(Vent) My mom's derogatory statements about my hair...

yuhlovevybz

yuhlovevybz

Well-Known Member
Here I am minding my own business taking down my puff and my mom walks by my door looks at my hair and says 'Are you going to wear it like that on your drill weekend? You might wanna straighten it so it's not all nappy'

Ummmm lady I've been natural for THREE YEARS I don't wanna here your crap about how nappy you think my hair is and how it should be straight! Leave me alone.

Ok idk maybe I'm feeling sensitive but I'm just learning to like my hair naps and all so when somebody just walks by unprovoked and insults it it pisses me off after three years three freaking years I stopped pressing and frying and weaving my hair and I REALLY REALLY REALLY like it so why would you come by and INSULT me for no reason! Yes I'm going outside like this, I'll go on a date like this, I'll go to a job interview, I'll go on duty, I'll go wherever the heck I please and YES MY HAIR WILL BE NAPPY so HOP OFF!!!

:catfight:
 
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I understand. I'm transitioning, my mother and I don't even live in the same country and she's still feels the need to clown on my hair. And it offended me to hell and back when we were last together and she kept pointing out other naturals (rocking their fros and puffs) asking me if my hair will look "like that." I know it's just ignorance but God knows...He knows I can. Not. Stand. It. I was like good riddance when I dropped her behind at the airport.
 
Hang in there. Sometimes I wonder if moms really struggle with their daughters going natural because it really makes them question themselves, especially if they were the one that initiated the daughter getting their first relaxer as a child.
 
I feel u. It's hard on moms sometimes.

i know u can't ignore her. But stand your ground.

You are doing the right thing.
 
I'm sorry your mom just doesn't get it. After three years you would think she'd have gotten over it, at least as far as you are concerned. I'm sure your hair is beautiful. Too bad she's missing out on enjoying that truth.
 
My mom had given up on me. She will compliment once in a blue moon, then ask when I'm getting my son a haircut :look:
 
I know how you fell OP! My mom is very negative towards my natural hair as well. I don't live with her...but she is my hanging partner so we are together a lot. I'm pretty thick skinned but it really hits a nerve when she makes mean comments about my hair. Sending you a big hug OP, just brush it off and keep it moving.
 
When I first started my hair journey my mother became infuriated when I washed my hair twice a week. Then it started growing....and she hushed.....and then proceeded asked for advice :look::lachen:.

Sometimes our biggest "haters" can be the ones that are suppose to be our "biggest supporters". In this case you just have to *shrug it off and depend on your own self-worth/confidence to see you through. Your mom will get it after a while, mine did and so have alot of others :hug3:.
 
If you're religious or even spiritual this works:
Mom: Blah blah nappy hair blah blah.
You: Mom God (or the universe or whatever) loves me.
Mom: Huh?
You: God (or the universe or whatever) made my hair and I'm wearing it the way it made me.

Mom blinks and walks off.
 
Don't call your mom a trick. Are you insane? Are you black?:lachen:

I thought that was heresy for any black person of any culture.

BUt really. Stop :look:

Moms are made to occasionally be bossy and get on nerves. Handle it better and think better of her.
 
Chile please

my mom,brother,sister,Uncle and aunt have been clowning on me about my hair:nono::nono: It hurts underneath, and I don't look forward to family gatherings anymore
 
My mom was upset when I transitioned. Well in the beginning anyway. When it grew longer and longer she would then compliment my hair. Now she loves it curly, straight, etc and doesn't say anything negative. Just ignore your mom and she will come around.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
Rest assured, you are not the only one...

I told my Puerto Rican mother about my transition but I didn't tell her I was going to BC in a few months. She hated that I was going natural. Like many of us, my mom (and I) grew up in a culture where rockin' your natural kinks is considered ugly. I think its worse in Puerto Rico (PR). They are not to many people in my area of PR that look like me and those that do try to asimilate as best they can to the majority. Well, as luck would have it, the following day after I BC'd, I was parking my car at the hardware store when someone flagged me down - :yep: my mom. My mom was the last person I expected or wanted to see. No one knew I BC'd except for my husband and sister.

