Unrequited Love: Who's Been There?

[cocoberry10]

I thought this would be a good topic to discuss.

Unrequited Love is love that is not reciprocated, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. This can lead to feelings such as depression, low self-esteem, anxiety, and mood swings such as swift changes between depression and euphoria. A notable form of unrequited love is self-inflicted masochistic infatuation.

ETA: Unrequited love feels like death. In fact, there are times when death would seem preferable to the unrelenting pain and frustration. There are those, even in the Church, who would seek to minimize or make light of this most unique agony: “Oh, don’t worry about it! Women (or men) are like street cars, there’s another one along any minute!” Like Hell. I don’t think there is any other pain quite like that of unrequited love, especially when rejection is involved, although that might even be preferable to being strung along with hopes raised and dashed with punishing regularity.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Yes, been there, hurt like hell, wished I was dead....then it was his turn..

 

[cocoberry10]

Yes, been there, hurt like hell, wished I was dead....then it was his turn..

Do tell. I had an experience with this. He pursued me like crazy, and I finally dated him. Then it all went downhill from there. I really had developed feelings for him, but I think it was all about the chase, and all about winning for him. I never showed him how much it hurt me, but it really destroyed me and made me not trust for a loooooooooooong time after that!

 

[Aidenberry03]

I am going through now....

 

[BK Bombshell]

Do tell. I had an experience with this. He pursued me like crazy, and I finally dated him. Then it all went downhill from there. I really had developed feelings for him, but I think it was all about the chase, and all about winning for him. I never showed him how much it hurt me, but it really destroyed me and made me not trust for a loooooooooooong time after that!

Wow, this is my story too. For years I was pursued, but I didn't want to date. Finally, when I thought he'd matured, I said okay. I developed feelings for him and that was the beginning of the end. I was strung along for a while and then decided to move on (which is, of course, when they always come back, but I was gone). It was definitely about the chase for him. I can't even remember the last time I hurt like that. I had major heartache for over a year and I'm still having issues trusting.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Do tell. I had an experience with this. He pursued me like crazy, and I finally dated him. Then it all went downhill from there. I really had developed feelings for him, but I think it was all about the chase, and all about winning for him. I never showed him how much it hurt me, but it really destroyed me and made me not trust for a loooooooooooong time after that!

Man that sucks!

In my case it had been a relationship in which we were both in love, he fell out of love and I didnt. That was the beginning of the worst emotional days of my LIFE. I went half crazy trying to get him back. Then I started looking inward, caring about me, dealing with my mess, etc...started loving myself more....slowly things began to reverse and HE started going crazy trying to get me back. He lost it, I thought he was gonna kill himself, he got sick, stopped eating and everything, had family members calling me on his behalf...It was a big ole mess. I had never seen that side of him. EVER! What got me was that he was always known for the stolid, emotionLESS one, so seeing him cry and act like that messed with me. Long story short (lol, a little late for that), We got back together for 5 more years before going our separate ways...we both equally wanted out by then...

But that feeling of loving someone that doesnt love you back....Gawd that hurts like hell.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

Alright, I decided to take a quick break from my reading:

LAWD I feel ya on this Coco. But the shoe is on the other foot. There's a guy who's completely head over heals in love with me but I don't love him back. I'm trying very hard but I have absolutely no attraction, no romantic feelings, no love for him at all...whatsoever. The guilt is tearing me up inside. I know what it feels like to be in a position where my love is unrequited. Been there, done that. My heart was ripped into shreds and it hurt for years it seems. That's why I'm finding it so difficult for me to "kick him to the curb," so to speak. I can't bear to hurt him or break his heart. That would kill me because he is such a good man and doesn't deserve what I'm doing to him. At the same time, I'm really starting to resent him because admittedly most of the time I only hang out with him because I feel so guilty. I do sometimes enjoy his company. He is a wonderful man and a great person. I just wish that he would get out there more and date and find someone for himself who will love him completely as he deserves. What I'm doing to him (and to myself) is unfair to both of us. I don't want to lose his friendship, but I fear the worst is yet to come...

