The Quickest To Get Married

My best friend's brother met and married his wife within 3 months. They will be almost 20 years married. They met at my party. I remember telling her not to listen to him because we consider him married in our circle. He had been dating is ex-girlfriend since high school. His parents and the ex's parents are family best friends. They are all from the same tribe. They attend the same church. I remember them having an on and off relationship. It was pure entertainment for us. Whenever he tried to move on, the adults will fiercely sabotage it. Then his ex and her friends were worst than the beyhive. So, no one in our little circle will touch him with a 10 foot pole. We just didn't want the drama that tends to ensue. He even dated white girls to try to get away, to no avail.

The wife is the cousin of a dear friend of mine. She came on holiday from the UK to New York. Both the wife and her cousin were suppose to come to my party in Maryland. Cousin dearest had to work (emergency) that weekend. There was no point in both of them having a ruined weekend so off to Maryland she came. That was my first time of physically meeting her. We've spoken previously on the phone. Hence, my protectiveness of her. Plus I didn't want her cousin to maim me, I've gotten attached to my limbs and all.

My BFF's brother and the wife saw each other and the red sea (ME) could not part them. I tried to distract her. I introduced her to less drama inducing men but whenever I blinked, I was too slow. I kept interjecting all night -- he's married, he's in a non committing relationship, we are just waiting on him to sign his death warrant marriage certificate bla bla bla. He was pissed with me that night but he took it with humour.

Next day, he took her out on a date and I guessed, explained things to her. When she came back home, I was honest with her. I explained how things were and she said that his story was the same as mine. They started dating. Long distance relationship. We were in college and he was already working. Every two weeks, he was in the UK. He called it business trips. We (with his 5 brothers) all had to keep the relationship a secret to help give them time to get to know each other.

Long story short, they did a court marriage almost 3 months to the day they met at my house. We all went, had a ball and no parents. Then at sunday dinner at his parents house, he casually dropped that he is married and this is their daughter in law. I wished I was a fly on the wall that day. All his brothers were there to morally support them but I don't believe them. His mother cried, cursed, bribed, disowned him then reowned him, to no avail. He told them he was going to do the traditional part of the marriage with or without them.

Marriage ceremonies to Nigerians are like white on rice. The mother started organising things like she was on it from jump. It was astonishing to watch. His parents told the ex girlfriends parents; well you see, it was like, what can I say, who can predict the future, children!, oh well, it is God's wish etc etc. Needless to say, his parents packed the ex girlfriend and her family to one side and carried on. The battle was fought and won in their absence :drunk::lachen::lachen:.

20 years on and 4 children later, they are still together. Whenever I'm loving on their children, my BFF's brother is like, don't hug or kiss her. If she had her way, you won't be here. I just laugh and tell them he is jealous that I buy them better gifts.
 
My cousin was dating her bf for 8 months before they eloped: met in college and they are still together 17 years and 4 babies later. Family was pissed initially, now they are the ONLY couple on my mom's side that has a long-term healthy marriage. Everyone else is divorced or in miserable relationships.

Some guy friends have told me that after about 6 months you can see where a man's head is at. And older white families I know (who are kind of religious) tell their sons to either propose or break up with a girl by the end of their first year of dating because they should know what they want by then.

I think it's pretty normal among many cultures to have quick courtships and marriages, even among "love" marriages (not arranged)
 
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Topsido said:
My best friend's brother met and married his wife within 3 months. They will be almost 20 years married. They met at my party. I remember telling her not to listen to him because we consider him married in our circle. He had been dating is ex-girlfriend since high school. His parents and the ex's parents are family best friends. They are all from the same tribe. They attend the same church. I remember them having an on and off relationship. It was pure entertainment for us. Whenever he tried to move on, the adults will fiercely sabotage it. Then his ex and her friends were worst than the beyhive. So, no one in our little circle will touch him with a 10 foot pole. We just didn't want the drama that tends to ensue. He even dated white girls to try to get away, to no avail.

The wife is the cousin of a dear friend of mine. She came on holiday from the UK to New York. Both the wife and her cousin were suppose to come to my party in Maryland. Cousin dearest had to work (emergency) that weekend. There was no point in both of them having a ruined weekend so off to Maryland she came. That was my first time of physically meeting her. We've spoken previously on the phone. Hence, my protectiveness of her. Plus I didn't want her cousin to maim me, I've gotten attached to my limbs and all.

My BFF's brother and the wife saw each other and the red sea (ME) could not part them. I tried to distract her. I introduced her to less drama inducing men but whenever I blinked, I was too slow. I kept interjecting all night -- he's married, he's in a non committing relationship, we are just waiting on him to sign his death warrant marriage certificate bla bla bla. He was pissed with me that night but he took it with humour.

Next day, he took her out on a date and I guessed, explained things to her. When she came back home, I was honest with her. I explained how things were and she said that his story was the same as mine. They started dating. Long distance relationship. We were in college and he was already working. Every two weeks, he was in the UK. He called it business trips. We (with his 5 brothers) all had to keep the relationship a secret to help give them time to get to know each other.

