To Be Content Alone

[Irresistible]

of course there are challenges and blessings in each walk, there are still valleys and mountain tops, no position is greater than the other in God's eyes. It takes a strong woman to stand in her singleness with God , and it takes a strong woman to stand in a marriage with a man in God, and in both states , we are still all only being prepared for God

so lets just go for the ride! and get what we need to out of each season, Because he knows what he is doing and his timing can be trusted

 

[PaperClip]

I had been dodging this thread for a while.... But I feel a light compulsion to share....

As a person who has whined and prayed and cried about marriage.... and some of you have listened and prayed with me during my lamenting....

As a person who desires marriage, who has been PROMISED marriage, and who believes what the Word of the Lord says concerning marriage and continues to believe the Lord for the manifestation of that promise.... I ask this:

Is. God. Enough?

Yep... that's a tough question to swallow.

My DISCONTENT concerning marriage only increased as the years went by.... I left my 30s behind this past January 1. And it's NOTHING but the grace and mercy of the Lord that I'm here in my right mind. Yep. I was so consumed with marriage that the seeming lack of that was driving me STRAIGHT to the mental ward. Seriously. Name a book about singleness and marriage, I've either bought it or checked it out of the library or read an excerpt online. Sermons about singleness and marriage. Been there, done that. Singles conferences. Been there done that. I began to dread going to weddings. Hearing about weddings. Saw "older" single women (esp. in the church) and I cried out to the Lord to not let me "end up like them".

I was not living life. I was slowly dying inside because of the marital expectations of society, church, and family that was turning into a POISON in my spiritual and natural body.

So where am I right now? In a NEW PLACE...brand new. Liken it to a brand new house (re)built from the ground up. So it's time to put in new appliances, fixtures, etc. The Lord had to recover me and strip me of those INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL EXPECTATIONS AND PRESSURES about marriage that had CHOKED the life out of me.

The Lord has even stripped my expectations about what my husband may look like, or how he may enter my life, and all that. Do I have standards? Yes. But I had set the pedestal of marriage SO HIGH and thought that I couldn't REALLY LIVE and BE HAPPY until I got married. But the Lord is ministering to me in such a way in that ULTIMATELY, my hope, my joy, my peace, is in the Lord Jesus Christ; He is the author and finisher of my faith.

I read a quote that said "even a great husband makes a poor god".

So after I cry and lament, I think about how SERIOUS marriage is and I thank and praise the Lord for not giving me something I'm still being prepared for and that His TIMING is perfect.

May the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ settle in your hearts.

 

[Irresistible]

I had been dodging this thread for a while.... But I feel a light compulsion to share....

As a person who has whined and prayed and cried about marriage.... and some of you have listened and prayed with me during my lamenting....

As a person who desires marriage, who has been PROMISED marriage, and who believes what the Word of the Lord says concerning marriage and continues to believe the Lord for the manifestation of that promise.... I ask this:

Is. God. Enough?

Yep... that's a tough question to swallow.

My DISCONTENT concerning marriage only increased as the years went by.... I left my 30s behind this past January 1. And it's NOTHING but the grace and mercy of the Lord that I'm here in my right mind. Yep. I was so consumed with marriage that the seeming lack of that was driving me STRAIGHT to the mental ward. Seriously. Name a book about singleness and marriage, I've either bought it or checked it out of the library or read an excerpt online. Sermons about singleness and marriage. Been there, done that. Singles conferences. Been there done that. I began to dread going to weddings. Hearing about weddings. Saw "older" single women (esp. in the church) and I cried out to the Lord to not let me "end up like them".

I was not living life. I was slowly dying inside because of the marital expectations of society, church, and family that was turning into a POISON in my spiritual and natural body.

So where am I right now? In a NEW PLACE...brand new. Liken it to a brand new house (re)built from the ground up. So it's time to put in new appliances, fixtures, etc. The Lord had to recover me and strip me of those INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL EXPECTATIONS AND PRESSURES about marriage that had CHOKED the life out of me.

The Lord has even stripped my expectations about what my husband may look like, or how he may enter my life, and all that. Do I have standards? Yes. But I had set the pedestal of marriage SO HIGH and thought that I couldn't REALLY LIVE and BE HAPPY until I got married. But the Lord is ministering to me in such a way in that ULTIMATELY, my hope, my joy, my peace, is in the Lord Jesus Christ; He is the author and finisher of my faith.

I read a quote that said "even a great husband makes a poor god".

So after I cry and lament, I think about how SERIOUS marriage is and I thank and praise the Lord for not giving me something I'm still being prepared for and that His TIMING is perfect.

May the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ settle in your hearts.

What an awesome testimony!!!!

 

[TrendySocialite]

You need to learn how to read and then try practicing comprehension.

You all are so distracted you are irrational. No one said it's wrong to desire marriage. What we said was to pray to God and see what his will is for your life pertaining to marriage and if their was anyplace you were out of line which may be causing Him to keep from sending someone your way. Anytime we get offended when someone suggests that we as Christians actually ASK God a question............

Marrieds aren't trying to keep singles from marrying, what we do is try to keep you all from marrying the wrong one. Please do not mistake the fact that contentment means to give up. It means live every state to the fullest.

One thing I am not is distracted. And since you don't know me AT ALL, I will just attribute that uninformed statement to ignorance.

You assume a lot. But once again, I attribute it to your own ignorance of my life and how fulfilled it is.

