Friends with the ex?

[Angelicus]

I don't want to be friends with those rats! I've tried that before and they've always cross the line.

 

[JustKiya]

I'm still friends with my high school sweetheart, and two of my college bf's. We don't talk as much as we used to, but we do make an effort to see each other if we happen to be in the others city. My high school sweetheart was in my wedding!
I think it's easier to stay friends with them if we were actually friends before we got romantically involved - which I was, with all of them.

 

[saved06]

Man I love yall...yall are too real (yes I am from Texas with all the "yall's")

But I do not see the point in being friends and communicating with an ex:

1) What happens when you get a new boo and he doesn't approve of you talking to your ex?

2) He is an ex for a reason and if you are really trying to break any soul ties, texting, call, and hanging out all the time doesn't not help that

3) Isn't this an emotional mess waiting to happen? Because as soon as he start dating someone else....you are hurt when he stops communicating

4) Again, what is the point? I truly believe if you want to still be friends with an ex it's obvious there are still feelings and a chance of hope or you just want to keep tabs on him.

 

[JustKiya]

Man I love yall...yall are too real (yes I am from Texas with all the "yall's")

But I do not see the point in being friends and communicating with an ex:

1) What happens when you get a new boo and he doesn't approve of you talking to your ex?

2) He is an ex for a reason and if you are really trying to break any soul ties, texting, call, and hanging out all the time doesn't not help that

3) Isn't this an emotional mess waiting to happen? Because as soon as he start dating someone else....you are hurt when he stops communicating

4) Again, what is the point? I truly believe if you want to still be friends with an ex it's obvious there are still feelings and a chance of hope or you just want to keep tabs on him.

1) No 'boo' of mine gets to control who I talk to. Period. I'm his girlfriend/wife, not his child.
2) Ties were broken by the time we broke up - wasn't no lingering love lost.
3) No - because we were friends. So, while we might not talk as often, they didn't vanish when they got into a relationship.
4) We were friends before we started dating, and the same thing that led to our friendship then, still exists even after we break up.

The few ex's I have that I wasn't friends with before we hooked up, I'm not friends with now, either. The few ex's that were trifiling and that's why we broke up, I'm not friends with now, either.

Of course, everyone's answer may vary, but those were mine. I'm truly happy for my ex's anytime they find happiness with someone else......

 

[saved06]

1) No 'boo' of mine gets to control who I talk to. Period. I'm his girlfriend/wife, not his child.
2) Ties were broken by the time we broke up - wasn't no lingering love lost.
3) No - because we were friends. So, while we might not talk as often, they didn't vanish when they got into a relationship.
4) We were friends before we started dating, and the same thing that led to our friendship then, still exists even after we break up.

The few ex's I have that I wasn't friends with before we hooked up, I'm not friends with now, either. The few ex's that were trifiling and that's why we broke up, I'm not friends with now, either.

Of course, everyone's answer may vary, but those were mine. I'm truly happy for my ex's anytime they find happiness with someone else......

I feel you. As far as the new boo and ex: it's not a controlling thing but a respect issue. I wouldn't want my ex texting and hanging out with his ex, who is now a "friend".

 

[JustKiya]

I feel you. As far as the new boo and ex: it's not a controlling thing but a respect issue. I wouldn't want my ex texting and hanging out with his ex, who is now a "friend".

We'll just have to agree to disagree on that one..... I wouldn't do anything to disrespect my current relationship, and I would expect that my 'boo' would know that. Therefore, if I choose to continue talking to this individual, there is no disrespect, and if he attempts to cross a line, he will get handled appropriately.

 

[glamazon386]

But I do not see the point in being friends and communicating with an ex:

1) What happens when you get a new boo and he doesn't approve of you talking to your ex? I'm grown. Nobody can tell me who I can and cannot talk to. Plus SO isn't all in my stuff like that.

2) He is an ex for a reason and if you are really trying to break any soul ties, texting, call, and hanging out all the time doesn't not help that I really think it depends on the relationship. IDK about all the time but it's possible to hang out here and there with no ulterior motives if you are both over the whole thing.

3) Isn't this an emotional mess waiting to happen? Because as soon as he start dating someone else....you are hurt when he stops communicating Not necessarily. If it's over and done, that means your romantic feelings should be over and done too.

