CurlyNiquee
Well-Known Member
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I appreciated all the advice ladies.
I appreciated all the advice ladies.
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Your boundaries were tested plain and simple, and you know where you went wrong. You haven’t heard from him and you were suppose to meet up yesterday. Well you need to block him and move on. You didn’t have sex Friday, so you got played on Saturday. Friday was a test. You halfway failed. You didn’t stick to Saturday, you got a baby sitter for Friday, and you went to his house after the date. He wasn’t going to get aggressive with you, but wanted see how far you would go. Do you go this far with men you usually date? Do you make it so easy and convenient for man to just do last minute dates with you when you are still in the getting to know each other stage? this is how men think!!! And when he said you might still be able to come over, even though he let you know his daughter would be there, you played yourself. You should have said take care of your daughter and I’ll holla at you another day. Your morals/values got tested. I would say stay off of online dating, but nobody seems to think anything is wrong with it. It’s like going to a club to meet a potential husband, knowing his might have gotten 10 phone numbers from other women that same night.. smh
I think he checked all the boxes and you started thinking “oh this might be the one!” Based on non-character traits. And it hasn’t been long just let it play out. But give it some distance because you were getting caught up in the whirlwind without really knowing anything about him.
I think he wanted to “prove” that it was his daughter that was there. Take it easy! This is a wake up call nothing more. Show some trust and regather your Wits you’ll be ok
I say wait and see.
Please make sure you rotate. Believe it or not, your red-flag-o-meter works much better when you are actively dating multiple men all at once.
Aka, you won't even feel the need to ask these questions.
I think it is so hard to not get caught up in the moment when everything clicks so right, feels so good and that is normal, but unfortunately it may make someone seem too available, too eager and takes the fun , mystery from getting to know someone.
I feel for you because I know it can seem to take forever to find someone you actually vibe with.
Also work on being more assertive; when he said you could come over and you were not comfortable with meeting his daughter, you should have said just that, (not tell him it is up to him and maybe he needs a nap).
From your post, I don't see any "red flags" per se, but it seems like you're attracted to him and he "checks boxes" and because of that you're getting a little caught up in "keeping the chemistry" at the cost of communicating your boundaries and preferences. I think you're feeling uncomfortable because there were a couple of instances where you kind of put your preferences on the back burner because of your attraction to him.
On Friday, you could have told him that while you'd love to meet up with him, you didn't have a sitter for your daughter and that it'd be best to keep the date for tomorrow.
On Saturday, you could have said something like "I'd love for us to spend time together, but I'm not really comfortable with coming over tonight since you'll be with your daughter. Let's plan something for later this week."
It seems like you're leaving things on his terms because you like him, but no matter how much you like or vibe with someone, you should always communicate your preferences since the relationship should be something that both people enjoy and this is how you can tell if you do truly vibe.
I think it should be less about looking for red flags and more about listening to yourself, acknowledging what you are and are not comfortable with and honoring what you want by communicating your preferences. Do you feel like if you communicate your preferences you'll "scare him away"?
It is a little rude that he never called back to give you a definitive answer, but I think you should just wait and see what happens since it's been such a short period of time. Moving forward, just make sure you're communicating what you want.
Good luck, he seems like the type that knows his lifestyle impresses women, so he might be doing this with a few other women. Throwing spaghetti and seeing what sticks. If you seem too interested he might fallback and then pop back up when he thinks you've moved on, but then you remember how he impressed you so you give it another shot.
Ultimately, it's up to you. Don't take it personal, this is part of the game. If you don't want to play the game, then just tell him that and see what he says.
I date online sometimes and I also meet men in person. The men online tend to be a bit more passive-aggressive, but at the end of the day, I don't think it's a significant difference between the two.
I have a rule with men, especially the ones I meet online and we start texting: I don't reply to anything after 10:30pm until we've been hanging out for a while. I also don't do last minute plans, less than 48hrs notice. Caveat: if we're in the same area last minute and I'm bored, and I look cute , I will grab a coffee. Like, if I'm shopping in the city or walking around. I absolutely won't meet any family members. This is all learned behavior, accept the 10:30pm rule; someone once told me that nothing is open after 1am but legs and gas stations. If you start the convo at 10:30, nothing good is coming after that.
Meeting men online gives you time to do "the research". You see their profiles, if it's an IG account attached, they are bit more candid when they think no one is watching or they're trying to impress. Meeting men in person, you have to do a bit more digging to get their true personality/routine behaviors.
Yep to the bolded.
Just curious, what are the other men in your rotation like?
Good luck, he seems like the type that knows his lifestyle impresses women, so he might be doing this with a few other women. Throwing spaghetti and seeing what sticks. If you seem too interested he might fallback and then pop back up when he thinks you've moved on, but then you remember how he impressed you so you give it another shot.
Ultimately, it's up to you. Don't take it personal, this is part of the game. If you don't want to play the game, then just tell him that and see what he says.
I date online sometimes and I also meet men in person. The men online tend to be a bit more passive-aggressive, but at the end of the day, I don't think it's a significant difference between the two.
I have a rule with men, especially the ones I meet online and we start texting: I don't reply to anything after 10:30pm until we've been hanging out for a while. I also don't do last minute plans, less than 48hrs notice. Caveat: if we're in the same area last minute and I'm bored, and I look cute , I will grab a coffee. Like, if I'm shopping in the city or walking around. I absolutely won't meet any family members. This is all learned behavior, accept the 10:30pm rule; someone once told me that nothing is open after 1am but legs and gas stations. If you start the convo at 10:30, nothing good is coming after that.
Meeting men online gives you time to do "the research". You see their profiles, if it's an IG account attached, they are bit more candid when they think no one is watching or they're trying to impress. Meeting men in person, you have to do a bit more digging to get their true personality/routine behaviors.
@prettydarkthing
What is that goal? And doesnt that depend on their age? Are women magically exempt from this?
I can only speak for my partner but he's pressed about being a husband and having children. Pressed, I tell ya he just turned 40 and I do not believe he is rare.
The idea that men only want drawers is only true for some, not all. I hope this helps op because I truly believe that the beliefs you hold will shape your experience. You will find exactly what you're looking for be it good or bad traits.
“During the first month of dealing with a man, he is wearing a mask. Instead of letting the butterflies, attention, and fantasy of him being the “one” take over, stay focused on getting to know him. I understand that it’s easier said than done. You want to love and be loved, so you get excited over a person and believe the words of affirmation that are rolling off their lips are truths. Nevertheless, you’re not 17, you’re a grown a** woman. You’re not battling against men that want to use you, the real enemy is your own mind. Men have ZERO power over you. Recognize that YOU control the access to your heart. Discriminate!
Why are you so afraid to test these dudes via real actions and real questions? You can’t chase off a man that was meant for you, what you do is narrow the field until you’re left with quality choices. Stop all the basic b**** crying about no options. You will continue to be exploited if you see these men as one of a kind or something that you need to cling to instead of test. A Spartan would never gush, “I want him so bad,” she thinks, “What’s his agenda?” I Spartan would never ask, “how do I get him back,” she thinks, “Good riddance!” You are a Goddess, rid yourself of these soft emotions, and project your power!”
Just read this and had to share with y’all ...
Your post reminded me that I downloaded Mr. Lambert's book last month, have yet to complete. Think I'll get back to it this weekend. If I may ask, what happened to your Spaniard?