The Letter.... (LONG)-- Am I Just Cynical?

[TinyBlu]

OK... as if I don't have enough issues with the men folks, I get this letter from a "Back in the Day" guy that is totally throwing me off.

Brief history:

I am living life, minding my own business, when out of the blue I get a FB message from a guy "from around the way" that I went to elementary, middle and high school with. Our interactions throughout all those years never amounted to much beyond us "going together" for about a week in 5th grade (I think I beat him up to get him to do that!) and brief hallway exchanges in high school. I was the nerdy, unpopular shy girl so I didn't get much play during those years. I think I saw him when I came home from college once during my freshman year, and even then it was just a "How you doing" type of thing.

So... fast forward to 2007. We ran into each other at a restaurant and had another "How you doing" exchange. At the time, I was unhappily married (now happily divorced), but I can say our conversation lasted no more than 5 minutes. I spent more time introducing him to my husband at the time.

ANYWAY.... he tells me on the FB message that he was "searching" for me and hoped we could keep in contact. I didn't think much of all that. I told him to friend me, but he said he didn't do FB and just joined to "find" me (huh?). WHATEVER. So I gave him the "fake" email address. You know the one you only check about once a month and he sends me the following message, complete with floral stationary, hearts and a whole lot of other super sappy BS: (I have deleted names, etc)

Happy Birthday to me...

I know it should be the other way around....my actual gift is from me to you by telling you my feelings which started 3 years ago when we saw each other at _____. My birthday gift to myself is to let you know how I've been feeling since that day. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't unleash these feelings. I believe the main reason why I'm feeling you is because, if I remember correctly, you weren't too happy with old dude you were with "back then". He or no other could understand you like I could.I saw the "whatever" look in your eyes and face, and right then I wanted to pull you close and hold you and say "It will be OK" Another reason why I'm fond of you is based on the statement you mentioned about.... people being close minded....I like the fact that you are one of the few million (that I can't find) that agree "life is short, open your mind, have fun and play hard"

From what I am assuming, it seems like you are woman that does not have a lot of time on her hands to stop and smell the roses .... If I am close to what I am assuming, I want you to stop and smell the roses with me. I want to hold your hand and walk a mile with you. Remember, I am in your corner. Do what you want. It's your thing. OPPOSITES ATTRACT, but we will always be one of the same." My feelings of the past 3 is not a game so I can't play with you-just be with you, pray with you, and hopefully grow old and gray with you. Through good and bad times we'll always make it through if we make this magic come true.

...some days I walk around my house and vision you pulling up in the driveway and I catch myself saying "There Goes My Baby" with the biggest smile on my face. Just remember when you are my #1, I will be checking you out every moment of the day-don't worry I won't bite. As much as I think, I can't ever remember feeling like this. I want to love you for as long as you can love me for me. If you do decide to...share your thoughts about me with me it will be well worh it. I know I'm jumping the gun in a major way, but if my thoughts of rekindling with my old friend / flirt gets me through my miserable days, please don't diminish my hopes...

[You mentioned you may be moving...] I thought to myself "cool"... maybe I will receive many invitations to visit. From now on I want you to anticipate my next email, my next important word, and even my next meaningful thought about you and us together. Never has any woman from afar made me feel as wanted or special as you made me feel in the past few years. I smile every day, but my thoughts make me feel very shy. Thank You.

PS If you decide to let me down in a nice easy way, it will be OK. Just the thought of knowing you from the past to the present and even received the chance to see you face-to-face for 60 seconds will fill the emptiness I have. Oh, and knowing that someone more beautiful than Alicia Keys is a major plus also!

Double PS I hope I'm not too late with this letter because this is real what I feel. Could it be you and me? I never want to be apart. Take my heart and hold it tight because its your love too!

Triple PS Just say the word continue and I won't ever let you down...


My reaction.... PLEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSEEEEE!! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!

I'm sorry this screams two things to me: Playa with some TIRED lines (does he really think that I'm that dumb?) and a wee bit CRAZY!!!! I just don't buy it. WTH man???

I know it's a little wrong for me to put the man out there because IF he was being genuine, I am sure that it was hard to say this, but COME ON NOW!!!

