To Be Content Alone

[kayte]

Do not limit God

on the contrary....your posts speaks to limitation
I do not allow humans to limit me

If you are in position to marry and it is His will for you to marry then He will have NO problem finding an appropriate mate

human logic...says it seems easy...of course all is in God's care

of continuing to pray the same fruitless prayer

to say praying is fruitless.." the same fruitless prayer" is limiting God
and is just not true..I posted the bliblical and non biblical examples
of continuing in prayer
faith teaches us as Christians otherwise

but we can agree to disagree!
be blessed

 

[Ms.Honey]

The bold is exactly my point. Men and women are NOT being raised to marry, and that's why marriages aren't taking place. Women in the Bible did not feel the need to pray for husbands because getting married was not an issue. Since people today have dropped the ball on fulfilling God's intended will for marriage, many women have felt compelled to pray that God will break through this current sinful state of relationships so that they are able to marry. They are praying for a Godly man to seek them.



Again, all the more reason to pray for God to lead you toward a marriage of His will and NOT marry whomever we want. Also, once marriage takes place, a whole different set of temptations and situations take place, and even a Godly couple that "prepared" beforehand could be in danger of divorce if they don't continue to pray for their marriage and put God first. Job loss, miscarriages, depression, family illnesses, etc... all those can tear even the most faithful Christians asunder and unfortunately, the world will encourage divorce before encouraging them to turn to God. We live in a "me first" society, so it unfortunately would result in more divorces.

This does NOT mean that all of those couples shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. Some shouldn't have, but others probably could save their marriage if they are given the guidance and encouragement that they need. That's where a lot of churches can -- and do -- step in to help. But again, when we live in a culture where marriage is NOT encouraged, OF COURSE divorce would be more common.

I won't say whether those ministers are fools or not... I see Godly marriage as a ministry just as much as anything else can be.

God forewarns and knows if either you or your partner will seek His face and stay married through tough times. We fial because of lack of understanding. God is all knowing. We miss blessings because we do not seek His will. Black Christian women marry black Christian men everyday. God is not limited by the world.

 

[Bunny77]

God forewarns and knows if either you or your partner will seek His face and stay married through tough times. We fial because of lack of understanding. God is all knowing. We miss blessings because we do not seek His will. Black Christian women marry black Christian men everyday. God is not limited by the world.

Black Christian women marry non-Black Christian men too. (I know, that has nothing to do with the topic, but I just had to add that.)

Again, God is not limited by the world, but God could also give every Christian woman a husband tomorrow. And yes, many of those women would be spiritually ready for that man too.

God could also make divorce disappear tomorrow. He could make sin disappear tomorrow. God could do anything He wanted, but He also lets us make our own choices. He will never deny us that "right"... He didn't deny it to Adam and Eve, and we see what happened becasue of it.

So He is allowing us to make our own choices, and because so many of us are choosing to follow the world and not Him, we and our children are suffering the consequences. Sins of the Fathers, as described in Exodus 20:5...

 

[HeChangedMyName]

So, what part do you all think free will plays in this "contentment" in being single?

I mean, we all have free will and like I stated earlier, we ALL could be married to someone if we wanted to. I can remember studying an idea that God is in charge, but not in control. He can see the big picture, but hands the reigns over to us to a certain extent by allowing us free will to chose and have experiences. there are of course consequences for this free will when it isn't lined up with God's will.

 

[Ms.Honey]

on the contrary....your posts speaks to limitation
I do not allow humans to limit me



human logic...says it seems easy...of course all is in God's care



to say praying is fruitless.." the same fruitless prayer" is limiting God
and is just not true..I posted the bliblical and non biblical examples
of continuing in prayer
faith teaches us as Christians otherwise

but we can agree to disagree!
be blessed

I said fruitless prayer not worthless prayer. If a prayer is not bearing fruit(God's word does not return to Him void correct?) then the one praying it needs to ask God if the prayer was in line with His will. I don't understand the resistance of a Christian to ask God.

 

[Ms.Honey]

Black Christian women marry non-Black Christian men too. (I know, that has nothing to do with the topic, but I just had to add that.)

Again, God is not limited by the world, but God could also give every Christian woman a husband tomorrow. And yes, many of those women would be spiritually ready for that man too.

God could also make divorce disappear tomorrow. He could make sin disappear tomorrow. God could do anything He wanted, but He also lets us make our own choices. He will never deny us that "right"... He didn't deny it to Adam and Eve, and we see what happened becasue of it.

So He is allowing us to make our own choices, and because so many of us are choosing to follow the world and not Him, we and our children are suffering the consequences. Sins of the Fathers, as described in Exodus 20:5...