In PR, my type 4 kinks is known as "pelo malo" (bad hair) and/or "pelo grifo" (kinky hair). My mom was, ofcourse, shocked that I cut my BSL/MBL relaxed hair to sport a 2"-3" TWA. She followed me in the hardware store w/ her hand in my hair vexed and disgusted repeating negative "pelo malo/grifo" comments. Everytime she made those comments it was like being stabbed in the soul. I was already self conscious of being the only one in my area doing this. I didn't need to hear it from my own black kinky haired mother! Even worse, when she didn't make comments, you could see the disgust in her face. My mom continued this practice for months, to the extent that I would avoid her so I wouldn't hear her comments or see her dissapointment.

My 1-yr BC nappiversary is tommorow and my moms negative comments has stopped. Recently she started complimentiing me on hair styles and how much my hair has grown since I BC. I know she would love that I relax my hair again but so far she seems to have gotten used to the kinks. Some people need more time to adjust. Others, never get used to the idea. Whenever you feel down, know that the ladies at LHCF has got your back.
 
Wow - I'm so sorry to hear that and I'm sending you big hugs. Personally, as a mom I think its wrong to impose your beliefs, wants or desires on a grown child. Yes - I guess when something initially happens you put it out there how you feel but.......after three years if your daughter still decides to do something that she's feels is right for her and is not harming herself or anyone else in doing so your role then shifts to being supportive and if you can't support then at least not make comments that will hurt your child. Stay strong there is tons of support here on this board and clearly you've embraced your hair and love it so that's really ALL that matters.
 
mg1979 said:
Hang in there. Sometimes I wonder if moms really struggle with their daughters going natural because it really makes them question themselves, especially if they were the one that initiated the daughter getting their first relaxer as a child.
Click to expand...

I pretty much attributed this to the reason why my mother wants me to go natural. She went natural then bashed me for staying relaxed because I don't need them. But why should I now be ashamed when she was the one that started it? She constantly called my hair nappy and ridiculed my roots. And if my hair wasn't bone straight, oh how the comments came. But she sees not what she did, that she has created the monster.

She will have to keep calm and wait until I'm ready to transition.

Grammatical Errors Courtesy of iPhone and Wonky iOS Updates
 
yuhlovevybz said:
Here I am minding my own business taking down my puff and my mom walks by my door looks at my hair and says 'Are you going to wear it like that on your drill weekend? You might wanna straighten it so it's not all nappy'

Ummmm lady I've been natural for THREE YEARS I don't wanna here your crap about how nappy you think my hair is and how it should be straight! Leave me alone.

Ok idk maybe I'm feeling sensitive but I'm just learning to like my hair naps and all so when somebody just walks by unprovoked and insults it it pisses me off after three years three freaking years I stopped pressing and frying and weaving my hair and I REALLY REALLY REALLY like it so why would you come by and INSULT me for no reason! Yes I'm going outside like this, I'll go on a date like this, I'll go to a job interview, I'll go on duty, I'll go wherever the heck I please and YES MY HAIR WILL BE NAPPY so HOP OFF!!!

:catfight:
Click to expand...
Thats right! You better work that hair!
 
When I BCed for the first time, my dad asked me if I could go live somewhere until my hair grew in. The second time, he was like, "Oh, she always does that." LOL! When my mom was around the first time, she told everyone my head was bald under my wig. :( Thanks lady!

Parents, can't live with 'em. Can't live with 'em! LOL!
 
My mom doesn't get it either. She still thinks hair that is bone straight (overprocessed)...lifeless, flat, greasy, and tightly curled looks good.
 
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I didn't have any support when I went natural. I made a decision to go natural and at that time I had no one to look at that was natural other then this post. my family all of my family had bad comments to make about it. I just laugh it off. I knew what I was doing and eventually they stopped doing it and that took years. I been natural for almost 8 years. this month is when I actually did my big chop. Now all of them, Every single one of them is natural. Funny how things go. Its harder for me to find a relaxer head then a natural now.
 
My mom doesnt like my natural hair either. I think she doesn't like un relaxed hair in general. She prefers my hair to be relaxed. I told her I am never going to get a relaxer again, it's just not for me. She hasn't said anything about my hair since, but I assume that she still doesn't like it and never will.

I think it's just a thing with older black woman to have the same over processed relaxed look. It is just how they were raised.
 
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