Long story short, they did a court marriage almost 3 months to the day they met at my house. We all went, had a ball and no parents. Then at sunday dinner at his parents house, he casually dropped that he is married and this is their daughter in law. I wished I was a fly on the wall that day. All his brothers were there to morally support them but I don't believe them. His mother cried, cursed, bribed, disowned him then reowned him, to no avail. He told them he was going to do the traditional part of the marriage with or without them.

Marriage ceremonies to Nigerians are like white on rice. The mother started organising things like she was on it from jump. It was astonishing to watch. His parents told the ex girlfriends parents; well you see, it was like, what can I say, who can predict the future, children!, oh well, it is God's wish etc etc. Needless to say, his parents packed the ex girlfriend and her family to one side and carried on. The battle was fought and won in their absence :drunk::lachen::lachen:.

20 years on and 4 children later, they are still together. Whenever I'm loving on their children, my BFF's brother is like, don't hug or kiss her. If she had her way, you won't be here. I just laugh and tell them he is jealous that I buy them better gifts.
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Really cute story. Love that your party was where they met!
 
lesedi said:
Come back ......
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@lesedi @sgold04

Sure. But don't y'all come for me. :laugh:

Me and DH were friends. We met in church. Over the course of 6 years we became good friends, almost like best friends. I had fallen in love with him about 6 months before he asked me to marry him, but did not tell him. I guess I'm kind of old fashion and believe that a woman should be pursed. But anyways, one day he came to me and proposed out of the blue. A year and 3 months later we were married. Didn't have sex until we married. About to celebrate 2 years of marriage. It happen just like that. I felt confident in marrying him because we had been close friends for so long, I felt like I knew him. The REAL him. We seen the good, the bad and the ugly because we was not dating so we wasn't "fronting" with each other. We had a true solid friendship. People would always asked us if we liked each other and we would always be disgusted by the question because we were just so close like brother and sister. Buutttt that changed :laugh:. He said one day we was at our friends house and he looked at me from across the room and thought I can't imagine my life without this girl. When he first asked me to marry him I told him no. :look: And that was only because I was afraid up messing up our friendship if it didn't work out. He almost cried :look:. Then I thought about it and how much I loved him and told him yes. So the rest is history. I am even more in love with him now more than ever.
 
LucieLoo12 said:
@lesedi @sgold04

Sure. But don't y'all come for me. :laugh:

Me and DH were friends. We met in church. Over the course of 6 years we became good friends, almost like best friends. I had fallen in love with him about 6 months before he asked me to marry him, but did not tell him. I guess I'm kind of old fashion and believe that a woman should be pursed. But anyways, one day he came to me and proposed out of the blue. A year and 3 months later we were married. Didn't have sex until we married. About to celebrate 2 years of marriage. It happen just like that. I felt confident in marrying him because we had been close friends for so long, I felt like I knew him. The REAL him. We seen the good, the bad and the ugly because we was not dating so we wasn't "fronting" with each other. We had a true solid friendship. People would always asked us if we liked each other and we would always be disgusted by the question because we were just so close like brother and sister. Buutttt that changed :laugh:. He said one day we was at our friends house and he looked at me from across the room and thought I can't imagine my life without this girl. When he first asked me to marry him I told him no. :look: And that was only because I was afraid up messing up our friendship if it didn't work out. He almost cried :look:. Then I thought about it and how much I loved him and told him yes. So the rest is history. I am even more in love with him now more than ever.
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I don't know if it's because I'm about to come on my period but i'm actually tearing up a little! That is a beautiful story and I wish you and your hubby the best!
 
frogkisses said:
What would you consider important information to discuss?
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I've been gone for a minute so I'll give a short answer and if you're still interested will expand more.

That's a highly subjective question. What people claim to ask and what they actually do usually comes out in time (especially if said couple ends up getting a divorce or breaking up). Too many women let too soon coloring sessions cloud their common sense. As I said earlier red flags are always there. The easy subjects are:

  • education (how far did he go?)
  • career (current and future goals? are they limited by his education or lack there of?)
  • religion If its important to you then own that - don't hope or think you can pray him into church. if he never changes are you good? If not then move on
  • finances (is he balling because of tax return? or worse is he cheap?
  • children (does he have? do you have? how many? was he married or multiple broken relationships?)
  • family what are your beliefs? is he only child with sickly or financially irresponsible parent?
  • politics - seriously in this election year I've cut folks off because of their nonsense. No man in the coloring zone better ever utter he's voting for certain candidate
Knowing where you are with those subjects and being willing to set boundaries for yourself are a start. Yes there are always people that have stories of opposites attracting but unless you know that you are ok with not having certain things then don't waste time. I'm not an opposite attract person more of a these are my strengths and I know where I need a potential partner to be stronger in so we can be a force.
 
bklynbornNbred said:
I've been gone for a minute so I'll give a short answer and if you're still interested will expand more.