So am I really being a YOU KNOW WHAT by gagging at this whole thing (the man photo shopped wine glasses and roses onto the letter---BLECK!!!!!) or are my gut instincts right?

I did type a NEGRO PLEASE response and saved it in drafts. I wanted to get some input before sending it. I don't want to hurt the man's feelings, but again.... this is just a little much.

Thoughts anyone?

 

[Fab_Nikki]

I had a whole post and deleted it....grrrrrrrr but anywho.

Unless your leaving something out about your history with him, why not give him a chance? If he shows himself to be a player, distance yourself from him. Its not like your agreeing to marry him tomorrow by having a date with him. He may be very genuine. Also just because he didn't necessarily show interest during high school, doesn't mean he didn't secretly fawn over you.

if I remember correctly, you weren't too happy with old dude you were with "back then". He or no other could understand you like I could.I saw the "whatever" look in your eyes and face, and right then I wanted to pull you close and hold you and say "It will be OK"

But dude, did you TELL him you were unhappy in your marriage? Because homeboy READ that situation as if HE wrote it (based on your description of your marriage). If you didn't then he is in tune with YOU sista! lol

 

[8HoursFromHome]

Men are a trip! He sounds like a professional. I mean, a true player knows how to get to a woman and with this letter, he sounds like he's playing on your emotions... Maybe he thinks you are down and out and depressed because of the divorce. Maybe he thinks he can get you strung out easily and work you to his advantage...

I am always wary of things like this... I am an idealist but have learned to protect myself emotionally. This could be some form of 'form letter' that he sends out looking to 'bag and tag' a vulnerable woman.

In reality, there hasn't been enough contact or communication between the two of you for this to be based in reality. JMHO

 

[runwaydream]

i think he's full of sh!t.
i had a gtfooh look on my face the whole time while reading that letter.
it really bugged me tho,that the first time he was interested was when he saw you had a man *eyeroll* that says a lot IMO.
something about this doesnt seem genuine to me.
i say go w. your gut instinct.

 

[lux10023]

whether you see a future with him or not...

It is not necessary to reply in a nasty or rude manner---no where in this letter is dude being rude to you or etc...

okay you wasnt feeling what he wrote but damn your reaction is as if he called you out of your name...

it is quite obvious that he knows you were unhappy in your marriage...and maybe he feels like he wants to be there for you since your marriage has ended..

idk what his angle is..but a "igga please repsonse to this letter"--jesus

 

[chicitygirl]

He can't be serious with this email, right? Y'all barely know each other and he's quoting old R&B songs and whatnot? He sounds crazy! I'm totally with you on the eye rolling at this whole thing. I don't know, maybe I'm mean, but I wouldn't be able to look at him straight without busting up laughing, so I'd pass on going out with him. I really feel like he's just trying to run weak game and that he's used this same email with other women and just changed a few details to suit your situation. If he was genuinely interested, why wouldn't he just send a simple email saying he'd like to go out and get to know each other a bit better?

 

[Theo]

i don't think you should write a "niggia please" response. even is he tryna play you, you didn't fall for the okey doke so no hurt feelings right? if you're not interested in him, let him down easy.

 

[ladylibra_30]

What a burning hunk of love LOL!

 

[awhyley]

My first thought was that this is a 'rebound' letter. It's so long without saying much of anything but 'let's hook up'. You may want to respond with a 'you're fragile right now, and don't want to start anything new' and see if he still wants to chat. (which I doubt, but maybe I'm cynical too)

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

LOL!!!

Wow ummm....this letter sounds really DEEEEEEEEEP.

Are you SURE you're not leaving anything out of your story about the history you have with this dude? Because by the sounds of his letter it almost sounds like you and him had a "thing" in the past...and I mean like you two dated for a while. Almost like you're "the one who got away" type of thing.

IF you have not had a deeper relationship with this man than what you mentioned in your original post, then yeah....he sounds like a schemer, and even a little "off".
I hate to sound so cynical, but usually when something seems too good to be true, typically....it is. He sounds like he is either OBSESSED with you (which is not a good thing...), or almost a little desperate...which is not a good thing either. I mean, if he's feeling THIS strongly for you and you two never even dated, I can only imagine how "strong" his feelings would be if you two actually dated! He sounds like he could be of the possessive/jealous/insecure type.

