itismehmmkay
Well-Known Member
Don't even worry about what's really going on. I'd try and move out this weekend, even just staying with a friend. All of this is bad on your nerves 
How could he?
- Thread starter nlv
- Start date
ccd
New Member
My heart aches for you. No matter what people say regarding this you need to be better to you. He ( any He) treats you the way you think you deserve to be treated. Sometimes its unconscious girl.... We don't even know we feel that bad (low or non deserving of respect) about ourselves. Be Kind, loving and giving to yourself you deserve it and better. What would you tell your best friend or sister..... Do that for yourself.
Please make sure he doesn't effect your finances and leave you with rent unpaid or take furnishings etc. if he is entering your home when you aren't there and bringing another women in you never know what else he would do.
You should look at this as a lesson learned and move yourself into a better place.
Just my humble opinion ..
Tough love is cool I get it but sometimes people just need to be encouraged and not blamed... Motivated by love and not rocks. I think she's been hit enough in this situation.
Please make sure he doesn't effect your finances and leave you with rent unpaid or take furnishings etc. if he is entering your home when you aren't there and bringing another women in you never know what else he would do.
You should look at this as a lesson learned and move yourself into a better place.
Just my humble opinion ..
Tough love is cool I get it but sometimes people just need to be encouraged and not blamed... Motivated by love and not rocks. I think she's been hit enough in this situation.
nlv
Active Member
Thank you all. I decided to move out as quickly as possible. I'm going to put my stuff in storage and stay with a friend until another place comes through.
I am also looking up therapist in my area. I do need therapy. I'm also joining a support group. I was recently diagnosed and this is all new to me. Im young and I have a lot of growing up to do.
I guess I was sticking around and trying to make things work because of my disease. I fear rejection and starting over but now I have no other choice. I am thankful and upset that things went the way they did. I consider this a big lesson.
I am also looking up therapist in my area. I do need therapy. I'm also joining a support group. I was recently diagnosed and this is all new to me. Im young and I have a lot of growing up to do.
I guess I was sticking around and trying to make things work because of my disease. I fear rejection and starting over but now I have no other choice. I am thankful and upset that things went the way they did. I consider this a big lesson.
God_Favor
Well-Known Member
This dude is bottom of the barrel , selfish, trash. You don't owe him anything and you don't have to stay stuck with him because you feel u can't do any better.
You made some mistakes in the pass and u don't have to keep living in this crap. Life is to short and ice wasted too much time and energy worrying and trying to please this dude who is making it plain, HE Dose not want you and be has no intention on a future with u. Some basically he ain't worth your time.
I know u might not be able to just up and leave but u need to start making a plan of action.
Your std doesn't bind you to this boy. You still can be in a healthy relationship with someone that accepts you. I advise u to stop all sexual relations with him to help cut the tie u have with him
You made some mistakes in the pass and u don't have to keep living in this crap. Life is to short and ice wasted too much time and energy worrying and trying to please this dude who is making it plain, HE Dose not want you and be has no intention on a future with u. Some basically he ain't worth your time.
I know u might not be able to just up and leave but u need to start making a plan of action.
Your std doesn't bind you to this boy. You still can be in a healthy relationship with someone that accepts you. I advise u to stop all sexual relations with him to help cut the tie u have with him
pookaloo83
New Member
What std? Am I missing something?
OP I'm glad you're moving out. He's a dog.
Sent from my iPhone 4s using LHCF
OP I'm glad you're moving out. He's a dog.
Sent from my iPhone 4s using LHCF
LovelyLouboutin
Well-Known Member
Did you ask him if he had any std before you slept with him?
It sounds to me like you need to civilly sue him for what's you're spending in medical costs and contact the police regarding assault. He willingly caught a std and didn't tell you he had it/willingly gave it to you without telling you.
It sounds to me like you need to civilly sue him for what's you're spending in medical costs and contact the police regarding assault. He willingly caught a std and didn't tell you he had it/willingly gave it to you without telling you.
nlv
Active Member
LovelyLouboutin said:
Yes I did and he assured me he was good. We were using protection for awhile and then got comfortable. Never had an outbreak...not even this day and I've been tested and remained negative from all other STDs while we were together and I trusted him until his ex informed me. Apparently Herpes isn't included in routine STD testing at my new doctor's office (Job switched insurance) until asked. He thought he didn't have it because she only had one outbreak and told him she didn't have one again. She told me he has had an outbreak. I'm in shock.
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**SaSSy**
3rd Big Chop on 7/18/2016
@nlv I'm not going to repeat what others have said, but my heart goes out to you contracting this std. You really should look into the CDC program SISTA (please check to see if there is one in your area)
(it's not just for those with HIV, all women are welcome)
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/prev_prog/ahp/resources/guidelines/pro_guidance/index.htm
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/prev_prog/ahp/resources/guidelines/pro_guidance/print/sista.htm
ETA: Now that you know you have this STD, you are more susceptible to other stds as well. It's important to stay health and take medications regularly.
