The gift of singlehood?

[VelvetRain]

I hear everyone one of you loud and clear and everyone is making valid points. What does bother me though is this whole thing of "finding a man". Maybe that is the biggest problem? The bible doesn't say anything about the woman finding the man. We are meant to be found. When you go looking for something is when you find something you don't want(the liars, cheaters, players, etc)

I have had to shift my mind away from this finding and instead be content with what I have in my life now which is a stronger relationship with god. God understands my desire for a mate and honestly I don't feel that he will forsake me in my desire to to be found. God is capable of doing anything and bringing someone into your life according to his timetable and not yours. Sometimes I think we as women just need to be paitient during this time of wait. Cultivate a better personality and continue to be the best woman you can be.

Are you working in accordance with your prayers? Are you living your life right? How is your mentality in general? There are many reasons as to why many of us are single. Start some self reflection. My outlook these days is totally different. I'm simply not pressed about finding a mate anymore which is more than likely a huge reason I'm meeting a better caliber of men that I ever have in the past.

Also when you meet that man what is it about you that is so special that's going to make that man want to purchase that ring for you in the firist place? Dating today is very different. These men are not going to chase or pursue you. Why should they when there have many other options with woman who are going to look better than you and have better personalities than you? You have to be able to differentiate yourself from the others.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

VelvetRain you hit the nail on the head.I'm reminded of Ruth.She was doing her business for God not because she was looking for a dude to find her but because it was the right thing to do.I was speaking with my male mentor at work and I asked him what attracted you to your wife and he said she was real about doing God's work.She was and is a praying woman and she is the type that can be depended on.Ladies we must check out spirits and hearts minds and intentions when wanting this marriage thing.

No bitterness,no anger,no malice and no self seeking.We are called to be a help met.My flesh use to crawl when I heard that but now I can see my purpose.I use to believe I wanted marriage so I could do a horizontal workout daily in the confides of marriage but those are selfish reasons.Also is your heart good I know we can only work on ourselves for so long but are you giving to others from what you have learned.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Ladies, stop fantasizing about marriage and start realizing that it's even more devastating to finally be married only to understand that those who told you not to rush into it were not lying to you. There's nothing more hurtful than to be married to a man who is not emotionally available and affectionate toward you. A man that you try to share your day with who doesn't care about what happened. A man you thought would comfort you when you were hurting only to look at you like 'why are you crying?' A man who only showed you love before you got married AND while divorcing.

they don't want to listen to that though. And that's the problem.

 

[Guitarhero]

I hear everyone one of you loud and clear and everyone is making valid points. What does bother me though is this whole thing of "finding a man". Maybe that is the biggest problem? The bible doesn't say anything about the woman finding the man. We are meant to be found. When you go looking for something is when you find something you don't want(the liars, cheaters, players, etc)

I have had to shift my mind away from this finding and instead be content with what I have in my life now which is a stronger relationship with god. God understands my desire for a mate and honestly I don't feel that he will forsake me in my desire to to be found. God is capable of doing anything and bringing someone into your life according to his timetable and not yours. Sometimes I think we as women just need to be paitient during this time of wait. Cultivate a better personality and continue to be the best woman you can be.

Are you working in accordance with your prayers? Are you living your life right? How is your mentality in general? There are many reasons as to why many of us are single. Start some self reflection. My outlook these days is totally different. I'm simply not pressed about finding a mate anymore which is more than likely a huge reason I'm meeting a better caliber of men that I ever have in the past.

Also when you meet that man what is it about you that is so special that's going to make that man want to purchase that ring for you in the firist place? Dating today is very different. These men are not going to chase or pursue you. Why should they when there have many other options with woman who are going to look better than you and have better personalities than you? You have to be able to differentiate yourself from the others.

You make good points but I'd like to point out that I personally am not desperate to marry. Don't know if I agree about the dating process (man finding a woman as only biblical) but I have been married and have children. Although my life is okay for me now, I understand how they feel. It could be cultural because with parts of my family, you are arranged into a marriage often. It's something that the culture and family wish and desire for all to accomplish and successfully (and it's from Jesus' part of the world culturally). I'd like to remarry, but I'm in nobody's hurry at all. I've been separated over 10 years and divorced for 5 now with no dating at all and my many blessings are sufficient for me now. I was taught to live for G-d since infancy so I guess it's a no-brainer for me to be single and lean towards righteous???? It's an uphill process.

