Ugh, help me help this girl!!

[FlawedBeauty]

Okay so here's the situation. Me and my friend go to the same bar almost every weekend. There is always this one guy there that she really clicks with. They dance the night away and usually go home together. Now he seems to be a really nice guy. They havent had sex yet, she wants to but he wont. From what I hear he does everything else under the sun to her but feels that sex is intimate so he doesnt just have sex to have sex.

Now, when we're out he seems really into her and everyone always thinks they are together. Now here's the kicker, he doesn't call her AT ALL during the week. Not a call, text, nothin. When I asked her what he says about it, she said he says he doesnt really talk to anyone during the week as he is busy and works 2-11. Now this has been goin on for like 7 MONTHS!!! She is soooo stuck on him, but I told her if he really liked her or cared about her he would call her during the week. It doesnt take much for even a simple "hi" text just so at least she knows he's thinking of her. She makes a buncha excuses and I'm curious to hear what you guys think. Shes 28 and I believe she said he's 27 btw. We know he doesn't have a gf (of course that was both of our first thoughts lol). Oh and he seems to be a little weird.

What do you think she should do? I say leave him alone cuz its a go nowhere situation, but I'm curious as to some other input.

ETA: he's white, not sure if that matters in your decision making lol

 

[Ladybug33]

I agree -- 7mths is a LONG time. She's young.. there are so many available men who would be willing to have a REAL relationship with her. She should move on.

 

[Sasha299]

Does he call her on the weekends? Does he work 2 jobs in the week where he's too tired to breathe - with only 4 hours of sleep daily? Does he work high security or undercover where though he CAN it may not be SAFE to?

Otherwise she's his booty call (do they use that term anymore?)

 

[FlawedBeauty]

I agree. I think maybe she has a case of want what she cant have. I think she is also attracted to the change of pace that this guy just doesnt wanna fck her, which has been virtually every guy shes used to meeting.

I agree -- 7mths is a LONG time. She's young.. there are so many available men who would be willing to have a REAL relationship with her. She should move on.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

NO!! He doesnt call her AT ALL. I think she has maybe spoken to him maybe three times this whole time and that is because she called him. Oh, and one time i think he called her back after he missed her call It's just like if he's there he's there. If not we will usually see him the following week.

And lol no he doesn't work a job like that

Does he call her on the weekends? Does he work 2 jobs in the week where he's too tired to breathe - with only 4 hours of sleep daily? Does he work high security or undercover where though he CAN it may not be SAFE to?

Otherwise she's his booty call (do they use that term anymore?)

 

[Kacie]

In these days and times I guess this guy can be labeled as "noble". He knows that she will be strung out if they do finalize the act.....he's not interested romantically. Let you friend know that she's the homie.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

Yea. Its sooo odd. We havent been there in a few weeks and just recently saw him there last week. I think he felt like he was losing his grip because he knows she really like him, so he said some nonsense along the lines of he wanted her to tell people he was her bf. She said no, and then he asked why and she said cuz ur not He was all like he misses her and loves her company blah blah blah I think he just likes the attention or something because she is much wanted by a lot guys when we are there and he's the one she gives all her attention to when he's around.

In these days and times I guess this guy can be labeled as "noble". He knows that she will be strung out if they do finalize the act.....he's not interested romantically. Let you friend know that she's the homie.

 

[drkc01]

Sounds to me like he is living a double life or something (wife, gf, bf, or husband). If a guy is really interested, trust me he will make time no matter what.

 

[ambergirl]

So when you say he does "everything under the sun to her" does that include oral sex? Because if it does they are having sex. Remember that Sex in the City episode where they guy would only have oral sex? Men like that are out there and maybe that's all he's interested in.

But even holding that aside, there is something going on with this guy that he's not on the up and up with and that could be one of a hundered things. Considering he's a little weird to boot I would advise her to just move on.

 

[Jazala]

Is she asking for help with this situation or are you just concerned for her? What does she want to see happen?

 

[nychaelasymone]

she's blind right now.....just give her the scoop right now and be there for her when he walks away.

 

[Bmack]

Oh gosh, what if he was really a woman? Okay, I know, I know.

I would move on fast.

 

[january noir]

Maybe he has a tiny crayon.

She should move on. Period. I knew guys like this. Total waste of time. Trust.
Tell your friend to close her legs and mind to this guy. She's making it too easy for him as well.
Men like mystery.

I understand why she wants to stick around, but this relationship is going nowhere if a relationship is what she wants.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

this was my first thought as well, double life!! she said he has no problem with her markin up his body with hickeys and such tho...appearantly he likes to be bitten erplexed

Sounds to me like he is living a double life or something (wife, gf, bf, or husband). If a guy is really interested, trust me he will make time no matter what.

 

[mscocoface]

This guy is soooo secret squirrel double agent it isn't even funny.

The warning bells have gone off and this is a defcon 1 situation. 7 MONTHS! That kind of communication is not normal even of the most noble of people I have ever met.

