THE M-R-S Degree

[Syrah]

Let me start by saying, for those who don't know - I'm an IT consultant and work with a bunch of men. And we talk about relationships and men vs women a lot. Something they said over dinner kinda struck me.

So we're sitting at dinner eating and they're looking around the restaurant trying to gauge women (yea, men really do this). And I pointed one out who was attractive and seemed to be having a good time.

"So What ya'll think of her?"

::IN UNISON::

Two said "no way, she's searching for that MRS degree!"

The WHAT?!?

"The MRS Degree".

And then they broke it down: the ladies who have subscribed to a certain life plan and are looking to GET MARRIED. Who are looking for a man to fill a role (role = husband) rather than looking to get to know another person.

So my question: like dogs who can sense earthquakes, can men sense women who are looking to get married? Or do women who are serious about marriage in a short time frame (less than 2 years) give off certain vibes showing that they are on that path?

...or are they just full of it...

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

I want to know how does one put out the MRS Degree? Can you ask your friends how they can tell?

back to the OT: yes I think it's possible for guys to sense it, but I thought it was after talking to them. I didn't know that they can detect that off the bat. Now is it like a desperate vibe?

 

[Syrah]

I want to know how does one put out the MRS Degree? Can you ask your friends how they can tell?

back to the OT: yes I think it's possible for guys to sense it, but I thought it was after talking to them. I didn't know that they can detect that off the bat. Now is it like a desperate vibe?

Like everything they said it's "body language" and (my favorite explanation) "Its just a vibe that you get".

But when you think about it, it's no different than that vibe you get when a dude walks up, and without opening his mouth you know he just wants to lay down with you. Or when a guy walks up, and without saying anything you know that he wants you to be impressed by what he wants you to think he has. Or when a guy walks up and without saying anything, you know the two of you couldn't keep a conversation going.

...and vibes aren't always accurate.

 

[gone_fishing]

Personally I think they are full of crap and I have yet to meet a man that is that insightful and that "intune" with our wants.

Sounds to me like she was probably caring herself like a lady and in a respectful manner and they were thinking "nah can't hit that cause she looks like she'd expect more from me and I'm not ready for that".

 

[Bint Yusef]

It was probably some BS stereotype they were making their observations on. I dont believe they could sense that for one second.

 

[spelmanlocks]

I think they are full of it also.

 

[lexi08]

Personally I think they are full of crap and I have yet to meet a man that is that insightful and that "intune" with our wants.

Sounds to me like she was probably caring herself like a lady and in a respectful manner and they were thinking "nah can't hit that cause she looks like she'd expect more from me and I'm not ready for that".

Agreed. She simply looked as if she would require to much effort Some of these men really get on my nerves. I don't put much stock in these kind of statements too often.

 

[facets]

Personally I think they are full of crap and I have yet to meet a man that is that insightful and that "intune" with our wants.

Sounds to me like she was probably caring herself like a lady and in a respectful manner and they were thinking "nah can't hit that cause she looks like she'd expect more from me and I'm not ready for that".

Probably so.

Though I have seen a few 30s-40s women with a hungry, "let's set up housekeepin'" vibe. Like that tall muscle-y girl who used to try to take Popeye from Olive Oyl. "...Gonna get me a mayun".

I think everyone sees that coming.

 

[Syrah]

Personally I think they are full of crap and I have yet to meet a man that is that insightful and that "intune" with our wants.

Sounds to me like she was probably caring herself like a lady and in a respectful manner and they were thinking "nah can't hit that cause she looks like she'd expect more from me and I'm not ready for that".

Why should men be "in tune" with our wants unless we TELL THEM WHAT WE WANT? I dunno - that sounds like more lady-code for "we want a man, that knows women". They don't know women. How would they? Unless we tell them...

I dunno - I tend to think there's truth to the statement. But there are some caveats - I don't subscribe to the notion that men are afraid of commitment and I do subscribe to the the notion that there are a lot of women out there who are IN LOVE with the idea of marriage, but probably aren't ready to be married.

