What would you do in this situation?

V

Vinyl

New Member
- You have an SO
- Ex SO comes back into your life and says he really wants to be with you and is going to try his hardest to win you back
- Ex SO knows about current SO & is extremely upset over it
- You think you and ex may have a shot but are not ready to make the decision either way (and it will be a long, long time before you are due to past history - and ex knows this)

What would you do about the current relationship? Would you cool things down (IE no sex, etc) until you were sure what you wanted? Would you break it off entirely? Or something else?

I'm confused because I'm happy in my current relationship and want to stay in it. I still feel a spark for ex but it will be a long, long time before we can get back together, if we do. I told him this but I still feel guilty for being in another relationship in the meantime. But I don't want to be alone while waiting until I (if I) get over what happened with X in the past. :perplexed
 
The Dreamer said:
- You have an SO
- Ex SO comes back into your life and says he really wants to be with you and is going to try his hardest to win you back
- Ex SO knows about current SO & is extremely upset over it
- You think you and ex may have a shot but are not ready to make the decision either way (and it will be a long, long time before you are due to past history - and ex knows this)

What would you do about the current relationship? Would you cool things down (IE no sex, etc) until you were sure what you wanted? Would you break it off entirely? Or something else?

I'm confused because I'm happy in my current relationship and want to stay in it. I still feel a spark for ex but it will be a long, long time before we can get back together, if we do. I told him this but I still feel guilty for being in another relationship in the meantime. But I don't want to be alone while waiting until I (if I) get over what happened with X in the past. :perplexed
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one question , who are you IN LOVE WITH?
 
It's natural to feel a spark with the EX, but sounds like Ex wants his cake and eat it too. Why and how did he become the EX in the first place (you don't have to answer, just ask yourself and answer honestly).

If you are happy with your current SO (as you stated), why put him on the back burner? you know the old addage, do unto others....
 
Sounds like you moved on. You said you are happy with your current relationship, so continue on.
There is cyclical behavior involved in breakups. He is in the phase of wow I lost her and she has moved on without me. I wouldn't trust his feelings right now.
He had his chance. If he wants to wait it out to see what happens with your new relationship then that's up to him. Besides if you left your new guy for him and he knows it, it will never work.
 
Taliah said:
Sounds like you moved on. You said you are happy with your current relationship, so continue on.
There is cyclical behavior involved in breakups. He is in the phase of wow I lost her and she has moved on without me. I wouldn't trust his feelings right now.
He had his chance. If he wants to wait it out to see what happens with your new relationship then that's up to him. Besides if you left your new guy for him and he knows it, it will never work.
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PoeticJustice said:
It's natural to feel a spark with the EX, but sounds like Ex wants his cake and eat it too. Why and how did he become the EX in the first place (you don't have to answer, just ask yourself and answer honestly).

If you are happy with your current SO (as you stated), why put him on the back burner? you know the old addage, do unto others....
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so true to both of these comments

I cant figure out where the confusion could even come in if ur happy with your current situation , there must be more to this.........
 
The confusion stems from the fact that I can (maybe) see it happening with ex in the distant future... but if I see that possibility is it wrong to keep seeing the new guy, knowing ex is so torn up over it and has told me he's going to be trying to get me back?

I guess I feel guilty telling ex that while there is a possibility in the future, I'd need a lot of time... and seeing someone else during that time.
 
DONT GO BACK!! He's the ex for a reason!! Whatever broke the two of u up is not likely something he has changed about himself. I can bet that if u do get back together s*it will be sweet for a while but will fall back into the same pattern that broke u guys up in the first place. I wouldnt waste my time and would cut the ex off. Why would u want to move backwards?


The Dreamer said:
The confusion stems from the fact that I can (maybe) see it happening with ex in the distant future... but if I see that possibility is it wrong to keep seeing the new guy, knowing ex is so torn up over it and has told me he's going to be trying to get me back?