I am totally and completely torn up inside over the guilt and don't know what to do about this at all.

 

[cocoberry10]

Alright, I decided to take a quick break from my reading:

LAWD I feel ya on this Coco. But the shoe is on the other foot. There's a guy who's completely head over heals in love with me but I don't love him back. I'm trying very hard but I have absolutely no attraction, no romantic feelings, no love for him at all...whatsoever. The guilt is tearing me up inside. I know what it feels like to be in a position where my love is unrequited. Been there, done that. My heart was ripped into shreds and it hurt for years it seems. That's why I'm finding it so difficult for me to "kick him to the curb," so to speak. I can't bear to hurt him or break his heart. That would kill me because he is such a good man and doesn't deserve what I'm doing to him. At the same time, I'm really starting to resent him because admittedly most of the time I only hang out with him because I feel so guilty. I do sometimes enjoy his company. He is a wonderful man and a great person. I just wish that he would get out there more and date and find someone for himself who will love him completely as he deserves. What I'm doing to him (and to myself) is unfair to both of us. I don't want to lose his friendship, but I fear the worst is yet to come...

I am totally and completely torn up inside over the guilt and don't know what to do about this at all.

Wow! I know it took a lot to admit that, especially on this board! Thanks for sharing. If you don't have feelings for this guy, you need to tell him--solidly. If he still wants to hang out with you, that's fine (if you are okay as friends), because now he knows! At least that's how I see it!

 

[ThickHair]

Last summer a guy wooed me, did and said all the right things then his life with his adult children got very complicated. There is more to the story re: his family (children) but they were the root of the issue. He then dropped of the face of the earth BUT he works with my brother and he claims that I was such a good woman yadda yadda yadda but his life got complicated and he didn't want to hurt me as told to my brother. I really dug this guy and I still do. We saw each other at a mutual friends picnic and just talked and he gave me his lines again and claims he still knows my number and would like to go out again but I have not heard from him. I have since moved on but I would have loved to have been with him.

Um, I just looked back at what I wrote and dude apparently wasn't all that and seems to have been playing some type of game. When I really think about it he did me a favor. Thanks LCHF sista's, I have gotten over a major hurdle from last summer. So no more unrequited love.

 

[cocoberry10]

Last summer a guy wooed men, did and said all the right things then his life with his adult children got very complicated. There is more to the story re: his family (children) but they were the root of the issue. He then dropped of the face of the earth BUT he works with my brother and he claims that I was such a good woman yadda yadda yadda but his life got complicated and he didn't want to hurt me as told to my brother. I really dug this guy and I still do. We saw each other at a mutual friends picnic and just talked and he gave me his lines again and claims he still knows my number and would like to go out again but I have not heard from him. I have since moved on but I would have loved to have been with him.

Um, I just looked back at what I wrote and dude apparently wasn't all that and seems to have been playing some type of game. When I really think about it he did me a favor. Thanks LCHF sista's, I have gotten over a major hurdle from last summer. So no more unrequited love.

Good for you!

 

[bLackButtaFly]

Oh yeh I went through this. Most recently when my ex and I finally broke up, but like an idiot I was still seeing him as more than friends, but we called it friendship. Well I'm getting ready to leave his place in the morning, and we had been kinda fighting all night. And he was saying he was scared. And I said of what, and he said I don't want to hurt you, and I said it'll only hurt if you don't tell me the truth, and he said,"it's just I don't see a future with you" and I said next time just lie to me, packed up my stuff adn left.
I mean at the time eventhough we weren't together I was still holding on, and I loved him with my whole heart, and I thought he was it, adn we were just taking a break. After he said that I really had to let it go, but I was a mess. I cried everday for a month and a half, and wrote some of the worst poetry ever, but after I was done I was done and that was it. We still occassionally speak, but I'll never let myself go back to him. Unrequited love is THE absolute worse.