...and I think that's what they're referring to. Seeing and meeting a woman who is clearly in love with the idea of marriage - women who hold on to that romantic fairy-tale vision of relationships (a la The Bachelor - "I came on here to find true love").

It's like setting yourself up for failure. You can't compete with someone's fantasy. EVER. I think they're saying why even try - why not try and CREATE someone's fantasy, rather than becoming that fantasy they've already decided they want?

 

[envybeauty]

I think they are full of it.

Are these guys single? The ones tryign to "gauge" women usually are and if they are not, then why are they scoping out single women.

I don't like guys that think they know ooooooooooo sooooooo much about women. The theorizers I call them: they have a theory for everything pertaining to women.

 

[envybeauty]

Why should men be "in tune" with our wants unless we TELL THEM WHAT WE WANT? I dunno - that sounds like more lady-code for "we want a man, that knows women". They don't know women. How would they? Unless we tell them...

I dunno - I tend to think there's truth to the statement. But there are some caveats - I don't subscribe to the notion that men are afraid of commitment and I do subscribe to the the notion that there are a lot of women out there who are IN LOVE with the idea of marriage, but probably aren't ready to be married.

...and I think that's what they're referring to. Seeing and meeting a woman who is clearly in love with the idea of marriage - women who hold on to that romantic fairy-tale vision of relationships (a la The Bachelor - "I came on here to find true love").

It's like setting yourself up for failure. You can't compete with someone's fantasy. EVER. I think they're saying why even try - why not try and CREATE someone's fantasy, rather than becoming that fantasy they've already decided they want?

You said you just pointed to the woman. Did they meet the woman? Did they talk with her? If not, then they are onto NOTHING!

 

[Bunny77]

See, I think they were BSing... while I think that there are SOME women who probably come off as "desperate" in their minds, I don't think they are THAT astute to sense what she wanted without even talking to her.

Shoot, I want marriage, but the men I meet seem to think I'm this independent chick who wants to be single forever. So either I'm giving off the wrong vibe, or they're ASS-uming something about me that's incorrect.

 

[envybeauty]

See, I think they were BSing... while I think that there are SOME women who probably come off as "desperate" in their minds, I don't think they are THAT astute to sense what she wanted without even talking to her.

Shoot, I want marriage, but the men I meet seem to think I'm this independent chick who wants to be single forever. So either I'm giving off the wrong vibe, or they're ASS-uming something about me that's incorrect.

EXACTLY. ............

 

[ALWAYZL8]

I hope y'all are right about them being full of it. I have a male friend who says guys can tell that I'm the wifey type. Could this be the reason I'm still single? I feel like I can't be myself because they might think I'm giving off vibes of desperation.

 

[MissYocairis]

I actually see this kind of thing as an excuse for the fact that men just wanna have fun. (yeah, I said it) So, women wanna get married? SO WHAT? Women are RAISED THAT WAY. It's also a part of our NATURE. It's innate. They know that. They just wanna play the field as long as possible so they put together these concepts as though there is something wrong with the woman. Whatever man!

It's the same as those lyrics by Outkast, "I wanna see your support bra, not support YOU!" That is some BULLLLSHAT! You shouldn't be seeing my support bra at all if you aren't willing to support me! And, how low has our society gotten that it is socially acceptable to ADMIT, "hey, I just wanna pluck you and that should be enough for you!" That's foolishness.

 

[gone_fishing]

Why should men be "in tune" with our wants unless we TELL THEM WHAT WE WANT? I dunno - that sounds like more lady-code for "we want a man, that knows women". They don't know women. How would they? Unless we tell them...

I dunno - I tend to think there's truth to the statement. But there are some caveats - I don't subscribe to the notion that men are afraid of commitment and I do subscribe to the the notion that there are a lot of women out there who are IN LOVE with the idea of marriage, but probably aren't ready to be married.