I don't know OP....he sounds a little "off". But I would definitely not write back anything rude towards him. If anything I would commend him on his courage to be so forthright and honest with you about his feelings. That's not easy to do. Maybe let him down a little gently, but tell him that you two might be able to still be friends. Sometimes...you can tell MORE about a man and his character when you turn him down, as opposed to when you just simply readily accept his pursuits. Something to think about.....

 

[TinyBlu]

I had a whole post and deleted it....grrrrrrrr but anywho.

Unless your leaving something out about your history with him, why not give him a chance? If he shows himself to be a player, distance yourself from him. Its not like your agreeing to marry him tomorrow by having a date with him. He may be very genuine. Also just because he didn't necessarily show interest during high school, doesn't mean he didn't secretly fawn over you.



But dude, did you TELL him you were unhappy in your marriage? Because homeboy READ that situation as if HE wrote it (based on your description of your marriage). If you didn't then he is in tune with YOU sista! lol

That's what's so odd. I NEVER mentioned anything to him about being unhappy! Our convo was basically... Hey what are you up to now? This is my hubby(intro). It was good seeing you... the END. We never exchanged any correspondence or anything after that. Then this letter. It's just a little too... strange to me...

 

[TinyBlu]

Men are a trip! He sounds like a professional. I mean, a true player knows how to get to a woman and with this letter, he sounds like he's playing on your emotions... Maybe he thinks you are down and out and depressed because of the divorce. Maybe he thinks he can get you strung out easily and work you to his advantage...

I am always wary of things like this... I am an idealist but have learned to protect myself emotionally. This could be some form of 'form letter' that he sends out looking to 'bag and tag' a vulnerable woman.

In reality, there hasn't been enough contact or communication between the two of you for this to be based in reality. JMHO

I was thinking EXACTLY the same thing. The whole time I was reading it I was like... FOOL, you don't know me!!!

 

[Sasha299]

I agree, he did nothing IMO worth offending you. I would respond as Crystalicequeen123 suggested. Gently and as humanely as possible. How we rebuff a gentleman's advances speaks volumes about us just as how a gentleman accepts our rebuff speaks volumes about him.

 

[TinyBlu]

He can't be serious with this email, right? Y'all barely know each other and he's quoting old R&B songs and whatnot? He sounds crazy! I'm totally with you on the eye rolling at this whole thing. I don't know, maybe I'm mean, but I wouldn't be able to look at him straight without busting up laughing, so I'd pass on going out with him. I really feel like he's just trying to run weak game and that he's used this same email with other women and just changed a few details to suit your situation. If he was genuinely interested, why wouldn't he just send a simple email saying he'd like to go out and get to know each other a bit better?

THANK YOU!!!! In fact I was laughing when I read this because it just makes no sense at all. I agree. A simpler approach would have been more believable. This guy is a nut-case!

 

[TinyBlu]

i don't think you should write a "niggia please" response. even is he tryna play you, you didn't fall for the okey doke so no hurt feelings right? if you're not interested in him, let him down easy.

I feel ya. That's why I didn't send the response right away. Even though that was my initial reaction, I don't have to be mean. I'm just going to tell him that I am flattered but in a committed relationship. A little white lie won't hurt. Besides, he sounds a wee bit unstable to me. Saying the wrong thing may set him off. I watch Snapped! He may show up with a hatchet or something.

 

[NaturalRed]

From what I am assuming, it seems like you are woman that does not have a lot of time on her hands to stop and smell the roses .... If I am close to what I am assuming, I want you to stop and smell the roses with me. I want to hold your hand and walk a mile with you. Remember, I am in your corner. Do what you want. It's your thing. OPPOSITES ATTRACT, but we will always be one of the same." My feelings of the past 3 is not a game so I can't play with you-just be with you, pray with you, and hopefully grow old and gray with you. Through good and bad times we'll always make it through if we make this magic come true.

...some days I walk around my house and vision you pulling up in the driveway and I catch myself saying "There Goes My Baby" with the biggest smile on my face. Just remember when you are my #1, I will be checking you out every moment of the day-don't worry I won't bite. As much as I think, I can't ever remember feeling like this. I want to love you for as long as you can love me for me. If you do decide to...share your thoughts about me with me it will be well worh it. I know I'm jumping the gun in a major way, but if my thoughts of rekindling with my old friend / flirt gets me through my miserable days, please don't diminish my hopes...

