What MEN actually SAY about relationships...

[envybeauty]

Without commenting (much), I thought it would be interesting to start a thread about what men ACTUALLY say about relationships. Straight from the horse's mouth!

Well, in a lively discussion about where the single men are and why Black women are not married ... a man posted some of his thoughts. I thought to share Oh...and he is currently dating but not married.

Right or wrong.....this is how SOME men think. It would help some women just to read/hear what men really say (as opposed to what we think they say).

What do the men around you say? quote when possible PLEASE

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I don't think I would ever want to marry a woman that brought up the topic of marriage before me. As a man, I think it should be my idea and not hers. I know it sounds "cave mannish", but I hate to even think that some woman engineered my life. If I am going to have to accept all this responsibility that comes with marriage, then I want it to be of my own doing. I don't want to be miserable and think "This wasn't even my idea". I would much rather be miserable and think "Hey, I got myself into this mess, so I guess I have to see this thru". I live a very good life right now, and I refuse to believe that if I got married tomorrow that my life would somehow be transformed into this fairytale that has been sold to us in magazines and movies. If and when I choose to have kids, then I think it will make sense for me to alter the life I already love.


-------------------------------------------------

Many of my married guy friends tell their wives or girlfriends gave them an
ultimatum. I have been given that ultimatum and I basically told my
ex-girlfriend of 3 years to get lost. I knew that there was no way I could
remain faithful, so I let her go. I believe its better to have a happy
boyfriend than a miserable husband. She moved to Florida and has yet to
find a husband. So much for moving to another state to find a better choice
of man. Please understand that I am not saying that I will never get
married, but it will be on my terms. I refuse to bend over backwards just
because I am afraid to lose a woman.

 

[ladylibra_30]

i just wish that for 1 month that men who have this attitude would be isolated on an island with skunks & gorillas. no affection, sex, or romance. just hot monkey breath, funk, and fleas.

okay, back to reality!


:-(

 

[chiprecious]

Without commenting (much), I thought it would be interesting to start a thread about what men ACTUALLY say about relationships. Straight from the horse's mouth!

Well, in a lively discussion about where the single men are and why Black women are not married ... a man posted some of his thoughts. I thought to share Oh...and he is currently dating but not married.

Right or wrong.....this is how SOME men think. It would help some women just to read/hear what men really say (as opposed to what we think they say).

What do the men around you say? quote when possible PLEASE

----------------------------

----------------------------


I don't think I would ever want to marry a woman that brought up the topic of marriage before me.


-------------------------------------------------

Many of my married guy friends tell their wives or girlfriends gave them an
ultimatum. I have been given that ultimatum and I basically told my
ex-girlfriend of 3 years to get lost.

Personally, he sounds quite immature. I know lots of men that have nothing to do with ultimatiums or just hate them. But what about open communication. If a woman is thinking marriage and she choses to discuss future goals, he's gone. Good luck to whomever gets with him!

 

[ladylibra_30]

i'm back, because, frankly, this really irks me to the core. we women are queens and we truly have the power and we give it so freely to these undeserving men who selfishly abuse it. thus the men you quoted who think they are god's gift. makes me sick!

what relieves me is that i keep telling myself to believe in the abundance of good men...etc.

 

[chiprecious]

i'm back, because, frankly, this really irks me to the core. we women are queens and we truly have the power and we give it so freely to these undeserving men who selfishly abuse it. thus the men you quoted who think they are god's gift. makes me sick!

what relieves me is that i keep telling myself to believe in the abundance of good men...etc.

Honestly, I wouldn't go so far as to say there is an ABUNDANCE of good men. But the diamond is the rough is what makes the good ones soo good! Mine is good like a hot bath after a long day,! But it tooks some weeding through for us to find each other.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

i just wish that for 1 month that men who have this attitude would be isolated on an island with skunks & gorillas. no affection, sex, or romance. just hot monkey breath, funk, and fleas.

okay, back to reality!


:-(

I don't really have anything to add and don't care what most men think about relationships. I do know a few that I would like to exile to ladylibra's island though! Funk and Fleas!! Ha!

 

[winterinatl]

I really agree with those guys. I wouldn't ever ask a man about marriage before he does, b/c many dudes feel this way.