And that why we have to ask God what His will is pertaining our lives to avoid unecessary sorrow. Why is asking God if He wants you to marry a bad thing?

 

[Bunny77]

And that why we have to ask God what His will is pertaining our lives to avoid unecessary sorrow. Why is asking God if He wants you to marry a bad thing?

I don't think it's bad to ask, but because of the way I see marriage outlined in the Bible, I see it more as a foregone conclusion rather than something that needs to be asked of God. To me, asking if God wants me to marry is like asking me if He wants me to have food, water, shelter and the like. I know the answer already, and it's yes.

That doesn't mean that marriage is guaranteed to happen for me. I recognize that. But I feel completely at peace knowing that it has always been God's will for his children who desire marriage, which includes me, to marry. If he willed that for His people since He created Adam, I don't think He's changed His mind since then.

Now I know you will disagree on that philosophy, and that's cool. We can agree to disagree on that.

 

[Bunny77]

So, what part do you all think free will plays in this "contentment" in being single?

I mean, we all have free will and like I stated earlier, we ALL could be married to someone if we wanted to. I can remember studying an idea that God is in charge, but not in control. He can see the big picture, but hands the reigns over to us to a certain extent by allowing us free will to chose and have experiences. there are of course consequences for this free will when it isn't lined up with God's will.

Well, I think you know how I feel!

I think free will -- not just our own free will, but that of others -- can definitely throw us off God's will!

 

[Ms.Honey]

I don't think it's bad to ask, but because of the way I see marriage outlined in the Bible, I see it more as a foregone conclusion rather than something that needs to be asked of God. To me, asking if God wants me to marry is like asking me if He wants me to have food, water, shelter and the like. I know the answer already, and it's yes.

That doesn't mean that marriage is guaranteed to happen for me. I recognize that. But I feel completely at peace knowing that it has always been God's will for his children who desire marriage, which includes me, to marry. If he willed that for His people since He created Adam, I don't think He's changed His mind since then.

Now I know you will disagree on that philosophy, and that's cool. We can agree to disagree on that.

You believe it's His will for you to be married but that it's not guaranteed? Yeah, we don't agree.

 

[Bunny77]

You believe it's His will for you to be married but that it's not guaranteed? Yeah, we don't agree.

It's not guaranteed that I'll wake up tomorrow either, but I can still believe it's God's will that I will have a long and fruitful life.

 

[Ms.Honey]

It's not guaranteed that I'll wake up tomorrow either, but I can still believe it's God's will that I will have a long and fruitful life.

What does the bible say will happen when we line our will up with His will, that it will come to pass right?

 

[MrsQueeny]

It's not guaranteed that I'll wake up tomorrow either, but I can still believe it's God's will that I will have a long and fruitful life.

I think I get what you are saying that is why we are to pray thy (God's) will be done. Because as much as we want it and He wants it, it (His will) doesn't always happen. Q

 

[Bunny77]

What does the bible say will happen when we line or will up with His will, that it will come to pass right?

I think I get what you are saying that is why we are to pray thy (God's) will be done. Because as much as we want it and He wants it, it (His will) doesn't always happen. Q

^^^That's exactly what I mean!

 

[Ms.Honey]

Wow

Goodnight ladies

 

[MrsQueeny]

^^^That's exactly what I mean!

Goodness knows His will was for Adam and Eve to not sin but they did. It's too bad that we allow our will to have too much control. But God is still good and I thank Him for loving me even when I am a knucklehead. Q

 

[kayte]

then the one praying it needs to ask God if the prayer was in line with His will. I don't understand the resistance of a Christian to ask God.

once again this is a given......for everyone....

let's assume... please
that a non-married Christian is not being "willful".."or resistant"
but IS leading a prayerful intimate connected life with God..
seeking His will in a..l..l areas of one's life

I said fruitless prayer not worthless prayer. If a prayer is not bearing fruit(God's word does not return to Him void correct?) then the one praying it needs to ask God if the prayer was in line with His will. I don't understand the resistance of a Christian to ask God.

prayer that does not bear not fruit is not fruitless...
the very nature of prayer is intimate commune with God.....
to say if a prayer does not manifest the desired request is is to deem it worthless that is human logic and judgement..and lack of faith
no God's word does not return void...but His ways are also above human understanding

do not take my word for it take God's word!
read all of Hebrews 11....all of it
the answer is right there

