THE M-R-S Degree

[Syrah]

MsNadi- what vibe was she giving?????

ITA.............

My opinion...she was giving off that "not another night at the bar with my girls" type vibe. You know? The one where you can tell of all her friends, she's the one who would much rather be at home or doing something else with someone else, but wants to meet folks so she came out anyway.

I didn't get the MRS degree vibe from her, but then that was the first time I had ever heard of it.

Once they started schooling me, I started seeing it more and more. In the gym, at the airport etc.

And again, it's not so much a sign of desperation but more a "i'm in love with the IDEA of getting married" as opposed to being in love with a PERSON type thing.

 

[Syrah]

ITA. I always find it interesting that whenever someone starts a thread about men's point of views, most of the comment falls in the "that's bullocks" category. I've been noticing that for a while now and it's really sad .

I'm soooo with you.

We don't ask them what THEY think...and when we do and they say something we don't want to hear we think its nonsense or chock it up to them not seeing sex in their immediate future.

I guess thats why I've found working with a bunch of men (who are away from home and with a corporate credit card) so interesting. Some of the married ones are cute:
- they set aside time to talk to their wives every night, so that their wives aren't calling them all day long, and they can have a private conversation without the rest of us in the car acting a damn fool. And it's not long drawn out conversations - why guy said he spent a good 10-15 minutes on the phone, but it was quality time so she appreciated it. I LOVE THIS.
- they bring home little gifts. Not jewelery, but things like Christmas ornaments, flip-flops and beach towels (little i-just-thought-of-you type stuff).
- they talk about their wives and girlfriends and smile, or laugh. They tell funny stories or ask funny questions (one time, one asked me "what are women's period panties, and how come she doesn't want me in that drawer??" - what do you say to that??).

And some of the married ones are any woman's nightmare:
- they lie. "Oh, I didn't call because I had a late meeting" (knowing damn well, you didn't call because we went to a bear 'til 2 AM).
- they cheat (remember, they're out of town on business and have a corporate credit card)
- they talk about their wives/girlfriends and roll their eyes or use nicknames
- they ignore their phone calls. I had some coworkers who whose wives would call 123498712397801324978 times a day and they wouldn't answer a single call.

I just figure, we might as well listen to what THEY think so that we don't end up in the latter category.

 

[winterinatl]

- they talk about their wives and girlfriends and smile, or laugh. They tell funny stories or ask funny questions (one time, one asked me "what are women's period panties, and how come she doesn't want me in that drawer??" - what do you say to that??).



I just figure, we might as well listen to what THEY think so that we don't end up in the latter category.

At the first bolded, I don't know why but that made me say "Awwww!" out loud, that is sweet for some reason...

And @ the second part, I do agree with that. Also with your earlier point that there are women out there in love with the whole idea of getting married - but do you mean the idea of the ceremony and such, or the idea of the FANTASY of what marriage might be?

 

[Syrah]

At the first bolded, I don't know why but that made me say "Awwww!" out loud, that is sweet for some reason...

And @ the second part, I do agree with that. Also with your earlier point that there are women out there in love with the whole idea of getting married - but do you mean the idea of the ceremony and such, or the idea of the FANTASY of what marriage might be?

The period panties was HILARIOUS because 2 of my co-workers who are married started DYING LAUGHING - apparently they had been there. And he wasn't asking like "uhhh, what's that all about?" but serious genuine confusion like "I don't get it".

About being in love with the idea of getting married - the wedding and the fantasy marriage. The 2.5 kids, the SUV and the sedan, the white picket fence, "being barefoot and pregnant" type thing. When most women think of marriage they're not thinking of having discussions with their partner about finances, the fact that he can't wash a load of laundry to save his life, that he chews with his mouth open and loves to have a few beers on Sunday afternoons while watching football. They're thinking vows, and white dresses, and engagement rings and having someone to cuddle up to at night and never having to come home to an empty home and having someone who's SUPPOSED to always be on your side.

The IDEA of marriage as opposed to the REALITY of marriage.

And I can't front - I'm right there. I know what my IBM (Ideal Black Man) is. I've got my checklist. I'm in love with the idea of a man I've never met, might not ever meet, or might meet and be like 'yuck - no good!'. I've not given my number to a short dude because my IBM is 6'2" (dumb, yea I know, but I admit it) and then regretted it later. And I've looked at a man before and have thought "we would have SUCH cute babies" before my mind switched to 9 months of pregnancy and 8 hours of labor and that cute baby idea was GONE. HAHA.

We've got fantasies. Ain't nothing wrong with it, but we could at least be real about it and quit acting like the "perfect man" is something that men came up with because they feel inadequate, rather than something WE came up with that we compare EVERY MAN to

...but whom we've never really met, at least not when we were awake.

 

[caribeandiva]

The period panties was HILARIOUS because 2 of my co-workers who are married started DYING LAUGHING - apparently they had been there. And he wasn't asking like "uhhh, what's that all about?" but serious genuine confusion like "I don't get it".

About being in love with the idea of getting married - the wedding and the fantasy marriage. The 2.5 kids, the SUV and the sedan, the white picket fence, "being barefoot and pregnant" type thing. When most women think of marriage they're not thinking of having discussions with their partner about finances, the fact that he can't wash a load of laundry to save his life, that he chews with his mouth open and loves to have a few beers on Sunday afternoons while watching football. They're thinking vows, and white dresses, and engagement rings and having someone to cuddle up to at night and never having to come home to an empty home and having someone who's SUPPOSED to always be on your side.

The IDEA of marriage as opposed to the REALITY of marriage.

