What are some Interracial dating problems you've had to overcome?

KurlyNinja

KurlyNinja

New Member
So I usually dont step in this forum, but somehow my love life has snuck up on me. I dont know how the hell this happened because I've been floating through single-dom for a while now. And have been enjoying myself immensely. But I have just recently discovered that one of my really close male friends (white) has an interest in me. We've been friends for 2 years and didn't notice until his best friend pointed it out to me. :lol:

I'm probably beating a dead horse here, but I no curr. We still hang out often because we are friends, but I'm really taking time out to consider if I want to take it there or not.

So I'm posting this to ask what are some problems or issues you've had in IR dating. Rather it be from trying to gap cultural boundaries within the relationship, flack from friends and family or just other random "issues" that may have arisen. Not saying you arent compatible, but nobody is ever 100% compatible even if you were the same race. But I'm specifically asking about racial/cultural differences you may have had to overcome.

I know every relationship is different so I'm not really looking to hear that. Just want a general perspective to see if I'm ready to go down the road of IR dating. And if you havent had any issues. Post that too. It would be nice to hear the good as well.


Disclaimer: This is not meant to upset anybody in anyway. I don't want backlash from this. Just asking a question. Mmmkay. Thanks.
 
I've only dated interracially. I've never had a problem. Seriously!

Maybe once or twice a SO and I have gotten the side eye but nothing overtly offensive. *shrug*

If you're attracted to him, let it happen! Don't exclude him because of the color of his skin.
 
I'm black and my SO is non-black. Honestly, we haven't encountered any problems due to being in an IR. We've met each other's families. His family likes me; my family likes him. :yep: We have more IN common than not. We're both kind of shy, nerdy, and compassionate. I feel like he's one of the few people who gets me. We're not the same person, but we differ in a way that complements one another... If that makes sense. :lol: Once my sister asked if people stare at my SO and I, when we go out together. I responded, I don't know. When I'm with him, I'm not looking at other people. :lol: Too busy focused on him.

IMO, a good man -- one who treats you how you want and deserve to be treated -- is hard enough to find. So, don't count one out, just because of what he looks like. Give him a chance and if it doesn't work, then onto the next one. :yep:
 
KurlyNinja

Awwww....how cute! :grin:

This is actually how my last bf and I started dating too. He's white also, and we were friends for YEARS before I even had an inkling that he had an interest in me! :lol: So go figure!! :lol:


Anyway, to be honest with you...we didn't have any problems...not in the IRR arena. He treated me so nicely, was very sweet, and was probably the most ATTENTIVE boyfriend I've ever had to this day! :look: Like seriously lol....

I know that my experiences aren't like everyone's however, so I know that SOME people actually DO get backlash from friends, family members (on both sides) about two people of different races/cultures dating. But you know what I've realized?

I've realized that at the end of the day, you have to do what makes YOU happy. Don't worry about anyone else because THEY won't be the ones in a relationship with him. Tell me something, Does this guy make you happy? Does he treat you with respect? Is he there for you? You say you two have been "friends" for two years. Has he been a GOOD friend in those two years?? These are all questions you need to ask yourself. :yep: If the answers are YES, then by all means...why not give it a chance? :lol:

I say at least give him a chance, especially since he's a friend. :yep: OBVIOUSLY there is a reason why you two are such close friends right? SO, is he good enough to be your friend but not good enough to be MORE than a friend? What kind of reasoning is that? :nuts: Not trying to be harsh....I'm just saying....:look: Is there a reason why you have kept him in the friend zone? If there are glaring reasons, then you can of course decide not to even go down that road...regardless of his race lol.

But if he's been nice to you, nice to your friends and family and has been there for you as a good friend, then why not at least go on ONE date or two with him? I always say that the best relationships sometimes start off as friendships.

I'm thinking too that you two might not get as much "backlash" from friends and family since you two started off as friends already. I'm guessing that your friends and families on both ends knew you two were friends right? :look:

So, I say go for it! :grinwink:


Go on the date and report back! :yep:
 
Yes, he's a really good friend. When we first met he was ending a horrible relationship and I was in the middle of one (now over for a year now). lol. I guess we both needed time to heal so I dont think dating was on either one of our minds, honestly. We share the same group of friends so we are together often. I can honestly say I love him and have no problem telling him this. We are really good friends. We do share interests and I love talking to him for hours. I guess I've been SO happy being single that I haven't really seen options that were right in front of me. :lol:

After my last relationship, I've become VERY selective of who I give my heart too so thats why I'm weighing all of the options in this. I just want to know what I'm getting in to. Or a general idea.
 
honestly? None.

