What would your response be to a white person who says you should get a perm

[LongCurlyLocks]

Smack the ish out of them!!! :swordfigh :assimilat :gotroasted:Naw, I don't want to go to jail. But really they don't understand and even though I probably will tell them where to go I would know that they just don't know our hair and I wouldn't waist my time on ignorance after that.

 

[delray712000]

missj-please stop lying on this w. women. white people are smart why would she say such a thing. Yeah right, this is typical but unacceptable behavior. I am so sorry you learned of her ignorance this way but now at least you know who your dealing with. right?

 

[delray712000]

Wow! She's still your friend?

Honestly, I would tell her that I don't like the smell of wet puppy hair yet I tolerate you. j/k. Just tell her you are not going to tolerate comments like that.

 

[gissellr78]

My husband who is a white latino clueless of kinky hair said to me on the train one day....

You should wear ur hair like that...pointing at a girl with a fly froooo.....i wanted to kiss him!

he thought my hair was like that with out a relaxer...

 

[naturalmanenyc]

If you want to remain friends, you can educate her on AA hair. I'd explain that we don't get perms like them. They get perms to add curls and we relax to loosen our natural curls. I'd probably go as far to tell her that shampoo is bad for our hair (and hers) since we need the natural oils that are produced by our bodies to keep our hair moisturized so it does not break off.

I had a coworker tell me in January that he did not like my curly hair. He preferred my straight hair (which he didn't know was weave). I apologized that the way my hair grows out of my head bothered him and told him that there was really nothing that could be done to help. I stopped short of telling him that his hair plugs look like crap.

 

[TaurusAngel]

I would have been talking to the police and not her cause i would have probably slapped her. You don't tell people stuff like that. Trust me, she ain't as as dumb as she sound. She knew what she was saying and she said it anyway.

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

Black people (men and women) say the same thing to me all the time. I don't go off on them, so I wouldn't go off on her.

My usual response is: "I love my hair the way it is. If you don't like it then that's a personal problem that has nothing to do with me. And if you don't want to look at it please don't let me stop you from leaving".

Either they leave or they don't. If they're a good friend, they learn to love all of me. If they're not, then they step.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO, I like how you put that , its smooth without getting nasty by going off

 

[somethingdifferent]

I would probably say "Girl, why don't you let me do me and you do you?" Don't worry about my hair; I like it and my man likes it."

 

[trj1922]

How 'bout, "Shut the _________up, __________!!! (Fill in the blanks yourself)

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

I would probably say "Girl, why don't you let me do me and you do you?" Don't worry about hair; I like it and my man likes it."

AMEN

 

[pazyamor]

Whoa...well I agree with whoever said she ain't as "clueless" as she's trying to sound; look at the way she worded it; if I recall, op put that homegirl said "that would look better than what you have on your head now" (or something to that effect) so not only was she disrespecting the beautiful hair God gave you--she was trying to give style tips! I'd bet my 40 Acres and a Mule she's said it to some of her other Black "friends" and somebody needs to set her straight. Don't let her come to Cali and say that ish to me, the new thread would read:

"What Hair Products Can Ya'll Smuggle into my Holding Cell Over Here at the County?"

 

[sqzbly1908]

because the people with perm have hair that look better than your natural hair? A friend made this comment to me yesterday, and it's been bugging me. I want to discuss it, but I don't know exactly what I'm going to say. This friend also said that she thought black women were supposed to wear weave, so totally clueless.

Friend,

She clearly had no idea that she was offending you, she is just ignorant. If you would like to continue to be friends with her, you may want educate her on "black hair" and that we are not limited to weaves and natural hair is just as abundant and beautiful as "perm" hair. Lesson 1 - We do not "perm" our hair, we "relax".....

Man, I wish she had asked me that question...because I would've had a few for her like "what is the deal with tanning, lip injections, butt injections, etc...if I did not know any better I would think you were trying to be "black like me". H***, we are not the only ones that wear weaves, the majority of the "lighter side" of Hollywood wears weaves ...ranting...let me chill!!!

You need to have a one on one with her and tell her how you feel about her questions/comments, that only if you want to continue being friends with her...