Bottom line he is keeping something, someone or some of himself from her and he means to keep it that way.

She has given him the approval to do this for 7 months.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

yerp...oral for days lol. and like i said her reasoning for the no sex is that its special or some shizz. i also think i remembering her saying something regarding his mother. it was all very weird, to the effect of if my mother found out i was treating a girl wrong she would punch him in the face or something lol

So when you say he does "everything under the sun to her" does that include oral sex? Because if it does they are having sex. Remember that Sex in the City episode where they guy would only have oral sex? Men like that are out there and maybe that's all he's interested in.

But even holding that aside, there is something going on with this guy that he's not on the up and up with and that could be one of a hundered things. Considering he's a little weird to boot I would advise her to just move on.

 

[chelseatiara]

he might have an std/deformity or something....

 

[FlawedBeauty]

she wants to be with him. she's borderline obsessed with getting to know him moreso than what they are now. she talks about him cooooooooonstantly. i dunno what to say anymore...bout to just tell her just dont mention him.

Is she asking for help with this situation or are you just concerned for her? What does she want to see happen?

 

[ThickHair]

she's blind right now.....just give her the scoop right now and be there for her when he walks away.

Keep it moving, your friend is wack.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

she says he's quite well endowed she's went down on him but he makes her stop before he gets too excited

he might have an std/deformity or something....

Maybe he has a tiny crayon.

She should move on. Period. I knew guys like this. Total waste of time. Trust.
Tell your friend to close her legs and mind to this guy. She's making it too easy for him as well.
Men like mystery.

I understand why she wants to stick around, but this relationship is going nowhere if a relationship is what she wants.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

seriously just bust out laughing at this, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand i'm at work. thanks

Keep it moving, your friend is wack.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

Okay so now that we have a general concensus that she needs to move on (and i fully plan on showing her this thread lol). What do you think she should do? I have told her that it would be cool if she sees him to be friendly, though i'm not sure she could handle that, and just not allow him to go home with her. Or should she just ignore him altogether, like a simple hi and keep it moving. Now that I think of it, she has actually tried that once before but he stayed smilin in her face and she caved

 

[song_of_serenity]

Has she ever asked (since she's accepting all this mess with no CALLS) to GO OUT during the week?

 

[FlawedBeauty]

Appearantly he tells her that they should do stuff but he never calls at all. He would say stuff like we should hang out tomorrow. Never happens he never calls. Oh!! and how could i forget!! He said he's very shy I never realized how funny this whole thing is til ive had to explain it to someone else. We going out tonight so imma need some tactical measures she need to be takin in case he there

Has she ever asked (since she's accepting all this mess with no CALLS) to GO OUT during the week?

 

[ambergirl]

First off your friend needs to admit to herself that this is not a relationship nor is there strong relationship potential. It's hooking up occasionaly when the opportunity presents itself. It's not really even a booty call since no calling is going on

Dude has issues...with mommy, with sex, with race...who knows....if she's really sprung she needs to tell him no go unless they are going to have a real relationship. But I'm inclined to say just stop going to that club with her and problem solved.

 

[FlawedBeauty]

its not a club, just a bar, and we were there first!!!!! its our favorite place, close and convienent. i'm not gonna stop goin just cuz she wanna be all in lub with this dude lol. she can roll if she wanna but i betta not hear nothin else about that dude. no more nicey nicey from me now that i know im not trippin and everyone agrees she does indeed need to keep steppin.

First off your friend needs to admit to herself that this is not a relationship nor is there strong relationship potential. It's hooking up occasionaly when the opportunity presents itself. It's not really even a booty call since no calling is going on

Dude has issues...with mommy, with sex, with race...who knows....if she's really sprung she needs to tell him no go unless they are going to have a real relationship. But I'm inclined to say just stop going to that club with her and problem solved.

 

[jem_mcmillan]

This guy has issues and he is hiding something. Life is too short to waste time on idiots. She needs to move on and not visit that bar. She won't be able to get over him if she is seeing him every weekend. His reaction to her not wanting to tell people he is her boyfriends feed into the theory that he was keeping her around as a toy to boost his ego. What a complete sack of crap.

 

[Duchesse]

So they never even speak during the week, just meet at the same bar every weekend for 7 months! That is so strange. They never want a change in scenery?

I hope she hasn't fooled herself into thinking this is a relationship or has any potential for a Weds night dinner.

If you're her close friend, just be real with her and tell her to move on...unless she's happy with their strange arrangement.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

He sounds like a married man out on a prowl. Just saying...

 

[tarheelgurl]

Maybe he's married...some men don't think oral sex is like cheating. I have heard it first hand....."...I didn't ***k her, she only sucked my ***k". It even a line in one of Janet Jackson's songs. One of my good friends told me her ex said the same thing to her...like they should be given a break because they didn't poke the girl. SMDH.

OR he could be a woman. I see this on Jerry Springer all the time! ( Yoooo, I'm being serious!) And that could be why they haven't did the do.