't have to be fancy with styling, heck two strand twists or ponytails are fine for little girls.

And she can use stuff like herbal essence conditioner as a leave with some type of oil on top. No need to spend an arm and a leg.


WAIT! She goes to sallys?? You know what I LOVE from them? The GVP paul mitchell the conditioner. It's a leave in and all I use is that with some castor oil on top and my hair is moist for a week if not longer in twists. And the bottle is only like $6 the liter size $9.

Thanks I'll mention this to her. Or may just purchase it myself and give to them as a gift. I know the grandmother told me that she was thinking of buying the One n Only shampoo at Sally's.

She also told me that she tried using evoo on the little girls hair before and it just seemed to sit on her hair and not really absorb.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

http://www.chocolatehairvanillacare.com/

This is a great site. A good friend has been telling me about this site for months. She gets tips for her 2 little girls.

 

[Sugadoll]

I love my African American sistas !! Do see how we just rallied around this little girl we will probably never meet to help her and the grandma. It makes me feel good that we'd just jump in to assist someone who need some healthy hair help.
The co washing and conditioning will be critical suave products are reasonable in price. I would just assume that they are probably living on grandma's income alone so those would be products she could use also. That could be the babies entire Reggie.
A calendar would be great too. So grandma would have every thing in front of her.


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[tmhuggiebear]

I love my African American sistas !! Do see how we just rallied around this little girl we will probably never meet to help her and the grandma. It makes me feel good that we'd just jump in to assist someone who need some healthy hair help.
The co washing and conditioning will be critical suave products are reasonable in price. I would just assume that they are probably living on grandma's income alone so those would be products she could use also. That could be the babies entire Reggie.
A calendar would be great too. So grandma would have every thing in front of her.


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It really is a beautiful thing! Definitely one reason why I like this forum so much!

And thanks so much for the product suggestion! I definitely didn't even think about a calendar.

 

[starchgirl]

What a great opportunity you have by mentoring this girl! I think it's great the grandmother wants to keep her natural too.

I love the idea of the gift basket too! I would echo the suggestion about using products she can find at her local grocery or big box store and keep it simple like 1 conditioner, 1 shampoo, etc.

You didn't mention what her texture is, but if she's in the 4A or 4B range, maybe you could include (!in addition to the items suggested above):

Cream of Nature Shampoo/Other clarifying shampoo
Aussie Moist/Herbal Essences Hello Hydration/Other moisturizing co-wash conditioner
Shea Butter
Clips to section her hair for washing/detangling ease
Disposable shower caps for deep conditioning
An assortment of bows and barrettes

I'd also give them a scrapbook with a simple step by step regimen, website/blog/you tube suggestions, and print outs of photos of other natural little girls and adults with healthy moisturized hair to inspire them of what a consistent regimen can do.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

 

[tmhuggiebear]

I just found this book on amazon that I think I will purchase for her. "It's called I love my hair" by Natasha Anastasia Tarpley. Anyone know about it?

 

[BlkOnyx488]

use YouTube as a teacher. a lot of moms make videos of their daughters hair care. also it might help her develop appreciation for her hair if she sees a bunch of other lil sistas whipping their hair on YT.

 

[ilmssun]

I ran across two sites the other day www.keepmecurly.com and www.chocolatehairvanillacare.com which are both about white families who adopted african children and have learned to do their hair. They come up with so many cute styles! Most of the products they use are also relatively cheep. I would def check those sites out!

 

[brg240]

evoo doesn't work for me either but coconut oil($6-8) does and so does sunflower oil($1-2.50) I adore sunflower oil.

well the products i use on my hair are rather cheap
suave clarifying shampoo $1
suave coconut conditioner ($1) or suave shea and almond conditioner ($2)
aloe vera juice a gallon ($6) she can use this to moisturize/spritz her hair. My gallon has lasted me since march.

 

[tmhuggiebear]

evoo doesn't work for me either but coconut oil($6-8) does and so does sunflower oil($1-2.50) I adore sunflower oil.

well the products i use on my hair are rather cheap
suave clarifying shampoo $1
suave coconut conditioner ($1) or suave shea and almond conditioner ($2)
aloe vera juice a gallon ($6) she can use this to moisturize/spritz her hair. My gallon has lasted me since march.

brg240 Thanks. Where do you purchase your products?

 

[Nonie]

The best advice I can give her is in this thread.

 

[Barbara]

Good suggestions ladies!

 

[brg240]

brg240 Thanks. Where do you purchase your products?

I purchase from the commisary, walmart and target.

All of them can be found at walmart and probably target. I actually got my sunflower oil from dollar tree (but I haven't seen it there since)

Oh yeah I also use a moisturizing shampoo 2 weeks after i clarify. It's burt's bees but i'm sure another cheapie one woud do. Maybe the suave almond & shea one.


Also, I forgot to say i think it's really wonderful what you are doing

 

[chesleeb]

I thinks its wonderful how you are helping this little I wish I had someone like you when I was growing up seriously this is great! If you are going to give her a gift basket try to make it simple and put things in there that are specific to her hair or like her hair.
This is so hard for me to comment on, because as a child growing up with only a dad my hair was experiences in school was not good. I can actually remember praying to have "mixed" hair my dad did what he knew but I needed a woman in my life to say and do what you are doing. My products up to idk what age was stuff like Aussie hair spray, optimum hair cream and wait here we go posner light grease. I had to sneak the hair spray to school cause dad was not having it and etc...
Side note does anyone remember that posner grease it look like get that stuff was the BOMB!
Sorry didn't mean to run off but this topic strikes a cord in me, again love what you are doing with this little girl, u will be amazed of how much u are impacting her life by just offering some kind of help and etc...just amazed.