 

[Solitude]

I don't know what I would say. I never had a "friend" of any color say anything that rude to me. She knew what she was saying was inappropriate. Like someone said earlier, people do ish like that all the time- trying to make you fall for the okey-doke and say what they feel and just preface it like they don't know it's rude.

I had black friends at work try to play me when I would get a weave or braids, etc. saying dumb stuff like, "your hair has grown," knowing it was weave. I wouldn't open up to that person anymore.

 

[Lexib]

I don't think that's racist, I think it's uneducated - there is a difference. I mean, shoot, there are black women who would and could say the same thing, and I'm sure some of the sisters on here right now used to believe and do the same thing.

took the words right outta my mouth JK. I know I used to be guilty of this pre-lhcf and even thought it was *normal*

 

[BrooklynSouth]

because the people with perm have hair that look better than your natural hair? A friend made this comment to me yesterday, and it's been bugging me. I want to discuss it, but I don't know exactly what I'm going to say. This friend also said that she thought black women were supposed to wear weave, so totally clueless.

Friends do not come easily after we leave grammar school, not real friends anyway. Take some time and discuss the comment with her, find out why she felt the need to make the comment. Discuss your feelings about it, natural hair, weaves and the feelings she invoked in you. A friend is not worth throwing away over this. I've had black friends say the same to me when I was wearing my hair out and stretching. I am so sorry so many people feel black women all wear weaves.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Black people (men and women) say the same thing to me all the time. I don't go off on them, so I wouldn't go off on her.

My usual response is: "I love my hair the way it is. If you don't like it then that's a personal problem that has nothing to do with me. And if you don't want to look at it please don't let me stop you from leaving".

Either they leave or they don't. If they're a good friend, they learn to love all of me. If they're not, then they step.

OMG! I love it! That is hilarious! So empowered, coldblooded and real. Tell 'em girl!

 

[sqzbly1908]

Whoa...well I agree with whoever said she ain't as "clueless" as she's trying to sound; look at the way she worded it; if I recall, op put that homegirl said "that would look better than what you have on your head now" (or something to that effect) so not only was she disrespecting the beautiful hair God gave you--she was trying to give style tips! I'd bet my 40 Acres and a Mule she's said it to some of her other Black "friends" and somebody needs to set her straight. Don't let her come to Cali and say that ish to me, the new thread would read:

"What Hair Products Can Ya'll Smuggle into my Holding Cell Over Here at the County?"

LMAO!!!!!!!

 

[luvnmyhair99]

Seriously...although she would never admit it, one has to wonder if she is a lil jealous on the inside her hair wont do the things yours does. Often times snide comments like that are really just someone "hatin".

I would tell her "no thanks" I am quite comfortable with the style and type of hair I have and keep it movin. Some people are not even worth the emotion. Seriously.

 

[drjo91]

because the people with perm have hair that look better than your natural hair? A friend made this comment to me yesterday, and it's been bugging me. I want to discuss it, but I don't know exactly what I'm going to say. This friend also said that she thought black women were supposed to wear weave, so totally clueless.

WOW, i would tell her to mind her business. That is very rude and you should tell your white friend to get a curly perm to see how she likes it. I hate how people just love getting on people's hair business specially when it comes to our black hair. I would seriously ask your friend and be like why the f.u.ck do you think i need a relaxer for and who are you to tell me what to do to my hair. Natural hair is beautiful and she is probably jealous!!

 

[Keshieshimmer]

None of my friends would try me like that. I'm not natural though but I know that they know better.

 

[wannabelong]

If I considered her a true friend, I would explain the dynamics of AA hair:
1) We do not perm, we relax.
2) There are other ways to wear our hair that looks just as nice as straight hair.
3) This is the way I like it to wear it and if she doesn't like it then that's just too bad.
5) Her comment was offensive and she better not say it to another AA or she might just catch a beatdown.

If I did not consider her a true friend then I would not even waste my breath on such buffoonery.

 

[Tarae]

Yeah, but she's always prefacing things with statements like, "I hope this doesn't sound racist" or "You might think I'm racist if I say this..." This is the only thing that has approached the level of sounding racist.