And it's not your responsibility, or anyone else's who does not have spiritual credibility or authority in my life, to advise me on my walk or my desire to get married.

 

[TrendySocialite]

I had been dodging this thread for a while.... But I feel a light compulsion to share....

As a person who has whined and prayed and cried about marriage.... and some of you have listened and prayed with me during my lamenting....

As a person who desires marriage, who has been PROMISED marriage, and who believes what the Word of the Lord says concerning marriage and continues to believe the Lord for the manifestation of that promise.... I ask this:

Is. God. Enough?

Yep... that's a tough question to swallow.

My DISCONTENT concerning marriage only increased as the years went by.... I left my 30s behind this past January 1. And it's NOTHING but the grace and mercy of the Lord that I'm here in my right mind. Yep. I was so consumed with marriage that the seeming lack of that was driving me STRAIGHT to the mental ward. Seriously. Name a book about singleness and marriage, I've either bought it or checked it out of the library or read an excerpt online. Sermons about singleness and marriage. Been there, done that. Singles conferences. Been there done that. I began to dread going to weddings. Hearing about weddings. Saw "older" single women (esp. in the church) and I cried out to the Lord to not let me "end up like them".

I was not living life. I was slowly dying inside because of the marital expectations of society, church, and family that was turning into a POISON in my spiritual and natural body.

So where am I right now? In a NEW PLACE...brand new. Liken it to a brand new house (re)built from the ground up. So it's time to put in new appliances, fixtures, etc. The Lord had to recover me and strip me of those INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL EXPECTATIONS AND PRESSURES about marriage that had CHOKED the life out of me.

The Lord has even stripped my expectations about what my husband may look like, or how he may enter my life, and all that. Do I have standards? Yes. But I had set the pedestal of marriage SO HIGH and thought that I couldn't REALLY LIVE and BE HAPPY until I got married. But the Lord is ministering to me in such a way in that ULTIMATELY, my hope, my joy, my peace, is in the Lord Jesus Christ; He is the author and finisher of my faith.

I read a quote that said "even a great husband makes a poor god".

So after I cry and lament, I think about how SERIOUS marriage is and I thank and praise the Lord for not giving me something I'm still being prepared for and that His TIMING is perfect.

May the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ settle in your hearts.

I am happy for you and all, but a lot of people assume that because some women want to get married that we're not living. That can't be further from the truth.

I know you are sharing your personal testimony and it's encouraging for those in similar situations.

But for the record, there are whole, happy, vibrant, living-life-to-the-fullest Christian women who desire marriage.

 

[Bunny77]

I had been dodging this thread for a while.... But I feel a light compulsion to share....

As a person who has whined and prayed and cried about marriage.... and some of you have listened and prayed with me during my lamenting....

As a person who desires marriage, who has been PROMISED marriage, and who believes what the Word of the Lord says concerning marriage and continues to believe the Lord for the manifestation of that promise.... I ask this:

Is. God. Enough?

Yep... that's a tough question to swallow.

My DISCONTENT concerning marriage only increased as the years went by.... I left my 30s behind this past January 1. And it's NOTHING but the grace and mercy of the Lord that I'm here in my right mind. Yep. I was so consumed with marriage that the seeming lack of that was driving me STRAIGHT to the mental ward. Seriously. Name a book about singleness and marriage, I've either bought it or checked it out of the library or read an excerpt online. Sermons about singleness and marriage. Been there, done that. Singles conferences. Been there done that. I began to dread going to weddings. Hearing about weddings. Saw "older" single women (esp. in the church) and I cried out to the Lord to not let me "end up like them".

I was not living life. I was slowly dying inside because of the marital expectations of society, church, and family that was turning into a POISON in my spiritual and natural body.

So where am I right now? In a NEW PLACE...brand new. Liken it to a brand new house (re)built from the ground up. So it's time to put in new appliances, fixtures, etc. The Lord had to recover me and strip me of those INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL EXPECTATIONS AND PRESSURES about marriage that had CHOKED the life out of me.

The Lord has even stripped my expectations about what my husband may look like, or how he may enter my life, and all that. Do I have standards? Yes. But I had set the pedestal of marriage SO HIGH and thought that I couldn't REALLY LIVE and BE HAPPY until I got married. But the Lord is ministering to me in such a way in that ULTIMATELY, my hope, my joy, my peace, is in the Lord Jesus Christ; He is the author and finisher of my faith.

I read a quote that said "even a great husband makes a poor god".

So after I cry and lament, I think about how SERIOUS marriage is and I thank and praise the Lord for not giving me something I'm still being prepared for and that His TIMING is perfect.

May the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ settle in your hearts.

Thank you for sharing your story, and I am happy that you have peace regarding this issue.

 

[TrendySocialite]

I think that I learned those things in kindergarten & I believe that I've completly learned them now that I'm an adult. At least I hope so, I'd hate not to have learned those things & then enter a marriage lacking in those areas.

I can get companionship w/o marriage & I would not marry to get companionship or to learn things that I should already know.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married. When desiring marriage preoccupies one's thoughts or is so foremost in one's mind/heart/prayers that one's focus is on wanting a mate and not on the things of God is when it becomes a stumbling block.

PS: One of the "things of God" is you.



ETA:


I agree particularly with the bold.

Kindergarten? Yes you learn the basics and foundation. But marriage is another level of sharing. And all of my married friends attest to that. They have learned and grown in those areas as a result of being married.