And I can't front - I'm right there. I know what my IBM (Ideal Black Man) is. I've got my checklist. I'm in love with the idea of a man I've never met, might not ever meet, or might meet and be like 'yuck - no good!'. I've not given my number to a short dude because my IBM is 6'2" (dumb, yea I know, but I admit it) and then regretted it later. And I've looked at a man before and have thought "we would have SUCH cute babies" before my mind switched to 9 months of pregnancy and 8 hours of labor and that cute baby idea was GONE. HAHA.

We've got fantasies. Ain't nothing wrong with it, but we could at least be real about it and quit acting like the "perfect man" is something that men came up with because they feel inadequate, rather than something WE came up with that we compare EVERY MAN to

...but whom we've never really met, at least not when we were awake.

Guilty! erplexed

 

[winterinatl]

Yeah, me too. Guilty is charged.

Dammit it's my birthright I WANT IT !! *stomps off*

 

[Luvmylife]

I do think that there is such a thing as the MRS degree. (...even though I've never heard it called this...) I have some friends (Late 30s-early 40s, getting older, getting lonely, eggs are getting ripe...) and they are very up front with anyone that will listen about what they want...and what they want is marriage ...like yesterday.

Do they give off a vibe...absolutely. They simply do not want to be othered with someone who is not serious about settling down pronto and anyone who's not on board with that plan, step aside. Before they come to my parties, they want the full history and background of every available bachelor in the room. They want to know the male-female ratio of venues before we go out. They want to meet all of my DH's eligible friends, relatives and frat brothers in hopes of whatever DH is "on" to make him the marrying type, hopefully his boys will be "on" it too. They read books on how to get a man...go to ridiculous places trying to meet men...and once they finally get a man, they scare the hell out of him by making plans for their impending marriage within a month of meeting him.

Yes, this is not BS...these ladies really do exist! Are ALL single ladies in their 30s or 40s like this? Absolutely not, but I wouldn't dismiss what the men in the OP's example were saying. This may indeed have been an experience that they had.

 

[Bunny77]

Luvmylife... now see, that's too much.

Sure, I want to get married and don't want to waste time (I'm not late 30s-early 40s though, so I'm not as pressed as those women are, I guess), but you can go too far in trying to make that happen.

Back to the original question... do I think there's a vibe that women give off that they only "want a ring" for the sake of having a ring? (and not looking for a quality man to be a husband) Sure!

But do I think someone can determine that only from watching a woman from across the room and not interacting with her? Not really.

 

[Luvmylife]

Luvmylife... now see, that's too much.

Sure, I want to get married and don't want to waste time (I'm not late 30s-early 40s though, so I'm not as pressed as those women are, I guess), but you can go too far in trying to make that happen.

Back to the original question... do I think there's a vibe that women give off that they only "want a ring" for the sake of having a ring? (and not looking for a quality man to be a husband) Sure!

But do I think someone can determine that only from watching a woman from across the room and not interacting with her? Not really.

I completely agree, but I can't be the one to tell them this. Anytime I open my mouth all I get is "You're already married...you don't know what I'm going through..." So I leave it alone.

My one GF met a guy that she swore was the "one" and within two weeks of meeting him, she started moving stuff out of her guest room so his son would have a place to sleep when he came to visit "them" and began looking for venues for their wedding...no joke.

I don't not know necessarily if one can pick this up about a person from a mile a way, but I just wanted to let it be known that the info that the OP's co-workers shared with her may have some root in reality.

 

[Bunny77]

I completely agree, but I can't be the one to tell them this. Anytime I open my mouth all I get is "You're already married...you don't know what I'm going through..." So I leave it alone.

My one GF met a guy that she swore was the "one" and within two weeks of meeting him, she started moving stuff out of her guest room so his son would have a place to sleep when he came to visit "them" and began looking for venues for their wedding...no joke.

I don't not know necessarily if one can pick this up about a person from a mile a way, but I just wanted to let it be known that the info that the OP's co-workers shared with her may have some root in reality.

You're between a rock and a hard place! On one hand, as a single woman, I do understand the frustration when a married person is giving advice but it comes off as "not understanding." However, I think there's a big difference between being "not understanding" and giving sound advice and your friends seem soooo focused on getting a man that they aren't willing to listen to you AT ALL!

There's a big difference between a married person advising a single friend to "slow down" vs. saying "don't worry, you'll find someone, trust God, blah blah blah."

Yeah, and I won't debate whether or not the men in the OP's story were right or wrong. It's hard to say... I just figure that the right guy for me will pick up the right vibe and we'll be all good!

 

[Syrah]

Luvmylife... now see, that's too much.

Sure, I want to get married and don't want to waste time (I'm not late 30s-early 40s though, so I'm not as pressed as those women are, I guess), but you can go too far in trying to make that happen.

Back to the original question... do I think there's a vibe that women give off that they only "want a ring" for the sake of having a ring? (and not looking for a quality man to be a husband) Sure!

But do I think someone can determine that only from watching a woman from across the room and not interacting with her? Not really.

I'm with you. The only thing I'll say is maybe it's just like any other vibe that you get from people when you're mating and dating. Like females who give off vibes that they:

- Only date men with money
- Only date uber educated men
- Only date men of faith (whatever that faith may be)

And its no different than the vibes we get from men. The:

- I'm just looking for quick sex
- I want women to like me for the money they think I have
- I need a soulful sister
- I want a video chick

Are vibes always accurate?? Rarely, sometimes, never - depending on the situation. Its just a vibe - and after talking to the fellas that I work with, I tend to think that it is possible for some men, to determine that SOME women are interested in getting married pronto, within the first 5 minutes of meeting/engaging.