...and I think that's what they're referring to. Seeing and meeting a woman who is clearly in love with the idea of marriage - women who hold on to that romantic fairy-tale vision of relationships (a la The Bachelor - "I came on here to find true love").

It's like setting yourself up for failure. You can't compete with someone's fantasy. EVER. I think they're saying why even try - why not try and CREATE someone's fantasy, rather than becoming that fantasy they've already decided they want?

Where did you get (in my previous post) that I said they SHOULD be intune with our feelings.

I said I don't believe they are intune enough to be able to determine that from just looking at someone - that did not imply I think they SHOULD be able to do that.

And I believe we are in agreement that they shouldn't be mind readers unless we tell them our needs - particularly, with strangers who have never spoken to us.

To me this post contradicts itself so perhaps if you want to, you can explain further. On one hand you say that men shouldn't have to be intune with our needs. You then say how can they be if we don't tell them our needs. However, in the next idea you say that you think they CAN tell (reasonably so) what a woman they have never spoken to is thinking.

Honestly, I don't know how a woman sitting by herself and eating lunch or even amongst friends can give off the desparate to get married vibe unless she's sporting a wedding dress and tennis shoes. Or a veil and jeans.

Now, if a man speaks to her and on the first date and she starts talking about getting married, THEN I can understand his look: *RUN* mentality.

In that case I don't think it's necessarily that they are scared to commit. I think they just don't want to feel the pressure of talking about such a serious commitment until they know you MUCH better.

However, it is a catch 22. It's almost like interviewing for a job. Often times it's "bad etiquette" to ask what the salary pays prior to going to an interview when they haven't volunteered the amount it pays. So you go to the interview and may get disappointed by their offer where as if you knew they were only offering $X - K a year you wouldn't have bothered.

With men there probably are women who want to get married and there is nothing wrong with that. It becomes an issue when they want to get married to just ANY BODY who will have them rather than searching for a good mate. With all of the men around who claim they don't want to EVER get married, I think it's reasonable to ask what their ideas are about marriage (at some point but not the first date) so you don't waste your time.

What if his view is that he doesn't EVER want to get married or have children. What if he wants to cohabitate forever and that's not what you want. Well if that's the case, why should you waste your time dating him for 6 months or longer before that juicey tidbit of information comes up.

To me those men sounded like they were full of themselves and that they just wanted to "hit" and not put forth effort. If I was a man looking for sex I'd choose some easy looking target over a woman who looked like a challenge too. Just because we dress well and carry ourselves like ladies instead of like the alternative doesn't mean we are all sitting around like

.

 

[gone_fishing]

I actually see this kind of thing as an excuse for the fact that men just wanna have fun. (yeah, I said it) So, women wanna get married? SO WHAT? Women are RAISED THAT WAY. It's also a part of our NATURE. It's innate. They know that. They just wanna play the field as long as possible so they put together these concepts as though there is something wrong with the woman. Whatever man!

It's the same as those lyrics by Outkast, "I wanna see your support bra, not support YOU!" That is some BULLLLSHAT! You shouldn't be seeing my support bra at all if you aren't willing to support me! And, how low has our society gotten that it is socially acceptable to ADMIT, "hey, I just wanna pluck you and that should be enough for you!" That's foolishness.

ITA!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[JFemme]

I actually see this kind of thing as an excuse for the fact that men just wanna have fun. (yeah, I said it) So, women wanna get married? SO WHAT? Women are RAISED THAT WAY. It's also a part of our NATURE. It's innate. They know that. They just wanna play the field as long as possible so they put together these concepts as though there is something wrong with the woman. Whatever man!

It's the same as those lyrics by Outkast, "I wanna see your support bra, not support YOU!" That is some BULLLLSHAT! You shouldn't be seeing my support bra at all if you aren't willing to support me! And, how low has our society gotten that it is socially acceptable to ADMIT, "hey, I just wanna pluck you and that should be enough for you!" That's foolishness.