First, I was going with the "she's uneducated" thing, especially since she mentioned her other black friends.

But the fact that she has to add a "warning" before her comments would probably send more red flags than this hair comment alone. If you want to remain friends with her, let her know her unsolicited advice about your hair is not wanted or needed. Personally, I wouldn't go through all the educating her about MY hair. It's not necessary. But let her know those comments were rude and you were offended (or how ever it made you feel).

 

[Casarela]

I wouldve asked her from which planet is she ?( Because it sounds more like someone stating their opinion masked by foolishness and ignorance to avoid getting a smack in the face) I wouldve ended the convo by recommending her a Tic Tac or some Winterfresh.

because the people with perm have hair that look better than your natural hair? A friend made this comment to me yesterday, and it's been bugging me. I want to discuss it, but I don't know exactly what I'm going to say. This friend also said that she thought black women were supposed to wear weave, so totally clueless.

 

[jennboo]

Why is everyone getting upset? MANY black people think that way about our hair too, LOL. It would be worse, imo, if it was coming from a black person.

 

[Casarela]

Girl Im not upset but I wouldve answered the same thing to a black person ! hair is hair ! Im not buying the... I thought AA are suppose to wear weave. I just think that person is playing stupid and has the audacity to say that and act like ohhh I thought AA were suppose to be in weave all the time...then why bring up the permed vs natural....Give me a break hun.

Why is everyone getting upset? MANY black people think that way about our hair too, LOL. It would be worse, imo, if it was coming from a black person.

 

[fluffylocks]

I just think people should know better.

You dont know anything about black hair. Cool, most black people dont know anything about white hair either. But you need to know what might be offensive, and when to "suggest" things to people (you dont make suggestions on an issue you know nothing about )

Some people think its cute to get all their info about a race from a couple of people, but I dont. Go learn somewhere else at this point in life.

 

[skatergurljubulee]

LOL *shakes head* White people.
My husband, whose white, has been looking at the heads on this board and wants me to go natural. All his questions have been respectful and have never come across as fake ignorant- like your friend's does. I've NEVER had a non-black person ask me the questions that girl asked you in that tone or wording. I've had the questions asked, but they've always been respectful. My mother in law even goes out and tries to find black hair care products for me for christmas! (she'sas frustrated as I am and she gets me a lot of pantene relaxed and natural- lol At least she tries LOL)! Make sure she's not making fun of you. Don't waste your time answering q's she'll be telling her other friends about- inacurately. Who knows if she got her weave comment from someone else and used it out of context?
HTH
You need to check her.

 

[fluffylocks]

Girl Im not upset but I wouldve answered the same thing to a black person ! hair is hair ! Im not buying the... I thought AA are suppose to wear weave. I just think that person is playing stupid and has the audacity to say that and act like ohhh I thought AA were suppose to be in weave all the time...then why bring up the permed vs natural....Give me a break hun.

I know.

I would never say anything like "I thought you all get lice all the time".....

You know what things are sterotypical, know what may be possibly offensive, know all people are different....Come on.

 

[dynamic1]

Some people are giving the "white" woman too much credit! You do not have to know anything about kinky hair to be aware this unsolicited opinion was rude and insensitive. Ask her how she came to know "all" of the black women she knows wear weave? How many does she know". Were these "other" black women putting this nonsense in her head while discussing you?

You may want to ask her how she would feel if you suggested she alter or cover something that she obtained naturally.

A few examples....................

I heard all white women get breast implants, anything would be better than what you have?

All the white women I know age really poorly......when will you be getting your first botox injection? or face lift?

Start showing her pictures of noses you think might suit her face better, because all the white people you know get nose jobs.

You can start the sentence with..........I hope you don't take offense, but I am about to say something really offensive.

You may have a frienemy. A friend would not suggest that you should be like everyone else. Perhaps she needs you to blend in to feel better about herself.

 

[Amerie123]

Do y'all not get it that this white girl said "I thought black women are supposed to wear weaves". Bump the part that u need a perm, which is rude as "heck", but we ARE SUPPOSED TO GET WEAVES. I don't think a black person would say that. She is NOT clueless, she is ignorant and a smart aleck. Okay, I'm done ranting.