The Quickest To Get Married

frogkisses said:
Do y'all think getting married quickly is practical? Would you do it?
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Imo getting married quickly is the opposite of practical. I think people who marry quickly when super young are impulsive (because they usually do not know how to assess if they are a match for the long run) and are lucky when it lasts (I'm talking now not in previous generations that would stay married no matter what)...

but if they're older (late 20's, in their 30's, 40's and onward), and mentally mature (because some still aren't even when they're 100) and honest with themselves about red flags ,etc in order to make certain they know what they are getting into...then I see it working out super well. Basically they know how to see through and cut through b.s. I can only speak of the non desperate type who isn't just trying to get married to just anyone, who would be willing to wait forever, who is smart enough to watch, seek out patiently their partner for ideally life. If a person like this who was so patient, turns and does the opposite by taking a leap into a quick marriage then there has to be a reason. And so why wait?

There are exceptions to every rule and some people are bad at picking people and age does not improve their abilities. BUT for the most part as you see even with all the answers the ones who married quickly seem to stay together longer or forever. I think that a whirlwind romance sets the stage for this and makes their marriage more romantic than practical but it's still built on a solid foundation of compatibility in important ways.

I would do it for the right and perfect guy for me but not just to get married. Otherwise I'd be married to my ex fiance if I were so desperate to just put a ring on it.
 
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A friend of mine married her husband after a month of knowing each other. He was getting deployed to Iraq at the time. He had only known her a month and gave her all the keys and access to all his money...even signed her as the beneficiary for his life insurance. Thank God my girl isn't a golddigger :lachen:

They will be married 10 years in a few months. They have a total if 4 kids. They each have one from previous relationships. She has custody of her niece and they have a daughter together.
 
Pat Mahurr said:
They were in their early 20s. They met and dated every weekend for a month. On that last date, they had a horrible car accident where both were severely injured, including a ruptured disc, broken pelvis, broken legs/ forearms and facial bones, and burns. They talked/bonded/fell in love during their physical therapy and rehab period.

They got married as soon as both could walk down the aisle (the groom was still on crutches). The wedding was 4 or 5 months after they had met. It was beautiful, emotional, everything a wedding should be.

They divorced the following year.

Both have remarried, but after longer engagements.

#waittilthepelvisheals
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You had me like "aww that's so romantical" until I started wheezing.
 
To balance these negative examples one friend met and married in 6 months. They just celebrated 25 years together. The oldest child is 12. Friend deliberately didn't want to get pregnant in early years.

Now that we're older another friend met and married in 9 months. It's eight years and three kids so far. When you're older you can cut through the bs.

That's why I keep telling other women don't make excuses for a stagnant man. If he's not making moves to keep you then you're a placeholder. Don't let him sell you dreams of tomorrow then get mad when he bounces and gives it all to next woman. Know your worth.
 
@frogkisses Some women just want to be married and it really doesn't matter to whom. I love her dearly but I think with 2 failed marriages and 3 kids she wanted the idea of marriage but not the reality. He had many problems and in the span of dating he could cover them but married and living together you can't hide it for too long. She has filled but he wont sign.
 
frogkisses said:
Do y'all think getting married quickly is practical? Would you do it?
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I think it is absolutely CRITICAL to spend time with the person in ALL of his or her various arenas: Don't just know the person as they are around their friends. Also know them as they are around their coworkers. Also know them as they are around their family members. Get to know them as they act/are around children. Get to know them as they act/are around strangers.

I think it takes significant time to get to a know a person well in all of these circles/spheres.

That said, I don't think there's any guarantee that a person is not simply presenting their "ideal" self to you only to have a surprise person in waiting after the wedding. But . . . I'd rather at least TRY to get to know a person as deeply as I can.
 
Length of time doesn't equal depth of information. One can spend years together and outside of coloring never have any in depth conversations about anything of importance. Grown people know how to ask questions and observe if the answers (& actions) match. Too often sex has women ignoring red flags. (When men ignore it's from trying to get a woman used to bigger pockets. His lust has him believing she'll eventually settle and when she doesn't she's reduced to a gold digger instead of woman that was always out of your league).

One has to know their limits. If coloring makes you lose your sense then pause as you figure out if person is worth proceeding with. Always base decision on what you have not what you think you want.

It's not as difficult as many make it out to be.
 
If you are dealing with a genuine person, perhaps time doesn't matter as much.

What about if you have gotten a hold of a disingenuous person or a person who is trying to change and have you as the catalyst for that change?!?? The change doesn't always stick!

