What Happened?

movingforward13

movingforward13

I do what I want...
So on Sunday- I reposted a status on my Facebook from a guy name Nick Cooper. Nick wrote something like “Men, if you require your woman to work, then she will not respect you.” I agreed with it. Too many times I see women shacking up with men that don’t understand their role as the provider. Hell I did it before. The women would work 2-3 jobs to make sure the bills are paid while her “partner” worked half of one if not a whole one. THEN when the woman came home, she still was expected to cook, clean, do laundry, take care of the kids, and be his porn star at night.... then get up to work again the next day. Again, I did this so speaking from experience. I know better now.

Well a lot of men on my page didn’t like this meme and went as far as to say that is gold diggerish, she is looking for a sponsor, etc. And some where even getting down right disrespectful that I even had to delete some folks from my page.

What exactly happened to men as to why they don’t want to be the providers any more? I am not saying the woman should stay home all day and watch Jerry Springer, but it should be her option to work. If he picks a good one, she will have an income flow- whether through investing, working or some other way but I don’t think a woman should be REQUIRED to work and then come home to a second “job”.

Men now a days want the 50/50 financial arrangement with the traditional wife- cutting her life shorter and shorter in the process. I rather be alone than with a man who thinks I should do it all.

What say you?
 
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Chromia said:
I know what you mean. I've heard of women feeling like they're coming home to work a second shift after working 8+ hours at the office.
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This is the problem that I have with that 50/50 mindset. I couldn't imagine. Even when I was in school and had an internship, and worked part time and did some volunteering I used to dread going home having to clean my room, do laundry, wash dishes or whatever other chores my mother wanted me to do. lol As a grown woman with a husband that will not be my life. And to me it's not about not working but like I've said a few times in other threads - if I work full time and then have to come home and cook and clean and other stuff then I am contributing more than half to this relationship. Not what I want so he can get lost while I find a man on the same page as me.
 
I've mentioned this before but during marriage counseling the deacon told my then fiancé that if he planned on depending on my paycheck to pay the bills that he was missing the mark lol. He then proudly boasted that he pays all of his household bills and his wife works because she wants to and she keeps all of her earnings to spend how she sees fit!
Most of my male friends/coworkers pay most if not all of their household bills and take pride in doing so! Please don't let half arse men convince you that this is old school, golddiggerish etc.
 
I know you didn't ask me @Atthatday but I think because our successes education, finances, homeownership, and quite possibly the perceived fluidity with which we navigate white supremacy are factors. I feel that a lot of black men feel that the white man gives us more than they give him and he's jealous.

Of course, this is rubbish and nonsense but they seem very angry with us about it. That foolishness in the OP is the reason that black men don't get a seat at the table of men. Because they are at the bottom of the barrel of all men, they feel it necessary to dominate the only people on earth that they can.....US (black women).

I see many, many post that we are in collusion with the white man. How? I want to scream but I know it would be of no use.
 
Atthatday said:
@hopeful: Why do some men hate women? Is it because we, black women, are strong?
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Misogyny — dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women. A societal problem. Any man of any race or ethnicity can have these views towards women. It’s not our fault. Nothing to do with us being strong. Often men aren’t even fully aware of how they feel about women, but it shows up all around us and throughout the world.
 
Daernyris said:
I feel that a lot of black men feel that the white man gives us more than they give him and he's jealous.

Of course, this is rubbish and nonsense but they seem very angry with us about it. That foolishness in the OP is the reason that black men don't get a seat at the table of men. Because they are at the bottom of the barrel of all men, they feel it necessary to dominate the only people on earth that they can.....US (black women).

I see many, many post that we are in collusion with the white man. How? I want to scream but I know it would be of no use.
Click to expand...

My ex husband thought like this. Even felt threatened when me and his sister were watching black girls rock one night. “Why do we need a black girls rock? What about bm”
Would always talk about how women were so protected and men weren’t. I remember him asking me one day”who’s gonna protect bm? If everyone’s protecting the women”
Atthatday said:
@hopeful: Why do some men hate women? Is it because we, black women, are strong?
Click to expand...
They hate us cause they ain’t us.
 
Layluh said:
My ex husband thought like this. Even felt threatened when me and his sister were watching black girls rock one night. “Why do we need a black girls rock? What about bm”
Would always talk about how women were so protected and men weren’t. I remember him asking me one day”who’s gonna protect bm? If everyone’s protecting the women”
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Wow. Where do men like him come from? You don't have to be specific but what was your relationship with him like? I take it he wasn't a protector.
 
I would say having single mothers who did everything so in their minds women are pretty much mules. It's a never ending cycle because the married ones model this for their sons who see Mum being treated that way so they do the same to their wives. Rinse and repeat.

On the flip side, I think it is selfishness and laziness because there are men out there who saw their mothers mule it out and refuse to let their wives and daughters go down the same path.
 
okange76 said:
I would say having single mothers who did everything so in their minds women are pretty much mules. It's a never ending cycle because the married ones model this for their sons who see Mum being treated that way so they do the same to their wives. Rinse and repeat.

On the flip side, I think it is selfishness and laziness because there are men out there who saw their mothers mule it out and refuse to let their wives and daughters go down the same path.
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When I think about history, this makes a lot of sense.. a huge bulk of the single black ppl I know are 80 babies and we all know that was the crack era and the beginning of the end of the nuclear black family..black men with good jobs were a scarcity and a lot of women had to struggle to make ends meet on their own, get on welfare, etc and the kids grew up observing this.
 