I guess I feel guilty telling ex that while there is a possibility in the future, I'd need a lot of time... and seeing someone else during that time.
Click to expand...
 
The Dreamer said:
The confusion stems from the fact that I can (maybe) see it happening with ex in the distant future... but if I see that possibility is it wrong to keep seeing the new guy, knowing ex is so torn up over it and has told me he's going to be trying to get me back?

I guess I feel guilty telling ex that while there is a possibility in the future, I'd need a lot of time... and seeing someone else during that time.
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well this tells me your heart isnt all the way with the new guy because i guess its too new? but you dont want to let it go and lose out on what could be with him over the ex, but you dont want to keep the ex strung on while your with someone else, but you are open to possibilities with the ex as well

well I would say , thats his problem, if he wants you back, and you need to see where things will go with your current situation, then do you! let him figure out if he can wait or not

I guess........I mean I'm kind of lost myself with this. I'm just thinking that you really do want your ex back, but you would need to see/know/feel certain things first, well if he really wants you back, then he should understand that other doors have been opened now and you deserve to explore those possiblities for yourself. its clear to me he f'd up or you would be going back easily. Just live, its not on you, you owe him nothing. But if your going to be open to two situations, the current deserves honesty:yep:
 
The Dreamer said:
The confusion stems from the fact that I can (maybe) see it happening with ex in the distant future... but if I see that possibility is it wrong to keep seeing the new guy, knowing ex is so torn up over it and has told me he's going to be trying to get me back?

I guess I feel guilty telling ex that while there is a possibility in the future, I'd need a lot of time... and seeing someone else during that time.
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If you told him what's up then why do you feel responsible for his feelings?
He understands the fact that you are no longer together, it sounds like you don't get it. You can't live for the possibilities of what could be when you have a bad history with him.
Sounds like you gave him too much power and control over your emotions and he's still playing you. He's trying to come between you and your new man and your letting it happen. Or maybe you're not as happy as you say you are with new man.
 
don't go back. Men like the thrill of the chase. Whatever broke y'all up the first time will happen again. It's the old....want what you can't have game. Do yourself a favor and move on. If the ex isn't coming with a ring...than its all game.
 
Are you confused over the fact that your ex wants you back? What do you want?
The new guy seems to be nice based on what you have told us so why even consider the ex right now? DO YOU! Its not about what the ex wants but what The Dreamer wants. If the ex is torn up about not being with you that is HIS FAULT! He had his chance and I wouldn't let him come back with all this drama. Don't feel guilty over an ex - he's an EX for a reason!

*I know I used alot of exclamation marks but I speak with love:lol:*

The Dreamer said:
The confusion stems from the fact that I can (maybe) see it happening with ex in the distant future... but if I see that possibility is it wrong to keep seeing the new guy, knowing ex is so torn up over it and has told me he's going to be trying to get me back?

I guess I feel guilty telling ex that while there is a possibility in the future, I'd need a lot of time... and seeing someone else during that time.
Click to expand...
 
I try not to look back...it ended for a reason :look:

However, you have to go with how you feel, but it's not fair to put your current SO on the back burner when he didn't do anything wrong. So if you are unsure of your feelings, maybe you need to take sometime to yourself and really think about it, b/c you SO will definately know something's wrong.
 
lol wrong thread

feeling guilty will only make things worse.....did u get with ur new guy soon after ur ex....Ive been there, more than once and nothing worse for me than not being 100% emotionally involved with somebody who is really into me, while my heart is still emotionally attached to someone else....the last time it happened I just had to tell the new guy its not fair to him for me to do this to him....he pleaded with me, told me he understood, but I still couldn't/wouldn't move forward with him....great guy, great chemistry, but I knew he was pining on me and would hold me to so much more than I could possibly give him... my ex still held a big chunk of my attention and even though we never got back together we did have to finish out our personal cycle of a relationship and get closure on it......the other guy had moved on by this time and we tried to make something happen but it wasn't there n e more....

