To all the "Other Women" out there

[MissMasala5]

What is it about married/attached men that makes it so easy or desirable to get with them?

I have a GF that recently complained to me that she is a married man magnet. She has been seeing a married man on and off for several years, and was involved with a man that lived with another woman for a while. She was not able to explain what it was all about, and is trying to figure it out for herself, too. But it always works out that way: the men who hit on her and who she will talk to-- all of them are hooked up with another woman. What's going on here?

 

[firecracker]

Basically women that make that statement and accept those men have no sense of self worth and low self esteem.

 

[dlewis]

I told an ex-friend this years ago. I told her she must have "I ONLY DATE MARRIED MEN" stamped on her forhead because it doesn't make since that you have 4 kids all my married men and you have only dated married men. Next thing I know the car stops and she yelling "GET OUT, GET OUT!!!!!".

Well, she put me out of her car. First time that ever happend. Don't ask for the truth if you can't handle it.

 

[firecracker]

I told an ex-friend this years ago. I told her she must have "I ONLY DATE MARRIED MEN" stamped on her forhead because it doesn't make since that you have 4 kids all my married men and you have only dated married men. Next thing I know the car stops and she yelling "GET OUT, GET OUT!!!!!".

Well, she put me out of her car. First time that ever happend. Don't ask for the truth if you can't handle it.

I woulda said gladly side piece skankadank my getting out won't get you a non married man til you start loving your self!

 

[dlewis]

I woulda said gladly side piece skankadank my getting out won't get you a non married man til you start loving your self!

She ended up pregnant again and call me and ask if she could have my sons baby clotheserplexed and if she could come by my house to get them. I told her no and I don't allow women that date married men in my house and hung up on her. That WITCH.

 

[Keen]

I've never been the other women (at least not that I knew of) but a guy friend to that he prefers married women because they buy him stuff and they don't want any commitment. They just want to hit it then go back to their boring life and they are willing to take good care of him to keep that arrangement.

Another married guy I knew wanted me to be the other woman. When I told him no way no how, he called me naive. He said married people have affairs all the time, that's just how it is. A man can't be expected to be with one woman for ever.....

 

[FlowerHair]

What is it about married/attached men that makes it so easy or desirable to get with them?

I have a GF that recently complained to me that she is a married man magnet. She has been seeing a married man on and off for several years, and was involved with a man that lived with another woman for a while. She was not able to explain what it was all about, and is trying to figure it out for herself, too. But it always works out that way: the men who hit on her and who she will talk to-- all of them are hooked up with another woman. What's going on here?

That's a negative affirmation if ever I heard one...
Low self esteem is the root of this problem.
Apparently, some women don't see themselves as good enough to have a man of their own. They figure they'd rather be number two, than nothing at all..erplexed

 

[dlewis]

That's a negative affirmation if ever I heard one...
Low self esteem is the root of this problem.
Apparently, some women don't see themselves as good enough to have a man of their own. They figure they'd rather be number two, than nothing at all..erplexed

Some families teach that.

 

[JFemme]

Simply put, like attracts like... her energy is attracting these types...

It may also be that shes involved in some covert competition with other women/the wives of the men shes involved with..

 

[envybeauty]

blame the married men and not the women. society needs to stop blaming the woman. a woman cannot get with a man if he doesn't want to stick it to her. literally.

 

[temfash]

blame the married men and not the women. society needs to stop blaming the woman. a woman cannot get with a man if he doesn't want to stick it to her. literally.

True but as far as I'm concerned if he's married he's off limits, people wonder why they grow old waiting years for the scumbag who promised to leave his wife and never will. Low self esteem and a lack of self worth make women play second fiddle, men can sense it from a mile away even though such women don't believe it. Why chuck the cake when you can have it and eat it at the same time.

 

[JFemme]

True but as far as I'm concerned if he's married he's off limits, people wonder why they grow old waiting years for the scumbag who promised to leave his wife and never will. Low self esteem and a lack of self worth make women play second fiddle, men can sense it from a mile away even though such women don't believe it. Why chuck the cake when you can have it and eat it at the same time.

If he's married he should be honoring HIS vows...(as well)

 

[Harmony0221]

I woulda said gladly side piece skankadank my getting out won't get you a non married man til you start loving your self!

