What are your intentions?

[ALWAYZL8]

So I'm snuggled up watching tv with a guy I've been dating since May. We had our first kiss last night as well. Then he asks me, "What are your intentions with me?" I told him that I really like him, but he's the one that should be stating his intentions. What did he mean by this?
He told me he likes me as more than a friend, which I already knew, but what happens next?

 

[Bunny77]

So I'm snuggled up watching tv with a guy I've been dating since May. We had our first kiss last night as well. Then he asks me, "What are your intentions with me?" I told him that I really like him, but he's the one that should be stating his intentions. What did he mean by this?
He told me he likes me as more than a friend, which I already knew, but what happens next?

I agree, that's something that he should be stating.

If he likes you as more than a friend, I would expect that he'd be moving to make you his girlfriend and be in an exclusive relationship.

 

[Optimus_Prime]

Well, if you're kissing and snuggling, you're not just friends.
Is this guy foreign or religious or something? That's an odd question - I've only heard it in movies and there it was a woman who asked a man.

 

[ALWAYZL8]

He's all American...African-American!

 

[aribell]

That is very interesting/odd. So that was the end of the convesation? Maybe it was just an awkward way of him asking how you felt about him, but I would agree that he should be the one telling you where he sees things going. Did you ask him?

 

[GeorginaSparks]

That is very interesting/odd. So that was the end of the convesation? Maybe it was just an awkward way of him asking how you felt about him, but I would agree that he should be the one telling you where he sees things going. Did you ask him?

yeah this.....he seems shy/timid.

 

[ALWAYZL8]

That is very interesting/odd. So that was the end of the convesation? Maybe it was just an awkward way of him asking how you felt about him, but I would agree that he should be the one telling you where he sees things going. Did you ask him?

He told me that he likes agressive women, but I have my limits. I have told him that no matter what, he and I will be the best of friends. I also keep telling him I like him and I like being around him. That's about all I'm willing to do this early in the dating process. However, I will pose the question and ask him, "what exactly are your intentions with me?"

 

[Curly Lee]

Is he religious? My best friend is devoutly religious and he will ask girls a variant of this question. More like what do you want in a relationship, what do you expect from a man, and what do you as a woman expect to give? now that I think about it homeboy is pretty intense with the questions. I don't think it's a problem to ask a girl what her intentions are, communication is key and it seems like a good sign that he's asking about future intentions. That could have started a good conversation about what the both of you expect, etc... With that being said he needs to make you his girlfriend not his late night snuggler. You ain't slick you betta man up for another guy does!

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Does he have a sense of humor? Are you sure he wasn't just trying to make little joke? I've heard this before and typically after romance is initiated guys, they will do something funny like imitate what a female would do at this point, namely, "what are you intent with me?"

 

[Maracujá]

I don`t see why it`s ''wrong'' for a man to ask a woman this.

 

[jwhitley6]

I don`t see why it`s ''wrong'' for a man to ask a woman this.

I'm with you...I think it's perfectly acceptable for him to ask her intentions. It was a good way to initiate the conversation and he seemed pretty open about his interest in her.

 

[aribell]

He told me that he likes agressive women, but I have my limits. I have told him that no matter what, he and I will be the best of friends. I also keep telling him I like him and I like being around him. That's about all I'm willing to do this early in the dating process.

See, it's the bolded that makes it seem like he could be trying to get op to be the one to take the initiative. Personally, I find it annoying when men do that, but perhaps that's not what he's about...

 

[awhyley]

I would have thrown that back on him, "what are you're intentions with me?" just to see where he was at. Then I could gauge my answer/see if we're on the same page.

 

[YasashiiSekai]

I ask guys this sometimes when I'm confused about where we're going, because I don't like wasting time if we're on two different levels. So at first I thought, aww maybe he likes her and just wants to make sure the relationship is going in the direction he wants it to go.

but then you said...

He told me that he likes agressive women, but I have my limits. I have told him that no matter what, he and I will be the best of friends. I also keep telling him I like him and I like being around him. That's about all I'm willing to do this early in the dating process. However, I will pose the question and ask him, "what exactly are your intentions with me?"

maybe, he just wants to... ? *shrugs*

 

[Duff]

I've had guys ask me that before. the very 1st time was in front of his parents!!!! I could not think what to say.

most of the time when guys ask that, they are looking for something serious and want to make sure you feel the same. the best to handle that question is to say something true but very generic just to say you answered the question and just to turn it around on him.

 

[ALWAYZL8]

Well I appreciate all of your responses. However, he told me this morning that I'm not aggressive enough for him and this does not work for him. I kept asking what did he want and what action was he expecting, but he never gave me a definitive answer. I thought about it awhile, and sent him a text telling him..."I can only be me. If this does not work for you, I understand and wish you the best. He wrote back, "thanks". So ladies...another one bites the dust...but I sure did like him.