For myself I've decided the Lord knew I'd be mighty agitated
with that in my in-box
and I had to run before a midnight deadline on an art colony submission I'd worked on all day...luckily living right down the street from the all night post office )

when I came back opened my door an evangelist was on TV
saying God does possible out of the impossible
keep believing even if you don't understand

so ..my take on this... Mrs Honey is a messenger
and the message I heard was

DON'T LIMIT GOD

why argue ..with that?
It's good advice
and it's true and so it is

 

[Nice & Wavy]

Goodness knows His will was for Adam and Eve to not sin but they did. It's too bad that we allow our will to have too much control. But God is still good and I thank Him for loving me even when I am a knucklehead. Q

Exactly. Our will can be stronger than God's will at times. What I mean by that is this:

God is always at work to will and to do His good pleasure in our lives. However, our 'will' hinders it from going forth in our lives because we don't want it His way, but our own...forgetting that it doesn't work that way...it's His way or the highway.

 

[discobiscuits]

well, I don't have to add anything Ms_Honey said it in her 1st few posts. I agree, I like the OP prayer I don't see anything wrong with it as it is or that it is written by a married couple.

My personal experience w/ singleness in the unmarried state is that I'm quite content. I have no desire to be married. For me the only thing marriage holds is the possibilities of additional money and sex. That is about it. I've been proposed to by at least three different men and, obviously, I turned each one down. I currently have a suitor and I've told him that I'm not interested in marriage and if he is, he may want to consider perusing someone else. I am neither against marriage nor opposed to it. When I'm willing to relinquish my "freedom" so-to-speak and become one flesh with another imperfect human, then I will marry and enjoy my singleness in the married state.


ETA: In my opinion marriage is not something that God wills for anyone. He allows each of us to choose to marry or not and whom we marry. I do not believe that if I want to marry I need to pray a husband in my life. There are tons to choose from. I do believe that one should pray the type of husband they want or for a Godly husband but not for a husband or pray to be married or ask God for permission to marry. It is His good pleasure to give us the desires of our hearts as long as that desire is not to fulfill ungodly lusts of the flesh. Just my opinion based on what I've read for myself in the bible and what I've been taught.



Abbreviated definition of single: Able to stand alone, whole, complete. One can be single and married or single and unmarried. Single does not denote marital status.

 

[kayte]

Goodnight ladies

or lol..good morning

but I'm still going to make it to early service...
Have a most blessed Sunday:Rose:

 

[TrendySocialite]

I understand where you're coming from but it's not negative, it's true. A single has to be content being alone (not lonely) before the Lord will move them to the next state. If singles can't be content in the state that they are in the Lord can't use them to their fullest potential because they are distracted by getting married which I notice alot with the sisters in Christian forum.

Singles need to stop seeking to be married and let the Lord send someone their way when HE feels they are ready to handle it. Who can FIND a virtuous woman. We are to be sought not the other way around. Otherwise there will be fornicating and folks marrying the first thing that says Lord, Lord that comes their way. Then once they are married they WILL long for their single state again and seek to regain it.

The divorce rate among Christians is alarmingly high BECAUSE of our preoccupation with leaving the single state. I see more prayers for future DH's(which is not a promise of the Lord by the way) than prayers to be holy women of God and witnesses of Christ in the earth. Something is very wrong with our priorities.

The duty of a single woman is to care for the things of the Lord. It is not a step that can be skipped just because we are praying for or currently have boyfriends. If it is not obeyed without distraction of seeking a mate, He will not progress them to marriage. He changeth not. We can marry whomever we please whenever we please and usually do but God will not bless our mess.

Who said that was the gospel truth and the plight of all singles?

Honestly, it seems to be always either/or, never both/and.

This is a most informative and true post...
http://beforetheknot-andafter.blogspot.com/2007/07/rethinking-gift-of-singleness-getting_03.html

I think it's disheartening to imply that if we get married because we want to get married that it's not ordained of God.

And who says how long we have to stay single?!?!?! I am content being single, but it doesn't mean that I want to remain that way. And it's frustrating to be constantly made to feel like my desire for marriage and companionship is a bad thing.

Marriage and companionship can make you a better person. It can teach you sharing, compassion, kindness, etc. Some things that you may not learn completely as a single. If I wanted a house or a job or a higher education those are all seen as good things that could make me better, more successful or accomplished. But the minute you talk about wanting a HUSBAND (not just a man or a boyfriend) it's seen as a negative.

Yes there are a lot of marriages that don't work, but there are a lot of marriages that do. And that's what the church and Christians need to be upholding as the model and standard and not trying to discourage singles from wanting to or getting married because there are some knucklehead couples out there.

There are bad lawyers out there, but would I discourage someone that wants to be a lawyer because of those bad lawyers?