By the way, there is a really great book out there called "What men want" written by three professional men. They really lay it all out there.

As for the dude that was talking about an ultimatum, his women only needed to leave him alone (move out, whatever) to get her point across, and if HE wanted to get married, he would have bent, period.

They think they know so much. I can give an ultimatum without saying a word. *Hmph*

 

[envybeauty]

Sad but there are QUITE a few men out there who think that way.

As a woman stated:

Respect all, and understand why they think the way they
do. While we may not always agree, it never hurts to evaluate
someone elses opinion and consider it as a possibility.

 

[locabouthair]

about the last comment, I think the guy did the right thing by sticking to his guns about not wanting to be married. And the gf did the right thing by leaving. A guy should marry someone because he wants to, not because his gf keeps pressuring him about it. I am starting to see that a lot of men hold on to woman and marry them knowing very well they don't want them and they are gonna cheat. So if a guy tells you straight up he doesnt wanna marry you consider yourself your lucky because he warned you and saved you further heartbreak and headache over a future divorce.

That's just my two cents.

 

[Stormy]

I don't get it. No man wants to be pressured into marriage and neither would I so what's the problem?

 

[winterinatl]

From "What Men Want"

" The truth is that while men talk fast and seductively, deep down they are conservative and idealistic about the kind of girl they will marry. Men talk one game, but keep a sharp eye on what a woman does. If they've known you a week and know your body intimately, they may not care to cultivate your mind. Practicing caution at the beginning of a relationship allows a woman to week out the guys who are ambivalent, the ones who want only sex, the guys who are not right for her." Bradley, Pizzo, and Seldes (1998).

" The way to a man's heart is through his ego. Any man will be drawn to a woman who thinks and cares about him. Men marry women who are loyal and supportive. They need their wives to be on their sides. A man will not hook up with a woman who constantly tears him down - he simply can't afford to. His ego can't sustain the lifetime seige."


That's all for now. This is good read, but there are a few points they make I don't agree with at all. These two are ones I do agree with.

 

[envybeauty]

hm...heard this before

--------------------------------------
If men date you and don't want to marry you their might be a problem with you. Who wouldn't want to marry a great woman? Is it possible that some women are not worthy of being married? I know women that have been proposed to several time in their lives. Ask yourself "Why is it some women have men lining up to marry them, while others can't keep a man to save their lives?" I will tell you why. They are using the wrong bait. Any woman worth a man's time will have several offers on the table before she hits 40. Problem is most women are unworthy of a good man or any kind of happiness. Men are supposed to pursue women, not the other way around. Men should be men and women should be women.

 

[Vanity1]

What do these men think is pressuring?

Men can be stupid sometimes.

A friend of mines met this guy and wanted to start getting to know him better, by just starting off small and going out to eat,movies,you know, casual date, and he was telling her "she was moving too fast"? WTH???

IMO, sometimes men can exaggerate the he**out of somethings, just because they not ready. And on the other hand, we as women can be dumb sometimes too, treating the man LIKE a husband for 20 years, and getting mad when he don't propose, THEN threaten to leave?

You obviously are not on the same page to begin with.

Nothing is wrong with speaking of marriage in the beginning,you know, basically telling the guy you want to get married "someday". That may not even mean with him. There is a difference between that and being with someone a 6 months,and saying if you don't marry me, then I am out the door. I would say "C-YA!!!", too!!!!!

JMO, though

 

[meaganita]

I don't want a man marrying me behind some ultimatum. No pitty proposals for me. I'm not beggin' no man to marry me.

I am waaaay too flyy for that.

It's real simple. If I want to get married and he doesn't, just move on. Of course I would never TELL HIM that I want to get married, but he can tell me where he stands either through his words or actions....(mostly actions).

I make the decision, not him. He's asks ME and I say yes or no. Not the other way around. What man wants a beggin' woman anyway? And what woman wants to have to beg her man? No thank you.