4) Again, what is the point? I truly believe if you want to still be friends with an ex it's obvious there are still feelings and a chance of hope or you just want to keep tabs on him. Not necessarily either. It may not be a matter of wanting to cling to this person via a friendship, but if you can agree to be cordial why not? Why hold a grudge or not speak to them at all just because you broke up? It doesn't mean that person fell off the face of the earth. I have no feelings left for my ex but I do wonder how he's doing sometimes. And he feels the same way. We were really good friends before hand so I think that's why we went back there after a cooling off period. Plus as time goes by people change. I'm not tripping over things that happened 3-4 years ago now. It's in the past.

 

[Bachelorette]

Question for you ladies. Do you think it's possible for two people to become friends after dating. I'm wondering if after years of loving someone, is it possible to turn them into a buddy. If so, how long do you think you have to be separated before you can attempt a platonic relationship? Just curious to here you guy's feedback on it. If you have experienced this please share.

ETA: For the ladies that successfully maintained a friendship with an ex, how long did the relationship last before you called it quits.

Can only work if both of you are truly over each other. Anything other than that and you'd be fooling yourself. That's why Im not friends with mine. We love the same stuff, so much we can talk about but being friends means having to hear about his relationships, seeing him flirt, blah blah and I cant do it. Not yet anyway

 

[JollyGal]

Attempting to right now. It's hard because I know he still has feelings for me I've forgiven him but can't forget what happened. I think this attempted friendship is based on my pity for him. He is totally broken right now and i'm thinking oh dear! Should I be there for him as a friend or not....


I usually advise against it but damn it's hard. It does depend on the relationship. I don't know what it is that keep pulling me back to him he wasn't very nice but I have forgiven him.

Epiphany moment (just now)...
Ask yourself How will this friendship benefit me?

I just asked myself that and the answer is it will not. I'm about to cut off the ties right now.

 

[JollyGal]

1) What happens when you get a new boo and he doesn't approve of you talking to your ex?
*** Damn! This is a hard and frank question. My new boo WOULD not approve of me talking to my ex (I'm single btw lol). I wouldn't want him talk to his either. Gosh it makes so much sense now. My current boo would tell me off because my ex wasn't the nicest person.***

2) He is an ex for a reason and if you are really trying to break any soul ties, texting, call, and hanging out all the time doesn't not help that
*** That's so true. I used to live like this and still do but there is just one ex that gets to me like I can't let him go. It must be his looks oh dear! I'm very shallow and you cannot base a friendship on looks...maybe I am looking for answers as to why he was the way he was but that's not even right. Some people will never change***

3) Isn't this an emotional mess waiting to happen? Because as soon as he start dating someone else....you are hurt when he stops communicating
***Here is the funny part. He has been dating others and so have I the communication stopped and it felt natural. I didn't feel hurt and don't feel hurt when he stop communicating. I just get on with my life and then out of the blue he sends a text or something. He isn't really a friend...more an associate with history***

4) Again, what is the point? I truly believe if you want to still be friends with an ex it's obvious there are still feelings and a chance of hope or you just want to keep tabs on him.
***I mentioned this before. He is very good looking...does that mean I still have feelings for him? I don't think so. We met recently and I couldn't feel anything...infact I cut the meet short because I had nothing to say and didn't even want to be near him. It was strange but it was almost like the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm happy to be his online/txt friend but when we meet nothing happens it's just bland. I don't feel happy in his company. It's just neutral. As for keeping tabs no I am not doing that. I hope he isn't doing that to me either. He was in my town recently and we live hours away from each other...***

 

[DMJ's Mom]

I was briefly friends with an ex but he kept trying to get back together so I had to leave him alone. We only stayed friends maybe a month after the breakup

 

[missjones]

Absolutely not. I didn't see it back then, but I know it now...they were losers and I don't need to associate with that kind.

 

[ThickHair]

I am friends with my exhusband. We didn't become friendly until the divorce was over. We have gone on dates, family events and such. Folks think we are getting back together but no. You have to set guidelines and follow them. Him and I have not had sex since 6 months before our seperation. Since no sex is involved it is so much easier to maintain a friendship. We don't even talk about sex and we don't speak about the people we are seeing either. We get along better than when we were married.