I had a friend like that too. She was head over hills for this married man and she knew she was wrong. Started going to church but would keep going back to him..
Said he was the perfect guy for her...

She was really in love with this man. He was like crack to her. It was crazy.
Her self esteem was very low but for all the wrong reasons. She is very outgoing and independant and claimed that scared guys her age but the older married men (of course) loved that about her.

 

[MrsQueeny]

She ended up pregnant again and call me and ask if she could have my sons baby clotheserplexed and if she could come by my house to get them. I told her no and I don't allow women that date married men in my house and hung up on her. That WITCH.

Girl I am sitting here dying.

To the OP: There are many ways to look at this and I have different perspectives. Now that I am older and much wiser, I wouldn't ever "knowingly" be with someone who is taken. Q

 

[chellero]

I don't get it. I am insulted if a married man tries to get with me. Pretty much what he is saying is that "I think that you are a slut who will settle for a little piece of a relationship and believe all my lies because you are stupid and don't deserve any better."

 

[Highly Favored8]

This person has low self-esteem and self worth. If they truly feel about themselves that way. For shame

 

[Highly Favored8]

I've never been the other women (at least not that I knew of) but a guy friend to that he prefers married women because they buy him stuff and they don't want any commitment. They just want to hit it then go back to their boring life and they are willing to take good care of him to keep that arrangement.

Another married guy I knew wanted me to be the other woman. When I told him no way no how, he called me naive. He said married people have affairs all the time, that's just how it is. A man can't be expected to be with one woman for ever.....

This statement here is just a darn shame. I am erplexed by this married man's statement??? Now, once a man and woman are married this union is Sealed By God! Don't some people still see it that way. Heck What about people in long term realtionships if this man claims that sex gets boring. I guess these are opinons of others.

 

[JFemme]

I don't get it. I am insulted if a married man tries to get with me.

This is me too...

I instantly feel bad for his woman, because sooner or later he's gonna be successful. Just not with me...

(and no, I have never played the part of the 'other woman')

 

[treybaby2005]

I don't get it. I am insulted if a married man tries to get with me. Pretty much what he is saying is that "I think that you are a slut who will settle for a little piece of a relationship and believe all my lies because you are stupid and don't deserve any better."

Exactly!

 

[lady_godiva]

Simply put, like attracts like... her energy is attracting these types...

It may also be that shes involved in some covert competition with other women/the wives of the men shes involved with..

JFemme, that picture of Obama in your siggy is making me want to be his other woman!

 

[Lady Esquire]

What is it about married/attached men that makes it so easy or desirable to get with them?

I have a GF that recently complained to me that she is a married man magnet. She has been seeing a married man on and off for several years, and was involved with a man that lived with another woman for a while. She was not able to explain what it was all about, and is trying to figure it out for herself, too. But it always works out that way: the men who hit on her and who she will talk to-- all of them are hooked up with another woman. What's going on here?

I agree with the board consensus: low self-worth.

Many married men also bad-mouth their wives/SOs, or tell tall-tales of certain complexities that prevent him from leaving the relationship, i.e. finances, the children, etc... Meanwhile, he gasses the other woman's head up and makes her beleive she is the best thing since sliced bread.

Certain side women also have a certain misplaced arrogance. They convince themselves that their poonannie is better, they look better, and are overall more exciting than the wife. Therefore, eventually he will leave her.

For a lot of us, we have set certain moral standards for ourselves, i.e. I need a man who is educated, or who is a Christian, etc... Some women never really set any standards for the men they allow into their lives. If a man shows interest, basically he's good. So, all in all, it shows that there is a certain lack of self-love.

 

[MissMasala5]

Thanks for the replies. After consideration, I feel that in her case it is a combo of:

1. low self-esteem
2. feeling that no man would find her worthy of the #1 and only one position
3. her upbringing


For #3, she grew up with an abusive single mom that taught her that men were no good and only about one thing. This childhood I think contributed greatly to #1. She had issues with being overweight and in her eyes, unattractive, this, #2. She was close to 300 #'s when I met her and today fits a size 12-14, her hair has gone from a TWA to SL locs, and her bad acne has all but disappeared. I have seen her confidence levels shoot up. But the one thing that has not changed is that penchant for attracting the taken ones. FYI, I have cut her off as a GF b/c I learned that she went to my DH's job w/o my knowledge to have lunch. He was not there, so she flirted with his coworkers while there, all of whom are married. I was told that she introduced herself as my DH's friend--no mention of me! So, off she goes like a diabetic toe.