WE are the prize ladies!
(At least they're supposed to think so)

 

[facets]

hm...heard this before

--------------------------------------
If men date you and don't want to marry you their might be a problem with you. Who wouldn't want to marry a great woman? Is it possible that some women are not worthy of being married? I know women that have been proposed to several time in their lives. Ask yourself "Why is it some women have men lining up to marry them, while others can't keep a man to save their lives?" I will tell you why. They are using the wrong bait. Any woman worth a man's time will have several offers on the table before she hits 40. Problem is most women are unworthy of a good man or any kind of happiness. Men are supposed to pursue women, not the other way around. Men should be men and women should be women.

wow, i have a relative who really needs to read this(daily and tape it to her bathroom mirror). she'd only get angry tho'. sigh.

 

[FlowerHair]

Without commenting (much), I thought it would be interesting to start a thread about what men ACTUALLY say about relationships. Straight from the horse's mouth!

Well, in a lively discussion about where the single men are and why Black women are not married ... a man posted some of his thoughts. I thought to share Oh...and he is currently dating but not married.

Right or wrong.....this is how SOME men think. It would help some women just to read/hear what men really say (as opposed to what we think they say).

What do the men around you say? quote when possible PLEASE

----------------------------

----------------------------


I don't think I would ever want to marry a woman that brought up the topic of marriage before me. As a man, I think it should be my idea and not hers. I know it sounds "cave mannish", but I hate to even think that some woman engineered my life. If I am going to have to accept all this responsibility that comes with marriage, then I want it to be of my own doing. I don't want to be miserable and think "This wasn't even my idea". I would much rather be miserable and think "Hey, I got myself into this mess, so I guess I have to see this thru". I live a very good life right now, and I refuse to believe that if I got married tomorrow that my life would somehow be transformed into this fairytale that has been sold to us in magazines and movies. If and when I choose to have kids, then I think it will make sense for me to alter the life I already love.


-------------------------------------------------

Many of my married guy friends tell their wives or girlfriends gave them an
ultimatum. I have been given that ultimatum and I basically told my
ex-girlfriend of 3 years to get lost. I knew that there was no way I could
remain faithful, so I let her go. I believe its better to have a happy
boyfriend than a miserable husband. She moved to Florida and has yet to
find a husband. So much for moving to another state to find a better choice
of man. Please understand that I am not saying that I will never get
married, but it will be on my terms. I refuse to bend over backwards just
because I am afraid to lose a woman.

Obviously the ultimatum worked for the wives in question
I believe in being completely open with what you want and telling someone that you want marriage is not bad at all. I don't believe this man in particular would have married her ultimatum or no ultimatum. He sounds like a man that would string a woman along for years...just like he did!

 

[cocoberry10]

I would never give a man an ultimatum. If he did not want to marry me, I wouldn’t ever want to force him down the aisle. However, I’m also one of those women who realizes that I’m not going to be in a relationship with a guy who is “figuring” things out for 10 years!

 

[cocoberry10]

If men date you and don't want to marry you their might be a problem with you. Who wouldn't want to marry a great woman? Is it possible that some women are not worthy of being married? I know women that have been proposed to several time in their lives. Ask yourself "Why is it some women have men lining up to marry them, while others can't keep a man to save their lives?" I will tell you why. They are using the wrong bait. Any woman worth a man's time will have several offers on the table before she hits 40. Problem is most women are unworthy of a good man or any kind of happiness. Men are supposed to pursue women, not the other way around. Men should be men and women should be women.

:wow: I can’t say he’s totally wrong!!!!!!!!! And that wasn’t easy to say!

 

[cocoberry10]

From "What Men Want"

" The truth is that while men talk fast and seductively, deep down they are conservative and idealistic about the kind of girl they will marry. Men talk one game, but keep a sharp eye on what a woman does. If they've known you a week and know your body intimately, they may not care to cultivate your mind. Practicing caution at the beginning of a relationship allows a woman to week out the guys who are ambivalent, the ones who want only sex, the guys who are not right for her." Bradley, Pizzo, and Seldes (1998).

" The way to a man's heart is through his ego. Any man will be drawn to a woman who thinks and cares about him. Men marry women who are loyal and supportive. They need their wives to be on their sides. A man will not hook up with a woman who constantly tears him down - he simply can't afford to. His ego can't sustain the lifetime seige."


That's all for now. This is good read, but there are a few points they make I don't agree with at all. These two are ones I do agree with.

Interesting. I’m trying to resolve the bolded with what so many ladies said on my “do men respect you more if you wait” threads???

