Was I in the wrong?

[kally]

I was friends with a guy that I wanted a relationship with for 9 years on and off now. He knew fully well how I felt about him and that I wanted to be with him. So yesterday I finally pulled up the courage to ask him if we were ever going together and he said that he can not see it happening. So I tell him I see no point in continuing the friendship if it is not going to lead to anything.

Now I did a lot for him and been there for him through thick and thin and he gets mad at me accusing me of being a fake friend, because I expected more to come out of the friend. Those things I did for him was out of my heart and I did not expect anything in return. On the other hand I did hang in there thinking that a relationship would come out of the situtation because I loved him. Was I in the wrong?

 

[Aidenberry03]

You were very wrong...
If you truly valued his friendship, even if he rejected you, you would still be his friend. It seems as if you were never geniune in you approach and that you did things on a "sub concious conditional basis".

 

[kally]

I do value him, its just time to move on.

So should I stay in love with someone who does not feel the same way about me? This is not healthy for me, because it prevents me from moving on, plus I would be crushed when he does find someone he loves. The best way to get over one is to avoid him. So I feel I had to end the friendship.

 

[cocoaluv]

I think you should have told him your true feelings waaaaaaaaaay earlier than you did. But its done and over now so you gotta do what you feel is best for you. If you know its gonna be hard for you to be a good friend to him because of your feelings then let it go. Dont sit there and be miserable just because he wants you two to still be friends. Do whats best for you!

 

[kally]

I agree I should have asked years ago. I had been afraid of the rejection, It hurts to heaven high, but I really should have asked a lot sooner.

I guess I just feel bad, because he questioned my friendship to him when it was real and he flipped this all on me.

 

[cece22]

I do value him, its just time to move on.

So should I stay in love with someone who does not feel the same way about me? This is not healthy for me, because it prevents me from moving on, plus I would be crushed when he does find someone he loves. The best way to get over one is to avoid him. So I feel I had to end the friendship.

I agree with ur post your expectations of one day being with him is why you befriended him. Now it will take a lot to just be friends and push all those feelings aside.

 

[kally]

I agree with ur post your expectations of one day being with him is why you befriended him. Now it will take a lot to just be friends and push all those feelings aside.

Yeah. If it had not of gotten physical or my feelings involved. I would still be his friend, but since feelings are involved I can't continue as much as I still want to be his friend.

 

[tenjoy]

Yeah. If it had not of gotten physical or my feelings involved. I would still be his friend, but since feelings are involved I can't continue as much as I still want to be his friend.

Oh so you did get physical with him. He knew you wanted to be with him, also. So I think he did a lot of leading on too. Let it go.......you did what's best.

 

[kally]

Yeah. I guess you can call it friends with benefits.

 

[cece22]

Kally, it's easy to doubt yourself your initial reaction after he rejected you was to end the friendship. It might be difficult but your saving a lot of grief in the long run. Also by you giving so much and never recieving definately ruins his creditibility as a friend even.

 

[Bunny77]

Nope, you weren't in the wrong.

He told you how it was going to be, you said you wanted more, he said he wasn't going to give more, so you had to do what was best for you!

The only thing you were "wrong" about was accepting this treatment for so long! But you know that, of course... now you can move on.

 

[kally]

Agreed. I wish I just had of had the courage to do it sooner, because I feel I have wasted so much time.

I have been cursed with the type of heart that when I like someone. I really like him and it hard for me to give another guy a chance, because my feelings are to wrapped up in the guy I have feelings for. It takes a hard blow for me to get over the guy.

 

[kally]

Kally, it's easy to doubt yourself your initial reaction after he rejected you was to end the friendship. It might be difficult but your saving a lot of grief in the long run. Also by you giving so much and never recieving definately ruins his creditibility as a friend even.

I got to the point were I could no longer except not knowing.

 

[chichibean]

Ulimately you are doing the right thing by terminating the "friendship" and moving on. You have already spent 9 years dealing with this, and denying yourself the possibility of meeting the right man for you. Unfortunately you were both going along status quo... you knew you wanted more and so did he, but you both pretended everything was fine. I don't think you will be able to continue to be friends because you will always want more, knowing that it won't happen will be very hard to get passed, especially if he meets someone else. I understand that emotionally it's hard (you're essentially breaking up)... but you will get through it.

Just stay strong! You're free now to find the guy that you can give all that love and loyalty to... who will give it in return.

 

[kally]

Thank you all for your support during this very hard time for me.

 

[kbragg]

You were not in the wrong. If you're good enough to sleep with but not good enough to BE with, then HE'S the one who is unworthy of you. You did the right thing. He's just mad because he can't "get it" when he wants it no more. Move on and find someone who will appreciate ALL that you bring to the table and not merely the parts of your that define you anotomically as female. He's a scrub, you're better off, believe me!

 

[cocoaluv]

You were not in the wrong. If you're good enough to sleep with but not good enough to BE with, then HE'S the one who is unworthy of you. You did the right thing. He's just mad because he can't "get it" when he wants it no more. Move on and find someone who will appreciate ALL that you bring to the table and not merely the parts of your that define you anotomically as female. He's a scrub, you're better off, believe me!

Bingo

 

[kally]

So so true.

 

[Angl Baby]

You were not in the wrong. If you're good enough to sleep with but not good enough to BE with, then HE'S the one who is unworthy of you. You did the right thing. He's just mad because he can't "get it" when he wants it no more. Move on and find someone who will appreciate ALL that you bring to the table and not merely the parts of your that define you anotomically as female. He's a scrub, you're better off, believe me!

You are so right.

 

[1QTPie]

I don't think you're wrong at all. It will be harder for you to stick around. It doesn't mean that you can't ever be his friend again, it just means you are taking a break so you can reevaluate everything. I agree with you.

 

[PinkPebbles]

You were not in the wrong. If you're good enough to sleep with but not good enough to BE with, then HE'S the one who is unworthy of you. You did the right thing. He's just mad because he can't "get it" when he wants it no more. Move on and find someone who will appreciate ALL that you bring to the table and not merely the parts of your that define you anotomically as female. He's a scrub, you're better off, believe me!

ITA with the bolded! You did the right thing by terminating his pretentious friendship.

 

[Honey]

No, your not wrong - he was just trying to play mind games to make you question your decision to end the FWB arrangement. You just need to have faith in yourself and realize that you deserve so much better.

~Honey

 

[Nefertiti0906]

Agreed. I wish I just had of had the courage to do it sooner, because I feel I have wasted so much time.

I have been cursed with the type of heart that when I like someone. I really like him and it hard for me to give another guy a chance, because my feelings are to wrapped up in the guy I have feelings for. It takes a hard blow for me to get over the guy.

I am the same way so I understand. I think you did the right thing

 

[firecracker]

Oh so you did get physical with him. He knew you wanted to be with him, also. So I think he did a lot of leading on too. Let it go.......you did what's best.

ITA and thats why everyone can't be friends with benefits. Some of us women have emotional strings attached to our coogie so its best not to give it up without relationship or commitment. your coogie maybe hawt and bothered but your spirit and heart isn't broken.