Times Are Too Serious Not To Consider Finances When Choosing A Man

UmSumayyah

Well-Known Member


-social safety nets going away
-you must do your best to develop additional income for yourself
-you must not accept a man with nothing to offer financially
-as often as bw are accused of being goldiggers, nothing could be further from the truth
-but they'd better start
 


-social safety nets going away
-you must do your best to develop additional income for yourself
-you must not accept a man with nothing to offer financially
-as often as bw are accused of being goldiggers, nothing could be further from the truth
-but they'd better start


If he’s not providing, he’s taking away. What is even the point of a man who can’t produce, provide, and protect? Those are the three most important p’s.
 
For me it's not just about money - if a man cannot make my life better it's not really worth it. If my finances/peace of mind/sex life/health etc is better on my own, then there's no point in continuing the relationship.

Agreed. A man can be a great financial provider and also be chaotic, disloyal, unkind, selfish, etc. We have to look at the whole man and our whole life.
 
Brookings just released an article saying BWs rates of escaping poverty tank once they partner with BM. :look:
https://www.brookings.edu/research/the-inheritance-of-black-poverty-its-all-about-the-men/

The headline finding here is that, among those who grew up poor, black women are the only group showing a marked difference between the risk of being in the bottom quintile of the individual earnings distribution (for each gender), and the risk of being in the bottom quintile of the family income distribution (for the whole age cohort). Whites do well on both counts; black men do poorly on both counts. Black women do reasonably well on the first and very poorly on the second. This result is probably driven by the fact that black women tend to create families with black men who do poorly on both counts and thus bring down the family income results for black women. :look:

I also noted from one of the charts that though BW do very poorly when it comes to family income, BM's levels improve once you consider household income :look:
 
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I wasted my 20s trying to "work with a brotha". Been there, done that. Never, ever again. I could have done bad by myself. He brought me way down. We as black women are made to feel bad for not "working with a brotha". Brothas constantly jump ship, yet we hold out for brotha at our economic expense. We as sisters need to start exploring our options. I know I am. If Billy comes along and can upgrade my bank acct, life, etc., I'm all for it.
 
Why are black women marrying down?

I was watching Married at first flight last night so excited to see how the one black couple was progressing. During a conversation about goals the woman actually told the guy she was career driven (a business owner) and wanted a stay-at-home-dad husband. My mouth is still open.

I'm not sure if that is considered marrying down, but it certainly puts very little value on earning potential.
 
I was watching Married at first flight last night so excited to see how the one black couple was progressing. During a conversation about goals the woman actually told the guy she was career driven (a business owner) and wanted a stay-at-home-dad husband. My mouth is still open.

I'm not sure if that is considered marrying down, but it certainly puts very little value on earning potential.
Wow! Talk about role reversal...smh not something I’m cool with, but hey, I’m sure there is a man out there willing to do it. There are plenty of men now who do it. I think that’s tragic for black men though.
 
Naturally. Plenty of well-off good guys imo.

I agree :yep:. Financial wellbeing is very very important. It is easy to be hyper focused on that in a man and miss other deficits that can cancel out his finances and make him a terrible husband. That said, if you end up with a strong financial provider your life will be so much easier, and if you end up leaving him it can make a big difference for you and your children in the long term. Money matters, money matters, money matters. It’s kind of like real estate: location, location, location. It’s not the only thing that matters. But it’s one of the most important things that matters.

It may not be romantic but it is what it is. We have to learn how to have priorities and how to be nuanced. A wealthy abusive guy is a bad investment. A poor abusive guy is a worse investment than that. A middle income guy who is devoted to you and your children and good with money is better than a rich guy who is selfish and never home IMO. A guy with little ambition and little money is rarely a good investment no matter how sweet, good looking, etc. None of that will pay bills, provide good health insurance, or help you send your kids to college.

Priorities and nuance. We have to develop critical thinking and planning skills.

Black women need to know that they deserve financial, physical, and emotional security. We deserve to feel safe and loved. To have fun too. We deserve it all. And if you can’t have it all make sure you let go of something that is not a dealbreaker for you and won’t have long term negative effects on you and your children.
 
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Lol because damn near everyone thinks black women should only consider how their labor,love and money can be used to benefit everyone and not think what they should receive.
Honestly, my question was shade free. When everything was up in the air with my niece'nem, I was having a discussion with my sewing circle full of matchmakers and one of them asked if I would still have tried to match my niece and new nephew if he made half his income and my answer was yes. He's a clever dude who showed signs of integrity and even in the early stages of dating I could see where he made a point of doing for my niece what she couldn't. Besides, at half his salary he still would have been making more than my niece.

My own "come to Jesus" (hey he was a Jewish cousin) moment when working with a matchmaker was that I would have lowered my financial requirements somewhat (which had specific limits) for a clever man or at least one who I deemed wiser than me. Notice I said clever/wiser, I avoided men who were "slicker" than me at all costs. That is an important distinction that gets a whole lot of women got.

So my long winded answer is if a woman just can't stomach being a gold digger at very least seek out a clever man. He'll figure out a way to get both of you where you want to be even if he's not there yet.
 
This is an interesting topic. I grapple with it often.

If you're a high earning woman, it's really hard because it seems like fewer men (black and white) earn more than women.

It's sad to say that, but it seems like the truth these days.
 
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