You assume that because I want to be married, that's all I think about. Well, it's not. But that also doesn't mean that I'm NOT going to pray regarding my marriage.

You and Ms. Honey really need to stop assuming so much...

 

[TrendySocialite]

You need to learn how to read and then try practicing comprehension.

You all are so distracted you are irrational. No one said it's wrong to desire marriage. What we said was to pray to God and see what his will is for your life pertaining to marriage and if their was anyplace you were out of line which may be causing Him to keep from sending someone your way. Anytime we get offended when someone suggests that we as Christians actually ASK God a question............

Marrieds aren't trying to keep singles from marrying, what we do is try to keep you all from marrying the wrong one. Please do not mistake the fact that contentment means to give up. It means live every state to the fullest.

And for the record, this statement was condescending, unneccessary and disrespectful....

Colossians 4:6: Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

 

[Irresistible]

I am happy for you and all, but a lot of people assume that because some women want to get married that we're not living. That can't be further from the truth.

I know you are sharing your personal testimony and it's encouraging for those in similar situations.

But for the record, there are whole, happy, vibrant, living-life-to-the-fullest Christian women who desire marriage.

This is very true

 

[Bunny77]

I am happy for you and all, but a lot of people assume that because some women want to get married that we're not living. That can't be further from the truth.

I know you are sharing your personal testimony and it's encouraging for those in similar situations.

But for the record, there are whole, happy, vibrant, living-life-to-the-fullest Christian women who desire marriage.

Just responding mainly in regards to your last sentence... what you're saying is perhaps more direct to the point I was trying to get across.

Many single Christian women do have very fulfilled lives and are doing wonderful things as singles. We aren't all up under some random man hoping that he's "the one" or failing to do things in our churches and communities. There are many single women who are also remaining pure well beyond their 20s and avoiding sexual sin as a show of their commitment to God as well.

Are there some women who keep jumping from wrong man to wrong man to wrong man and never changing their habits, but yet wondering why they are still single? Absolutely! And when I encounter some women (and men) like that, I suggest that they go through a period of singleness so that they can break the dangerous, ungodly cycle that they are going through and work more on listening to God's voice in relationship matters instead of their own.

But again, every single woman has a different story. There are single women who are making bad relationship choices, and single women who rarely date at all because they are working to avoid the types of men who would compromise their relationship with God. There are single women who feel they can have no life outside of having a man, and there are single women who are traveling, training for marathons, having fun with girlfriends, volunteering in their communities and being a blessing to all of those around them.

Without knowing each single person's story, one cannot say that each single person who desires marriage and is praying for that isn't living a fulfilling life alone already. I think if there was some offense taken to some posts in this thread, it was because that's how the status of a single woman who desires marriage is often presented -- that she is failing to live life to the fullest on her own and is only focused on finding a man.

Not true.

 

[TrendySocialite]

Just responding mainly in regards to your last sentence... what you're saying is perhaps more direct to the point I was trying to get across.

Many single Christian women do have very fulfilled lives and are doing wonderful things as singles. We aren't all up under some random man hoping that he's "the one" or failing to do things in our churches and communities. There are many single women who are also remaining pure well beyond their 20s and avoiding sexual sin as a show of their commitment to God as well.

Are there some women who keep jumping from wrong man to wrong man to wrong man and never changing their habits, but yet wondering why they are still single? Absolutely! And when I encounter some women (and men) like that, I suggest that they go through a period of singleness so that they can break the dangerous, ungodly cycle that they are going through and work more on listening to God's voice in relationship matters instead of their own.

But again, every single woman has a different story. There are single women who are making bad relationship choices, and single women who rarely date at all because they are working to avoid the types of men who would compromise their relationship with God. There are single women who feel they can have no life outside of having a man, and there are single women who are traveling, training for marathons, having fun with girlfriends, volunteering in their communities and being a blessing to all of those around them.

Without knowing each single person's story, one cannot say that each single person who desires marriage and is praying for that isn't living a fulfilling life alone already. I think if there was some offense taken to some posts in this thread, it was because that's how the status of a single woman who desires marriage is often presented -- that she is failing to live life to the fullest on her own and is only focused on finding a man.

Not true.

Thank you for saying this...

 

[PaperClip]

I am happy for you and all, but a lot of people assume that because some women want to get married that we're not living. That can't be further from the truth.

I know you are sharing your personal testimony and it's encouraging for those in similar situations.

But for the record, there are whole, happy, vibrant, living-life-to-the-fullest Christian women who desire marriage.

I had to read this a couple of times to see the heart of your point.

Exactly what do you perceive my "situation" to be and what is it similar to?

On the outside, I looked like the whole, happy, vibrant, living life to the fullest Christian woman. Most people around me presumed that I was so focused on my career and schooling and that marriage wasn't on my radar screen. But in private, I was in a lot of pain, and that pain increased as my biological age increased. The pressure... the pressure... the pressure.

My singleness has not been unproductive. I have (and still do) travel, and I'm FINALLY appreciating my freedom to travel, go to school, buy what I want, so on and so forth.

Hopefully my testimony will serve as a cautionary tale for those who are going along and may one day all of a sudden, hit a brick wall of disappointment (in God, in yourself, in society, in the church) and may not be able to bounce back because of the pressures. I was going along happy and all and when I hit the brick wall, it wasn' pretty.

I STRONGLY encourage the pursuit of the Lord Jesus Christ. There is no other way to true peace and contentment but the Lord Jesus Christ.

