What Could It Be?

J

JFK

Well-Known Member
I met a man who is very romantically interested in me.

I asked him about his past relationships and he said he and an ex were together for 5 years and lived together. He was with another ex for 3 years and lived with her too.

My first question was: why didn't you marry either of them?

He said he wasn't ready for one and the other one wanted to wait and didn't want to rush.

I smell BS with all that. Either he is lying or is telling the truth and the women were with him for a specific reason then bounced when it was no longer needed.

I wonder what it is....he has a great job, makes great money, is super nice....guess I'll figure it out over time if he sticks around
 
Focus on whether YOU will want to stick around, not him. Keep asking questions over time. See if he opens up over time and shows any real depth. I assume you smell bs because something stinks. Eight years, two different women and no marriage or even an engagement. He may only be good for a few dates. Time will tell and don't fall for the "nice guy" persona, look for what's underneath.
 
hopeful said:
Focus on whether YOU will want to stick around, not him. Keep asking questions over time. See if he opens up over time and shows any real depth. I assume you smell bs because something stinks. Eight years, two different women and no marriage or even an engagement. He may only be good for a few dates. Time will tell and don't fall for the "nice guy" persona, look for what's underneath.
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I was hoping you would pull up
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JFK said:
Thanks ladies @FemmeFatale @hopeful

Definitely not sleeping with him lol. He's moving really fast.

When I was younger I would feel flattered (wild ego) but now that I'm a little more experienced it makes me think, "why are you so IN already?"

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Moving too fast = trying to sweep you off your feet = hiding something = poor boundaries = trying to overpower you emotionally = lack of respect for women and their boundaries. What's the hurry? If you want a real, long-term relationship no reason to rush things. Let's take our time and get to know each other.
 
Maybe he was waiting for you Lol?! I've stayed in realtionships that were not right in my past as well...

Does he have families with these women or something? If so, this would be an issue for me.

If not go with the flow, and focus on how he is treating you today in this moment . If he is showing you that he is a commitment phobe or player believe it and move foward without him . But don't let the fact that he hasn't had any ex wives ruin something that could be good with you all. I for one prefer less baggage
 
Ok.....back with an update.

His mother died in June and today his family/religious community is having a memorial for her.

He invited me.

I told him I don't want to impose on his family (I don't really want to go) but he says I won't be imposing and it would be good for me to meet his family.

Mind you, I just met this dude 2.5 weeks ago :perplexed::sad::perplexed:
 
JFK said:
Ok.....back with an update.

His mother died in June and today his family/religious community is having a memorial for her.

He invited me.

I told him I don't want to impose on his family (I don't really want to go) but he says I won't be imposing and it would be good for me to meet his family.

Mind you, I just met this dude 2.5 weeks ago :perplexed::sad::perplexed:
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Oh, wow . You just met him. He is going to try to force a realtionship. Shut it down now if you're not intreseted .
 
JFK said:
Ok.....back with an update.

His mother died in June and today his family/religious community is having a memorial for her.

He invited me.

I told him I don't want to impose on his family (I don't really want to go) but he says I won't be imposing and it would be good for me to meet his family.

Mind you, I just met this dude 2.5 weeks ago :perplexed::sad::perplexed:
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Don't go! He may be going through a lot with his moms passing. With that said I would keep it light for a while, 2.5 weeks is too soon for all of this.
 
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JFK said:
Ok.....back with an update.

His mother died in June and today his family/religious community is having a memorial for her.

He invited me.

I told him I don't want to impose on his family (I don't really want to go) but he says I won't be imposing and it would be good for me to meet his family.

Mind you, I just met this dude 2.5 weeks ago :perplexed::sad::perplexed:
Click to expand...

Whatever you do, however you proceed with this dude, just make sure you do not go. He will likely turn out to be super needy and/or super controlling. Tread lightly. Keep things at a pace you are comfortable with. You don't have to make up any excuses or explanations either. You just met him. Just say I won't be able to make it and KIM. You don't owe him emotional support or comfort either. You just met him. Either he's ready to date as a healthy adult or nah.
 