I think it is possible for a person to construct an identity when they are with you -- an identity that they really believe in but that is different from the person they've been with their family, friends, etc. of old.

I think it's possible for a person to maintain that constructed identity for years and years -- as long as they are with you largely apart from folks that have known the real them for years . . . this because it is being with you that is fueling the person to exhibit/manifest/practice this different/new identity.

I don't think it is always easy to see through this type of stuff. The video below is lengthy but explains how we know so little about all this, because it's not a part of our education system. That's why I think it's a good deal to invest some time in seeing a person in multiple spheres with people who've known the person for years. That means not just letting months/years go by just to mark time, but engaged in learning and validating who a person is.

I'm glad this is not difficult for some people, though! I think I am still learning.

 
HappywithJC723 said:
A friend of mine married her husband after a month of knowing each other. He was getting deployed to Iraq at the time. He had only known her a month and gave her all the keys and access to all his money...even signed her as the beneficiary for his life insurance. Thank God my girl isn't a golddigger :lachen:

They will be married 10 years in a few months. They have a total if 4 kids. They each have one from previous relationships. She has custody of her niece and they have a daughter together.
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This happened to a friend of mine, only, when he came home she had sold his house, his car, his dog, emptied all of his bank accounts and divorced him. And there was nothing that he could do because he'd signed everything over to her. That *****. She almost broke him. Luckily several years later he found a decent girl and they've been married about 8 years now and have two beautiful babies.

And damned if I didn't tell him not to marry someone he only knew for 5 weeks. SMH
 
mysblossom said:
If you are dealing with a genuine person, perhaps time doesn't matter as much.

What about if you have gotten a hold of a disingenuous person or a person who is trying to change and have you as the catalyst for that change?!?? The change doesn't always stick!

I think it is possible for a person to construct an identity when they are with you -- an identity that they really believe in but that is different from the person they've been with their family, friends, etc. of old.

I think it's possible for a person to maintain that constructed identity for years and years -- as long as they are with you largely apart from folks that have known the real them for years . . . this because it is being with you that is fueling the person to exhibit/manifest/practice this different/new identity.

I don't think it is always easy to see through this type of stuff. The video below is lengthy but explains how we know so little about all this, because it's not a part of our education system. That's why I think it's a good deal to invest some time in seeing a person in multiple spheres with people who've known the person for years. That means not just letting months/years go by just to mark time, but engaged in learning and validating who a person is.

I'm glad this is not difficult for some people, though! I think I am still learning.

Click to expand...


You're laying out a bunch of excuses.

If you take on a project and want to play "fix a dude" then those are the chances you take. Men are not property. Pouring time, money and energy into a "fixer upper" won't always reflect to a profit for you.

If you know who you are and what you want then you should be able to sift through the bs quickly. When eggs are finite I NEVER advise women to waste valuable dating time being off the market as "encouragement" for a man while he stalls any forward progress during your fertile years.

I'm not saying distrustful men aren't out here. But rarely has it been the case that red flags didn't pop up early on. In most cases facts didn't add up but because of stubbornness, new crayon, fear of being alone, ticking clock, weariness from dating or church foolishness folks stay trying to fix a ship that hit an iceberg with a bandaid instead of jumping in the lifeboat and starting over.

Healthy dating is not that difficult. It goes back to being free to say no to what you know you don't want.
 
MizAvalon said:
So, I'm guessing staying single in the Muslim community is frowned upon? Like if a man or woman was 35 or 40, never married, no kids, would that be odd?
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In Islam, marriage is considered half your deen (religion), so getting married is stressed a lot. Plus fornication is frowned upon greatly outside of it being a sin, so while Muslims do fornicate, they don't want other Muslims to know and would be embarrassed if they were caught with the opposite sex in public without being married or chaperoned.
 
bklynbornNbred said:
Length of time doesn't equal depth of information. One can spend years together and outside of coloring never have any in depth conversations about anything of importance. Grown people know how to ask questions and observe if the answers (& actions) match. Too often sex has women ignoring red flags. (When men ignore it's from trying to get a woman used to bigger pockets. His lust has him believing she'll eventually settle and when she doesn't she's reduced to a gold digger instead of woman that was always out of your league).

One has to know their limits. If coloring makes you lose your sense then pause as you figure out if person is worth proceeding with. Always base decision on what you have not what you think you want.

It's not as difficult as many make it out to be.
Click to expand...
What would you consider important information to discuss?
 