In a way, it's like I'm starting over on a social level. Between school and the perversion of the pressure from the church and society to marry, I went into a deep depression but I'm here to tell the story that the Lord has brought me out of that pit. He's restored the sweet, outgoing parts of my personality and it's being noticed even when I don't realize it!

 

[PaperClip]

Just responding mainly in regards to your last sentence... what you're saying is perhaps more direct to the point I was trying to get across.

Many single Christian women do have very fulfilled lives and are doing wonderful things as singles. We aren't all up under some random man hoping that he's "the one" or failing to do things in our churches and communities. There are many single women who are also remaining pure well beyond their 20s and avoiding sexual sin as a show of their commitment to God as well.

Are there some women who keep jumping from wrong man to wrong man to wrong man and never changing their habits, but yet wondering why they are still single? Absolutely! And when I encounter some women (and men) like that, I suggest that they go through a period of singleness so that they can break the dangerous, ungodly cycle that they are going through and work more on listening to God's voice in relationship matters instead of their own.

But again, every single woman has a different story. There are single women who are making bad relationship choices, and single women who rarely date at all because they are working to avoid the types of men who would compromise their relationship with God. There are single women who feel they can have no life outside of having a man, and there are single women who are traveling, training for marathons, having fun with girlfriends, volunteering in their communities and being a blessing to all of those around them.

Without knowing each single person's story, one cannot say that each single person who desires marriage and is praying for that isn't living a fulfilling life alone already. I think if there was some offense taken to some posts in this thread, it was because that's how the status of a single woman who desires marriage is often presented -- that she is failing to live life to the fullest on her own and is only focused on finding a man.

Not true.

All good points, esp. the bolded....

Looks like I'm the bridge between the counterpoints between Ms.Honey and Bunny77 (using these two posters based on what I've picked up browsing the thread).

1. On one side, the point is that being consumed (overtaken) with the desire of marriage can distract and threaten one's relationship with the Lord and with a healthy, vibrant life.

2. On the other side, the point is that one can have a healthy, balanced desire for marriage and believe passionately for that desire without being overconsumed with marriage.

Now allow me to step in: I started off at #2 and I allowed pressures and disappointments to affect me and one day I looked up (seemingly all of a sudden) and saw myself at #1. Wow.... what a miserable place to be in.

I beseech you dear ladies to not let this happen to you. And one way to avoid this is to be honest with yourself and the Lord and own your feelings about your desires for marriage and work to keep it all IN BALANCE so that you don't end up in #1 like I did.

 

[Bunny77]

All good points, esp. the bolded....

Looks like I'm the bridge between the counterpoints between Ms.Honey and Bunny77 (using these two posters based on what I've picked up browsing the thread).

1. On one side, the point is that being consumed (overtaken) with the desire of marriage can distract and threaten one's relationship with the Lord and with a healthy, vibrant life.

2. On the other side, the point is that one can have a healthy, balanced desire for marriage and believe passionately for that desire without being overconsumed with marriage.

Now allow me to step in: I started off at #2 and I allowed pressures and disappointments to affect me and one day I looked up (seemingly all of a sudden) and saw myself at #1. Wow.... what a miserable place to be in.

I beseech you dear ladies to not let this happen to you. And one way to avoid this is to be honest with yourself and the Lord and own your feelings about your desires for marriage and work to keep it all IN BALANCE so that you don't end up in #1 like I did.

I think that was a good way to "bridge" both perspectives.

I'd say I'm at No. 2. And if that status lasts longer than I might have planned, I agree that it's important not to fall into category No. 1.

I can't speak for Ms. Honey (and she doesn't need me to, lol), but she might be encountering a lot of women in category No. 1 -- and seeing those women make poor decisions based on their status in category No. 1 -- which is reflected in her comments and perspective.

I see people who reside in both groups, and I know a lot of 2s. I just don't want the 2s to be discouraged from their desire as if its ungodly in some way.

 

[hopeful]

I had been dodging this thread for a while.... But I feel a light compulsion to share....

As a person who has whined and prayed and cried about marriage.... and some of you have listened and prayed with me during my lamenting....

As a person who desires marriage, who has been PROMISED marriage, and who believes what the Word of the Lord says concerning marriage and continues to believe the Lord for the manifestation of that promise.... I ask this:

Is. God. Enough?

Yep... that's a tough question to swallow.

My DISCONTENT concerning marriage only increased as the years went by.... I left my 30s behind this past January 1. And it's NOTHING but the grace and mercy of the Lord that I'm here in my right mind. Yep. I was so consumed with marriage that the seeming lack of that was driving me STRAIGHT to the mental ward. Seriously. Name a book about singleness and marriage, I've either bought it or checked it out of the library or read an excerpt online. Sermons about singleness and marriage. Been there, done that. Singles conferences. Been there done that. I began to dread going to weddings. Hearing about weddings. Saw "older" single women (esp. in the church) and I cried out to the Lord to not let me "end up like them".
I was not living life. I was slowly dying inside because of the marital expectations of society, church, and family that was turning into a POISON in my spiritual and natural body.

So where am I right now? In a NEW PLACE...brand new. Liken it to a brand new house (re)built from the ground up. So it's time to put in new appliances, fixtures, etc. The Lord had to recover me and strip me of those INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL EXPECTATIONS AND PRESSURES about marriage that had CHOKED the life out of me.