(it's not just for those with HIV, all women are welcome)
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/prev_prog/ahp/resources/guidelines/pro_guidance/index.htm
http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/prev_prog/ahp/resources/guidelines/pro_guidance/print/sista.htm
ETA: Now that you know you have this STD, you are more susceptible to other stds as well. It's important to stay health and take medications regularly.
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LovelyLouboutin
Well-Known Member
nlv said:
@ nlv. You need to sue him. He's lied to you from the beginning of your relationship about very important issues.
caltron
Well-Known Member
I'm so glad that you've decided to move out immediately. You have really been put through the ringer with this relationship and I think after you get over the feelings of heartache that you will be much happier without this loser. I also think you made a smart choice by going to therapy, because the cheating, betrayal, etc. is a lot for anyone to deal with. You really need to learn to love yourself and know your worth. A good man who loves you will not cause you so much pain. I don't see the STD as being as much of a problem to your future love life as your low self esteem. I just worry that you will let your diagnosis further erode your self esteem. You seem to be a very caring, sensitive person and you can and should be with someone is worthy of you.
nlv
Active Member
God_Favor said:
I always get tested but I specifically asked to be tested for Herpes after she told me. I didn't know Herpes wasn't included in routine STD testing unless requested (this is what my GYN told me). I didn't even know I could sue after reading some of your responses. I don't even know where to begin.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
Op, I want to you to know that one day all of this will be behind you. It WILL get better and you WILL be fine. We have all made mistakes. I for one have done some silly silly things, and have put myself in less than desirable situations with men/boys. But I take full responsibility for what I've chosen...and I've moved on. One day you'll be able to encourage someone else w/o feeling any shame.
Do right by yourself and take our advice.
Do right by yourself and take our advice.
MissMasala5
New Member
You probably won't win a suit if you knew of his std status and slept with him without protection. But know that herpes is not a death sentence, and will not hinder your chances at future lasting relationships. Be responsible about your health status. Talk to others in a support group setting. Empower yourself.
naturallygoldie
Well-Known Member
Tough love can be counterproductive; use with caution.
Op, surround yourself with positivity. Our thoughts become our reality. It is evident that you need to move on quickly and by any means.
How could he? Because he could and he did. Now what will you do? August 1 seems like a long time from now (in heartache time) but it will get better.
Op, surround yourself with positivity. Our thoughts become our reality. It is evident that you need to move on quickly and by any means.
How could he? Because he could and he did. Now what will you do? August 1 seems like a long time from now (in heartache time) but it will get better.
GeorginaSparks
Well-Known Member
nlv said:
You begin by contacting a lawyer.
ladylibra_30
Well-Known Member
OP, although it is unfortunate that you have contracted an STD, I am glad that it is not a deadly one.
nlv
Active Member
Update:
First off, I want to thank everyone who's sympathized with me and to those who's given tough love on the situations. I especially want to give Rosaline @daoriginaldiva a big shout out. Thanks for being there girl. You are amazing.
Anyway, turns out those two have been coloring all along and are now in a relationship. Ha! Found out not too long ago and I am glad I did. Now I can expedite the moving on proces. I don't cry myself to sleep anymore and I blocked his number from contacting me and vice versa and took the liberty to delete the twitter app off my phone and delete my IG so I won't be tempted to "stalk". Won't lie and say I'm not hurt because I still am. Some days are better than others. I still think about him sometimes only when I am home alone so I try to keep myself away AND busy. It's working a tad bit. Everyday I think about. He has reached out to me practically begging me to be friends with him. He wants me around because I care about him he says. How selfish. As much as I did not want to I declined and kept it moving. I thank God for giving me the strength to finally tell him no. It felt great. Haven't heard from him since.
I moved into a cosy little apartment and made new friends. Also, reconnected with the ones I gave up during my relationship. I am still working on uplifting my self-esteem because it is obvious I don't have any. Still searching for in-person support groups to help me cope with my STD which I'm still not really accepting. It's very hard.
Prayer def works. I printed out a few scriptures to help me along the way. I carry a couple with me and I hang them around my apartment especially when I feel low and tempted to break no contact. Time and prayer heals all.
Thank you ladies.
First off, I want to thank everyone who's sympathized with me and to those who's given tough love on the situations. I especially want to give Rosaline @daoriginaldiva a big shout out. Thanks for being there girl. You are amazing.
