We can't be friends

zzirvingj

zzirvingj

New Member
Are you 'for' or 'against' maintaining a friendship with an ex-boyfriend or someone you've dated seriously? (Not an ex husband or someone you've had kids with and have to maintain some type of dealings with...)

Most of my girl friends all say no to it. They say that someone ends up usually still having feelings, so it makes for an 'awkward' friendship and/or a friendship that's not exactly 'genuine'.

Why are you for or against it, and what have your experiences been?
 
No way we can't be friends. I cut ties immediately and we can always be friends later down the road(like 6 mths) but not immediately after the breakup.
 
I'm friends with most of the people I've dated, but usually, we didn't get to that point until quite some time after the situation was done and over with.

Trying to maintain a friendship with someone you have feelings for immediately afterward rarely works, IMO. It might start off ok, but once someone starts moving on and wants to share that information, it gets difficult.
 
I don't have any past bfs but I know if I did I wouldn't be friends with them now that I'm married. Human emotions are too volatile.
 
I think that it can be done but it is VERY situational. It depends on how you break up. Because I've broken up with someone where there was just nothing left. So it was super easy to be friends afterward. And it's not awkward at all. I think it really depends. Like everything else...
 
I am cool with my exhusband and we DON'T have children together. Our nonrelationship\relationship started after the divorce was granted. Strange I know, but we are cool like that. If we would have never gotten married we both think we would still be bf\gf. Strange I know.

It isn't forced and I haven't seen him in about 2 years, we live in the same city. We speak briefly every couple of months but he loves to send me funny emails and texts weekly. We are like teenagers....but the thought of us being together makes me ill.

It isn't for everyone. We didn't break up because of infidelities or anything like that, we just couldn't stand each other. I mentioned before in another thread, I think it is the one about has your spouse ever cursed at you. I told him that I hated the way he inhaled and exhaled and ask him to stop, he told me to STFU, our marriage was down the tubes by then, we were just roommates. Yeah, same dude.
 
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No...
a firm, definite no
Hell No
Hell to the Naw
(Feel free to add on)

Sent from my Sprint HTC Evo using Long Hair Care Forum App
 
I don't think there is no need I have enough friends. Let's be real for a majority of us if it was a chick it would be over and done with. I know sex changes things but I don't need dude around cause whatever they are bringing as a friend isn't that important. I'm pretty sure you can get it(not that lol) from other friends.
 
I speak to my exes, but I'm only "friends" with one. We were friends before we started dated and our break up wasn't bad, so it wasn't hard to be cool with him after.

We did not start calling each other friends again until about 6 months after our breakup though.
 
It would be possible if we had a friendship before dating. If our only interaction was in the form of a romatic relationship, I probably wouldn't be interested.
 
Mine is not working well...he still has feelings.
I hate the thought of someone that's been so important in my life for 5 years being NOTHING to me now or in the future. But I think this may have more to do with my issues around letting go....
 
It depends. I don't think its always a hard and fast rule. If there are absolutely no feelings between the two parties, and no beef, I think its possible.

I am not friends w/my ex. I thought we would be bc we were friends before we dated. I tried and I'd either end up pissed or hurt/sad literally to the point of my stomach in knots/physically ill whenever I communicated with him even on a limited basis; so I had to cut it down to zero contact.

He quickly had a new boo, but yet wanted to keep me around too and chat everyday and have my emotional support like old times. I decided not only did he not deserve my friendship, but that it wasn't fair to myself (or his new gf for that matter). My energy needed to be redirected to moving on with my life, not being bothered with somebody else's man.
 
Melody.Monroe said:
I think that it can be done but it is VERY situational. It depends on how you break up. Because I've broken up with someone where there was just nothing left. So it was super easy to be friends afterward. And it's not awkward at all. I think it really depends. Like everything else...
Click to expand...

IMO, there's nothing situational about it. For you, there might be nothing left but you never know about the other party. Being friends might give them hope that there's a slight chance of getting back together. It also prolongs the healing process from the pain.
 
zzirvingj said:
Are you 'for' or 'against' maintaining a friendship with an ex-boyfriend or someone you've dated seriously? (Not an ex husband or someone you've had kids with and have to maintain some type of dealings with...)