The Lord has even stripped my expectations about what my husband may look like, or how he may enter my life, and all that. Do I have standards? Yes. But I had set the pedestal of marriage SO HIGH and thought that I couldn't REALLY LIVE and BE HAPPY until I got married. But the Lord is ministering to me in such a way in that ULTIMATELY, my hope, my joy, my peace, is in the Lord Jesus Christ; He is the author and finisher of my faith.
I read a quote that said "even a great husband makes a poor god".

So after I cry and lament, I think about how SERIOUS marriage is and I thank and praise the Lord for not giving me something I'm still being prepared for and that His TIMING is perfect.

May the peace of the Lord Jesus Christ settle in your hearts.

This is a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing. I am beyond happy for you and the current state you are in.

 

[discobiscuits]

single women are not necessarily single because God doesn't feel that they should be "moved" to the next level. A person's marital or nonmarital status is not necessarily an indication of anything, and I think we need to move away from the idea that often develops in certain Christian circles that married women are somehow more spiritually mature than single women, and that's why they're married, while single women are not.

This is so true.

But the key is, since we're all Christians here, I think we can agree that we all must listen to God and trust in Him in every step of this process. And wherever we end up after that through His divine guidance is indeed His will.

As a person who has whined and prayed and cried about marriage....
sadly, there are far too many ladies on this forum who do the same thing. I think that is what Ms_Honey and some others are trying to discourage - the whining, crying, and repeated praying to be married. I don't think anyone here is trying to discourage the desire to be married. It appears that some posts in this thread want singletons to be hopeful for marriage but in the meantime while she is waiting/hoping/praying/desiring for her to live life to the fullest and don't whine/cry or get depressed or discontented.

My DISCONTENT concerning marriage only increased as the years went by.... I left my 30s behind this past January 1. And it's NOTHING but the grace and mercy of the Lord that I'm here in my right mind. Yep. I was so consumed with marriage that the seeming lack of that was driving me STRAIGHT to the mental ward. Seriously. Name a book about singleness and marriage, I've either bought it or checked it out of the library or read an excerpt online. Sermons about singleness and marriage. Been there, done that. Singles conferences. Been there done that. I began to dread going to weddings. Hearing about weddings. Saw "older" single women (esp. in the church) and I cried out to the Lord to not let me "end up like them".

I was not living life. I was slowly dying inside because of the marital expectations of society, church, and family that was turning into a POISON in my spiritual and natural body.

I think that is the place where so many unmarried ladies are in their lives and for a far too inordinate length of time. I think that your statements may even be a mirror image of several other unmarried ladies' experiences. I think that some of us who are posting do not want that experience for the singletons.

It is sad that you wasted so much of your time, happiness and sanity but it is good that you are free from that now and in a better place spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically.

1 Corinthians 7:32-34 (Amplified Bible) 32My desire is to have you free from all anxiety and distressing care. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord--how he may please the Lord;
33But the married man is anxious about worldly matters--how he may please his wife--
34And he is drawn in diverging directions [his interests are divided and he is distracted from his devotion to God]. And the unmarried woman or girl is concerned and anxious about the matters of the Lord, how to be wholly separated and set apart in body and spirit; but the married woman has her cares [centered] in earthly affairs--how she may please her husband.

...there are whole, happy, vibrant, living-life-to-the-fullest Christian women who desire marriage.

Agreed


For me, marriage (from a Christian stand point) has a set of rules that I do not want to play by right now. Right now I love my freedom so much that I do not want to give it up.

 

[aribell]

I think I get what you are saying that is why we are to pray thy (God's) will be done. Because as much as we want it and He wants it, it (His will) doesn't always happen. Q

Interesting thread ladies, and I can definitely see both sides, but this ^^^ I cannot cosign. What prevents God's will from being done in our lives is our failure to seek to understand His will and/or our failure to live in obedience to it. If you and God are truly on the same page, that's where the Spirit begins to do all sorts of wonderful things in your life. If something is really what the Lord has ordained, then we can rebel against it and thereby hinder His will in our lives, but there isn't any question about whether He will bring it to pass.

What does the bible say will happen when we line our will up with His will, that it will come to pass right?

Yes. If there is any chance that it won't happen, then it wasn't truly what God had ordained.

I said fruitless prayer not worthless prayer. If a prayer is not bearing fruit(God's word does not return to Him void correct?) then the one praying it needs to ask God if the prayer was in line with His will. I don't understand the resistance of a Christian to ask God.

My prayer life is very much shaped by this truth. I think that all prayers must begin with a seeking and understanding of God's will...otherwise we could be wasting our energies seeking after something that is a foregone conclusion. I don't think it's as black and white as being able to say, "Marriage is a good thing ordained by God, so He must want me to have it." Marriage is a good thing, but He could want a different thing that He considers better for you. Or (probably more likely) He could want you to stop seeking marriage before His Kingdom.

Yes, God does this; but praying about it would probably reveal whether that is or is not the case. Or, after praying you might make the choice to serve God as a single, even though it is a sacrifice, as many Christians do this. As a young single woman, I am praying earnestly for a husband. But I also spend just as much time checking my own heart and asking the Lord to be the Lord of my desires so that what I want conforms with His will. I also ask God all the time to cut away fruitless desires, thoughts, etc. out of my heart, fruitless meaning that they are not going to be blessed by the Lord--not necessarily because they are bad, but because they aren't the path that I am to walk down.