:thatsall:

 

[bLackButtaFly]

I actually see this kind of thing as an excuse for the fact that men just wanna have fun. (yeah, I said it) So, women wanna get married? SO WHAT? Women are RAISED THAT WAY. It's also a part of our NATURE. It's innate. They know that. They just wanna play the field as long as possible so they put together these concepts as though there is something wrong with the woman. Whatever man!

It's the same as those lyrics by Outkast, "I wanna see your support bra, not support YOU!" That is some BULLLLSHAT! You shouldn't be seeing my support bra at all if you aren't willing to support me! And, how low has our society gotten that it is socially acceptable to ADMIT, "hey, I just wanna pluck you and that should be enough for you!" That's foolishness.

AMEN! What about a woman that is ot trying to get her MRS degree, but i wanna f* degree? Would that be better for them? I'd rather look desperate any day.

 

[***Toy-Pisces***]

Agreed. She simply looked as if she would require to much effort Some of these men really get on my nerves. I don't put much stock in these kind of statements too often.

Agree!

 

[lexi08]

I actually see this kind of thing as an excuse for the fact that men just wanna have fun. (yeah, I said it) So, women wanna get married? SO WHAT? Women are RAISED THAT WAY. It's also a part of our NATURE. It's innate. They know that. They just wanna play the field as long as possible so they put together these concepts as though there is something wrong with the woman. Whatever man!

It's the same as those lyrics by Outkast, "I wanna see your support bra, not support YOU!" That is some BULLLLSHAT! You shouldn't be seeing my support bra at all if you aren't willing to support me! And, how low has our society gotten that it is socially acceptable to ADMIT, "hey, I just wanna pluck you and that should be enough for you!" That's foolishness.

I agree this is just a bunch of BS, why does something have to be wrong with us because we want to get married. Whatever

 

[Syrah]

I think they are full of it.

Are these guys single? The ones tryign to "gauge" women usually are and if they are not, then why are they scoping out single women.

I don't like guys that think they know ooooooooooo sooooooo much about women. The theorizers I call them: they have a theory for everything pertaining to women.

But yet we can claim to know ooooohhh so much about men???

 

[Syrah]

Where did you get (in my previous post) that I said they SHOULD be intune with our feelings.

I said I don't believe they are intune enough to be able to determine that from just looking at someone - that did not imply I think they SHOULD be able to do that.

And I believe we are in agreement that they shouldn't be mind readers unless we tell them our needs - particularly, with strangers who have never spoken to us.

To me this post contradicts itself so perhaps if you want to, you can explain further. On one hand you say that men shouldn't have to be intune with our needs. You then say how can they be if we don't tell them our needs. However, in the next idea you say that you think they CAN tell (reasonably so) what a woman they have never spoken to is thinking.

Honestly, I don't know how a woman sitting by herself and eating lunch or even amongst friends can give off the desparate to get married vibe unless she's sporting a wedding dress and tennis shoes. Or a veil and jeans.

Now, if a man speaks to her and on the first date and she starts talking about getting married, THEN I can understand his look: *RUN* mentality.

In that case I don't think it's necessarily that they are scared to commit. I think they just don't want to feel the pressure of talking about such a serious commitment until they know you MUCH better.

However, it is a catch 22. It's almost like interviewing for a job. Often times it's "bad etiquette" to ask what the salary pays prior to going to an interview when they haven't volunteered the amount it pays. So you go to the interview and may get disappointed by their offer where as if you knew they were only offering $X - K a year you wouldn't have bothered.

With men there probably are women who want to get married and there is nothing wrong with that. It becomes an issue when they want to get married to just ANY BODY who will have them rather than searching for a good mate. With all of the men around who claim they don't want to EVER get married, I think it's reasonable to ask what their ideas are about marriage (at some point but not the first date) so you don't waste your time.