 

[tiara76]

But I do not see the point in being friends and communicating with an ex:

1) What happens when you get a new boo and he doesn't approve of you talking to your ex? I will have to tell him Im not seeking his approval.....acceptance of the people I choose to keep in my life is either something he does or doesn't do

2) He is an ex for a reason and if you are really trying to break any soul ties, texting, call, and hanging out all the time doesn't not help that
Most of my relationships with ex's got better after we broke up...communicating with them still helps me grow and helps them grow even as they/I grow with other people in their/my lives/life....we may not be on the same paths but we are still helping hands to one another as we move along in all different ways....we don't attract to each other on the physical levels but our spirit levels of love are way stronger and we encourage each other on our journeys in life and help each other understand ourselves and others who come into our lives


3) Isn't this an emotional mess waiting to happen? Because as soon as he start dating someone else....you are hurt when he stops communicating
We talk about their current relationships...my last ex wanted to just drop his girl because of his ego and I encouraged him to give her another chance because he is good from running away from his emotions vs dealing with them and he will keep going through the same types of experiences until he learns how to get a hold of his emotional well being and his relationships with others will be what helps him learn to do that

4) Again, what is the point? I truly believe if you want to still be friends with an ex it's obvious there are still feelings and a chance of hope or you just want to keep tabs on him.
I've never stopped loving anybody I love....relationships are for growing..and you are either growing together or apart...if its known and accepted the journey continues in different directions for different reasons then the love never dies and communicating with a loved one always enables feelings of love to be expressed

 

[Glamorous_chic]

well, unfortunately for me, this has never worked out for various reasons. one of my ex's, i was with for 4 years. the break-up was horrible, and he proved to be a pathological liar and cheater. i truly hated him for a long time, but after a while, i started to feel nothing towards him. He occasionally calls out the blue to chat. After our breakup, i truly thought i'd never be able to talk to him again, but i actually have forgiven him in my heart. Everytime i talk to him, he apologizes. I'd like to be friends with him, b/c he was my bf throughout our relationship, but he's proven that he hasn't changed, and is still a pathological liar about the simplest things. I occasionally still have girls calling my phone to find out who i am, just ridiculous.

Another ex, i i was friends with prior to the relationship. the relationship ended when he sent me a text message that he was getting married, and when i blew up about how is he getting married, since he's been "dating" me for the past 2 years, he denied it, and said he was playing a joke. turns out, he did get married, and his wife recently gave birth. he started calling me out the blue saying how he missed talking to me, and missed my friendship. i thought maybe we truly could be cordial, until he flat out told me that he wanted to have sex with me. i knew then that we couldn't be friends.

 

[babydollhair]

Deleted....

 

[Bachelorette]

Maybe in 5 years time I can be friends with him esp since we share alot in common

I dont think you should ever try to be pals if you still have romantic feelings

 

[poookie]

my first college boyfriend is one of my closest friends. we've been through a LOT together. i couldn't imagine more than 2 or 3 days passing by without hearing from him. he's an idiot though.

we'd probably be together now if he wanted to do a long distance relationship & if i wanted to be with an idiot

 

[joib]

I am friend with all of my ex. My relationship with them STARTS out as friends so when it doesn't work as boyfriend/girlfriend we just go back. Why do women jump right into relationship without being friends first Just scary to thing about it.

 

[tinkat]

I think it depends on how the relationship ended and your history together. My ex and I are cool, I know if I ever needed anything he would be there for me. We were first loves/college sweethearts so he will always share a special place, even just as a friend.

I don't know what it is, but I always try to have cordial endings to these type of situations.

 

[Murjani]

I have never maintained a friendship with any of my EXs

 

[Nayna]

I am friend with all of my ex. My relationship with them STARTS out as friends so when it doesn't work as boyfriend/girlfriend we just go back. Why do women jump right into relationship without being friends first Just scary to thing about it.

I see what u mean but I think friends mean different things to different people. I don't date guys that I consider my true male friends. Like if that's my homey or my boy, no I'm not going there. What if the situation screws up and I lose a good friend? Or what if all ur male friends know each other? U just ran through the whole team, lol.