 

[MissMasala5]

I agree with the board consensus: low self-worth.

Many married men also bad-mouth their wives/SOs, or tell tall-tales of certain complexities that prevent him from leaving the relationship, i.e. finances, the children, etc... Meanwhile, he gasses the other woman's head up and makes her beleive she is the best thing since sliced bread.

Certain side women also have a certain misplaced arrogance. They convince themselves that their poonannie is better, they look better, and are overall more exciting than the wife. Therefore, eventually he will leave her.

For a lot of us, we have set certain moral standards for ourselves, i.e. I need a man who is educated, or who is a Christian, etc... Some women never really set any standards for the men they allow into their lives. If a man shows interest, basically he's good. So, all in all, it shows that there is a certain lack of self-love.

Thank you for the bolded!

 

[gone_fishing]

I don't get it. I am insulted if a married man tries to get with me. Pretty much what he is saying is that "I think that you are a slut who will settle for a little piece of a relationship and believe all my lies because you are stupid and don't deserve any better."

That's how I feel too

 

[Priss Pot]

Thanks for the replies. After consideration, I feel that in her case it is a combo of:

1. low self-esteem
2. feeling that no man would find her worthy of the #1 and only one position
3. her upbringing


For #3, she grew up with an abusive single mom that taught her that men were no good and only about one thing. This childhood I think contributed greatly to #1. She had issues with being overweight and in her eyes, unattractive, this, #2. She was close to 300 #'s when I met her and today fits a size 12-14, her hair has gone from a TWA to SL locs, and her bad acne has all but disappeared. I have seen her confidence levels shoot up. But the one thing that has not changed is that penchant for attracting the taken ones. FYI, I have cut her off as a GF b/c I learned that she went to my DH's job w/o my knowledge to have lunch. He was not there, so she flirted with his coworkers while there, all of whom are married. I was told that she introduced herself as my DH's friend--no mention of me! So, off she goes like a diabetic toe.

What the.......!?!?!?!?!

Homegirl was asking for a chop in the neck.

 

[JFemme]

Thanks for the replies. After consideration, I feel that in her case it is a combo of:

1. low self-esteem
2. feeling that no man would find her worthy of the #1 and only one position
3. her upbringing


For #3, she grew up with an abusive single mom that taught her that men were no good and only about one thing. This childhood I think contributed greatly to #1. She had issues with being overweight and in her eyes, unattractive, this, #2. She was close to 300 #'s when I met her and today fits a size 12-14, her hair has gone from a TWA to SL locs, and her bad acne has all but disappeared. I have seen her confidence levels shoot up. But the one thing that has not changed is that penchant for attracting the taken ones. FYI, I have cut her off as a GF b/c I learned that she went to my DH's job w/o my knowledge to have lunch. He was not there, so she flirted with his coworkers while there, all of whom are married. I was told that she introduced herself as my DH's friend--no mention of me! So, off she goes like a diabetic toe.

Good for you !!!

After more consideration it also occurred to me the husband's self-esteem is never/ rarely called into question...

Whats up with that ladies...

Off, like a diabetic toe... I like that ! Yep, she sounded like bad news..

 

[Princess4real]

What the.......!?!?!?!?!

Homegirl was asking for a chop in the neck.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

She ended up pregnant again and call me and ask if she could have my sons baby clotheserplexed and if she could come by my house to get them. I told her no and I don't allow women that date married men in my house and hung up on her. That WITCH.

Thats more nerves than a brass arse monkey!!!!

 

[Lebiya]

blame the married men and not the women. society needs to stop blaming the woman. a woman cannot get with a man if he doesn't want to stick it to her. literally.

I agree. My husband made a commitment to me, not her. There will always be a “her” available if he allows himself play in that field. Low self esteem or not my issue is with the one who I made the commitment too. This is about me and him. Even if she knew about me...HE made the commitment -infidelity would have taken place if HE didn’t allow it. It takes two But one person to stop it-and that should the on the who pledged the vows

 

[Sasha Fierce]

So, off she goes like a diabetic toe.

Ouch! Yes she gets the boot. I shouted out loud when I read this!