 

[cocoberry10]

Oh yeh I went through this. Most recently when my ex and I finally broke up, but like an idiot I was still seeing him as more than friends, but we called it friendship. Well I'm getting ready to leave his place in the morning, and we had been kinda fighting all night. And he was saying he was scared. And I said of what, and he said I don't want to hurt you, and I said it'll only hurt if you don't tell me the truth, and he said,"it's just I don't see a future with you" and I said next time just lie to me, packed up my stuff adn left.
I mean at the time eventhough we weren't together I was still holding on, and I loved him with my whole heart, and I thought he was it, adn we were just taking a break. After he said that I really had to let it go, but I was a mess. I cried everday for a month and a half, and wrote some of the worst poetry ever, but after I was done I was done and that was it. We still occassionally speak, but I'll never let myself go back to him. Unrequited love is THE absolute worse.

Wow, I’m really sorry to hear your situation. I know you hurt like HELL!

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Last summer a guy wooed men, did and said all the right things then his life with his adult children got very complicated. There is more to the story re: his family (children) but they were the root of the issue. He then dropped of the face of the earth BUT he works with my brother and he claims that I was such a good woman yadda yadda yadda but his life got complicated and he didn't want to hurt me as told to my brother. I really dug this guy and I still do. We saw each other at a mutual friends picnic and just talked and he gave me his lines again and claims he still knows my number and would like to go out again but I have not heard from him. I have since moved on but I would have loved to have been with him.

I HATE when guys do that: they will love you or claim to love you for YEARS, then act on it and when you decide to give them a chance, they pull away. Then suddenly, you're the crazy one who fell for him A guy you never even thought about. Yeah, unrequited love is a mother.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Oh yeh I went through this. Most recently when my ex and I finally broke up, but like an idiot I was still seeing him as more than friends, but we called it friendship. Well I'm getting ready to leave his place in the morning, and we had been kinda fighting all night. And he was saying he was scared. And I said of what, and he said I don't want to hurt you, and I said it'll only hurt if you don't tell me the truth, and he said,"it's just I don't see a future with you" and I said next time just lie to me, packed up my stuff adn left.
I mean at the time eventhough we weren't together I was still holding on, and I loved him with my whole heart, and I thought he was it, adn we were just taking a break. After he said that I really had to let it go, but I was a mess. I cried everday for a month and a half, and wrote some of the worst poetry ever, but after I was done I was done and that was it. We still occassionally speak, but I'll never let myself go back to him. Unrequited love is THE absolute worse.

(((hugs)))

We have to be so careful with out hearts, but you just can't control it sometimes! It just happens. And you also can't control another person and his actions.

 

[Serenity_Peace]

Wow! I know it took a lot to admit that, especially on this board! Thanks for sharing. If you don't have feelings for this guy, you need to tell him--solidly. If he still wants to hang out with you, that's fine (if you are okay as friends), because now he knows! At least that's how I see it!

We've actually have had several *very* serious discussions about this. I even told him that I will start dating again. We both agreed that we will be friends. I've never even let him kiss me because I'm not attractive to him even remotely. But he's been a great friend to me and I don't want to lose his friendship, nor the friendships that I've made with his other friends and family. I think the problem is that I think he's holding out, hoping that my feelings will "come around." I'm not doing him any favors by hanging out with him. So the problem is that we are definitely friends but he still feels more and I don't know how to tell him that perhaps we can't be friends anymore.

 

[bLackButtaFly]

Wow, I’m really sorry to hear your situation. I know you hurt like HELL!

Thank you for the well wishes, and you too Classimami.

It was hard, but you'd be surprised what the heart can take. I think our signals got crossed somewhere along the way. And as much as you want ot control your emotions, you can't, and to be honest I don't always want to. It really is better to love and loss then never to have loved at all.