That's a highly subjective question. What people claim to ask and what they actually do usually comes out in time (especially if said couple ends up getting a divorce or breaking up). Too many women let too soon coloring sessions cloud their common sense. As I said earlier red flags are always there. The easy subjects are:

  • education (how far did he go?)
  • career (current and future goals? are they limited by his education or lack there of?)
  • religion If its important to you then own that - don't hope or think you can pray him into church. if he never changes are you good? If not then move on
  • finances (is he balling because of tax return? or worse is he cheap?
  • children (does he have? do you have? how many? was he married or multiple broken relationships?)
  • family what are your beliefs? is he only child with sickly or financially irresponsible parent?
  • politics - seriously in this election year I've cut folks off because of their nonsense. No man in the coloring zone better ever utter he's voting for certain candidate
Knowing where you are with those subjects and being willing to set boundaries for yourself are a start. Yes there are always people that have stories of opposites attracting but unless you know that you are ok with not having certain things then don't waste time. I'm not an opposite attract person more of a these are my strengths and I know where I need a potential partner to be stronger in so we can be a force.
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Thank you sis! This is good information and I'm sure will help streamline the process of deciding what's good in the long run and what's not.
 
Hubby and I were friends for a couple of years. He moved to another state and we kept in touch. Valentine's day, he shared his feelings for me over the phone. We "dated" long distance for a short while (only seeing each other a couple of times) before he decided to move back. The day he flew in he proposed so we didn't have a normal courtship like most couples.

This month we celebrated 11 years of marriage.

(My last relationship before that was 5 years of wasted time)
 
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MizAvalon said:
I don't think I know of any quick marriages in real life, lots of quick engagements though. Engaged within a few months and then married later on. Some are still married, some of them aren't.

I'm not counting couples from older generations because that was a just a different time.
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Maybe judgement was better then. Had different priorities, more responsible, traditional and tolerant.
 
frogkisses said:
Thank you sis! This is good information and I'm sure will help streamline the process of deciding what's good in the long run and what's not.
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@frogkisses

I didn't want to derail your good news thread. But I also didn't want to DM this for others following who may also experience.

Be prepared for some hateration or bad reaction from some that you assume would be happy for you. They are dealing with their own crap (men that won't commit) or other baggage. The road you both have chosen won't make sense to some but as the multiple stories shared on here show it doesn't have to. Let those that support you have the loudest voice in your head.

Congrats again!! When you know you know.
 
bklynbornNbred said:
@frogkisses

I didn't want to derail your good news thread. But I also didn't want to DM this for others following who may also experience.

Be prepared for some hateration or bad reaction from some that you assume would be happy for you. They are dealing with their own crap (men that won't commit) or other baggage. The road you both have chosen won't make sense to some but as the multiple stories shared on here show it doesn't have to. Let those that support you have the loudest voice in your head.

Congrats again!! When you know you know.
Click to expand...
Yes, I am experiencing this right now. I have officially cut off two people, and my best friend is about to get it. I told her, and all she said was "That was fast" and then immediately posted on Facebook "Why is it that people who don't believe in God seem to be extremely blessed, but the more I pray the crappier my life seems to get? Why is it that when I pray I get the exact opposite?" o_O

It's making want a whole new group of women friends.
 
frogkisses said:
Yes, I am experiencing this right now. I have officially cut off two people, and my best friend is about to get it. I told her, and all she said was "That was fast" and then immediately posted on Facebook "Why is it that people who don't believe in God seem to be extremely blessed, but the more I pray the crappier my life seems to get? Why is it that when I pray I get the exact opposite?" o_O

It's making want a whole new group of women friends.
Click to expand...

Yoooooo I wanna find that post and reply for you
 
frogkisses said:
Yes, I am experiencing this right now. I have officially cut off two people, and my best friend is about to get it. I told her, and all she said was "That was fast" and then immediately posted on Facebook "Why is it that people who don't believe in God seem to be extremely blessed, but the more I pray the crappier my life seems to get? Why is it that when I pray I get the exact opposite?" o_O
Click to expand...

Damn, that's sad. Hopefully she'll come around (or threaten that they won't be in the wedding).
 
frogkisses said:
Yes, I am experiencing this right now. I have officially cut off two people, and my best friend is about to get it. I told her, and all she said was "That was fast" and then immediately posted on Facebook "Why is it that people who don't believe in God seem to be extremely blessed, but the more I pray the crappier my life seems to get? Why is it that when I pray I get the exact opposite?" o_O

It's making want a whole new group of women friends.
Click to expand...

Damn! she might as well as tagged you in the post! It's one thing to feel some kinda way it's another to post a subtweet basically.

Just walk in your happiness and worry nothing about anyone else. Engagements are such a happy and joyous time. Let the negative slide off of you.
 
Well damn. I'm not surprised but I'm still sorry you are dealing with this.

Bad things happen to her because her heart is hard and not genuine. If I saw that post she'd spend the rest of her life in tears. I'm so annoyed for you.
 
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