 

[cocoberry10]

I don't want a man marrying me behind some ultimatum. No pitty proposals for me. I'm not beggin' no man to marry me.

I am waaaay too flyy for that.

It's real simple. If I want to get married and he doesn't, just move on. Of course I would never TELL HIM that I want to get married, but he can tell me where he stands either through his words or actions....(mostly actions).

I make the decision, not him. He's asks ME and I say yes or no. Not the other way around. What man wants a beggin' woman anyway? And what woman wants to have to beg her man? No thank you.

WE are the prize ladies!
(At least they're supposed to think so)

Sometimes that seems to be forgotten!

 

[envybeauty]

Interesting. I’m trying to resolve the bolded with what so many ladies said on my “do men respect you more if you wait” threads???

Look at who said what in your thread. Maybe there is a correlation between what the majority of the married women said as opposed to what the single women said. I'm not sure but thought to put it out there.

I mean...maybe the married ones said wait while the women struggling to get married said don't wait. ... that's what I mean.

 

[Bunny77]

Look at who said what in your thread. Maybe there is a correlation between what the majority of the married women said as opposed to what the single women said. I'm not sure but thought to put it out there.

I mean...maybe the married ones said wait while the women struggling to get married said don't wait. ... that's what I mean.

Looking back through that thread, I didn't see a correlation. I saw quite a few virgins saying to wait (and they're unmarried), as well as married women saying to wait. There were also some married women who said they slept with their future husbands early and some who didn't.

There are two main themes these men have said that I agree with: 1. Let men pursue and 2. Don't offer ultimatums. However, maybe I'm one of the few seeing the folly in a SINGLE man telling single women why they're single... I mean, are these the types of men that a good woman would want? I'm all for listening to men's advice, but just as I don't want to take advice from any ole woman, I'm not going to follow EVERY man's advice just because he's a man... if I want to hear advice about the way to handle myself in a serious relationship, I want to hear from a MARRIED or soon to be MARRIED man!!!!

(BTW, I'm just speaking to the topic, not at you, nvybeauty).

 

[Shimmie]

i just wish that for 1 month that men who have this attitude would be isolated on an island with skunks & gorillas. no affection, sex, or romance. just hot monkey breath, funk, and fleas.

okay, back to reality!


:-(

And no boat to sale or a ship for him to retreat to...

AND no cable TV...

 

[cocoberry10]

Looking back through that thread, I didn't see a correlation. I saw quite a few virgins saying to wait (and they're unmarried), as well as married women saying to wait. There were also some married women who said they slept with their future husbands early and some who didn't.
There are two main themes these men have said that I agree with: 1. Let men pursue and 2. Don't offer ultimatums. However, maybe I'm one of the few seeing the folly in a SINGLE man telling single women why they're single... I mean, are these the types of men that a good woman would want? I'm all for listening to men's advice, but just as I don't want to take advice from any ole woman, I'm not going to follow EVERY man's advice just because he's a man... if I want to hear advice about the way to handle myself in a serious relationship, I want to hear from a MARRIED or soon to be MARRIED man!!!!
(BTW, I'm just speaking to the topic, not at you, nvybeauty).

I agree with you Bunny!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Shimmie]

Looking back through that thread, I didn't see a correlation. I saw quite a few virgins saying to wait (and they're unmarried), as well as married women saying to wait. There were also some married women who said they slept with their future husbands early and some who didn't.

There are two main themes these men have said that I agree with: 1. Let men pursue and 2. Don't offer ultimatums. However, maybe I'm one of the few seeing the folly in a SINGLE man telling single women why they're single...

I mean, are these the types of men that a good woman would want? I'm all for listening to men's advice, but just as I don't want to take advice from any ole woman, I'm not going to follow EVERY man's advice just because he's a man...

if I want to hear advice about the way to handle myself in a serious relationship, I want to hear from a MARRIED or soon to be MARRIED man!!!!

(BTW, I'm just speaking to the topic, not at you, nvybeauty).

And from a man with compassion, wisdom, settled, loves and respects his wife/wife to be, and is not selfish. There are some selfish married/married to be men out there. Not all, but some.

BTW: Excellent post...