Great points for edifying oneself in general, though. But I was just concerned about being a little more compassionate and hearing the pain of others in their own walk. That's what my focus was....compassion. You, on the otherhand, are very passionate about singles finding that perfect spiritual perfection for now and it's a good point. I don't think they are missing this, though.

Sometimes, we do definitely need a kick in the pants...but there is a time for everything...and sometimes, people in pain and confusion or just plain wishing to discuss/vent and share their thoughts and feelings need tender words of affirmation, patience and knowing that others can comprehend where they are in their particular walk or just someone to hear them out. I truly don't see desperation of the singles desiring marriage here...if anything, some have a sense of urgency.

 

[StarScream35]

I hear everyone one of you loud and clear and everyone is making valid points. What does bother me though is this whole thing of "finding a man". Maybe that is the biggest problem? The bible doesn't say anything about the woman finding the man. We are meant to be found. When you go looking for something is when you find something you don't want(the liars, cheaters, players, etc)

I have had to shift my mind away from this finding and instead be content with what I have in my life now which is a stronger relationship with god. God understands my desire for a mate and honestly I don't feel that he will forsake me in my desire to to be found. God is capable of doing anything and bringing someone into your life according to his timetable and not yours. Sometimes I think we as women just need to be paitient during this time of wait. Cultivate a better personality and continue to be the best woman you can be.

Are you working in accordance with your prayers? Are you living your life right? How is your mentality in general? There are many reasons as to why many of us are single. Start some self reflection. My outlook these days is totally different. I'm simply not pressed about finding a mate anymore which is more than likely a huge reason I'm meeting a better caliber of men that I ever have in the past.

Also when you meet that man what is it about you that is so special that's going to make that man want to purchase that ring for you in the firist place? Dating today is very different. These men are not going to chase or pursue you. Why should they when there have many other options with woman who are going to look better than you and have better personalities than you? You have to be able to differentiate yourself from the others.

You said the problem is the whole "finding a man mentality" which women technically should not have cause we are suppose to be found but then you went on to say dating today is very different. In essence, because dating has taken a turn for the worse, woman ARE having to find men cause men are not on the hunt. There are way more women in the church than men so basically you have more Christian women than men meaning less men are following the teachings of the bible and not trying to find wives and live according to the bible. This puts women in a comprismising situation cause they do have to go on the hunt and this is certainly not within God's plan.

I'm about to stir up some controversy here and just keep it real okay......

As much as the feminist movement opened up opportunities for women it also released men of some time honored values and traditions that should not have never gone out of the door. So the feminist movement both helped women and hurt them. In was in direct opposition of the bible to begin with and we are paying for it dearly! It's not our fault but to be honest I would like to sit down and talk to some of them white women who started it, give em a piece of my mind and tell em to look at the mess they created, especially in our community............and lets face it, white women are still getting theirs!

Second, my hormones are raging and I wanna get laid too. (The right way) Sorry but it's a fact. Sometimes it's so off the chain I wanna call up my neighbor and tell him to just do me in more ways than one but I know this is asking for some serious trouble and plus I am trying to live according to the bible but it's real frustrating when you can't even secure the man cause of lack of quality. I just wonder how much longer I can hang on................just keeping it real and being human here!

Like I said earlier, I think you would hear less complaining if there were quality men out there cause then most women could at least secure a good man. This would provide some hope but when you aren't even going past dating because of the poor quality, this is what has many women on edge. It heightens the nervousness and frustration. When you keep meeting jerk after jerk after jerk and you know you are doing everything right and carrying yourself right it will make you SCRRRRRREAM!

 

[StarScream35]

You make good points but I'd like to point out that I personally am not desperate to marry. Don't know if I agree about the dating process (man finding a woman as only biblical) but I have been married and have children. Although my life is okay for me now, I understand how they feel. It could be cultural because with parts of my family, you are arranged into a marriage often. It's something that the culture and family wish and desire for all to accomplish and successfully (and it's from Jesus' part of the world culturally). I'd like to remarry, but I'm in nobody's hurry at all. I've been separated over 10 years and divorced for 5 now with no dating at all and my many blessings are sufficient for me now. I was taught to live for G-d since infancy so I guess it's a no-brainer for me to be single and lean towards righteous???? It's an uphill process.

Great points for edifying oneself in general, though. But I was just concerned about being a little more compassionate and hearing the pain of others in their own walk. That's what my focus was....compassion. You, on the otherhand, are very passionate about singles finding that perfect spiritual perfection for now and it's a good point. I don't think they are missing this, though.