Anyway, turns out those two have been coloring all along and are now in a relationship. Ha! Found out not too long ago and I am glad I did. Now I can expedite the moving on proces. I don't cry myself to sleep anymore and I blocked his number from contacting me and vice versa and took the liberty to delete the twitter app off my phone and delete my IG so I won't be tempted to "stalk". Won't lie and say I'm not hurt because I still am. Some days are better than others. I still think about him sometimes only when I am home alone so I try to keep myself away AND busy. It's working a tad bit. Everyday I think about. He has reached out to me practically begging me to be friends with him. He wants me around because I care about him he says. How selfish. As much as I did not want to I declined and kept it moving. I thank God for giving me the strength to finally tell him no. It felt great. Haven't heard from him since.
I moved into a cosy little apartment and made new friends. Also, reconnected with the ones I gave up during my relationship. I am still working on uplifting my self-esteem because it is obvious I don't have any. Still searching for in-person support groups to help me cope with my STD which I'm still not really accepting. It's very hard.
Prayer def works. I printed out a few scriptures to help me along the way. I carry a couple with me and I hang them around my apartment especially when I feel low and tempted to break no contact. Time and prayer heals all.
Thank you ladies.
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daoriginaldiva
Well-Known Member
Honey, I'm so proud of you and you are doing great! Every day is a struggle but you have God and your LHCF girls to help support you whenever you feel tempted! There will come a time when the hurt and pain of the past will be a distant memory and I know you will meet someone who will cherish the wonderful and beautiful human being you are from the inside out! The nerve of your ex, trying to still attain a friendship with you, he needs to look up the meaning of the word "friend" before approaching anyone, he's not even a friend to himself. HUMPH!!!
I'm also glad you are coming out of your shell and your pride is not too big to admit alienating your friends during the course of your relationship and I admire the fact that they are willing to help make amends and heal the rift in your friendship. Keeping working on yourself, learning your likes and dislikes, learning to like and love YOU again and your confidence and esteem in yourself will grow and get a boost as you re-learn yourself all over again. I'm rooting for you, hon!
firecracker
Well-Known Member
Well damn I was going to ask your age after reading your start thread post but gotchdamnWTF!!! Chile the bolded is freaking crazier than his foul behavior towards you and the fact that you put up with such treatment is quite telling of your feelings of self worth. He didn't ruin your life. You ruined your life because you don't love yourself. I'm praying something changed drastically and positively since you posted this catastrophe of a nonrelationship thread. Please seek therapy so you can work out what caused you to accept all this madness and please refrain from anymore relationships til you do. Men only treat us the way we allow them too and you cannot place blame on others for how you allow them to treat you. That is all on you.
I apologize if I come off as uncaring and harsh but you need some tougher love than that fool don dealt to you. Getcho life! You really need Jesus and a backbone sweetie.
Bklynqueen
Well-Known Member
firecracker said:
Hey firecracker, read page 5; the OP has made a significant change in her life, has moved out and deleted that POS from her life. She is working on making amends with friendships as well as.seeking therapy for her esteem issues. OP is well on her way to rebuilding her self worth and reclaiming her life. I'm proud that she has taken this stand because there are too many women who still allow the foolishness to continue.
Detroit2Dallas
New Member
firecracker said:
Maybe you should read the WHOLE thread before commenting in such a hard way. Dang. Everybody wants to be the Madea in the group. Only thing is that its only cool in the movies. Poor thing already admitted her faults and updated us on her current mindframe. Op I for one truly appreciate your openness and vulnerability. You put yourself out there and somewhere someone reading this is not as brave as you but may be able to learn from your story. Keep pushing forward boo.
firecracker
Well-Known Member
Detroit2Dallas I damn sure didn't read the whole thread
. I couldn't get past the first post and she shocked the hell outta me just like I've done some folks. Including your arse obviously. So you watch Madear movies often uh? Well I don't so turn that mirror back on yourself thank you very much. 
I'm glad she is making changes nonetheless. I will continue to post how I please as long as its within the forum rules chile. 
firecracker
Well-Known Member
Thanks Bklynqueen I will go back and read now that I have the time.
I logged off right after reading the first post and responding. I never looked at the date either.
Arian
Loc'ing Up!
OP, I'm glad that you left the situation. My heart broke after reading your original post.
Some men are just so heartless and cruel. They really, really are...and it pains me that they hurt others just to get ahead in their own stupid, ridiculous lives.
I pray that love finds you and you're able to recognize real love when it is showered upon you.
Some men are just so heartless and cruel. They really, really are...and it pains me that they hurt others just to get ahead in their own stupid, ridiculous lives.
I pray that love finds you and you're able to recognize real love when it is showered upon you.
ColibriNoir
Well-Known Member
nlv said:
Thanks for the update OP. The original post broke my heart but I thank God that you are taking steps to heal and move on with your life. Keep reading those scriptures, find a support group and I'll keep praying for you. God bless you, dear one.