[You mentioned you may be moving...] I thought to myself "cool"... maybe I will receive many invitations to visit. From now on I want you to anticipate my next email, my next important word, and even my next meaningful thought about you and us together. Never has any woman from afar made me feel as wanted or special as you made me feel in the past few years. I smile every day, but my thoughts make me feel very shy. Thank You.

Guys that write like that annoy me. But then again, I'm a simple person. He sounds as if he's trying to impress you with his words. He's trying too hard.

 

[TinyBlu]

LOL!!!

Wow ummm....this letter sounds really DEEEEEEEEEP.

Are you SURE you're not leaving anything out of your story about the history you have with this dude? Because by the sounds of his letter it almost sounds like you and him had a "thing" in the past...and I mean like you two dated for a while. Almost like you're "the one who got away" type of thing.

IF you have not had a deeper relationship with this man than what you mentioned in your original post, then yeah....he sounds like a schemer, and even a little "off".
I hate to sound so cynical, but usually when something seems too good to be true, typically....it is. He sounds like he is either OBSESSED with you (which is not a good thing...), or almost a little desperate...which is not a good thing either. I mean, if he's feeling THIS strongly for you and you two never even dated, I can only imagine how "strong" his feelings would be if you two actually dated! He sounds like he could be of the possessive/jealous/insecure type.

I don't know OP....he sounds a little "off". But I would definitely not write back anything rude towards him. If anything I would commend him on his courage to be so forthright and honest with you about his feelings. That's not easy to do. Maybe let him down a little gently, but tell him that you two might be able to still be friends. Sometimes...you can tell MORE about a man and his character when you turn him down, as opposed to when you just simply readily accept his pursuits. Something to think about.....

That's good advice.

... and nope. Nothing between us past the week in 5th grade. I needed a date to my first boy-girl dance so I beat him up and made him go with me. I think my mom still has the pic of us at that dance in an album somewhere. We were standing about a foot apart. I was SO excited that my mom let me wear my hair "down" that evening (I was rocking the press and curl y'all!!!!). It must have worked!!! LOL!!

After that, we hardly communicated AT ALL. I was the honor student in high school with the glasses, braces and peak fighting weight of 92 pounds.... trust.... NO ONE noticed me!!!! If I saw him in the hall, I would wave, but that's it until 2007... hence the WTH response to this sudden outpouring of emotion.

I think he may be a little of all three: desperate, playa and "touched" in the head. so I am going to let him down easy via email (in a few days of course) and stay FAR, FAR AWAY!!!

 

[bahamababe242]

He is entirely too long winded
I would ignore it

 

[empressaja]

I would not in any circumstance send a nasty reply. This just doesn't warrant it. I do sense a lack of balance with this email. Visioning you and stuff. Sounds like an unhealthy fixation. But you never no why you cross paths with someone. I say reply to him and ask him why such a personal email when you all don't really know each other. How can he feel the way he does when he doesn't know you as a person? I am nosy so i want to know why a person asks and does the things that they do.

 

[hopeful]

Wow, I can't believe he wrote all that when he doesn't even really know you. I would tread very carefully. Maybe he's still mad about you beating him up in 5th grade and wants to get you back? Maybe he's crazy, mentally ill? IDK. A healthy man would ask for your number and suggest you meet for coffee and catch up. Then go from there. That letter is just too much. I would certainly not write a nasty letter. But that's all I know. Part of me thinks you should just ignore him. Another part thinks you could respond kindly, but how? I mean you don't want to be friends so I wouldn't say that. I have never dealt with anyone like this so hopefully someone has and can shed some light on his behavior. The first thought that comes to my head is: potential stalker.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

A healthy man would ask for your number and suggest you meet for coffee and catch up. Then go from there. That letter is just too much. I would certainly not write a nasty letter. But that's all I know. Part of me thinks you should just ignore him. Another part thinks you could respond kindly, but how? I mean you don't want to be friends so I wouldn't say that. I have never dealt with anyone like this so hopefully someone has and can shed some light on his behavior. The first thought that comes to my head is: potential stalker.