 

[envybeauty]

Looking back through that thread, I didn't see a correlation. I saw quite a few virgins saying to wait (and they're unmarried), as well as married women saying to wait. There were also some married women who said they slept with their future husbands early and some who didn't.

There are two main themes these men have said that I agree with: 1. Let men pursue and 2. Don't offer ultimatums. However, maybe I'm one of the few seeing the folly in a SINGLE man telling single women why they're single... I mean, are these the types of men that a good woman would want? I'm all for listening to men's advice, but just as I don't want to take advice from any ole woman, I'm not going to follow EVERY man's advice just because he's a man... if I want to hear advice about the way to handle myself in a serious relationship, I want to hear from a MARRIED or soon to be MARRIED man!!!!

(BTW, I'm just speaking to the topic, not at you, nvybeauty).

I agree with you 10000%!

Don't follow the advice of everyone...male or female. This thread is not about taking anyone's advice. I just want us to put it out there what men are saying. Not for us to take it as advice. It is the "first seek to undertand, then be understood" concept that I am turning to in this thread.

I believe that we women need to hear (as in listen to, NOT heed) what all (or darn near) men have to say. Like it or not, these men are not alone in their views (single or not). There are PLENTY of them on the market that think just like the ones posted about. Also whether we like it or not, a lot of women on here are dealing with men like this or they did in the past whether they realize it now or back then.

I really believe that if we just listen to what these types have to say, we women can then better understand how to: 1) identify them early on and 2) react to them.

Ignoring these types will only lead to more problems for women in the generations to come because these men are influencing future generations of men. They may not marry, but they do procreate.

 

[Farida]

I think if a man has been dating you for 3 years, and you are both done with school, established, making money, and he really has no explanation about why he won't marry you, other than "I'm not ready." Then he is immature or "he is just not that into you."

I'm getting married in May and one of the things I love about my man is he is excited to make me his wife. He seems genuinely happy not like he was forced. He doesn't understand how men who claim to love a woman and have their lives together don't want to take the step.

That last dude, that relationship is the type where he says he isn't ready then he meets a woman, dates her for 3 mos and marries her and you are left all confused like what just happened here?

 

[AmilLion]

i just wish that for 1 month that men who have this attitude would be isolated on an island with skunks & gorillas. no affection, sex, or romance. just hot monkey breath, funk, and fleas.

okay, back to reality!


:-(

LMAooooooooooooooooooooo

From my experiences, they say this, but don't mean it. In the end, they are running from something

 

[Syrah]

Ok, so I'm a management consultant and work with nothing but men. My coworkers spend a lot of time talking candidly about relationships. And one of my coworkers, actually my manager, used to be a math teacher. Here's what he says about women

AND of the 8 guys I work with 6 agreed - and all 6 were married, the 2 single guys disagreed. Hmmmm...

(it's a mathematical proof)

One note: where he has the term women, he means women's happiness.

Women = Time x Money

But Time = Money

So Women = Money x Money (or Money squared)

BUT Money is the ROOT of all problems. (Mathematical Root = square root)

Women = PROBLEM.

For the mathematical ladies out there, do the math. It adds up...which makes me think, do all men, once married feel this way??? Especially the part about a women's happiness being directly proportional to the amount of time and money spent.

 

[AmilLion]

Ok, so I'm a management consultant and work with nothing but men. My coworkers spend a lot of time talking candidly about relationships. And one of my coworkers, actually my manager, used to be a math teacher. Here's what he says about women

AND of the 8 guys I work with 6 agreed - and all 6 were married, the 2 single guys disagreed. Hmmmm...

(it's a mathematical proof)

One note: where he has the term women, he means women's happiness.

Women = Time x Money

But Time = Money

So Women = Money x Money (or Money squared)

BUT Money is the ROOT of all problems. (Mathematical Root = square root)

Women = PROBLEM.

For the mathematical ladies out there, do the math. It adds up...which makes me think, do all men, once married feel this way??? Especially the part about a women's happiness being directly proportional to the amount of time and money spent.

I have to concur on the money situation. Ever dated someone who finances were exactly ideal? It's just the root to ALL PROBLEMs in that relationship.

Last guy I was dating confessed to one of his friends, who in turn told a friend of a friend of mine LOL...that he didn't feel adequate when around me.