What if his view is that he doesn't EVER want to get married or have children. What if he wants to cohabitate forever and that's not what you want. Well if that's the case, why should you waste your time dating him for 6 months or longer before that juicey tidbit of information comes up.

To me those men sounded like they were full of themselves and that they just wanted to "hit" and not put forth effort. If I was a man looking for sex I'd choose some easy looking target over a woman who looked like a challenge too. Just because we dress well and carry ourselves like ladies instead of like the alternative doesn't mean we are all sitting around like

.

You're right that there is a contradiction - cuz the whole post is about whether or man can tell a woman wants to get married by looking at her and/or in the first few minutes (like less than 3 minutes) of conversation.

I just think it's an interesting question. Because while we're all sitting here saying that its "BS" and "based on how she carries herself" (cuz a lot of yall assumed that they thought this because she was "acting like a lady" and "carrying herself like a lady" as opposed to being "out there") - there are a LOT of men who feel this way.

So either A LOT of men are bs'ing or women who are interested in getting married in the short term GIVE OFF A VIBE that we as women aren't aware of.

And for those that asked - of the 4 co-workers who were sitting there:
1 was married
1 was in a long term relationship (he's engaged now, this was about 6 months ago)
1 was in a relationship (I don't know the details)
1 was single.

We tend to place so much emphasis on whether or not a man thinks he can get a quick hit and move on. I think is a fallacy that women buy into. "He didn't stick around because I didn't put out after the first 3 months". NO, maybe he didn't stick around because it was YOU - he just wasn't interested, or you gave off the vibe that you just weren't interested. Maybe he didn't stick around because of something you might have hinted at (i.e. he's agnostic and you mentioned church, he has kids and you mentioned baby mamma drama, you mentioned your x-man and he sensed baggage).

...just thinking out loud...

 

[caribeandiva]

actually, i do think that guys can pick up on that vibe. if a woman is desperate to get married the way she acts, what she says, etc.. will be a dead giveaway to a guy. guys are a lot more intuitive than we think. there's nothing wrong with a woman wanting to get married. most guys want her to marry them for love not to fill the husband position because then he doesn't feel special anymore. that's why most guys back away from a woman they feel gives off a desperate vibe.

 

[fmnnity]

Why should men be "in tune" with our wants unless we TELL THEM WHAT WE WANT? I dunno - that sounds like more lady-code for "we want a man, that knows women". They don't know women. How would they? Unless we tell them...

I dunno - I tend to think there's truth to the statement. But there are some caveats - I don't subscribe to the notion that men are afraid of commitment and I do subscribe to the the notion that there are a lot of women out there who are IN LOVE with the idea of marriage, but probably aren't ready to be married.

...and I think that's what they're referring to. Seeing and meeting a woman who is clearly in love with the idea of marriage - women who hold on to that romantic fairy-tale vision of relationships (a la The Bachelor - "I came on here to find true love").

It's like setting yourself up for failure. You can't compete with someone's fantasy. EVER. I think they're saying why even try - why not try and CREATE someone's fantasy, rather than becoming that fantasy they've already decided they want?

I agree with your words. And I add we really don't want to know what men REALLY think. We want them to think what we REALLY want.

 

[Farida]

Sounds like a stereotype.

I do know a few of those women and they will tell you, they won't give off a vibe. they will say, "I came to college to find a husband. I graduate on 07-07-07 and I will be married by then." That's how you know them.

 

[winterinatl]

Let me start by saying, for those who don't know - I'm an IT consultant and work with a bunch of men. And we talk about relationships and men vs women a lot. Something they said over dinner kinda struck me.

So we're sitting at dinner eating and they're looking around the restaurant trying to gauge women (yea, men really do this). And I pointed one out who was attractive and seemed to be having a good time.

"So What ya'll think of her?"

::IN UNISON::

Two said "no way, she's searching for that MRS degree!"

The WHAT?!?