I agree.

This screams desperation to me. It's a little TOO much, TOO fast, and TOO soon imo.

Now I think I kind of know how guys feel and how they must view women when certain women come on TOO strong with men.

 

[g'smommy]

Well to me this sounds like BS. Maybe someone is trying to set you up. Due to the fact that he brings your marriage up makes me think that this is just either your ex or someone close him. Nothing on an email or FB guarantees that this is genuine. So stay away.

If this happened to be genuine, then he might be a psycho or a potential stalker. No guy talks like that, especially when it comes to giving up pride and the fact that he might get rejected, guys always play it safe.

If I were you, I would turn him down easily because he does asks you to do so on the letter.

 

[Fab_Nikki]

That's what's so odd. I NEVER mentioned anything to him about being unhappy! Our convo was basically... Hey what are you up to now? This is my hubby(intro). It was good seeing you... the END. We never exchanged any correspondence or anything after that. Then this letter. It's just a little too... strange to me...

Wow that's sooo strange! But you have to admit dude got some vibe off of you. He feels you LMAO

He is entirely too long winded
I would ignore it

Real talk @ bahama....I skimmed some of it LOL

 

[luckiestdestiny]

He seems insane, delusional("no one has ever made me feel as wanted as you"...really he wrote that? but he doesn't KNOW you!), and desperate. That's worse case scenario. Best scenario he wants a#$ and has bad game !

 

[caribeandiva]

What's the harm in dating him and seeing where it goes? Follow your gut instincts.

 

[lilsparkle825]

What's the harm in dating him and seeing where it goes? Follow your gut instincts.

Um, the harm is he's a creep. Seriously, this letter is weird, and I would be frightened if I was OP. All the fantasizing he describes (in vivid detail) is alarming.

I wouldn't even respond if I were you. I'd wait for him to write again, and see what tone the 2nd email has. I bet he would be a bit more angry, since he would feel "ignored". and if so, you will see his true colors.

 

[TinyBlu]

What's the harm in dating him and seeing where it goes? Follow your gut instincts.

I would say just like men HATE clingy, needy women... it goes both ways. If I dated him, I would never be able to get rid of him. He has clearly indicated that in his letter. I have never even interacted with him and he's already coming across like this.... imagine if I gave him the least bit of attention.

I have been in a violent relationship in the past and this screams DANGER to me. Nope. The man clearly needs psychological help!!!

 

[TinyBlu]

Well ladies....

I decided to send him a quick two liner response...

I am flattered, but I am in a committed relationship.... blah, blah, blah.

I didn't want to "ignore" him or piss him off because he is CLEARLY unstable and probably emotionally irrational. Then I BLOCKED him from my email and FB. Luckily, we don't live in the same state so the odds of me seeing him or very low. I will just have to watch my back when I go home around the holidays.... LOL!!!

 

[tiara76]

If you aren't feeling him let it go, however speaking from my own experience as someone who has had love at first site and knowings of who would be in my life and never held back expressing the feeling the letter doesn't sound off to me at all....

I saw my first love at age 6...ran up to him and told him i loved him and he was my boyfriend...he told me i was pesty and to get away from him and I cried but I knew it....12 years later he was my boyfriend...my best male friend, saw him and instantly loved him...didnt see him for two years, didnt know anything more than his first name, the vicinity of the area he lived in and what kind of car he drove...but always told my friends...I love him...he's supposed to be in my life....two years later on a fluke he pops into it..i tell him i've loved him since i seen him.....he's my soulmeezy as he puts it and he is my best friend to this day...the guy i feel im gonna marry...as soon as i laid eyes on him i was just gonna go up to him and ask him to marry me....i tell him all the time how i feel...i asked him if he thinks im crazy....he says if i was tellin him this story and was talking about another man he would think i was for how intense I am about it...he says since its him..its cool...I do have visions of him and us together, but not because I "want" to or am "trying" too...they just come...and they have gradually been "happening"......i roll with it and i speak how i feel about it....if he wants to bail out, it doesn't stop the fact thats how i feel and I choose to express it

 

[anon123]

Either this is an overdone player attempt gone wrong or dude is crazy as hayle. Either way, you don't want none of that. Your simple reply was good. He reminds me of a scarier version of Smoove.