To Married And Ltr Women. Did You Have Play Games To Get Your Man?

[L.Brown1114]

I hate playing games and I was wondering if any married or long term relationship women were able to not have to play them to be with your current SO? If you were able to pick up the phone when you were able to instead of ignoring the phone call purposely. Or saying yes to a date the first time he asked instead of claiming your busy or was able to sleep with him when you wanted to, not have to wait.

Is this actually possible? I've heard of women who slept with a guy on the first date or were **** buddies or one night stands and they got together. But it was always someone my friends knew. I never met them...

 

[Lymegreen]

The key in the very beginning for me were boundaries. I still had a few people I wanted to meet from online when I met dh

So, I truly was not available. I turned down two dates (within the 1st 2 weeks of meeting him) so that I could be free to see the other two guys

I wasn't playing games though. However, by week 3 I had concluded my dates and was lucky enough that he was still around.

After about 1 month he was wanting a commitment and I agreed to commit after I tied up loose ends.

We are older so the timeline may not work for someone younger That's just how it worked in my case

 

[Lylddlebit]

No I didn't. I think that is a good way you can tell if that is the person for you. If you can just be yourself and be loved and accepted as is, for who you are. That will reveal a lot about what you have to offer and what you are getting in return. Games are not necessary in any healthy relationship. When you choose to play games they should only be fun where both of you play by the rules. Not manipulating one another.

Also if you are always strategically setting something up, then you are living for the outcome of it. You will never able to just let what is a genuine motive or action ride and stand on it's own.

 

[L.Brown1114]

No I didn't. I think that is a good way you can tell if that is the person for you. If you can just be yourself and be loved and accepted as is, for who you are. That will reveal a lot about what you have to offer and what you are getting in return. Games are not necessary in any healthy relationship. When you choose to play games they should only be fun where both of you play by the rules. Not manipulating one another.

Also if you are always strategically setting something up, then you are living for the outcome of it. You will never able to just let what is a genuine motive or action ride and stand on it's own.

This is refreshing. Can you go into details about how you and SO got together?

 

[Lylddlebit]

This is refreshing. Can you go into details about how you and SO got together?

Sure my husband and I worked for the same company when we began dating.

He actually worked for the company years before I got hired. Left for a few years then returned. When he returned I had recently been promoted to be a trainer and he was in my first training class. I noticed him because I thought to myself he knows this stuff way better than I do but he was gracious about that. I could tell that he didn't need to learn anything for me but he was nice and polite anyway as I got my feet wet learning the training role of my job and he paid attention to the content like he needed to learn it over again although I could tell by all of his answers that he didn't. His course was about 3 weeks and after that there wasn't anything romantic about our interactions for about 2 years but we were familiar with one another and would run into one another from work from time to time on work related tasks. When the guy I was dating at the time of his course ended our relationship for independent reason, my spouse had told a couple coworkers that he had a thing of me. I just never knew it. Once I was single one of my coworkers told him and he stepped to me. I knew NOTHING about his personal life or interest in me until after I was single and we started talking. I just knew that he was a nice guy. It was cute because he remembered all these random things about me and our work interactions over the years that I completely forgotten about and paid no focused attention on. Then when he hit on me I said. "Mr is fine. how did i never notice this" to myself lol. He dated me with intention from day one. Coworker personality was night and day from stepping to me personality. That showed me that there is a drastic difference between how he treats a woman he knows and a woman he is with.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

I didn't play any games with DH. I was genuinely busy with work and school, but we made time to see each other as often as we could.

 

[Lylddlebit]

Lol I think there is a common theme brewing. Not playing games per say but going about your business as usual and the dude stepping up to meet you on your terms.

 

[MissNina]

Nope, not at all...

We aren't married yet, but he was very intentional from Day 1 (years ago). Our first date he told me where he believed it would go (marriage), what his plans are in life, and what he needed from me. He asked me str8 up if those were things I was okay with and we were ON GO after that. No games here.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Oh God no. If I even felt like that, I'd be so uncomfortable.

 

[Froreal3]

Nah. I'm a straight forward person. If I was interested in someone, I gave signs that it was ok to peruse. I had sex when I wanted to as well. If I was busy, I said so. I just kept it moving and they always find where they can fit in.

ETA: Like the others SO told me he was serious about me early on. He let me know his intentions and I just let it ride.

 

[Sosoothing]

I didn't have to play games with my husband at all. The times I took long to call him back or go on a date were due to me being genuinely occupied with work, errands, other men or myself.

 

[Kalia1]

Playing games can land you in a situation where the playing never ceases.
Game playing takes a lot of energy.

If you attract what you are is true you just might land yourself a partner whose playing games too!

Be your authentic self and the one whose right for you will come into your life no game playing needed.

 

[theRaven]

I'm going to be the lone wolf here because for one I have no man ATM and two my belief is life is a game. People play games at school, people play games at work, heck people play games trying to be the favorite of the family or favorite in a circle of friends

If you already know the rules and have been playing for a while, then dating should come organically to you. Because by then you can usually get a clear indication of a mans intentions and where to go next. There are usually rules in place because it helps women who cannot get a clear reading of the present man or his intentions. Men and women communicate very differently and these rules help to guide women.
Just remember there are no hard and fast rules!