"The MRS Degree".

And then they broke it down: the ladies who have subscribed to a certain life plan and are looking to GET MARRIED. Who are looking for a man to fill a role (role = husband) rather than looking to get to know another person.

So my question: like dogs who can sense earthquakes, can men sense women who are looking to get married? Or do women who are serious about marriage in a short time frame (less than 2 years) give off certain vibes showing that they are on that path?

...or are they just full of it...

I think men can smell women who are DESPARATE to get married a mile away. That is the girl looking for that M-R-S degree, for sure. But a regular, good girl that wants a friend first with the goal of marrying a nice man down the line? That is different IMO than a chick who just wants a ring.

 

[chinadoll]

MsNadi- what vibe was she giving?????

I think men can smell women who are DESPARATE to get married a mile away. That is the girl looking for that M-R-S degree, for sure. But a regular, good girl that wants a friend first with the goal of marrying a nice man down the line? That is different IMO than a chick who just wants a ring.

ITA.............

 

[gone_fishing]

You're right that there is a contradiction - cuz the whole post is about whether or man can tell a woman wants to get married by looking at her and/or in the first few minutes (like less than 3 minutes) of conversation.

I just think it's an interesting question. Because while we're all sitting here saying that its "BS" and "based on how she carries herself" (cuz a lot of yall assumed that they thought this because she was "acting like a lady" and "carrying herself like a lady" as opposed to being "out there") - there are a LOT of men who feel this way.

So either A LOT of men are bs'ing or women who are interested in getting married in the short term GIVE OFF A VIBE that we as women aren't aware of.

And for those that asked - of the 4 co-workers who were sitting there:
1 was married
1 was in a long term relationship (he's engaged now, this was about 6 months ago)
1 was in a relationship (I don't know the details)
1 was single.

We tend to place so much emphasis on whether or not a man thinks he can get a quick hit and move on. I think is a fallacy that women buy into. "He didn't stick around because I didn't put out after the first 3 months". NO, maybe he didn't stick around because it was YOU - he just wasn't interested, or you gave off the vibe that you just weren't interested. Maybe he didn't stick around because of something you might have hinted at (i.e. he's agnostic and you mentioned church, he has kids and you mentioned baby mamma drama, you mentioned your x-man and he sensed baggage).

...just thinking out loud...

I agree with the bolded...but this post wasn't about sticking around after an introduction and some time spent. It was about guessing someone's intent and motivation without ever speaking to them.

 

[MJ]

You're right that there is a contradiction - cuz the whole post is about whether or man can tell a woman wants to get married by looking at her and/or in the first few minutes (like less than 3 minutes) of conversation.

I just think it's an interesting question. Because while we're all sitting here saying that its "BS" and "based on how she carries herself" (cuz a lot of yall assumed that they thought this because she was "acting like a lady" and "carrying herself like a lady" as opposed to being "out there") - there are a LOT of men who feel this way.

So either A LOT of men are bs'ing or women who are interested in getting married in the short term GIVE OFF A VIBE that we as women aren't aware of.

And for those that asked - of the 4 co-workers who were sitting there:
1 was married
1 was in a long term relationship (he's engaged now, this was about 6 months ago)
1 was in a relationship (I don't know the details)
1 was single.

We tend to place so much emphasis on whether or not a man thinks he can get a quick hit and move on. I think is a fallacy that women buy into. "He didn't stick around because I didn't put out after the first 3 months". NO, maybe he didn't stick around because it was YOU - he just wasn't interested, or you gave off the vibe that you just weren't interested. Maybe he didn't stick around because of something you might have hinted at (i.e. he's agnostic and you mentioned church, he has kids and you mentioned baby mamma drama, you mentioned your x-man and he sensed baggage).


...just thinking out loud...

ITA. I always find it interesting that whenever someone starts a thread about men's point of views, most of the comment falls in the "that's bullocks" category. I've been noticing that for a while now and it's really sad .