My family loves my DH. My parents are a mixed couple too. DH's family has been amazing.

I say take a chance and go for it!
 
KurlyNinja said:
Yes, he's a really good friend. When we first met he was ending a horrible relationship and I was in the middle of one (now over for a year now). lol. I guess we both needed time to heal so I dont think dating was on either one of our minds, honestly. We share the same group of friends so we are together often. I can honestly say I love him and have no problem telling him this. We are really good friends. We do share interests and I love talking to him for hours. I guess I've been SO happy being single that I haven't really seen options that were right in front of me. :lol:

After my last relationship, I've become VERY selective of who I give my heart too so thats why I'm weighing all of the options in this. I just want to know what I'm getting in to. Or a general idea.
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Awwww that's so sweet. :grin: I love reading about friends-turned-lovers stories. :yep: I'm looking for that again in my life myself. :) I want my future husband to have been a good friend of mine first before becoming more. :yep:

If you feel this way about him girlie, then I say take a chance, indulge him by accepting his offer to go out on a date with him, and then see what happens! :grinwink:

It seems as though you've been hurt before in the past and are now a little more selective with who you give your heart to. Trust me...been there, done that lol! :lol: It's only natural, and honestly, I think women in general should be more selective with who they date.

But in regards to this friend of yours, I wouldn't think too hard about it right now. You two already have a good rapport, so a "date" should be pretty much easy peasy right? Lol.... Don't look at him as potentially being "the one", just go out with him as two friends getting dinner or whatever...just as a slightly different dynamic lol. :giggle:

And by all means don't worry too much about skin color either. He was still "white" when he was your friend soooo......lol :look: His skin color didn't automatically change just because he now wants to be more than just friends lol! :lol: Besides, underneath our skin tone, we're all just skin and bones anyway. *shrug*

Btw, how did he confess to you that he was interested?

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy using LHCF App
 
Without trying, my current SO and my past relationships (except my Black ex-husband) were IR ones and I've never had an issue when it came to race - really!

When it comes to my current SO, though he grew up in a very small town in the NE, his parents were truly color blind. They were (they are both gone) deeply offended and disgusted by racism of any kind. I've seen it in action with his mother just months before she passed away in October. She completely cut off a long-time friend when she used a racial slur in passing. I mean, she pretty much nailed her to the stake and told her not to talk to her again or even come to her funeral (she was in hospice). So with SO, there are no issues.

Though we're from a different generation, upbringing and race, we have so much in common. I can't imagine anyone more compatible.
 
I am 25 and have always been in an IRs. I've had 2 bad instances and that has not stopped me from wanting to date other races.

#1: I was 17. I dated a guy for a few weeks and he told me that his best friend didn't like that I was black. If that had happened at my current age, that would have been that... but it turned into drama, just like any high school situation. I told my friends... my friends called him racist... he IMed me on AOL threatening me to tell my friends to stop or he'd burn my house down... Printed out the conversation and gave it to the principal... he got suspended...

And after all that, I dated another white guy shortly after :lol: It hurt bad, but you like who you like... some people can handle IR and others can't. Besides that was back in 2004 and IRs are hardly brought to anyone's attention. Especially now that I live in California.

#2: I was 22. My boyfriend at the time had a nosey neighbor who noticed my car was always at my boyfriend's house and I guess one day he saw me get out of the car... he told my boyfriend's parents that a black girl is always at his house (he doesn't live with his parents) and the next day my boyfriend got in a huge fight with his dad about me. He says he stood up for me but his dad threatened to not acknowledge him as a part of the family if he married me and had black babies. It really hurt him... but he continued to date me anyways, we broke up later on... over something completely different. Today, we're still friends. I actually went to his house last weekend for fajitas and completely forgot about his stupid racist neighbor until now.

That's really it... and it's made me aware that everyone isn't on the IR dating bandwagon but the majority of the time people are. And when you're crazy about the other person the problems you have seem no different than normal problems people have with dating.

If I was white and dated that same guy in high school, he could have just said "my best friend doesn't like you" and that would be that. Or for the other situation, "my Dad doesn't like you." It just hurts more because it's about something I can't change but in reality it's pretty similar to other dating problems, but that's just my opinion. I'm sure there are people who will disagree with me.

Every relationship has problems, whether it's skin color or whatever.... that's just how I view it and that's why it doesn't bother me... especially since I've been accepted in every single IR except those two.

ETA
I think you should guy a chance. If you're the slightest bit curious and interested do it! Don't try to predict what may happen and what other people will think. Every relationship is different. It definitely helps that you two are already friends... that's a great foundation.
 
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Give him a chance, and see how it goes. Love is truly color blind. Try and you may well find a gem.