Because no matter what, we are always to seek His will first and not our own desires. Even if He is going to say "Yes, of course" anyway, our desire to walk with Him down any road should be the starting point for our prayers. It might seem like an uneccesary step, but the Lord teaches us a lot of things in that space between, "Not my will but Thy will be done," and "Yes, your prayer is granted."

 

[Ms.Honey]

You all really need to learn to read and attempt to comprehend.
Read the prayer again and my post WITHOUT preconceptions of what you THINK we mean but listening to what we ACTUALLY said.


You read," Ask God if it's His will for you to marry" and you hear, "Marrieds don't want us to get married." You read, "Make sure you are in line with God's will in case you need to change something about your walk first before He sends you that someone and you hear, "They think they're holier than we are and have reached super sainthood.". You read, "Be content in the state that you are in.", which is what the Word says by the way, and you hear,"God says that you can't want to be married and wants us to be lonely all of our lives." I'm glad that a couple of ladies did actually read the prayer and the posts I made and didn't take them out of context.

Som of you all can't even hear something that you THINK may be contrary to what you are doing without being hurt, offended and on the war path and that really, really sad. Asking God will not cancel out your prayer that some of you have been praying for years, some over a decade. You don't want to ask Jesus, then DON'T ASK!!!!!

 

[MrsQueeny]

Interesting thread ladies, and I can definitely see both sides, but this ^^^ I cannot cosign. What prevents God's will from being done in our lives is our failure to seek to understand His will and/or our failure to live in obedience to it. If you and God are truly on the same page, that's where the Spirit begins to do all sorts of wonderful things in your life. If something is really what the Lord has ordained, then we can rebel against it and thereby hinder His will in our lives, but there isn't any question about whether He will bring it to pass.

That is EXACTLY what I am saying. His will is not done in some people because they are not obedient to Him. Q

 

[aribell]

That is EXACTLY what I am saying. His will is not done in some people because they are not obedient to Him. Q

Oh, ok then!

 

[MrsQueeny]

Oh, ok then!

You broke it down a little more but you and I are -><- here!!! Q
ETA: I admit I didn't read the OP I was just commenting on what Bunny77 was saying. I will go back and read from the beginning later. Q

 

[hopeful]

You all really need to learn to read and attempt to comprehend.
Read the prayer again and my post WITHOUT preconceptions of what you THINK we mean but listening to what we ACTUALLY said.


You read," Ask God if it's His will for you to marry" and you hear, "Marrieds don't want us to get married." You read, "Make sure you are in line with God's will in case you need to change something about your walk first before He sends you that someone and you hear, "They think they're holier than we are and have reached super sainthood.". You read, "Be content in the state that you are in.", which is what the Word says by the way, and you hear,"God says that you can't want to be married and wants us to be lonely all of our lives." I'm glad that a couple of ladies did actually read the prayer and the posts I made and didn't take them out of context.

Som of you all can't even hear something that you THINK may be contrary to what you are doing without being hurt, offended and on the war path and that really, really sad. Asking God will not cancel out your prayer that some of you have been praying for years, some over a decade. You don't want to ask Jesus, then DON'T ASK!!!!!

I think that so many women are just in so much pain and are so lonely and scared. It's a spiritual problem and a physiological problem. People just want it so bad. As a married woman and a married/Christian woman it is easier to "see" the problem but if you are living this it must be very hard. I don't know the bible like you and I do not have the confidence you have with regard to the scriptures. But like you I have been married for a long time, 22 years this summer, he and I have been together for 26 years. I am very happily married. Some women have reached out to me and want to hear what I have to say, even though some things may be hard to hear they are willing. Regarding marriage I have some wisdom. Some don't want to hear what I say and are annoyed that it comes from someone who is neither alone or lonely and no matter what I say or how I say it they don't want to hear it. And that's just going to have to be okay. Ms. Honey, you sound frustrated. I think the above bolded is a little harsh. Some women can't hear what you are saying just yet, some just don't agree with you, but believe me your words are touching and have touched many (not just a couple of ladies).

 

[Mis007]

It is the word of God and it is biblical. Single women are to care for the things of the Lord 1 Cor.7:32. It's not a suggestion. If you can not be happy and content in your single state you WILL NOT be happy and content for long once you marry. The Christian divorce rate is a warning of that.

This is very true, when reading this what came to mind is this; "I mean so much more to me than anybody I ever knew".

We HAVE to stop limiting God. He is not subject to stats. If you are in position to marry and it is His will for you to marry then He will have NO problem finding an appropriate mate. Those questions need to be asked of Him. "Lord is it YOUR will for me to marry and if so what do I need to do to get prepared?" Many are called but few are chosen because they are not aligned with God in other areas of their lives.

So true...

I just wanted to add that this single contentment is VERY new to me. What is helping me to rationalize it all has been to switch my focus. I started to be honest with myself about the reasons I felt like I should get married and the reality that my reasons were . . .selfish. I didn't really want to marry for companionship and . . .love. I wanted someone to go half on the rent, half on childcare, half on the dishes and love and companionship would be a bonus. Sort of like I had been treating God. I was placing my order with God to the point that I had neglected the relationship with him. Sure I was content with his giving and keeping things in order, but I didn't take the time to just commune with God and be in relationship with him.

This is where I am now...

well, I don't have to add anything Ms_Honey said it in her 1st few posts. I agree, I like the OP prayer I don't see anything wrong with it as it is or that it is written by a married couple.

