They Tell Me I'm Too Picky

[healthyhair2]

Be picky indeed. I bet some of your co-workers WISH they had been!

 

[TinyBlu]

I somewhat disagree with those saying that he needs to call you first...umm how would he do that w/ o your number? .

He could ask me for my number directly.

For me, chivalry is not dead, and the fact that a grown man had to go ask a third party about my "status" is a bit off putting.

I get that sometimes the thought of approaching a woman can be a little intimidating, but where's the art of a little swag?

I know in 2018 those values may seem a bit old-fashioned, but it's been my experience that guys that give out their number are:

1- Players (not wanting to put in any effort at all)
2- Narcissistic (looking for the "prey" that has low self esteem and feels "flattered" that they are getting attention)
3-Lack confidence (want a woman to take charge)

I'll take Southern Outdated Values for $200 please Alex!

 

[TinyBlu]

I say this to say don't feel bad for feeling the way you do, OP. You have every right to preferences and he doesn't fit them at all. Giving a man a chance that you truly don't like is a great way to end up going down a path that you never wanted to go down in the first place.

I've been there, done that and just don't feel the need to settle just to say I'm a "WE" instead of a "ME".

 

[TinyBlu]

It's not even clear from your post if you are open to dating or not right now. Are you? I'm sensing ambiguity...which isn't a bad thing. I'm just pointing it out.

Now, if you are open to "dating" or spending time with someone, what exactly made you toss his card? You even said he sounds like a decent fellow ( not a quote) but there didn't seem to be anything completely off putting by what you stated.

I'm not CLOSED to dating, but value my time. At this stage in my life, I would rather spend what little free time with someone with whom I have more in common.

I tossed his card (see my original post) because there are disparities in other areas outside of the FedEx thing (religion, kids).

He's a decent guy... for someone else.

 

[ToyToy]

@TinyBlu - People said the same about me. I turned 40 mid last year, and have been in a serious relationship for about a year now, so we started going out when I was still 39. My last relationship before this was when I was 26. I was told I'm too stubborn, too picky, too clever, too ambitious, too <insert whatever here>. I was told to "tone it down", to "dress differently" (I stay wearing skinny jeans and t-shirt - it suits me...), to be less vocal about my opinions, etc. I was told to consider wearing wigs or weaves (I wear my hair in braids or in twists) because that would attract men. When I argued that I didn't fancy doing false advertising, I was told, it's just to get him - after that we'll see. I didn't have much luck dating online, mainly because I don't really believe in it, and I prefer meeting people in person, so I can talk to them and see their facial expressions and hear their voice. I guess I'm old fashioned.

Even though it was very hard, I stuck to my guns. I've seen many people get married (from when I turned 24) and am now experiencing a lot more people getting divorced. Sometimes I wonder whether I would have been a divorcee now, had I married young. Who knows.

My boyfriend loves me exactly how I am. I have never felt any need to "tweak" myself. I was working out regularly before I met him - I still do the same. I haven't had to change anything on myself to attract him, and I haven't had to change anything on myself afterwards. I'm still the same strong-headed, opinionated, ambitions and - might I say - funny person I always was. And he loves me for that.

The right man will complement you and will love you for who you are. You won't have to tweak anything. And he will come when the time is right, and it will feel right. Don't let other people's deadlines pressure you into a relationship that will cause you heartache down the line. Make your own decision, in your own time. You will appreciate the relationship so much more and will have peace for it.

As for me - however way this goes - I'm still glad I waited and didn't settle for some dumbass who would give me hassle. I don't like drama...

 

[DarkJoy]

you have every right, op!

disparities in religion in most cases is a deal breaker anyway unless someone wants to convert.

At my age (and yours too) a FedEx or UPS dude better be a director of something cuz otherwise for me, it's not equally yoked.

Too old and too experienced now to not realize that the work with a brotha crap their pushing is a lifetime of misery or short order divorce ahead.

you doing right.

 

[healthyhair2]

You definitely are doing the right thing. I find that we are often pushed to settle for "a man". I don't have any White girlfriends who were pressured to just get somebody....anybody cuz he has a job!

 

[TinyBlu]

You definitely are doing the right thing. I find that we are often pushed to settle for "a man". I don't have any White girlfriends who were pressured to just get somebody....anybody cuz he has a job!

I know. Most white women get the advice to "play" with the FedEx guy but marry the investment banker!! LOL!! Yep.... I'm not in a hurry. If it happens, it happens. If not, my life is completely fulfilled sans man (heading to the Carribean with my girls in a couple of weeks!!)

 

[greenmetro99]

Never judge books by the cover....Ive been there and done that... The Fedex guy good be an awesome catch if he's a hard worker and provider. A man that makes your salary or more could be the biggest jerk that you have ever met. I think your coworkers are trying to be helpful, but I agree with the lady above that folks shouldn't shared their relationship status at work. If your gut tells you to keep it moving and not to settle then you should never settle. But also think hard about qualities that you want in a guy. If a hard working man with good character, that treats you well, and that has morals and values is something that you seek, do know that the man might not always have a white collar position. He might be a great ass garbage man.

 

[tibb1908]

Never judge books by the cover....Ive been there and done that... The Fedex guy good be an awesome catch if he's a hard worker and provider. A man that makes your salary or more could be the biggest jerk that you have ever met. I think your coworkers are trying to be helpful, but I agree with the lady above that folks shouldn't shared their relationship status at work. If your gut tells you to keep it moving and not to settle then you should never settle. But also think hard about qualities that you want in a guy. If a hard working man with good character, that treats you well, and that has morals and values is something that you seek, do know that the man might not always have a white collar position. He might be a great ass garbage man.

I think what you said is good in theory sounds good but most people don't want a Kendu? on their hands. You work so hard for what you have and you would like to enjoy your retirement or leave a nest egg for your children but you can't because you have to give Kendu half after the divorce. In this situation, I'll pass so the garbage man needs to find someone in his salary range and stay out of my pockets. Btw, I really don't have a problem with anyone's career choice but I think people need to think with their head instead of their heart.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

I think what you said is good in theory sounds good but most people don't want a Kendu? on their hands. You work so hard for what you have and you would like to enjoy your retirement or leave a nest egg for your children but you can't because you have to give Kendu half after the divorce. In this situation, I'll pass so the garbage man needs to find someone in his salary range and stay out of my pockets. Btw, I really don't have a problem with anyone's career choice but I think people need to think with their head instead of their heart.

damn why does the garbage man always get a bad rap as a broke down low paying job? A garbage man doesn't sound appealing but they make a very decent salary and its usually a civil service job with county benefits and a pension...at least in my city. I agree with what you said but i always find it funny that the go to job to prove this point is a garbage man.