But let me tell you on another note it made it so much sweeter when I had lost a couple lbs, started working out, bought some new cute stuff, and had a "business" date w/ him. He was all over me,. I got what I wanted and then I got to tell him no let's not keep seeing each other I don't see this going anywhere. So satisfying, and I'm not a vengful person, but that was great moment.

 

[LovelyL8E]

I am going through now....

Me too!!! It hurts a great deal!!!

 

[Country gal]

Been there done that. It was a guy that pursued me for the longest. I gave in. I tried helping him out. He was struggling in all areas of life and he was even big. I started gaining weight and he couldn't handle that. He got his act together and didn't want to be tied down. It hurt like heck when we broke up. The first time he broke up with me and I was crying like a baby. I cried for him more than I did my son's father. We got back together and tried it for 3 more months. He wanted out again and I agreed. What hurt the most was he did all the right things by another woman and married her. I was more upset that he got the dream life while I was still searching for the one. I just found out he had a child by this woman. My sister said he looked really good too when she saw him with his daughter.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Been there done that. It was a guy that pursued me for the longest. I gave in. I tried helping him out. He was struggling in all areas of life and he was even big. I started gaining weight and he couldn't handle that. He got his act together and didn't want to be tied down. It hurt like heck when we broke up. The first time he broke up with me and I was crying like a baby. I cried for him more than I did my son's father. We got back together and tried it for 3 more months. He wanted out again and I agreed. What hurt the most was he did all the right things by another woman and married her. I was more upset that he got the dream life while I was still searching for the one. I just found out he had a child by this woman. My sister said he looked really good too when she saw him with his daughter.

Ouch man! I just dont understand men like that. I bet he thinks of you all the time...with crazy guilt.

 

[envybeauty]

Been there done that. It was a guy that pursued me for the longest. I gave in. I tried helping him out. He was struggling in all areas of life and he was even big. I started gaining weight and he couldn't handle that. He got his act together and didn't want to be tied down. It hurt like heck when we broke up. The first time he broke up with me and I was crying like a baby. I cried for him more than I did my son's father. We got back together and tried it for 3 more months. He wanted out again and I agreed. What hurt the most was he did all the right things by another woman and married her. I was more upset that he got the dream life while I was still searching for the one. I just found out he had a child by this woman. My sister said he looked really good too when she saw him with his daughter.

been there. just like yours (except his is thinking of marrying the new chick and is not currently married)..

when we broke up, that fool had the audacity to question if i ever truly loved him. i gave up. if he couldn't tell as much by ALL the things I did for him and even forsake for him then....by all means. move on.

 

[mch5683]

Yes, this is defintely a tough one! I'm going through it now. It hurts...this thread is good!

 

[Trinity1]

Yes, been there, hurt like hell, wished I was dead....then it was his turn..

Wow HoneyLemonDrop....your post gave me chills...so short but yet so compelling.

In answer to the original posters question..yes I have been there.....3 times with the same man...1st chance I gave him,I had no way of knowing how he was. 2nd chance...two years passed and I thought "people can change" right?..wrong!!!
3rd chance,well damn...I should have known better but couldnt tell my heart that :-( finally March of this year I told him to go away and never contact me again....

God says "Vengence is mine"...Little did this man know that the pain he was causing me was adding to the pain he would endure later.Every tear I cried and every excruciating ache I felt...he would feel tenfold...Although I may never witness this,I will say that he is going through something...5 months later,he is still contacting me as recent as today...text messages,phone calls,emails...thank God I am released from the feelings I had otherwise I would have been open to his gestures and heading for another heartbreak.


TeeTee2

 

[*Happily Me*]

My heart goes out to those of you going through this now. :Rose:

I've been there before and it does hurt like hell.