JFK said:
Ok.....back with an update.

His mother died in June and today his family/religious community is having a memorial for her.

He invited me.

I told him I don't want to impose on his family (I don't really want to go) but he says I won't be imposing and it would be good for me to meet his family.

Mind you, I just met this dude 2.5 weeks ago :perplexed::sad::perplexed:
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He does seem to be rushing things; however, just watch and wait.
Some guys, once their "light is on " they marry the very next woman they date.

Being with someone long-term and not marrying them does not automatically mean something was wrong the guy.
There could be tons of reasons why he didn't marry either woman. It reads like the topic did come up and he was too young the first time and the woman said no the second time.

Put him on your schedule. Do not allow him to rush you.
 
I agree that he is still grieving and maybe it's to soon for him. How old are you all?

Depending of the religious background, introducing you early to his family is not uncommon (I think you're muslim iirc, as I am).
BUT if you're religious you don't live with women you are not married to either!
 
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So, yeah, I didn't go but also didn't tell him not to expect me. He text me around 10:30pm last night saying he hopes I'm alright.

We talked on the phone and when he expressed his desire to have seen me at the memorial, I told him that I didn't feel it was appropriate at this time.

During the conversation, I asked who was the closest person to him. He said his father, now that his mother is gone :(
I can tell he's hurt but has been quiet about it. He spoke for a minute about his mom and dad, their marriage of 56 years, how his mom would always check on him and call him, and how he and his mom never had a disagreement in his life. He sent me a picture of her too :look:

So yeah, I didn't realize how lonely he must be feeling right now and needy. I think you all are right.
 
tilati said:
I agree that he is still grieving and maybe it's to soon for him. How old are you all?

Depending of the religious background, introducing you early to his family is not uncommon (I think you're muslim iirc, as I am).
BUT if you're religious you don't live with women you are not married to either!
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Yes! I'm Muslim and he's Muslim and it's true that Muslims will introduce you to family and marry you 2.3 nanoseconds after the introductions :lachen:

Last night when we spoke, he expressed his desire to settle down and said he thinks we would be a good couple. I mentioned getting to know each other better and he said "how long does it take to get to know someone...."

I said it's possible to never truly know someone but it's better to take time to learn a person's character. He then says: I have perfect character.

That's a HUGE red flag to me because it shows the person isn't honest about their flaws. We all have them. No one has perfect character.
 
JFK said:
So, yeah, I didn't go but also didn't tell him not to expect me. He text me around 10:30pm last night saying he hopes I'm alright.

We talked on the phone and when he expressed his desire to have seen me at the memorial, I told him that I didn't feel it was appropriate at this time.

During the conversation, I asked who was the closest person to him. He said his father, now that his mother is gone :(
I can tell he's hurt but has been quiet about it. He spoke for a minute about his mom and dad, their marriage of 56 years, how his mom would always check on him and call him, and how he and his mom never had a disagreement in his life. He sent me a picture of her too :look:

So yeah, I didn't realize how lonely he must be feeling right now and needy. I think you all are right.
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Not to be mean but don't discount that in addition to being lonely and sad, he can still be game playing. People can be both sad/grieving and manipulative. Men can be overwhelmed with grief and trying to get laid at the same time. He may be the best guy in the world but you don't know him yet. Only way you will know is over time, through observation, and your gut/intuition.

You seem to be aware of the dynamics at play here. Please continue to keep us updated as I believe the lessons you learn here will be helpful to other ladies on the board.

Just remember that no matter what he is going through you must always be your priority. Keep reminding yourself that you don't know this dude.
 
JFK said:
I said it's possible to never truly know someone but it's better to take time to learn a person's character. He then says: I have perfect character.
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Side eyeing him real hard. Be careful sis!
 
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