Now I think a lot of people when dating a new guy call the getting to know u phase a friendship. Which it is in some ways and it helps build the foundation for a relationship. But I wouldn't calssify it as a true friendship it's a friendship with the intentions on moving further. Whereas true friends just stay friends.

 

[KPH]

I thought it was possible until my ex who is on wife no. 2 almost cursed me out when I told him I'd be getting married soon and moving to VA. He quickly slapped me across the face with our friendship after he begged me to be his friend. Told me it was my choice but he can't be my friend. Said he didn't want to look me in my face and know in his hear that I love another man. (silly me for trying to be an adult).

 

[nappystorm]

I'm friendly towards my exes and I may score a free meal or some help with some heavy lifting every once and a while but I wouldn't consider myself friends with any of them.

 

[cookie1]

I think that if people had a good friendship prior to dating it would be easier to be friends eventually.

My ex (of 5 years) and I had a great friendship. We broke up and are great friend today. We just wasn't meant to be together. I did learn alot from that relationship which is probably why we still have such a strong bond.

 

[Kerryann]

we are all adults here i think we can be friends just dont pass certain boudaries and we will be cool. im very good friends with my exes they call me asking me for advice with their new relationships thats how cool we are

 

[Mis007]

Question for you ladies.

Do you think it's possible for two people to become friends after dating.

Absolutely, of course if depends on the situation of the break up.


I'm wondering if after years of loving someone, is it possible to turn them into a buddy. If so, how long do you think you have to be separated before you can attempt a platonic relationship?

When we ended the relationship friendship ensued pretty quicky, but (a big but) the relationship ended amicably so there were no hard feelings.


ETA: For the ladies that successfully maintained a friendship with an ex, how long did the relationship last before you called it quits.

Still going ten years

 

[MzLady78]

But I do not see the point in being friends and communicating with an ex:

1) What happens when you get a new boo and he doesn't approve of you talking to your ex? I'm grown. Nobody can tell me who I can and cannot talk to. Plus SO isn't all in my stuff like that.

2) He is an ex for a reason and if you are really trying to break any soul ties, texting, call, and hanging out all the time doesn't not help that I really think it depends on the relationship. IDK about all the time but it's possible to hang out here and there with no ulterior motives if you are both over the whole thing.

3) Isn't this an emotional mess waiting to happen? Because as soon as he start dating someone else....you are hurt when he stops communicating Not necessarily. If it's over and done, that means your romantic feelings should be over and done too.

4) Again, what is the point? I truly believe if you want to still be friends with an ex it's obvious there are still feelings and a chance of hope or you just want to keep tabs on him. Not necessarily either. It may not be a matter of wanting to cling to this person via a friendship, but if you can agree to be cordial why not? Why hold a grudge or not speak to them at all just because you broke up? It doesn't mean that person fell off the face of the earth. I have no feelings left for my ex but I do wonder how he's doing sometimes. And he feels the same way. We were really good friends before hand so I think that's why we went back there after a cooling off period. Plus as time goes by people change. I'm not tripping over things that happened 3-4 years ago now. It's in the past.

I agree with this entire post.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

I did not answer any of the questions cause I am at work but I think it is okay to be friends with an ex only if you two broke up in good terms, like maybe you grew apart. If that is not the case then I say move on and don't look back. I was cool with my ex but it was hurting me because he cheated while we together and had a child with someone else. Well a month ago I just had to tell him we can't communicate anymore because it is causing me emotional distress. His kid is 4 now and hearing her say daddy daddy while he is talking to me, does not make me happy, it is just a reminder as to what he did to me. Like I said it all depends on why you broke up, some people are better left out of your life.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

I'm going through a similar situation...I want 2 b friendly...but keeping in contact pains me...I just think about how he did me wrong...and I get really sad...it also makes me feel like hes not worthy of my company...romantic or not...

I did not answer any of the questions cause I am at work but I think it is okay to be friends with an ex only if you two broke up in good terms, like maybe you grew apart. If that is not the case then I say move on and don't look back. I was cool with my ex but it was hurting me because he cheated while we together and had a child with someone else. Well a month ago I just had to tell him we can't communicate anymore because it is causing me emotional distress. His kid is 4 now and hearing her say daddy daddy while he is talking to me, does not make me happy, it is just a reminder as to what he did to me. Like I said it all depends on why you broke up, some people are better left out of your life.