What are some Interracial dating problems you've had to overcome?

[mscocoface]

Content of character of your friend is key. Relationships if worth having will require work from you both. If interested both of you need to be real honest about whatever may give you pause or concern regarding IR dating.

I have seen very successful IR relationships. They are possible if you are willing to work at it as with any relationship.

 

[UmSumayyah]

Bozcurls
Yeah...I get what you're saying.....and you're absolutely right. In reality, it SHOULDN'T matter really.

I'm as "open" as open can be when it comes to IRR, or the thought of being in another IRR in the future. But when I REALLY think about it.....I mean SERIOUSLY think about it..... Idk... erplexed

Just even the thought of having to "defend" our relationship or give "reasons" for why we're even together just seems like too much of a headache to me. Friends and family would be cool since we're all pretty diverse and open in that way, but STRANGERS?? Idk... I just don't know if I could (or even WOULD want to) handle that....ALL.THE.TIME.

*sigh* I guess, when you get a little older, you start looking at things a little differently I suppose. erplexed

I'm pretty private and I don't like a lot of attention on me, so if some ladies have run into BM (or just people in general) heckling them, or giving them dirty looks because of who they're dating, then that makes ME start to think. Idk if I would want to have to undergo that type of scrutiny whenever we're out somewhere...ykwim?

So, I'm not saying "no" to IR dating, I'm just saying...."I don't know".... erplexed

I hope this makes sense

Why do you need to defend or justify your decisions to strangers just because they're BM? What do you owe them?

IMO you're not really open if you're worried about that.

 

[FrazzledFraggle]

If you like him then go for it. Someone else's experiences should not deter you. DH and I have had nothing to overcome between us. Any issues, which have been few, are from outside of our relationship and we don't let those things bother us.

BTW, you need to get over his race and start looking at him as a man rather than a white man. Some folks might disagree with that but a relationship will not last if you cannot look past that. Relationships are hard enough without adding more awkward to the already awkward.

He deserves someone that is going to see "him" and not just a color and so do you.

 

[ivyness]

I come from an African background and my ex is white. It is highly likely future partners will be white since I rarely see another black face.

Funny enough, we weren't treated differently till we went back home together. The worst thing was the fact that people would think I was a prostitute since prostitutes are the only ones with white men. My sister actually walked a few steps in front of us if we were holding hands while walking in the middle of the city. He started to think that I was embarrassed to be seen with him after that. So I held his hand wherever we were.

Yeah. Some black people are some of the racist people I know.

 

[PeaceFlow]

See.....that very thing is probably what is making me hesitant about dating a white guy again.....

When I was dating one of my ex-bf's (who just happened to be white), he and I never got any stares....or, maybe I was just too much in a "bubble" to even realize it because we were friends first so I probably even forgot he was white at that point lol.

But a NEW guy who's white or maybe of another race?? Idk.....I'm a little hesitant now. Call me a coward, but I would hate to be going out with my guy in an IR and be heckled or stared down at by BM. Idk if I would be able to handle that ALL the time... erplexed


*sigh* I'm still open to IRR...(always have been), but I guess now that you guys mention it, I never thought about what BLACK MEN might be doing, saying, thinking about our relationship....etc.....

Even if you do get a few curious, surprised, or death stares by some black men, how do you know what they do in their relationships.

A lot of the Black men who get possessive about black female strangers have had their share of white, cuban and asian puzzy anyhow. Please believe it. Not all, but a lot have at least talked to women of other races. For that reason planning your romances around what male strangers think and their IRR double standards can be a waste of time.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Why do you need to defend or justify your decisions to strangers just because they're BM? What do you owe them?

IMO you're not really open if you're worried about that.

UmSumayyah
It's not that I feel the NEED to, it's just that IF that situation did come up (ie. someone asking me for ex: "why are you with a white man??" ), I wouldn't want to have to be put in that awkward position and then have to try to "explain". I guess I never really thought about it when I was dating my ex, probably because the situation never came up. But IF it did....I'm now starting to wonder if I would be able to handle that... erplexed

I know it's irrational lol.... I'm just thinking out loud that's all...

If you like him then go for it. Someone else's experiences should not deter you. DH and I have had nothing to overcome between us. Any issues, which have been few, are from outside of our relationship and we don't let those things bother us.

BTW, you need to get over his race and start looking at him as a man rather than a white man. Some folks might disagree with that but a relationship will not last if you cannot look past that. Relationships are hard enough without adding more awkward to the already awkward.

He deserves someone that is going to see "him" and not just a color and so do you.

letskeepntouch
^^THIS!! I completely agree!

I wish more people saw things that way...

At the end of the day, we are ALL human.

Even if you do get a few curious, surprised, or death stares by some black men, how do you know what they do in their relationships.

A lot of the Black men who get possessive about black female strangers have had their share of white, cuban and asian puzzy anyhow. Please believe it. Not all, but a lot have at least talked to women of other races. For that reason planning your romances around what male strangers think and their IRR double standards can be a waste of time.

Vanthie

Now isn't THAT the truth??!

When you put it that way, it doesn't make much sense afterall now does it??

Lol....you helped me feel better

Idk....we'll see.....

 

[UmSumayyah]

UmSumayyah
It's not that I feel the NEED to, it's just that IF that situation did come up (ie. someone asking me for ex: "why are you with a white man??" ), I wouldn't want to have to be put in that awkward position and then have to try to "explain". I guess I never really thought about it when I was dating my ex, probably because the situation never came up. But IF it did....I'm now starting to wonder if I would be able to handle that... erplexed

I know it's irrational lol.... I'm just thinking out loud that's all...

I would just look at him crazy and say something like "Why did you wear that shirt today?"

Hypothetical black male stranger is not owed an explanation and you don't need to give him one.

 

[Allandra]

I haven't had any problems I've had to overcome from dating outside of my race, but it seems as though other people have had a problem with it. I don't let it bother me, and I just keep it moving. People are always going to have something to say about everything. I just end up saying to myself '*** them, this is my life'.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I would just look at him crazy and say something like "Why did you wear that shirt today?"

Hypothetical black male stranger is not owed an explanation and you don't need to give him one.

True! Good comeback lol....

I haven't had any problems I've had to overcome from dating outside of my race, but it seems as though other people have had a problem with it. I don't let it bother me, and I just keep it moving. People are always going to have something to say about everything. I just end up saying to myself '*** them, this is my life'.

Allandra

Have these been people in your family/friends, his family/friends, or strangers???

Just curious.....

 

[Allandra]

Allandra

Have these been people in your family/friends, his family/friends, or strangers???

Just curious.....

It was never with my family / friends or his family / friends. It would just be from associates (people that I do not consider friends).

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

It was never with my family / friends or his family / friends. It would just be from associates (people that I do not consider friends).

Oh wow.......

That's a shame...

 

[bosswitch]

Go on and get your swirl on OP