Atthatday said:
@hopeful: Why do some men hate women? Is it because we, black women, are strong?
Click to expand...

Hegemonic masculinity is defined as a practice that legitimizes men's dominant position in society and justifies the subordination of women, and other marginalized ways of being a man.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hegemonic_masculinity

Groups who feel oppresed regain their power by turning around and oppressing/abusing those that they consider weaker. In this case black men do this to black women.

Also, patriarchy supports them when they want to shirk taking responsibility and blame others (again, black women) for their problems.
 
KammyGirl said:
Wow. Where do men like him come from? You don't have to be specific but what was your relationship with him like? I take it he wasn't a protector.
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I really don’t know and one of the reasons why I stayed so long is I was legit trying to figure it out lol. None of it made sense. Then I ran into breukelen bleu cause of a post here and quit trying to understand. His mother (from Mauritius) was the female version of him. He’d gone to morehouse and was in one of those black fraternities (not Greek)

He was a protector, only because it was free lol. Horrible provider though. Though protection and providing overlap.

I don’t know if you’re familiar with dr Neely fuller who actually has a lot of really good points. Im a “chew the meat and spit out the bones person”, and I put my ex onto him and he just took the info and made a religion out of it. He made a meetup group for people who are “victims of white supremacy”. And he’d be like “we need to get on code around these wp. Cmon cmon”. I don’t know if he still has the group but that was my last dag on straw lol.
 
Layluh said:
I really don’t know and one of the reasons why I stayed so long is I was legit trying to figure it out lol. None of it made sense. Then I ran into breukelen bleu cause of a post here and quit trying to understand. His mother (from Mauritius) was the female version of him. He’d gone to morehouse and was in one of those black fraternities (not Greek)

He was a protector, only because it was free lol. Horrible provider though. Though protection and providing overlap.

I don’t know if you’re familiar with dr Neely fuller who actually has a lot of really good points. Im a “chew the meat and spit out the bones person”, and I put my ex onto him and he just took the info and made a religion out of it. He made a meetup group for people who are “victims of white supremacy”. And he’d be like “we need to get on code around these wp. Cmon cmon”. I don’t know if he still has the group but that was my last dag on straw lol.
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No he did not lol!!!!!!
 
Layluh said:
My ex husband thought like this. Even felt threatened when me and his sister were watching black girls rock one night. “Why do we need a black girls rock? What about bm”
Would always talk about how women were so protected and men weren’t. I remember him asking me one day”who’s gonna protect bm? If everyone’s protecting the women”

They hate us cause they ain’t us.
Click to expand...
I really feel like this stems from Mommy issues. Most men I know who feel like this have some serious issues with their mother and sisters, or grandmother. There could have been a father in the home, but it doesn’t matter..
 
There’s a plethora of reasons. But a big part of it is lack of financial health within the community. Now if we look at just the folks who are in the position to not have one person work and still live WELL. These men can be either easily convinced because they see their counterparts living this life and seek to emulate it. Or they’re getting women chasing them down offering to do it all just to have them. And men being men they ain’t turning it down.
 
Layluh said:
I really don’t know and one of the reasons why I stayed so long is I was legit trying to figure it out lol. None of it made sense. Then I ran into breukelen bleu cause of a post here and quit trying to understand.
...
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The key is to quit trying to figure it out:yep:. It’s like going down a rabbit hole. Trying to make sense of something that is highly complex and doesn’t make sense. Most black women haven’t been taught to be healthily self-focused, to focus on their health, happiness, and wellbeing. If a man makes that hard to do then he’s got to go. Too much curiosity gets us stuck. We have to learn to trust ourselves and make ourselves our number one priority. And KIM.
 
hopeful said:
The key is to quit trying to figure it out:yep:. It’s like going down a rabbit hole. Trying to make sense of something that is highly complex and doesn’t make sense. Most black women haven’t been taught to be healthily self-focused, to focus on their health, happiness, and wellbeing. If a man makes that hard to do then he’s got to go. Too much curiosity gets us stuck. We have to learn to trust ourselves and make ourselves our number one priority. And KIM.
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I love you! Your posts always make me feel sooo good. I’ve learned so much from you over the years.
 
moneychaser said:
No he did not lol!!!!!!
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Girl yes. And I feel so dumb for staying so long like wth was I thinking? But I really didn’t know anything about black culture and what was normal vs abnormal. His behavior became progressively worse over time And you know bm are persecuted so I wanted to side with him. But I did so to my detriment.

shortdub78 said:
I really feel like this stems from Mommy issues. Most men I know who feel like this have some serious issues with their mother and sisters, or grandmother. There could have been a father in the home, but it doesn’t matter..
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Yeah he had mommy issues. He always complained there should’ve been a man in the house to balance out his moms crazy (she was an immigrant who was very emotionally unstable due to being abandoned by his crackhead dad. Just imagine meeting a generous lawyer overseas who flipped the script when he brought you to America). I’m like ok, so all the man has to do is be there? Then what? Does he work or anything lol.

Anyway he had so many power struggles with his mom it was ridiculous to look at. One day they were having a debate about his nephew and he told her to “stand still. Put your arms straight down at your side. No that’s not straight enough, straighter. Hold your head up. Now listen to me when I’m talking to you”
 
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There are some men out here who will use a woman just to have a child. They really don’t like women and their mom et al (women in their family) fulfill all their emotional needs but they need someone to have a baby with—
1. To prove they aren’t gay
2. For legacy
3. To mute the questions

Notice how women don’t pressure the men in their family to get married, especially if he already has babies out of wedlock compared to the women.
 
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