Friends With The Ex

[Anacaona]

You have every right not to be happy. It took me like 2 years to get over an ex once so a year post-breakup is still fresh IMO. And the fact that you had a convo about this when you first met but they are still texting? Not cool. It feels like he wants to make you jealous.

Hmpf, had a small hunch that might be the case too (and I stupidly gave him the reaction that he wanted) unfortunately if that's the case, joke's on him because he will get cut off swiftly playing those games with me.

 

[movingforward13]

I don't have a policy. Exes are exes for a reason (never really seen an ex situation work out in real life).
Also, I am confident in myself with what I have to offer and who I am.
If any man I am dealing with is dumb enough to go back to his ex (and simultaneously ruin what we have) then I am done and he doesn't get a second chance.
I am the type of girl that blocks and a man would have to wait years to speak to me.

 

[Fine 4s]

-We've been together for about 6 months, official about 5
-They broke up about a year ago
-Nope, have no idea who she is, no name, no pics

I should clarify though, him mentioning her (that she just texted him and is in Italy) is what led to the argument, he didn't bring her up during an argument. What bothers me about the situation is us having a conversation about this very issue when we first met (me choosing not to stay in touch with my ex because it's disrespectful to the next man), and him casually sliding it in when he knows my stance.

Call me jealous/insecure, I don't like it

That's what I thought. What some thought just seemed too odd.
I'm in touch with most of the men I smashed (not just exclusive relationships).
If I don't talk to them, it's probably just natural friendship dying, one we actually had an argument because I betrayed his trust etc.
I hold on to all my friendships though...bad habit. Even old enemies can be forgiven.
Basically...I'm a punk.

@MissNina You are so right about men obsessing about their exes lol
Their egos will never let them accept that they ain't 'it' no'mo'. They usually think they can always get you back.

@Anacaona
Try to clear this up now but don't be surprised if he keeps in touch with her on the DL given your reaction. If that's not his philosophy on relationships with people in general, he will never change unless it proves to no longer be beneficial to him which is a decision he will have to make on his own not because you demand it. Just my experience.
Also just because you shared with him YOUR policy on friends with exes doesn't mean that you expressed an expectation of HIM. You just shared how you chose to live your life. It's not right or wrong it's just possibly not compatible.

Just read @hopeful's post and YES!!!! I agree to just watching his behavior but in the meanwhile be honest with what you want and what you can live with because it will be an issue if the person doesn't see the harm in it because there is nothing wrong with it. Suspend judgement and just focus on how it impacts you and your relationship. Many clues will tell you if it's MORE than just casual friendship so just pay close attention, Listen to your gut, trust your gut and move accordingly. Trying to force these men to behave the way we want them to is too much work IMO and not sustainable in the long run. Take him as he is naturally in the wild lol And it's early for you both too so you have time to run if you have to.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

I'm friends with 2 exes but we don't follow each other on social media. One of them it's more business related why we stay in touch. The other we've known each other since high school...no love there just genuine hey how's life type of thing every 6 months or so.

Now the others, no calls nothing. Not interested...we done.

When I marry I am willing to cut loose these 2 if my husband is not happy with it. But they are honestly no threat to anyone.

 

[biznesswmn]

This makes me sad
I has to deal w this in the past too, i know how u feel. Soon as we decide its ok to open up and let them in and love them...bam! Here comes the disappointing behavior.

I hope yall can resolve this and move forward in a space where u feel comfortable

 

[Anacaona]

This makes me sad
I has to deal w this in the past too, i know how u feel. Soon as we decide its ok to open up and let them in and love them...bam! Here comes the disappointing behavior.

I hope yall can resolve this and move forward in a space where u feel comfortable

@biznesswmn Thanks....Do you mind sharing your experience?

 

[LovinLea]

I don't like it. It's a little too recent, and he hasn't shared information with you about her. But you guys have not been together that long.

What was the argument? Was it more you expressing that you were angry that they were in touch or was it him saying I'm not going to stop being friends with this woman?

I wish you guys hadn't argued because now he's just going to stop telling you if she does reach out in order to avoid the argument.

 

[LovinLea]

I have an ex who stayed in contact with an ex. She was married and she knew about me, but would still call just to see what he was doing. She asked him once "Do you love her?" He said yes, but the whole thing made me uncomfortable. She is not the reason we broke up, though.

 

[biznesswmn]

@biznesswmn Thanks....Do you mind sharing your experience?

No not at all
This guy seemed to like to keep exes in his back pocket. Texts, calls, facebk, email, whatever the contact was, i didnt get why and he played it down. Hindsight is 20/20 but i was so in love, and he told me they meant nothg. i didnt want to feel/look thirsty and i had male friends so... I ignored my gut screaming at me. He could tell i was driving w the brakes on, so to speak. I wanted to be free w him but i always had that nagging feeling somethg else was up. Just when i would allow myself to be more vulnerable a 'harmless' chick would emerge. This happened several times over the course of a few years. After a while i just didnt want to try anymore. It was too much.
I found out later, of course, there was more to these situations than he let on. What he felt was harmless was harming me so that was that.

 

[BlackRinse]

I broke up with my 'bf' yesterday and he said "Hey we can still be friends". I was like nah, lmao aint said a thang after. Bye Felipe.