Most of my girl friends all say no to it. They say that someone ends up usually still having feelings, so it makes for an 'awkward' friendship and/or a friendship that's not exactly 'genuine'.

Why are you for or against it, and what have your experiences been?
Click to expand...

I know I'm in the minority, but I think it's possible to remain friends with an ex. As long as you respect your current SO. For example, I won't have lunch all the time or hangout with my ex, but I still speak to him from time to time.
I actually take pride in being on talking conditions with my ex's. (Except one fool) We didn't break up on bad terms, we just grew in different directions so there's no anger there.
Honestly, my ex is one of my bestfriends in life. I've known him since I was 11. I can't imagine cutting him out of my life, however I've eased off of our relationship since getting with my current SO. I think as long as you remain respectful to what your current SO expects then you can be friendly with your ex.
 
Imani said:
It depends. I don't think its always a hard and fast rule. If there are absolutely no feelings between the two parties, and no beef, I think its possible.

I am not friends w/my ex. I thought we would be bc we were friends before we dated. I tried and I'd either end up pissed or hurt/sad literally to the point of my stomach in knots/physically ill whenever I communicated with him even on a limited basis; so I had to cut it down to zero contact.

He quickly had a new boo, but yet wanted to keep me around too and chat everyday and have my emotional support like old times. I decided not only did he not deserve my friendship, but that it wasn't fair to myself (or his new gf for that matter). My energy needed to be redirected to moving on with my life, not being bothered with somebody else's man.
Click to expand...

I'm glad that you were able to make and stick to this decision; it sounds like a very hard thing to do, yet it seems like it was the best thing/most emotionally healthy thing for you.
 
I'm still friends with an ex. The friendship didn't blossom immediately though. It did take a while, but we're good. I'm attending his wedding in a few months too.
 
ThickHair said:
I am cool with my exhusband and we DON'T have children together. Our nonrelationship\relationship started after the divorce was granted. Strange I know, but we are cool like that. If we would have never gotten married we both think we would still be bf\gf. Strange I know.

It isn't forced and I haven't seen him in about 2 years, we live in the same city. We speak briefly every couple of months but he loves to send me funny emails and texts weekly. We are like teenagers....but the thought of us being together makes me ill.

It isn't for everyone. We didn't break up because of infidelities or anything like that, we just couldn't stand each other. I mentioned before in another thread, I think it is the one about has your spouse ever cursed at you. I told him that I hated the way he inhaled and exhaled and ask him to stop, he told me to STFU, our marriage was down the tubes by then, we were just roommates. Yeah, same dude.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry but...

:lachen:
 
personally, i can't... like you said in the op, the friendship wouldn't be genuine bc i have no desire to hear about the next chick or how in love he may be or any of that... my most recent ex, can't stand him.... i've never had a successful post relationship friendship, so i avoid them now....
 
ThickHair said:
I am cool with my exhusband and we DON'T have children together. Our nonrelationship\relationship started after the divorce was granted. Strange I know, but we are cool like that. If we would have never gotten married we both think we would still be bf\gf. Strange I know.

It isn't forced and I haven't seen him in about 2 years, we live in the same city. We speak briefly every couple of months but he loves to send me funny emails and texts weekly. We are like teenagers....but the thought of us being together makes me ill.

It isn't for everyone. We didn't break up because of infidelities or anything like that, we just couldn't stand each other. I mentioned before in another thread, I think it is the one about has your spouse ever cursed at you. I told him that I hated the way he inhaled and exhaled and ask him to stop, he told me to STFU, our marriage was down the tubes by then, we were just roommates. Yeah, same dude.
Click to expand...

It's not funny, but I lol'd at the you telling him you hated the way he breathed?!!:lol: Wow.


I wouldn't say I'm friends with all of my ex's, but I didn't burn all the bridges either. We don't talk often, and I cut off all communication when I was married.When I got divorced, the lines of communication were easily reopened because the bridges were never burned completely. There's only 1 guy from my past that I don't talk to at all and that's only because he's married and to me, it was disrespectful to his marriage for him to be talking to me without his wife being okay with it.
 
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