A lot of ladies here mentioned they met their husband organically which is wonderful. Sometimes the chemistry is there and you can get a clear reading from the mans intentions.

Strategy is necessary when you need a certain outcome or different results no matter what in life, love is no different. For example OP you mentioned an example of not answering the phone when he calls right away. For myself personally, men that I strongly crush on are a no go UNLESS I stay strict to the rules. For these crushes I unintentionally place them on a pedestal and become too needy and too open. My entire demeanor changes, lust takes over, and instead of just being my normal self that particular crush is the only thing on my mind. That is not healthy at all for me! Men I do not crush strongly on, experience a completely different version of me. The rules come naturally because I am not pressed to hear and see them at all times and I can see through clear eyes. From there I can read their intentions clearly and observe their actions rightfully.

 

[Sosoothing]

I think the "rules" are another way of saying have a healthy sense of self love and worth. When you don't posses a good level of these qualities, it certainly feels like a game because you consciously have to enforce strategies. Constantly having to remember how many days to wait before calling him back and whatever else is recommended by dating gurus. It's tiring.
If you are naturally confident, it doesn't feel like a game because it happens naturally. You don't think about it, you just do it. For instance you don't care and are indifferent when you haven't heard from him for days because you fill your time with other things. Instead of wasting time wondering what he's doing, waiting for that call.

 

[PretteePlease]

The men I have ever been with for long periods of time I made sure to tell that I was seeing other people
and I turned down dates because I already had dates and I said I CAN'T I HAVE A DATE. That wasn't
a game it was me keepin it 100. I wasn't afraid to lose them.

 

[FemmeFatale]

No games but I'm also not needy or anxious when it comes to men. My SO is very handsome and well rounded so I won't lie, a part of me was gushing and swooning but the other part of me was like ok girl, he's just a man..let's get to know him to see if he makes the cut and it was so organic and sweet.

He asked to be exclusive on our second date. No games at all from him.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I'm going to be the lone wolf here because for one I have no man ATM and two my belief is life is a game. People play games at school, people play games at work, heck people play games trying to be the favorite of the family or favorite in a circle of friends

If you already know the rules and have been playing for a while, then dating should come organically to you. Because by then you can usually get a clear indication of a mans intentions and where to go next. There are usually rules in place because it helps women who cannot get a clear reading of the present man or his intentions. Men and women communicate very differently and these rules help to guide women.
Just remember there are no hard and fast rules!

A lot of ladies here mentioned they met their husband organically which is wonderful. Sometimes the chemistry is there and you can get a clear reading from the mans intentions.

Strategy is necessary when you need a certain outcome or different results no matter what in life, love is no different. For example OP you mentioned an example of not answering the phone when he calls right away. For myself personally, men that I strongly crush on are a no go UNLESS I stay strict to the rules. For these crushes I unintentionally place them on a pedestal and become too needy and too open. My entire demeanor changes, lust takes over, and instead of just being my normal self that particular crush is the only thing on my mind. That is not healthy at all for me! Men I do not crush strongly on, experience a completely different version of me. The rules come naturally because I am not pressed to hear and see them at all times and I can see through clear eyes. From there I can read their intentions clearly and observe their actions rightfully.

I agree with the bolded. I absolutely played games. If he asked me to go out on a friday for the weekend, i told him i had plans already. Take hours before responding to his texts, etc. Those little games.

 

[L.Brown1114]

I'm going to be the lone wolf here because for one I have no man ATM and two my belief is life is a game. People play games at school, people play games at work, heck people play games trying to be the favorite of the family or favorite in a circle of friends

If you already know the rules and have been playing for a while, then dating should come organically to you. Because by then you can usually get a clear indication of a mans intentions and where to go next. There are usually rules in place because it helps women who cannot get a clear reading of the present man or his intentions. Men and women communicate very differently and these rules help to guide women.
Just remember there are no hard and fast rules!

A lot of ladies here mentioned they met their husband organically which is wonderful. Sometimes the chemistry is there and you can get a clear reading from the mans intentions.

Strategy is necessary when you need a certain outcome or different results no matter what in life, love is no different. For example OP you mentioned an example of not answering the phone when he calls right away. For myself personally, men that I strongly crush on are a no go UNLESS I stay strict to the rules. For these crushes I unintentionally place them on a pedestal and become too needy and too open. My entire demeanor changes, lust takes over, and instead of just being my normal self that particular crush is the only thing on my mind. That is not healthy at all for me! Men I do not crush strongly on, experience a completely different version of me. The rules come naturally because I am not pressed to hear and see them at all times and I can see through clear eyes. From there I can read their intentions clearly and observe their actions rightfully.

Yes! The crushes get me in trouble too. My last serious relationship I did not like him in the beginning all that much. I broke up with him twice but something kept telling me to call him and get back together. Something bigger than me, like a nagging instinct. I guess I'm looking for that "bigger-than-me-nagging-instinct" again where I'm not playing games. I just genuinely don't care in the beginning lol