 

[sylver2]

part of the club. still going thru it..
met 14 yrs ago in college..he pursued me i wasn't even interested. Then i fell inlove while he fell for the whore with the biggest booty on campus. 2 years lovn him taking scraps of whatever i can get. Cried and cried for months. school over..years past still thinkin of this man. Life goes on, i got married. My friend sees him and tells him I got married he acts like he's devastated. fast forward to present. hubby & I separated gettin divorced. Movin on w/things fine and who pops back in my life after 13 yrs..
him who claims he matured and not the same person he was. woos me back and i swear it feels like i'm reduced bck to that same naive young schoolgirl. It hurts like hell.

 

[mellowdome]

I'm also going through this right now. It does hurt like hell and I feel used

 

[cocoberry10]

Been there done that. It was a guy that pursued me for the longest. I gave in. I tried helping him out. He was struggling in all areas of life and he was even big. I started gaining weight and he couldn't handle that. He got his act together and didn't want to be tied down. It hurt like heck when we broke up. The first time he broke up with me and I was crying like a baby. I cried for him more than I did my son's father. We got back together and tried it for 3 more months. He wanted out again and I agreed. What hurt the most was he did all the right things by another woman and married her. I was more upset that he got the dream life while I was still searching for the one. I just found out he had a child by this woman. My sister said he looked really good too when she saw him with his daughter.

I’m sorry to hear this. I hope you are doing better now!

 

[cocoberry10]

part of the club. still going thru it..
met 14 yrs ago in college..he pursued me i wasn't even interested. Then i fell inlove while he fell for the whore with the biggest booty on campus. 2 years lovn him taking scraps of whatever i can get. Cried and cried for months. school over..years past still thinkin of this man. Life goes on, i got married. My friend sees him and tells him I got married he acts like he's devastated. fast forward to present. hubby & I separated gettin divorced. Movin on w/things fine and who pops back in my life after 13 yrs..
him who claims he matured and not the same person he was. woos me back and i swear it feels like i'm reduced bck to that same naive young schoolgirl. It hurts like hell.

Ugh!!! Reading your story almost brings tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your situation! (hugs)

 

[ChasingBliss]

part of the club. still going thru it..
met 14 yrs ago in college..he pursued me i wasn't even interested. Then i fell inlove while he fell for the whore with the biggest booty on campus. 2 years lovn him taking scraps of whatever i can get. Cried and cried for months. school over..years past still thinkin of this man. Life goes on, i got married. My friend sees him and tells him I got married he acts like he's devastated. fast forward to present. hubby & I separated gettin divorced. Movin on w/things fine and who pops back in my life after 13 yrs..
him who claims he matured and not the same person he was. woos me back and i swear it feels like i'm reduced bck to that same naive young schoolgirl. It hurts like hell.

No you are not. You have grown and matured and he probably sees that. Fight that feeling. Rebel against it. Wear your confidence on your sleeve and rebuke all that other mess. This way, if he is still a crappy person, he will likely leave you alone knowing that you wont fall for that mess again. If he sees that same naive young school girl, he may try to play you all over again. Wishing you the best Sylver (((hugs)))

 

[cocoberry10]

No you are not. You have grown and matured and he probably sees that. Fight that feeling. Rebel against it. Wear your confidence on your sleeve and rebuke all that other mess. This way, if he is still a crappy person, he will likely leave you alone knowing that you wont fall for that mess again. If he sees that same naive young school girl, he may try to play you all over again. Wishing you the best Sylver (((hugs)))

I totally agree with this! If he has changed, then maybe he feels more confident to approach you now, because like HLD said, you’ve also grown and matured. If this is the case, you may want to be with him. If he’s still a creep, then you will know and you can walk away with your dignity!

 

[sylver2]

Thanks ladies..what u said makes sense. I will try hard..so mental I swear..
To the other ladies that went thru it or goin thru it how did u cope. Did u let them know? Did u listen to love songs to get u thru? is it the 'time heals all wounds? or u just couldn't cope...