What does a good black man look for in a mate/wife?

[Glib Gurl]

Today I was chatting with some white male friends and they were talking about how difficult THEY have it in the dating world. (Of course, both guys are currently dating someone but I digress) Anyways, they were talking about all the things that they "could never get away with" and how "hard it is" and how "women want to much" and that, in their experience, "women choose men, men don't choose women."

I was the only black person in the room so I didn't feel like debating them, but in our community, it so often seems like it's the other way around. Now, I'm not here to drag up statistics about marriagability rates and how there are no good black men. Rather, I would like to talk about those good black men -- the ones who work for a living, take care of themselves and their families, and just generally behave responsibly. (I mean this to be an all-encompassing definition that does not discriminate based on a man's earnings. Whether he's delivering packages for UPS or a corporate executive at the local bank, he is/can be deemed a "good black man" based on the qualities I listed above - and whatever else you think is important to being a "good black man.")

So, I am wondering, what do you think good black men look for in a wife.

Off the top of my head, I'm thinking he'd want a woman who will be a good mother to his children.

He also wants someone who he is proud to have on his arm. (She doesn't have to be a dime, but at least someone pleasing to the eye.)

Someone who shares similar values (e.g., shared political or religious beliefs, similar ideas about child rearing, similar spending habits).

What else?

 

[MCMLXXII]

Increasingly, I've heard married men say, "She made me want to be a better man." Still not clear what that means...

 

[JFemme]

Nothing insightful to add, however, I am in agreement with the statement, "women choose men, men do not choose women".


(hugs, GG..longtime no see)

 

[Glib Gurl]

Nothing insightful to add, however, I am in agreement with the statement, "women choose men, men do not choose women".

Can you expand on this?

(hugs, GG..longtime no see)

I've been crazy busy girl! But I hope to be posting more soon

 

[awhyley]

Can you expand on this?

Independent women don't need men for alot of the stuff they used to, i.e. stability, finances, etc. and my women even take the responsibility for child-rearing on, so to many men, the ball as tipped over to our court. However, when I find 'the one', I hope to chose the man and also choses me.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I think what a good black man wants in a mate all depends on the "man".

Every man is different, therefore, every need will be different.

My definition of a good black men, may be different from someone elses.

I do believe that a good black man is looking for a woman to compliment him in every aspect of his life--whatever that is.

 

[Skiggle]

I think what a good black man wants in a mate all depends on the "man".

Every man is different, therefore, every need will be different.

My definition of a good black men, may be different from someone elses.

I do believe that a good black man is looking for a woman to compliment him in every aspect of his life--whatever that is.

I agree.

 

[daydreem2876]

I think "good black men" are looking for women who are secure with themselves. I am not speaking financially or in a material way, but have a confidence in themselves and comfortable with who they are whatever that may be.

I think they like "strong black women" who can present that image to the world but who also know that they are "women" first and feels comfortable in that role within a relationship.

I think they want a partner and not a mother (even though we may have to play that role from time to time ) and like women who know the difference. A woman who knows how to speak to them like the grown men they are and not like a child. Women who realize they are grown, can make choices, and worthy to be trusted. A partner who can be trusted, be their best friend, and have their back when he faces the world.

 

[Glib Gurl]

These are awesome responses, ladies - keep 'em coming!

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

Nothing insightful to add, however, I am in agreement with the statement, "women choose men, men do not choose women".


(hugs, GG..longtime no see)

I'm working on choosing someone right now. He won't know what hit him.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

I think what a good black man wants in a mate all depends on the "man".

Every man is different, therefore, every need will be different.

My definition of a good black men, may be different from someone elses.

I do believe that a good black man is looking for a woman to compliment him in every aspect of his life--whatever that is.

I was gonna say that we're asking the wrong audience. We need to pose these questions to the men in question.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I was gonna say that we're asking the wrong audience. We need to pose these questions to the men in question.

That makes a lot of sense.

I can't speak for most men, but I know what mine was looking for--and I met "his" qualifications.

What my DH was looking for will certainly be different from the next 'good black man'.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Increasingly, I've heard married men say, "She made me want to be a better man." Still not clear what that means...

*lighten up a newport one hunnit*

imma try n break this down as best as i can....from my own experience and LISTENING to other men... ~puff~

see ladies, always know that men LOVE to feel needed. for example, lets say he cooked u dinner and it wasn't the best...set the table using plastic plates, a limp flower on the table, the candles half melted from when he lit them da otha night when u were over there right.... got Luther blarring from the box, CD skippin n what not... rather than complain and point out the negtive, das ur que to say "awww honey, this is perfect..the meal is nice, blah blah blah. boost his ego. that all falls unda da feelin needed part by boostin that ego.

or, if he is unemployed and he's getting a lil discouraged, but u know he's been out lookin....dat would be ur que to say, that's ok shuga...i got us for now, but i know when u get on ur feet, you'll take care of us.... i ant worried about it because i know what type of man you are and blah blah blah. dat right der will make a brotha feel encouraged and work even harded because you're making him feel NEEDED. then when he gets the job, and he comes home and tell you...then u would say sumfin like...see baby, i knew u could do it.

Remember that TV show ROCK....i can't think of the actors name but he was a garbage man and she was a nurse ...the tv show was based out of Baltimore....he didn't make a lot of money, but she had his back and supported him....he knew she needed him and she made him feel like a million bucks, even though they didn't have a lot of money, she made him feel like a KING...and told him that too! it made him go out there and work harder at making more money and he did whatever he could to keep her happy.....feel me?

Men really ain't that hard to figure out, fa real. All u gotta do is cook for them, feed'em, give'em some of dat good puddi...(get on ur knees sometimes n polish dem off- ur husband that is) keep a couple of heinekens or coronas in da fridge if that is what he likes, LISTEN to them, support them, and they will move mountains for you. Boost that ego every now...tell him while he's getting dressed how sexy he is, etc...boost that ego for him...at the same time, let him be the man and you always keep it lady like...i don't care how much you make, always make him feel like he's the king of the household.

when u think about it, the work ain't hard. some may agree, some may disagree, but i'm a lil ole school when it comes to these type things...

 

[JFemme]

I'm working on choosing someone right now. He won't know what hit him.

Most excellent, Chica !!

 

[envybeauty]

Without going into specifics, I think folks can generalize what men would appreciate in a woman. We generalize all the time what makes a man a good man (hard working, etc) We know most men are not looking for what we are looking for (good provider, etc). Nothing wrong with the question or audience IMO.

 

[Theo]

I agree that women choose men. I don't always get the men that I "choose", though . I also agree that men are very uncomplicated. I think women make it harder for themselves most of the time.