and I don't feel like I missed out because I know ME and I know what Im capable of what I can give and can't give somebody, I'm at a point where selfishness is not why I make decisions anymore, I know what I feel and I'm not scared of being alone...I could of held onto the new dude and just kept him on the backburner for all that time (over a year) and had him eating out of my hands, just holding on till I decided if I wanted to for real be with him or not.....but thats not fair or very considerate on my part
 
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In my situation, I would stay with my current beau. Men are territorial and the like to "win"....they hate to lose. And in your case, such as others, men do not like to see their past girl move on to be with someone else. Knowing that another man has what he once had. Sad but true.

If you are happy in your current relationship, why risk it all? Case scenario. Let's say you end your current relationship and go back to your Ex. Well, he's won. He's won his territory back. Will things change once you get back with him. Nine times out of ten, No.

One thing you have to remember about these men is that they are prideful, territorial and have to win all the time. They are sore loosers in the case of relationships when it's over.

Bottom line, stay where you are and don't risk your current happiness to be miserable. Misery loves company....
 
FlawedBeauty said:
DONT GO BACK!! He's the ex for a reason!! Whatever broke the two of u up is not likely something he has changed about himself. I can bet that if u do get back together s*it will be sweet for a while but will fall back into the same pattern that broke u guys up in the first place. I wouldnt waste my time and would cut the ex off. Why would u want to move backwards?
Click to expand...

nychaelasymone said:
don't go back. Men like the thrill of the chase. Whatever broke y'all up the first time will happen again. It's the old....want what you can't have game. Do yourself a favor and move on. If the ex isn't coming with a ring...than its all game.
Click to expand...

ThatJerseyGirl said:
In my situation, I would stay with my current beau. Men are territorial and the like to "win"....they hate to lose. And in your case, such as others, men do not like to see their past girl move on to be with someone else. Knowing that another man has what he once had. Sad but true.

If you are happy in your current relationship, why risk it all? Case scenario. Let's say you end your current relationship and go back to your Ex. Well, he's won. He's won his territory back. Will things change once you get back with him. Nine times out of ten, No.

One thing you have to remember about these men is that they are prideful, territorial and have to win all the time. They are sore loosers in the case of relationships when it's over.

Bottom line, stay where you are and don't risk your current happiness to be miserable. Misery loves company....
Click to expand...




Ladies Drop the Science and Preach! That is what I am saying an ex is for a reason some men like to play that dumb role and then when he gets you back he will screw up again and next time it will be worse. If you are feeling this new guy then stick with him. We do not move backwards in life. The Ex must move forward with you! Either way. You like the familiar with the Ex heck I do at times too however, that feeling does pass and when it does it is like WHOA! Then those feelings will get less and less.
 
Bunny77 said:
I thought the ex was dying. :rolleyes:

Or threatening suicide every other day. :rolleyes:
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The Ex is the Ex for a reason. He had his time. I thought he was sick??? Or did / Obivously he used that to manipluate you as well. Then now his intentions must be looked at too. If this turns out to be false. My ex just tried this S*** on me recently and tried to make me feel guilty I was like WTH No way I am not feeling sorry for you anymore. :nono:
 
the ex is an ex for a reason... i'd leave it alone and stay happy in my current relationship....

however, if your first inclination is to think about cooling things down with your current because of what your ex has said, i'd caution you against potentially hurting the current guy... be honest with yourself and determine whether or not you can be true to him (since you seem to be entertaining the other thoughts)...

ETA: and obviously a good reason, judging from what i've read now that i actually read the thread...
 
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If this is the same ex that threatened suicide and now claims is dying PLEASE RUN as far away as you can. Ol boy sounds like he has some serious issues and he likes causing drama. I wish there was some pill you could take to wipe ex's that you really want to forget about without a minutes thought from your memory. You will only regret going back to such foolishness.
 
Ahem. So, I'm gonna try and explain in a smilie pictorial.