I tell you one scenario that can make for a jacked-up marriage. Women who are emotionally and sexually repressed because they've been conditioned to think that their desires (emotional and physical) are bad; rather than being taught how to express them appropriately and at the right time (once married). So they marry this man and have no clue how to express their desires because they've been taught that stating what you want or need to and from a man is wrong.

I'm gonna stop now, cuz this subject really gets under my skin. But I realize that everyone has the right to their views on marriage, religion and relationships. But don't fault me because I desire marriage. And quite frankly, God desires it for me too.

 

[kayte]

I'm gonna stop now, cuz this subject really gets under my skin. But I realize that everyone has the right to their views on marriage, religion and relationships. But don't fault me because I desire marriage. And quite frankly, God desires it for me too.

I find it troubling that it's MARRIED people who take the greatest
self-righteous tenor...on singlehood...

I think the most healing thing for singles in the midst of that rhetoric,
is let others have their opinions...that's all they are....not God's word... not truisms..merely opinion and

in divine trust continue to live God's plan..the heart's desires are God's private
whisperings in close communion and intimate relationship in the Spirit ..
with that person
after prayer and close adherence to His word
no one has the right to dicker with that

be blessed
runnin out to a rehearsal but when I come back....EDITING THE PRAYER

 

[Ms.Honey]

Who said that was the gospel truth and the plight of all singles?

Honestly, it seems to be always either/or, never both/and.

This is a most informative and true post...
http://beforetheknot-andafter.blogspot.com/2007/07/rethinking-gift-of-singleness-getting_03.html

I think it's disheartening to imply that if we get married because we want to get married that it's not ordained of God.

And who says how long we have to stay single?!?!?! I am content being single, but it doesn't mean that I want to remain that way. And it's frustrating to be constantly made to feel like my desire for marriage and companionship is a bad thing.

Marriage and companionship can make you a better person. It can teach you sharing, compassion, kindness, etc. Some things that you may not learn completely as a single. If I wanted a house or a job or a higher education those are all seen as good things that could make me better, more successful or accomplished. But the minute you talk about wanting a HUSBAND (not just a man or a boyfriend) it's seen as a negative.

Yes there are a lot of marriages that don't work, but there are a lot of marriages that do. And that's what the church and Christians need to be upholding as the model and standard and not trying to discourage singles from wanting to or getting married because there are some knucklehead couples out there.

There are bad lawyers out there, but would I discourage someone that wants to be a lawyer because of those bad lawyers?

I tell you one scenario that can make for a jacked-up marriage. Women who are emotionally and sexually repressed because they've been conditioned to think that their desires (emotional and physical) are bad; rather than being taught how to express them appropriately and at the right time (once married). So they marry this man and have no clue how to express their desires because they've been taught that stating what you want or need to and from a man is wrong.

I'm gonna stop now, cuz this subject really gets under my skin. But I realize that everyone has the right to their views on marriage, religion and relationships. But don't fault me because I desire marriage. And quite frankly, God desires it for me too.

You need to learn how to read and then try practicing comprehension.

You all are so distracted you are irrational. No one said it's wrong to desire marriage. What we said was to pray to God and see what his will is for your life pertaining to marriage and if their was anyplace you were out of line which may be causing Him to keep from sending someone your way. Anytime we get offended when someone suggests that we as Christians actually ASK God a question............

Marrieds aren't trying to keep singles from marrying, what we do is try to keep you all from marrying the wrong one. Please do not mistake the fact that contentment means to give up. It means live every state to the fullest.

 

[Ms.Honey]

I find it troubling that it's MARRIED people who take the greatest
self-righteous tenor...on singlehood...

I think the most healing thing for singles in the midst of that rhetoric,
is let others have their opinions...that's all they are....not God's word... not truisms..merely opinion and

in divine trust continue to live God's plan..the heart's desires are God's private
whisperings in close communion and intimate relationship in the Spirit ..
with that person
after prayer and close adherence to His word
no one has the right to dicker with that

be blessed
runnin out to a rehearsal but when I come back....EDITING THE PRAYER

Self righteous? Um, what about the fact that we speak from experience because we were once single? How about the fact that we've been where you all are and have entered into the state that you so diligently hope for? Iron sharpens iron. God says seek wisdom not opinions that make us feel better or agree with what we want.

James 4:1-10
1 From whence come wars and fightings among you? come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?
2 Ye lust and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and can not obtain: ye fight and war, Yet ye have not because ye ASK not, ye ask, and RECEIVE not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.
Seems like there are times when we don't get what we want because we haven't asked God some questions and sometimes it's something we're doing. Easily solved by a simple prayer to the Father but I digress.