Pat Mahurr said:
They were in their early 20s. They met and dated every weekend for a month. On that last date, they had a horrible car accident where both were severely injured, including a ruptured disc, broken pelvis, broken legs/ forearms and facial bones, and burns. They talked/bonded/fell in love during their physical therapy and rehab period.

They got married as soon as both could walk down the aisle (the groom was still on crutches). The wedding was 4 or 5 months after they had met. It was beautiful, emotional, everything a wedding should be.

They divorced the following year.

Both have remarried, but after longer engagements.

#waittilthepelvisheals
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:lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
frogkisses said:
What was the quickest you've ever witnessed two people get married? ( meaning from conception of relationship to actual wedding date). What were their circumstances?
Did the marriage last?
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my professor, she met and married the guy all in 8 weeks. Been married at least 60+ years. She said when you know you know. he is now the dean and she is the professor.
 
i married my ex after 8 month stayed married 11 years. My brother was with his girl 5 years and married her and within 30 days filed for a divorce.

I think it is very very hard to stay married today. People have way too much access and so many distractions. World is moving too fast, not a lot of respect going on and woman are on parade all the time half naked.
 
gn1g said:
i married my ex after 8 month stayed married 11 years. My brother was with his girl 5 years and married her and within 30 days filed for a divorce.

I think it is very very hard to stay married today. People have way too much access and so many distractions. World is moving too fast, not a lot of respect going on and woman are on parade all the time half naked.
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I agree with all of this!
 
frogkisses said:
Do y'all think getting married quickly is practical? Would you do it?
Click to expand...


I think it depends on the person.

I don't think it would for 90% of people for the simple fact that most people don't make most of their life decisions that way. Then there are some people with a habit of making impulsive decisions yet with a history of failure in the process.

However....my ideal marriage scenario has always been with someone randomly met....then 2 weeks later we got married. :look::look::look:

That said, when I marry it will probably quick, unexpected and seemingly overnight.:look:

I've learned to trust my reflexive instics and go with my gut. Almost every wise and beneficial life decision I've ever was anot immediate impulse or literally happened overnight.

My life has taught me that no good comes from too much thinking or taking much time (for me, that is). My poorest decisions and biggest failing have been things that entailed a long term process. Could be circumstance or choice. But most things that don't require almost immediately decisive action from me are dangerous disasters waiting to happen. Gives me too much time to worry about random elements that don't really matter, overthink, overanalyze, backpeddle, renig, panic or just change my mind. Not good. Doesn't work well for me 9 timeso out of 10. :nono:

On the other hand when I make choices or decision on the spot. Like boom. Get like nike, just do it. Go hard or go home. Those are things I tend to commit to withave passion, discipline and personal principle. I believe myself and refuse to be wrong about my lightning decions. Often good things tend to follow. I sincerely believe the body knows. Even if you can't initially explain it or not why your first instant and that first impression is almost always the correct one. :yep:

I woke up one day in college and decided I need to travel, took my first international flight and moved to Italy 2 and a half months later. My best relationship was with someone that it took less than a week before we were official followed by less than a month before he told my mother he wanted to marry (unfortunately I was to young at the time). My best friendship and only best friend is someone I randomly met then 2 weeks later she moved in with me (11 years later she'said like my sister). And the list goes on....so I'm not sure who, when or how but no one would be surprised if one day I was single as a dolla bill then they bumped into me 6 months Lata and I'm married with a baby on the way.:look::lol:

But like I said, most people don't operate like that in general. Almost everything in their life was planned or occurred over a time. From friends to career to relationships. Im weird tho. What works for me usually doesn't work well for normal people. Lol
 
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I would like to meet someone, know that they are the one and get married quickly.:2inlove:

Unfortunately, I'm way too cautious and don't trust people easily. Or maybe I attract dodgy people or there are just more bad people around than good. I probably wouldn't be able to trust a quick courtship/marriage situation if one came my way anyway. Le sigh :cry3:
 
bklynbornNbred said:
You're laying out a bunch of excuses.
I'm not saying distrustful men aren't out here. But rarely has it been the case that red flags didn't pop up early on. In most cases facts didn't add up but because of stubbornness, new crayon, fear of being alone, ticking clock, weariness from dating or church foolishness folks stay trying to fix a ship that hit an iceberg with a bandaid instead of jumping in the lifeboat and starting over.

Healthy dating is not that difficult. It goes back to being free to say no to what you know you don't want.
Click to expand...

Co sign a million times over. This is the TRUTH! Allllllll of it :)
 
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