...When To Bring a Man Home...

[Syrah]

Nah, not home like that. We're talking over your place to relax and hang out, eat etc (this excludes him picking you up).



Just home, to your house, in your place. When do you bring a man home to your house? When do you decide "ok he can come over?" And at what point is it ok for him to show up un-announced?

My friends and I are all over the spectrum. Some will bring him home immediately - meaning, we just had a good time, why don't you come over for some wine or something. Some have strict rules about when and why a man should be allowed to see where they live under the notion that a woman's home is her private place and that bringing a man into that place says something about their level of commitment or status of their relationship.

Will you have him pick you up from your house immediately (i.e. first or second date)? Does it depend on your living circumstances (i.e. living in a large apartment complex or building where it's hard for him to single out your place of residence vs small buildings or single-family-homes)? Or upon the circumstances in which you met (online, vs in a group setting, vs through introduction or at work etc)? Or does it depend on your status within the relationship? And at what point does he have the ability to just "show up" without calling first - It's a Sunday afternoon - and "oh, I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd stop by"?

 

[ThickHair]

The only answer I have is that it is never ok for anyone man to just show up at my house unannounced, there is no, "I was just in the neighborhood". Everything else is how i feel.

I let one guy pick me up from my home on the first date and this gentleman that I just met on Saturday, when we go on our first date this Saturday, I am going to meet him. I go by my gut. Neither one bugged me to get to my home. Dudes who bug me to get into my home, I don't keep them around long, it seems like they are looking for a home and when they find out I own mine, they want to come over cook dinner and watch DVD's. NO NO for me. I told this guy I am going out with straight out in our second conversation, dating to me is not sitting at home watch DVD's and such and he said that he agreed. He actually told me it was refreshing, because a few woman who he has dated try to set up wifey\hubby (couple things) right away. He was like whoa, we are only dating at this point in time take it slowly.

 

[Taliah]

Interesting post. When I used to date I never ever let a man even see where I lived. I would either meet him or go to his house.
For me I don't like the idea of a man seeing how I live before I have decided that he is someone that I want to take serious and vice versa.
Men are very immature and judgemental and I don't want to be judged or question for the way I choose to live as a single woman.

I voted relationship milestone.

 

[TriniStarr]

I totally agree with Taliah.

I personally do not let guys see where or how i live before i know he may be someone special because some of them come over see your place and wanna start asking questions and start judging you based on how your home looks.

That had happened to me twice and it was not a nice feeling.

so i voted for relationship milestone.

 

[Syrah]

I'm with ThickHair on this one. I go mostly by gut, but for the most part, if you're eager to come to my place I'm wondering what your deal is. My house is my house. You don't lounge at my place, 'cuz you've got your own. If I invite you over to "hang out", that's fine...but don't pressure me to do things at my place.

As for un-announced visits, I don't do that and I'm pretty clear about it. YOU. DO. NOT. SHOW. UP. AT. MY. HOUSE. Even my folks call when they're in the neighborhood.

 

[sky_blu]

Woo i thought u meant bring home to meet the fam when I read the title....but I bring them home when I feel comfortable with them especially since I have a child. I never let a guy come over when my child is home and calling beforehand is required under all circumstances. I would prefer to meet them wherever we go out or if we're hanging in go to their place. I rarely let guys come to my home though I hate people in my space.

 

[NYAmicas]

After he pays 6 months rent he can come over, it's only fair.

 

[caribeandiva]

After he's earned it.

 

[Syrah]

After he's earned it.

...such as...?

 

[Ladyhenri]

When i was still dating, it was only if the person was exxxtra special. I was too picky and most guys didn't reach this stage.

It was usually around the 4th date (4th week) before we started chilling at my home.