What would your response be to a white person who says you should get a perm

[MissJ]

because the people with perm have hair that look better than your natural hair? A friend made this comment to me yesterday, and it's been bugging me. I want to discuss it, but I don't know exactly what I'm going to say. This friend also said that she thought black women were supposed to wear weave, so totally clueless.

 

[BeetleBug]

Wow! She's still your friend?

Honestly, I would tell her that I don't like the smell of wet puppy hair yet I tolerate you. j/k. Just tell her you are not going to tolerate comments like that.

 

[hairsothick]

Did you ask them why they said that?

 

[Lexib]

Lord have mercy

 

[fluffylocks]

You need to mind your buisness/worry about your hair.

 

[Amerie123]

oh, no ma'am. she need a wake up call seriously!!

ETA: nah, some of them act like they don't know. come on "we are supposed to wear weaves". NO one is that darn slow. I'm not one to be negative, but I think sometimes, they act "clueless", and she tried to be slick. Just my honest opinion.

 

[JustKiya]

*blink* *blink*

I'd ask her why they think that relaxed hair looks better, and go from there. I don't know your friend, but she sounds pretty - clueless - when it comes to black women and hair (or educated (more like miseducated) via television).

Otherwise - um, I really don't know what to tell you. A conversation is needed, there.

It could be just an out and out preference of hers - like whether Nicole Kidman looks better blond or redheaded. And she doesn't realize the significance in the AA community of natural hair vs. relaxed....

Weird, either way. Yeah, you need to talk to her.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

UM.... WHAT? I don't think I can type what I would tell her. I would get kicked off LHCF.....

 

[naturalpride]

umm...ummm....(cough) No Comment....

 

[chicacanella]

because the people with perm have hair that look better than your natural hair? A friend made this comment to me yesterday, and it's been bugging me. I want to discuss it, but I don't know exactly what I'm going to say. This friend also said that she thought black women were supposed to wear weave, so totally clueless.

Dang, "fa'real-fa'real?"


I don't even know how to respond to something like this.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and if you like your hair the way it is, why should you have to conform to what she or others think look good on YOU?

I wouldn't even discuss it with someone like her because where would you begin? It's like an uphill battle trying to get her to understand and look at thing from a neutral perspective after being disuaded that black hair is this or that. Some things can't be changed with one conversation. It's alot of history involved in her feeling this way so if you want to stay friends and slowly educate her (if she is open) then do so, but I personally wouldn't have the time.

 

[chebaby]

well its one thing if she was asking why you didnt get one rather than telling you should get one. its totally offfensive for a person of a race that naturally has straight hair to tell someone of a race that naturally has curly hair that they should straighten it with a chemicle. thats like saying your hair isnt good enough and it needs to be altered.

you need to ask her why she said what she said and then take it from there.

you cant be mad at her if she really is clueless on the issue.

 

[PeachesQi]

That is just sad. If you want to stay friends with her you have to let her know how what she said is wrong. She has probably never had anyone sit down with her and discuss what is ok to say to someone and what is not.

 

[Neith]

because the people with perm have hair that look better than your natural hair? A friend made this comment to me yesterday, and it's been bugging me. I want to discuss it, but I don't know exactly what I'm going to say. This friend also said that she thought black women were supposed to wear weave, so totally clueless.

What would my response be? Depends on the time of the month, but I assure you, she would not want to be my friend anymore.

 

[MissJ]

Well, judging from what was said, like basically all the black girls she's known wear weaves. She also said they only wash their hair once a month and stuff like that. I was kind of shocked at the statement, though, and if there ever was a racist statement to come out of her mouth, that would be it!

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

I would say "You SHOULD get you some business", then I would tell that skank a peace of my mind, and the words she wouldn't like it to well. And if I had a friend that would come at me like that, I would tell her BYE BYE and to dismiss herself out of my life,because her friendship is no longer needed,lol.

 

[Juliagizzle]

I believe the abbreviation is STFU lol. No I could never say that but...grrr sends me back to grade school when the lil white girls were like why dont u straighten it or they have perms you know.
But the mild and best thing to say is I wear my how I like it.

 

[flowinlocks]

because the people with perm have hair that look better than your natural hair? A friend made this comment to me yesterday, and it's been bugging me. I want to discuss it, but I don't know exactly what I'm going to say. This friend also said that she thought black women were supposed to wear weave, so totally clueless.

LOL , would probably get sarcastic & say something like , yep just like all white people need to tan, cause they look better brownOh tell her don't forget the lip injections, cause white people are suppose to have full lips like ours also

 

[JustKiya]

Well, judging from what was said, like basically all the black girls she's known wear weaves. She also said they only wash their hair once a month and stuff like that. I was kind of shocked at the statement, though, and if there ever was a racist statement to come out of her mouth, that would be it!

I don't think that's racist, I think it's uneducated - there is a difference. I mean, shoot, there are black women who would and could say the same thing, and I'm sure some of the sisters on here right now used to believe and do the same thing.

 

[MissJ]

well its one thing if she was asking why you didnt get one rather than telling you should get one. its totally offfensive for a person of a race that naturally has straight hair to tell someone of a race that naturally has curly hair that they should straighten it with a chemicle. thats like saying your hair isnt good enough and it needs to be altered.

you need to ask her why she said what she said and then take it from there.

you cant be mad at her if she really is clueless on the issue.