DF and I will be getting married in 2 months. My mom calls him her oldest son ( I have a younger brother), and treats him as such. His family likes and treats me well. He is the most loving man I've ever known, and he treats me like a treasure!
 
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(Continued from above)


We've gotten the side-eye from folks in some cities. Yesterday, we were in Nashville where he was interviewing for a graduate school program. I picked him up at the end of the day and because there was traffic around the city, we decided to just stay in the city and have an early dinner. We went to an upscale restaurant, and I could feel the stares from other patrons. Here was this handsome young man (still in his suit), and this woman with jeans and *unruly* hair!!! Lol..

I was loving the outrage on some of the faces. I made a point to show off my engagement ring (by picking up my glass or folding my hands) each time the waitress came over. I know, I know, seems petty. But I live in a city up north where people don't give a second look to my hair or us as a couple!!! Nashville gets the thumbs down in my book!!!

Btw, I was protective styling with kinky hair like this...
 

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Some things I've noticed that might happen is women of the race/ethnicity of the man you're dating might give you a side eye, especially being a Black woman. I honestly feel many women of other races have a superiority complex against Black woman and can't stand to see one of their "good" (if the person you're dating is of high stock; very attractive, educated, well off, polite, etc.) men with a Black woman because we're supposedly so "horrible". I've gotten shady/nasty looks from women of other races when I was out in public with a friend of mine (we were romantically involved at one time but not at the time of this incident).

Aside from that, don't let those things deter you from dating who you want, regardless of race/ethnicity. People will ALWAYS have an opinion or something to say about your relationship; this even happens with people dating of the same race all the time.
 
kikigirl said:
(Continued from above)


We've gotten the side-eye from folks in some cities. Yesterday, we were in Nashville where he was interviewing for a graduate school program. I picked him up at the end of the day and because there was traffic around the city, we decided to just stay in the city and have an early dinner. We went to an upscale restaurant, and I could feel the stares from other patrons. Here was this handsome young man (still in his suit), and this woman with jeans and *unruly* hair!!! Lol..

I was loving the outrage on some of the faces. I made a point to show off my engagement ring (by picking up my glass or folding my hands) each time the waitress came over. I know, I know, seems petty. But I live in a city up north where people don't give a second look to my hair or us as a couple!!! Nashville gets the thumbs down in my book!!!

Btw, I was protective styling with kinky hair like this...
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Given that I've lived in this west coast bubble my entire life, I sometimes forget that other parts of the country are not so "meh" when it comes to IR dating.
 
Had tons of issues when I dated an Indian guy.

No problem with dating a white guy, accept he loved hair pulling. Fortunately I didn't wear tracks, but I did always straighten my hair. :look: it was new to me but I enjoyed it since black guys act like their fingers will crumble into nothingness if they touch a black girls hair.

Also long drives listening to country music. I still flip on the country station when I'm going down the highway. :lol:

Otherwise no problems than would be encountered in any other relationship. That's actually the only guy I've ever dated that a miss and wouldn't punch in the nuts if I saw him today. If anything IR will show you to forget about color for awhile and realize that at the end of the day we are all humans and we all love to love and be loved.
 
im in an IR. we've not had any major problems related to race. his parents arent too fond of me but i dont think thats because im negro. i think its because ive "taken" him from them. im close with my family but its taken to a whole 'nother level with him. they want to rule and control every aspect of his life. my parents, on the other hand, just want me to be happy.

hes the first non-black guy ive been in a relationship with. ive been on dates with them but never in a serious relationship.

when we go out a lot of ppl stare at us. i guess i understand because the pairing isnt common but he gets annoyed by it. i also get extremely dirty looks from east asian chicks. not really sure what thats about as no one in the relationship is east asian.:perplexed

most of his friends are white. im not fond of white folks so that gets tiring after a while.

its not really any different from dating a black guy besides other ppls reactions and his overbearing parents.
 
I usually only get the death stare from black dudes and old black couples. Anyone else has not been so overt that I notice.
 
Never really gave it that much thought but most of my relationships were IR. If not then they were mixed with some other race.

I never had a problem or got weird stares majorly because I live in NYC and nobody here cares about that. This place is a melting pot of everything in the world so its not something out of the norm.

Also my mother is mixed so my family never had a problem with who I dated. As long as I'm happy they support me.

The only time IR was an issue was when I dated this guy from Iran his parents didnt want to meet me because they didnt believe in him dating anyone outside the middle east. That didnt bother him we continued to date and broke up for other reasons.

OP I say who cares what other people think. What do you think? The only opinions that matter in a relationship are the ones who are in it.
 
