TinyBlu
Well-Known Member
I only come here to whine about my relationship(s) LOL!
It always helps me to get other perspectives.
BF and I have been together for over a year and were discussing moving in together. I'm not sure if he's made his mother aware of it, but she's making it very difficult for us to take this step.
Brief history: Sadly, my BF's father was murdered when he was 4 years old. Since then, his mother DOTED on him. She did everything she could to take care of him and reared a wonderful, sweet and loving man. He is now in his mid thirties and he has shared with me that he can't recall there ever being another man in her life since then… I can … HIM!!!!
For the most part, she is a lovely person. She's a bit dramatic and worries about EVERYTHING (quite understandable considering her history), but we get along.
HOWEVER, she recently gave my BF a sob story about needing to move out of her apartment because the rent was too high. FACT: She RETIRED three years ago because she was 55. She had NO retirement provisions or savings, but she receives a small pension from the telephone company from which she retired. She played up her story by informing us that she had found a quadraplex near a college campus to move into. You know the kind where 4 people share a living room and bathroom and each person has their own bedroom and bathroom (NO!!! That would be a dorm)? Knowing that her son would not go for that, SHE suggested that he move in with her. I'm sorry, but a grown man living at home is kinda pathetic to me.
I would even be open to him giving her some money every month to help out with her expenses, but living together? NO!!
I KNEW she had him wrapped around her finger when he asked if I would consider looking at places with more square footage so we could move his mother in with us? WHAT?!?!
In a diplomatic effort, I made some connections and found Mommy an ENTIRE list of affordable housing options in our city in NICE areas. She pushed back with some BS story about not wanting the employer who pays her under the table to get into trouble. In fact, every time I offered a solution, she would find a reason why it wouldn't work (even going as far as providing a list of stipulations of where she WON'T live... must be in a metropolitan area near shopping, etc., can't be in "the hood", no stairs, no noise... for $500 a month or less...TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE!!!!)
So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. BF told me that if his mom isn't comfortable with the affordable housing option and we can't move her in with us, he will move in with her for a while.
This makes me angry for a couple of reasons: First, what MOTHER would even put her son in a position like that except a manipulative one? Second, if he moves in with her, is he going to be lying around my place when we want to spend time together? Should we sneak and make out on the couch with hopes that Mommy doesn't walk in on us?
I don't want to make him choose, nor do I think I can. I'm going to lose this battle because it's his MOTHER! but I don't find the idea of dating someone who lives with his mother appealing AT ALL.
Of course he would defend his motherat all costs.. What should I do?
It always helps me to get other perspectives.
BF and I have been together for over a year and were discussing moving in together. I'm not sure if he's made his mother aware of it, but she's making it very difficult for us to take this step.
Brief history: Sadly, my BF's father was murdered when he was 4 years old. Since then, his mother DOTED on him. She did everything she could to take care of him and reared a wonderful, sweet and loving man. He is now in his mid thirties and he has shared with me that he can't recall there ever being another man in her life since then… I can … HIM!!!!
For the most part, she is a lovely person. She's a bit dramatic and worries about EVERYTHING (quite understandable considering her history), but we get along.
HOWEVER, she recently gave my BF a sob story about needing to move out of her apartment because the rent was too high. FACT: She RETIRED three years ago because she was 55. She had NO retirement provisions or savings, but she receives a small pension from the telephone company from which she retired. She played up her story by informing us that she had found a quadraplex near a college campus to move into. You know the kind where 4 people share a living room and bathroom and each person has their own bedroom and bathroom (NO!!! That would be a dorm)? Knowing that her son would not go for that, SHE suggested that he move in with her. I'm sorry, but a grown man living at home is kinda pathetic to me.
I would even be open to him giving her some money every month to help out with her expenses, but living together? NO!!
I KNEW she had him wrapped around her finger when he asked if I would consider looking at places with more square footage so we could move his mother in with us? WHAT?!?!
In a diplomatic effort, I made some connections and found Mommy an ENTIRE list of affordable housing options in our city in NICE areas. She pushed back with some BS story about not wanting the employer who pays her under the table to get into trouble. In fact, every time I offered a solution, she would find a reason why it wouldn't work (even going as far as providing a list of stipulations of where she WON'T live... must be in a metropolitan area near shopping, etc., can't be in "the hood", no stairs, no noise... for $500 a month or less...TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE!!!!)
So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. BF told me that if his mom isn't comfortable with the affordable housing option and we can't move her in with us, he will move in with her for a while.
This makes me angry for a couple of reasons: First, what MOTHER would even put her son in a position like that except a manipulative one? Second, if he moves in with her, is he going to be lying around my place when we want to spend time together? Should we sneak and make out on the couch with hopes that Mommy doesn't walk in on us?
I don't want to make him choose, nor do I think I can. I'm going to lose this battle because it's his MOTHER! but I don't find the idea of dating someone who lives with his mother appealing AT ALL.
Of course he would defend his motherat all costs.. What should I do?
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I mean he wasn't like that before you came along. Mama bear will do everything in her power to badmouth you and sabotage your relationship. I know this cuz my brother and his wife went thru the same thing with my mom when they got together. Good luck.
Dude has some nerve. 