Well, to add more context, it all started on the issue of blowdryers. She was saying how she washes her hair every morning and that sometimes she uses blowdryers. I said something about washing my hair, and she asked how often I washed it. I said usually once a week, but if my hair were straight I'd prefer to wash it more since it wouldn't take as long to do afterward. I said I didn't have a perm, so my hair's not straight. Then she was like, "You should get a perm. It looks better that what you have on your head now."

 

[longhairlover]

what march87 said, i've worked with white folks that I was cool with too and they were always making dumb aaa comments regards to black people. I would tell her that that better be the last time she says something out of her mouth like that. I would say 'hey it's not like i say you should sun tan because you need a tan', i find that when you are "friends" with white folks they are always saying some dumb ish, that's why i try to keep my distance from them,

Wow! She's still your friend?

Honestly, I would tell her that I don't like the smell of wet puppy hair yet I tolerate you. j/k. Just tell her you are not going to tolerate comments like that.

 

[Neith]

well its one thing if she was asking why you didnt get one rather than telling you should get one. its totally offfensive for a person of a race that naturally has straight hair to tell someone of a race that naturally has curly hair that they should straighten it with a chemicle. thats like saying your hair isnt good enough and it needs to be altered.

you need to ask her why she said what she said and then take it from there.

you cant be mad at her if she really is clueless on the issue.

You must have a better heart than me because I don't agree with that at all.

Ignorance is usually a choice.

Even if she DID want to ask about it, she shouldn't have asked in such a way. She can be dumb about black people's hair, but would you really approach anyone that you care about like that. She didn't consider her feelings at all. Just because we're friends doesn't mean I stop respecting you and being sensitive to our differences.

I wouldn't walk up to a white person and say "Your skin is way too pasty and white and that's just not a good look on any white person. White people with skin like yours should tan" Even if I did happen to feel that way

 

[JustKiya]

Well, to add more context, it all started on the issue of blowdryers. She was saying how she washes her hair every morning and that sometimes she uses blowdryers. I said something about washing my hair, and she asked how often I washed it. I said usually once a week, but if my hair were straight I'd prefer to wash it more since it wouldn't take as long to do afterward. I said I didn't have a perm, so my hair's not straight. Then she was like, "You should get a perm. It looks better that what you have on your head now."

*blink* *blink*

Okay, I take it back. I'd tell her it's none of her darn bidness. That's - nervy. Rude, actually.

 

[DaDragonPrincess]

I hate ignorant people like that, then people wonder why theres so much violence, some people need to learn to zip their mouth and stay out of grown folks business.

 

[MissJ]

I don't think that's racist, I think it's uneducated - there is a difference. I mean, shoot, there are black women who would and could say the same thing, and I'm sure some of the sisters on here right now used to believe and do the same thing.

Yeah, but she's always prefacing things with statements like, "I hope this doesn't sound racist" or "You might think I'm racist if I say this..." This is the only thing that has approached the level of sounding racist.

 

[sydwrites]

Clueless is an understatement, since she's your friend I dont think she was being mean she obviously just doesnt understand .... anything about ..... anything. Im surprised you were able to take the time and think on this one, I commend you. On the other hand there are alot of women out there just like her, sad thing is, many of them are black. I think you should explain that straight hair is not the only type of hair that is beautiful, and also make it clear that what she said was insulting so that she knows as your friend this is not acceptable. Make sure that she understands because ignorance is bliss, then of course if she does it again.... well then I wont tell if you open a can of !

 

[JustKiya]

Yeah, but she's always prefacing things with statements like, "I hope this doesn't sound racist" or "You might think I'm racist if I say this..." This is the only thing that has approached the level of sounding racist.

Meh - the more you say, the more - suspect she sounds. I'm all for the benefit of the doubt, but dimes to dollars homegirl was raised by some hardcore racists, and has absorbed some of that mentality, even if she doesn't want to acknowledge it.

 

[msa]

Well, to add more context, it all started on the issue of blowdryers. She was saying how she washes her hair every morning and that sometimes she uses blowdryers. I said something about washing my hair, and she asked how often I washed it. I said usually once a week, but if my hair were straight I'd prefer to wash it more since it wouldn't take as long to do afterward. I said I didn't have a perm, so my hair's not straight. Then she was like, "You should get a perm. It looks better that what you have on your head now."

Black people (men and women) say the same thing to me all the time. I don't go off on them, so I wouldn't go off on her.

My usual response is: "I love my hair the way it is. If you don't like it then that's a personal problem that has nothing to do with me. And if you don't want to look at it please don't let me stop you from leaving".

Either they leave or they don't. If they're a good friend, they learn to love all of me. If they're not, then they step.

 

[Lebiya]

I really wouldnt know what to say, but I dont think I would be close with her from that moment on anymore. That would hurt and I wouldnt feel like trying to 'school' nor convinced her other wise.

 

[sydwrites]

Meh - the more you say, the more - suspect she sounds. I'm all for the benefit of the doubt, but dimes to dollars homegirl was raised by some hardcore racists, and has absorbed some of that mentality, even if she doesn't want to acknowledge it.

What she said, lol

 

[BostonMaria]

Hmmm
If you care for this child and want to save her from a future beatdown, then talk to her about how it hurt your feelings and how she's not allowed to talk about your hair like that. Tell her that the taking your advice is good for her health LMFAO

Its funny because my white best friend begged me to stop relaxing my hair for years.she's pretty clueless too, but would always tell me to embrace my culture.