Ladies who think they may be interested, I counsel singles on this board who are progressing, growing and becoming fulfilled (content) in their single state and preparing for the next state, marriage, and having fellowships and have been asked to enter into serious godly relationships after only a few weeks of our chat. If anyone would like to join our chats conducted by a self righteous, married woman of one husband of 22yrs. including a reconcilation after filing for divorce, who ASKED God if she had to stay married and obeyed His answer, with 3 grown children, pm me.

To arr1216, kayte, Bunny or anyone else who found my advice offensive, no offense meant. If you feel what you are doing is working cool. For anyone else who wants to be sure that you're aligned with God's will pertaining to marriage, feel free to pm me.

 

[Ms.Honey]

To Be Content Alone


Father, I'm praying for (name one or more) and others in my circle of family and friends who are single...

For these who are not married and may find it troubling, I ask You to help them learn to be content with being single, as well as with any other issues or circumstances of life they find themselves in. (Philippians 4:11b)

Help them delight in You, for You have said when we do, You'll give us the desires of our heart. May their desires match Your desires, Your will and plan for their lives; then fulfill Your purpose for them. (Psalm 37:4; 57:2; 138:8)

If Your plan is for them to be married, give them the grace to wait on You, to be strong and take heart. As they wait, help them to keep Your ways, discerning what is best, keeping pure and blameless in Your sight. (Psalm 27:14; 37:34; Philippians 1:10)

I ask Your special touch on those who are single parents, because managing a home without a spouse can be difficult. May they put their hope in You, continuing night and day in prayer. May others in the body of Christ respond to their needs as they would want to be helped if they were alone. (1 Timothy 5:5; Matthew 7:12)

May they be fulfilled in Christ. In Jesus' name, amen.
- Jim & Kaye Johns

I like this prayer.

 

[kayte]

You need to learn how to read and then try practicing comprehension.

??????????????????

I want to recant what I said ..not fair to paint with such a broad brush!
There are truly and have been marrieds who have given their experience strength and hope with sensitive,candid and encouraging words...and these were heartfelt, spoken
gratefully accepted...in love

You all are so distracted you are irrational.

lol...says who?


For..God has not given us a Spirit of confusion,but of sound mind,power and love

tis all

 

[kayte]

anyone else who found my advice offensive, no offense meant. If you feel what you are doing is working cool.

many thanks... beloved
no facetiousness..I heard you

 

[Ms.Honey]

Phl 4:11

Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, [therewith] to be content.

 

[discobiscuits]

Marriage and companionship can make you a better person.
How? Because of the following? It can teach you sharing, compassion, kindness, etc. Some things that you may not learn completely as a single.

I think that I learned those things in kindergarten & I believe that I've completly learned them now that I'm an adult. At least I hope so, I'd hate not to have learned those things & then enter a marriage lacking in those areas.

I can get companionship w/o marriage & I would not marry to get companionship or to learn things that I should already know.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married. When desiring marriage preoccupies one's thoughts or is so foremost in one's mind/heart/prayers that one's focus is on wanting a mate and not on the things of God is when it becomes a stumbling block.

PS: One of the "things of God" is you.



ETA:

A single has to be content being alone (not lonely) ...If singles can't be content in the state that they are in the Lord can't use them to their fullest potential because they are distracted by getting married which I notice a lot with the sisters in Christian forum.

he divorce rate among Christians is alarmingly high BECAUSE of our preoccupation with leaving the single state. I see more prayers for future DH's(which is not a promise of the Lord by the way) than prayers to be holy women of God and witnesses of Christ in the earth. Something is very wrong with our priorities.

The duty of a single woman PERSON is to care for the things of the Lord.

I agree particularly with the bold.

 

[Irresistible]

Married ladies have not reached some plateau with the LORD that singles have not

tis all

 

[Bunny77]

Married ladies have not reached some plateau with the LORD that singles have not

tis all

That's all I'm saying too.

Ms. Honey, thank you for your last message. I'm sure you are doing great things for the women you counsel.

We are all in different places in life, and my main point on this topic is that I do not believe every piece of advice applies to all single women, all married women, etc. Married women are not on a different level necessarily, and single women are not necessarily single because God doesn't feel that they should be "moved" to the next level. A person's marital or nonmarital status is not necessarily an indication of anything, and I think we need to move away from the idea that often develops in certain Christian circles that married women are somehow more spiritually mature than single women, and that's why they're married, while single women are not.

But the key is, since we're all Christians here, I think we can agree that we all must listen to God and trust in Him in every step of this process. And wherever we end up after that through His divine guidance is indeed His will.