Oasis, is your SO white?


Oasis said:
im in an IR. we've not had any major problems related to race. his parents arent too fond of me but i dont think thats because im negro. i think its because ive "taken" him from them. im close with my family but its taken to a whole 'nother level with him. they want to rule and control every aspect of his life. my parents, on the other hand, just want me to be happy.

hes the first non-black guy ive been in a relationship with. ive been on dates with them but never in a serious relationship.

when we go out a lot of ppl stare at us. i guess i understand because the pairing isnt common but he gets annoyed by it. i also get extremely dirty looks from east asian chicks. not really sure what thats about as no one in the relationship is east asian.:perplexed

most of his friends are white. im not fond of white folks so that gets tiring after a while.

its not really any different from dating a black guy besides other ppls reactions and his overbearing parents.
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I can't recall any issues because of the IR relationship, but my current boyfriend and I generally cannot come to an agreement when it comes to two things, music and how much seasoning to put on meat. It never fails.

Now, let me just say that I am open minded when it comes to music, my taste is vast but death metal, I just can't do. When we're in the car we meet half way regarding tunes. Alternative or today's hits. But that "split your lungs with blood and thunder" stuff? I can't. Don't get me wrong, I like metal. I just don't like it when the vocalist sounds like a demon sucking in air.
 
Mortons said:
I usually only get the death stare from black dudes and old black couples. Anyone else has not been so overt that I notice.
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See.....that very thing is probably what is making me hesitant about dating a white guy again.....:look:

When I was dating one of my ex-bf's (who just happened to be white), he and I never got any stares....or, maybe I was just too much in a "bubble" to even realize it because we were friends first so I probably even forgot he was white at that point lol. :lol:

But a NEW guy who's white or maybe of another race?? :look: Idk.....I'm a little hesitant now. :look: Call me a coward, but I would hate to be going out with my guy in an IR and be heckled or stared down at by BM. :nono: Idk if I would be able to handle that ALL the time... :perplexed


*sigh* :ohwell: I'm still open to IRR...(always have been), but I guess now that you guys mention it, I never thought about what BLACK MEN might be doing, saying, thinking about our relationship....etc..... :ohwell:
 
*poof*

(I have a friend who is a regular on the boards and doesn't know of my current situation so I HAVE to poof this post, lol)
 
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Crystalicequeen123 said:
See.....that very thing is probably what is making me hesitant about dating a white guy again.....:look:

When I was dating one of my ex-bf's (who just happened to be white), he and I never got any stares....or, maybe I was just too much in a "bubble" to even realize it because we were friends first so I probably even forgot he was white at that point lol. :lol:

But a NEW guy who's white or maybe of another race?? :look: Idk.....I'm a little hesitant now. :look: Call me a coward, but I would hate to be going out with my guy in an IR and be heckled or stared down at by BM. :nono: Idk if I would be able to handle that ALL the time... :perplexed


*sigh* :ohwell: I'm still open to IRR...(always have been), but I guess now that you guys mention it, I never thought about what BLACK MEN might be doing, saying, thinking about our relationship....etc..... :ohwell:
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That's silly.

Why should you be concerned about what other men might be doing, saying or thinking about your relationship? Do you normally see people carry out like that over IRR in general? Even if you did, it's not like their opinions matter.
 
Bozcurls said:
That's silly.

Why should you be concerned about what other men might be doing, saying or thinking about your relationship? Do you normally see people carry out like that over IRR in general? Even if you did, it's not like their opinions matter.
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Bozcurls
Yeah...I get what you're saying.....and you're absolutely right. :yep: In reality, it SHOULDN'T matter really. :ohwell:

I'm as "open" as open can be when it comes to IRR, or the thought of being in another IRR in the future. But when I REALLY think about it.....I mean SERIOUSLY think about it..... Idk... :perplexed :look:

Just even the thought of having to "defend" our relationship or give "reasons" for why we're even together just seems like too much of a headache to me. Friends and family would be cool since we're all pretty diverse and open in that way, but STRANGERS?? :confused: Idk... I just don't know if I could (or even WOULD want to) handle that....ALL.THE.TIME. :wallbash:

*sigh* I guess, when you get a little older, you start looking at things a little differently I suppose. :perplexed

I'm pretty private and I don't like a lot of attention on me, so if some ladies have run into BM (or just people in general) heckling them, or giving them dirty looks because of who they're dating, then that makes ME start to think. :look: Idk if I would want to have to undergo that type of scrutiny whenever we're out somewhere...ykwim? :ohwell:

So, I'm not saying "no" to IR dating, I'm just saying...."I don't know".... :perplexed

I hope this makes sense :look:
 
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