 

[qchelle]

Well I appreciate all of your responses. However, he told me this morning that I'm not aggressive enough for him and this does not work for him. I kept asking what did he want and what action was he expecting, but he never gave me a definitive answer. I thought about it awhile, and sent him a text telling him..."I can only be me. If this does not work for you, I understand and wish you the best. He wrote back, "thanks". So ladies...another one bites the dust...but I sure did like him.

I'm sorry, but ...I wonder what he meant.

 

[SHEANITPRO]

Ole boy just wanted to get laid. Nothing more, nothing less.

If his "intent" was real, he'd still be around.

 

[Curly Lee]

Well I appreciate all of your responses. However, he told me this morning that I'm not aggressive enough for him and this does not work for him. I kept asking what did he want and what action was he expecting, but he never gave me a definitive answer. I thought about it awhile, and sent him a text telling him..."I can only be me. If this does not work for you, I understand and wish you the best. He wrote back, "thanks". So ladies...another one bites the dust...but I sure did like him.

Know that I'm laughing at THAT FOOL not you. You want yo women mo' aggressive huh? Go get a prostitute I hear they're straight forward. But really tho who did he think he was fooling, I feel bad for giving him a chance. Fool.

 

[jwhitley6]

Ole boy just wanted to get laid. Nothing more, nothing less.

If his "intent" was real, he'd still be around.

That's not necessarily true. I've dated guys I liked that didn't seem to reciprocate or express their affection in an assertive enough way for me. I need you to tell me and show me how you feel for me (and I don't mean sexually) without me having to ask you. I don't want to hear from your best friend about how in love you were with me after I've kicked your ambivalent punk behind to the curb.

But, I guess it's possible he just wanted to hit it. (shrug)

 

[Naveah2050]

OP I think you dodged a bullet!! he sounds weird....

 

[Spiffy]

Yes she did dodge a bullet! I dated a guy who told me I wasn't aggressive enough and from his perspective that really meant I wouldn't allow him to be as lazy as he wanted to be going into a relationship. This guy could have meant something totally different, but that's just my experience.

 

[Lisa]

I'm sorry OP but better you find out now (after your first kiss) than later when you are really attached.

But you do bring up an interesting question. I would love to know if you wanted a committed relationship and maybe marriage down the line how would you answer this question? And how would you want him to answer this question? Do you spell it out or hint around about it?

 

[Syrah]

Well I appreciate all of your responses. However, he told me this morning that I'm not aggressive enough for him and this does not work for him. I kept asking what did he want and what action was he expecting, but he never gave me a definitive answer. I thought about it awhile, and sent him a text telling him..."I can only be me. If this does not work for you, I understand and wish you the best. He wrote back, "thanks". So ladies...another one bites the dust...but I sure did like him.

Oh no...another one of those "I liked to be liked before I can admit I like a girl" types.

We don't tolerate those either.

Here's the thing - if you managed to get one cutey that you liked to snuggle up with you, you can surely find another! There is more where that came from!

 

[Syrah]

Yes she did dodge a bullet! I dated a guy who told me I wasn't aggressive enough and from his perspective that really meant I wouldn't allow him to be as lazy as he wanted to be going into a relationship. This guy could have meant something totally different, but that's just my experience.

Usually dudes who say this nonsense are used to getting away with nonsense - dating girls who will tolerate tomfoolery just to have them around.

 

[ALWAYZL8]

I'm sorry OP but better you find out now (after your first kiss) than later when you are really attached.

But you do bring up an interesting question. I would love to know if you wanted a committed relationship and maybe marriage down the line how would you answer this question? And how would you want him to answer this question? Do you spell it out or hint around about it?

So he text me today and I let him know what was on my mind. I told him that I'm do dating for friendship, I want to get married. He's been calling and texting since I said what was up...so i don't know...I'm confused. However, the other night...I just told him I really liked him and that was it.

 

[Renewed1]

I don`t see why it`s ''wrong'' for a man to ask a woman this.

You make good sense. He's allowing her to set the standard of the relationship. Because if he can't meet her standards, he may KIM.

But I think it should be a shared conversation.

 

[ALWAYZL8]

You make good sense. He's allowing her to set the standard of the relationship. Because if he can't meet her standards, he may KIM.

But I think it should be a shared conversation.

We just had a heart to heart a few minutes ago...we are on the same page. We had to go through all of this to find out we want the same thing...an exclusive relationship. I'm tired already! He promised to share his feelings with me and I promise to stop making assumptions.

 

[Renewed1]

We just had a heart to heart a few minutes ago...we are on the same page. We had to go through all of this to find out we want the same thing...an exclusive relationship. I'm tired already! He promised to share his feelings with me and I promise to stop making assumptions.

Oh I'm happy for you girl!

 

[Chocolate_Silk]

I don`t see why it`s ''wrong'' for a man to ask a woman this.

This is exactly what I was thinking... I though maybe I missed something