My personal experience w/ singleness in the unmarried state is that I'm quite content. I have no desire to be married. For me the only thing marriage holds is the possibilities of additional money and sex. That is about it. I've been proposed to by at least three different men and, obviously, I turned each one down. I currently have a suitor and I've told him that I'm not interested in marriage and if he is, he may want to consider perusing someone else. I am neither against marriage nor opposed to it. When I'm willing to relinquish my "freedom" so-to-speak and become one flesh with another imperfect human, then I will marry and enjoy my singleness in the married state.


ETA: In my opinion marriage is not something that God wills for anyone. He allows each of us to choose to marry or not and whom we marry. I do not believe that if I want to marry I need to pray a husband in my life. There are tons to choose from. I do believe that one should pray the type of husband they want or for a Godly husband but not for a husband or pray to be married or ask God for permission to marry. It is His good pleasure to give us the desires of our hearts as long as that desire is not to fulfill ungodly lusts of the flesh. Just my opinion based on what I've read for myself in the bible and what I've been taught.



Abbreviated definition of single: Able to stand alone, whole, complete. One can be single and married or single and unmarried. Single does not denote marital status.

Very good post..

 

[Ms.Honey]

I think that so many women are just in so much pain and are so lonely and scared. It's a spiritual problem and a physiological problem. People just want it so bad. As a married woman and a married/Christian woman it is easier to "see" the problem but if you are living this it must be very hard. I don't know the bible like you and I do not have the confidence you have with regard to the scriptures. But like you I have been married for a long time, 22 years this summer, he and I have been together for 26 years. I am very happily married. Some women have reached out to me and want to hear what I have to say, even though some things may be hard to hear they are willing. Regarding marriage I have some wisdom. Some don't want to hear what I say and are annoyed that it comes from someone who is neither alone or lonely and no matter what I say or how I say it they don't want to hear it. And that's just going to have to be okay. Ms. Honey, you sound frustrated. I think the above bolded is a little harsh. Some women can't hear what you are saying just yet, some just don't agree with you, but believe me your words are touching and have touched many (not just a couple of ladies).

I know*sigh*. I just hate that some of them have to go through this when what they want is so close. Just a step over one little step. I have a girlfriend who's going through the same thing, been in long term relationship, afterlong term relationship, relationships that are godly(no fornication) but ending without the marriage she seeks for the last 12 years. Knowing that all she had to do was ask God how He wanted her to fellowship in the beginning before hearts and expectations get involved, was this the man He wanted her to marry or should this be seen as a fellowship only and if not to show her from the start, she could have been married with babies.

I was frustrated when I wrote it. I usually don't post in these types of threads on the Christian forum, for that very reason. I liked the prayer and didn't see what was wrong with it and know that nothing is. I do know that some will want to continually kick against the pricks but my focus is on the other sisters who won't and those who will tire of it and want a better way.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

Someone mentioned the 50% divorce rate for christians as an indicator that someone didn't pray or connect with G-d regarding their mate or their particular growth/relationship with G-d - that they are not exactly in G-d's full will. I don't think that is necessarily true. It could be that G-d ordained from some time that said person WILL go through a difficult relationship and divorce as part of their "cross" in life. Too often, people think that to become religious means transformation to something not touchable by the world. This is not true. Being a christian means that the person has a relationship to G-d through christian doctrine/faith but he is still a faillable human being. Far too often, people think that to become religious means that a "better" life is waiting around the corner, here on earth. That also is not true. We all are victimized by the society in which we live. People do not value marriage any longer. Good christians can be influenced by that.

 

[hopeful]

I know*sigh*. I just hate that some of them have to go through this when what they want is so close. Just a step over one little step. I have a girlfriend who's going through the same thing, been in long term relationship, afterlong term relationship, relationships that are godly(no fornication) but ending without the marriage she seeks for the last 12 years. Knowing that all she had to do was ask God how He wanted her to fellowship in the beginning before hearts and expectations get involved, was this the man He wanted her to marry or should this be seen as a fellowship only and if not to show her from the start, she could have been married with babies.

I was frustrated when I wrote it. I usually don't post in these types of threads on the Christian forum, for that very reason. I liked the prayer and didn't see what was wrong with it and know that nothing is. I do know that some will want to continually kick against the pricks but my focus is on the other sisters who won't and those who will tire of it and want a better way.

I liked the prayer too. And I'm glad you posted your thoughts. I know your heart is in the right place. I've been through it with so many friends and it is hard to watch. I had one friend who after a divorce became so lonely she married the first man to ask. She had become desperate and ignored all of the signs, her friends disapproval of the man, and her minister's request to hold off and wait a bit. She took matters in her own hands completely and now is more miserable than when she was single/divorced.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

I'm gonna stop now, cuz this subject really gets under my skin. But I realize that everyone has the right to their views on marriage, religion and relationships. But don't fault me because I desire marriage. And quite frankly, God desires it for me too.

Without desire, one wouldn't seek. I'd also like to say, regarding many posts here and not specifically yours, that G-d allows humans to have thought. He gave us common sense. G-d as well gave us a guideline on how to live. Sometimes, actual specifics. But no one here or elsewhere in the world has G-d on his fingertip. If G-d doesn't provide you with an answer, then He's not providing you with an answer, at the moment. It could be "yes" and it could be "no." He does not operate within our guideline but us within His. And oftentimes, that's up for interpretation on the true meanings.