:censored: please, you like me now huh? :rolleyes: You miss me? You just :drool: when you think of me now right? Now you wanna :bud: my new boo? You want to try again? :censored: you a :pinocchio. You just miss these :blondboob. Well you can :trampolin. The "I want you back" act was great :clapping:. Actually, it wasn't-- you get 2 :down:. You make me want to :barf: Kiss my natural :moon:. I have moved on to someone new who makes me:bdance: You think :imstupid:? So I'm just gonna fall for you? Well you can talk to the :hand: Cuz the face don't understand. Now holla back :peace: :peace_sm: Cuz I'm not :lala: No sir:nono2:.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go :poledancer: for my new boo. :wavey: *****. You better leave me alone b4 my new boo :slap: you. Stop talking :shhh: I don't wanna hear it. You are :nuts:. Bye.




Ahem.
So, that's what I would say. :yep:

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Caution- the preceding was an example of an extreme case of insomnia mixed with a sheer urge to waste time. No :) were harmed in the making of this pictorial.
 
Bunny77 said:
I thought the ex was dying. :rolleyes:

Or threatening suicide every other day. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

I remember that. SMH.

The Dreamer, you yourself said that due to past issues you can't see yourself with the ex for a long long time. I think its normal to have some residual feelings towards an ex. However I'm not understanding why you are considering leaving your current SO for someone who put you through a lot of drama...and recently.
 
:lachen::lachen::lachen:
:dighole:
amara11 said:
Ahem. So, I'm gonna try and explain in a smilie pictorial.


:censored: please, you like me now huh? :rolleyes: You miss me? You just :drool: when you think of me now right? Now you wanna :bud: my new boo? You want to try again? :censored: you a :pinocchio. You just miss these :blondboob. Well you can :trampolin. The "I want you back" act was great :clapping:. Actually, it wasn't-- you get 2 :down:. You make me want to :barf: Kiss my natural :moon:. I have moved on to someone new who makes me:bdance: You think :imstupid:? So I'm just gonna fall for you? Well you can talk to the :hand: Cuz the face don't understand. Now holla back :peace: :peace_sm: Cuz I'm not :lala: No sir:nono2:.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go :poledancer: for my new boo. :wavey: *****. You better leave me alone b4 my new boo :slap: you. Stop talking :shhh: I don't wanna hear it. You are :nuts:. Bye.




Ahem.
So, that's what I would say. :yep:

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Caution- the preceding was an example of an extreme case of insomnia mixed with a sheer urge to waste time. No :) were harmed in the making of this pictorial.
Click to expand...
 
Natasha2005 said:
Yeah I forgot about that Bunny!!!

Is this the same ex that tried to get sympathy cause he was on his death bed? Dreamer you betta run 'cause homeboy ain't wrapped too tight!!!! :lol:
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yeah this is worse than I thought

But what can you do

it seems to me she still has feelings for him

or is unresolved or something.........
 
Irresistible said:
yeah this is worse than I thought

But what can you do

it seems to me she still has feelings for him

or is unresolved or something.........
Click to expand...

He threatened to kill himself and she told someone so that he could get help but when he found out he wanted nothing to do with her. THEN he told her he was dying so she started feeling guilty and was considering running back to him. That's just the drama I remember but I am quite sure there is more, much more.

He's a yoyo coming and going and she's the puppy always happy to receive any kind of attention from him.
 
The Dreamer said:
The confusion stems from the fact that I can (maybe) see it happening with ex in the distant future... but if I see that possibility is it wrong to keep seeing the new guy, knowing ex is so torn up over it and has told me he's going to be trying to get me back?

I guess I feel guilty telling ex that while there is a possibility in the future, I'd need a lot of time... and seeing someone else during that time.
Click to expand...

So you'd risk what you have with your current SO over something that could maybe, possibly happen in the distant future?

Come on now, that don't make no kind of sense.
 
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