One has to put scripture within historical and cultural perspective to derive the jist of the meaning. If not, we come off as the sole interpretors without realizing that we personally interpret according to our own histories and experiences. Whatever is truth in your life may not be truth to another. Yes, scripture is truth...but how G-d operates in your life is not going to mirror reflect another's. Not everyone will see eye to eye and not all "truisms" were written well enough and with compassion to come off as wisdom. Because just as surely as you think you have the sole truth, G-d will knock you off your pedestal to demonstrate that you truly .....do not know. Only He knows all.

 

[TrendySocialite]

I had to read this a couple of times to see the heart of your point.

Exactly what do you perceive my "situation" to be and what is it similar to?

On the outside, I looked like the whole, happy, vibrant, living life to the fullest Christian woman. Most people around me presumed that I was so focused on my career and schooling and that marriage wasn't on my radar screen. But in private, I was in a lot of pain, and that pain increased as my biological age increased. The pressure... the pressure... the pressure.

My singleness has not been unproductive. I have (and still do) travel, and I'm FINALLY appreciating my freedom to travel, go to school, buy what I want, so on and so forth.

Hopefully my testimony will serve as a cautionary tale for those who are going along and may one day all of a sudden, hit a brick wall of disappointment (in God, in yourself, in society, in the church) and may not be able to bounce back because of the pressures. I was going along happy and all and when I hit the brick wall, it wasn' pretty.

I STRONGLY encourage the pursuit of the Lord Jesus Christ. There is no other way to true peace and contentment but the Lord Jesus Christ.

In a way, it's like I'm starting over on a social level. Between school and the perversion of the pressure from the church and society to marry, I went into a deep depression but I'm here to tell the story that the Lord has brought me out of that pit. He's restored the sweet, outgoing parts of my personality and it's being noticed even when I don't realize it!

How you felt and now feel in regarding to starting over...I don't know anything else, but it appeared that something has changed.

Once again, because I want to marry does not imply that I'm under the pressure of the church, society or anyone. Nor does it imply that I do not follow hard after Christ....because I do.

You questioned my thoughts regarding my interpretation of your situation, all I ask is the same courtesy about my desire to get married. You don't have to agree nor do I try to convert anyone to my way of thinking, but I do expect the courtesy and freedom to think that way and not be chastised for it by people that don't know me.

 

[TrendySocialite]

You all really need to learn to read and attempt to comprehend.
Read the prayer again and my post WITHOUT preconceptions of what you THINK we mean but listening to what we ACTUALLY said.


You read," Ask God if it's His will for you to marry" and you hear, "Marrieds don't want us to get married." You read, "Make sure you are in line with God's will in case you need to change something about your walk first before He sends you that someone and you hear, "They think they're holier than we are and have reached super sainthood.". You read, "Be content in the state that you are in.", which is what the Word says by the way, and you hear,"God says that you can't want to be married and wants us to be lonely all of our lives." I'm glad that a couple of ladies did actually read the prayer and the posts I made and didn't take them out of context.

Som of you all can't even hear something that you THINK may be contrary to what you are doing without being hurt, offended and on the war path and that really, really sad. Asking God will not cancel out your prayer that some of you have been praying for years, some over a decade. You don't want to ask Jesus, then DON'T ASK!!!!!

Once again, you assume that because someone doesn't agree with you and conduct their lives the way you do that they haven't asked God regarding HIS (not your) plan for their lives. God speaks to me just as He speaks to others and because I CHOOSE to pray for my future husband and marriage (but it's not the only thing I pray for) does not make me out of line with God's will.

But I no longer expect agreement or respect of my personal beliefs on this matter.

 

[TrendySocialite]

Without desire, one wouldn't seek. I'd also like to say, regarding many posts here and not specifically yours, that G-d allows humans to have thought. He gave us common sense. G-d as well gave us a guideline on how to live. Sometimes, actual specifics. But no one here or elsewhere in the world has G-d on his fingertip. If G-d doesn't provide you with an answer, then He's not providing you with an answer, at the moment. It could be "yes" and it could be "no." He does not operate within our guideline but us within His. And oftentimes, that's up for interpretation on the true meanings.

One has to put scripture within historical and cultural perspective to derive the jist of the meaning. If not, we come off as the sole interpretors without realizing that we personally interpret according to our own histories and experiences. Whatever is truth in your life may not be truth to another. Yes, scripture is truth...but how G-d operates in your life is not going to mirror reflect another's. Not everyone will see eye to eye and not all "truisms" were written well enough and with compassion to come off as wisdom. Because just as surely as you think you have the sole truth, G-d will knock you off your pedestal to demonstrate that you truly .....do not know. Only He knows all.

I have no real clue what you mean by this post, but I assume it is a general comment, since you don't know of my personal relationship with Christ and whether or not he has given me an answer regarding marriage. Just because I'm not married, doesn't mean that I don't have an answer.

I know God operates differently in everyone's lives, but what several of you are implying and some outright saying in some of your posts is that the way God operates in my life is wrong, out of line or simply not so. And quite frankly that's presumptious, pompous and condescending.

God may operate differently in your life, and that's fine. But don't snub or give off a pious attitude because it's different for me. That's no way for real Christian sisters to behave. If you (not necessarily you specifically) wanted me to grow or consider another viewpoint, implying I'm not spiritually astute enough to understand the prayer or that I'm somehow unfullfilled or involved in bad relationships was no way to do it.

This may seem harsh and adamant, but so is saying that I can't read for comprehension.