Sometimes, we do definitely need a kick in the pants...but there is a time for everything...and sometimes, people in pain and confusion or just plain wishing to discuss/vent and share their thoughts and feelings need tender words of affirmation, patience and knowing that others can comprehend where they are in their particular walk or just someone to hear them out. I truly don't see desperation of the singles desiring marriage here...if anything, some have a sense of urgency.

But see I think it's easier when you have been there done that. You've been married and have your kids. Many of these women have never had that and that's where the struggle comes in. The urgency I think is instinctual cause biologically speaking if it weren't ingrained in us, women would be having children in their 70's.............not good, LOL! That clock must go off to keep us on our toes per say.

But its great to have women like youself who are compassion. We def. need compassion and understanding for each other.

 

[LucieLoo12]

Yesturday I spent allllllllll day in the bed..It felt soo good..i took a quick shower and got back in the bed. ...and i thought "Could i have done this if I was married"?

Im enjoying my liberty and freedom

 

[VelvetRain]

You said the problem is the whole "finding a man mentality" which women technically should not have cause we are suppose to be found but then you went on to say dating today is very different. In essence, because dating has taken a turn for the worse, woman ARE having to find men cause men are not on the hunt. There are way more women in the church than men so basically you have more Christian women than men meaning less men are following the teachings of the bible and not trying to find wives and live according to the bible. This puts women in a comprismising situation cause they do have to go on the hunt and this is certainly not within God's plan.

I'm about to stir up some controversy here and just keep it real okay......

As much as the feminist movement opened up opportunities for women it also released men of some time honored values and traditions that should not have never gone out of the door. So the feminist movement both helped women and hurt them. In was in direct opposition of the bible to begin with and we are paying for it dearly! It's not our fault but to be honest I would like to sit down and talk to some of them white women who started it, give em a piece of my mind and tell em to look at the mess they created, especially in our community............and lets face it, white women are still getting theirs!

Second, my hormones are raging and I wanna get laid too. (The right way) Sorry but it's a fact. Sometimes it's so off the chain I wanna call up my neighbor and tell him to just do me in more ways than one but I know this is asking for some serious trouble and plus I am trying to live according to the bible but it's real frustrating when you can't even secure the man cause of lack of quality. I just wonder how much longer I can hang on................just keeping it real and being human here!

Like I said earlier, I think you would hear less complaining if there were quality men out there cause then most women could at least secure a good man. This would provide some hope but when you aren't even going past dating because of the poor quality, this is what has many women on edge. It heightens the nervousness and frustration. When you keep meeting jerk after jerk after jerk and you know you are doing everything right and carrying yourself right it will make you SCRRRRRREAM!

If you are meeting jerk after jerk after jerk who's problem is that really? Afterall what are you doing to attract those type of men? You want a good man. Well how many women can truly say that are that good woman that would attract that best or good man? You can have a good job making six figures, be a homeowner, crazy 401k but none of that stuff makes you a good woman. I love how people are so quick to dismiss biblical advice as if it's not relevant to our time period.

These still quality men out here sorry if that's not your reality.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Yesturday I spent allllllllll day in the bed..It felt soo good..i took a quick shower and got back in the bed. ...and i thought "Could i have done this if I was married"?

Im enjoying my liberty and freedom

That's what I love about it.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Second, my hormones are raging and I wanna get laid too. (The right way) Sorry but it's a fact. Sometimes it's so off the chain I wanna call up my neighbor and tell him to just do me in more ways than one but I know this is asking for some serious trouble and plus I am trying to live according to the bible but it's real frustrating when you can't even secure the man cause of lack of quality. I just wonder how much longer I can hang on................just keeping it real and being human here!

yeah you can keep it real but let's be real about the fact that you getting laid is not on God's priority list. And He's not going to send you some sorry man so you can do so. You should be thankful that He loves you so much that He is protecting you from foolishness.

 

[Afrobuttafly]

Bible verses please. While both singleness and married life are in God's plan they are never refered to as a gift. I think that is what the OP was getting at when she started the thread. If singleness is a gift anyone who is not completely satisfied with their circumstance is looked at as being ungreateful to the gift God has given them. Same thing with married individuals. They would be wrong to complain about the difficulties of marriage. However, if you look for them as the path that God has laid out for you it is ok to state that the path is difficult at times. That is why I choose to see my singleness as the path God set me on. And if I get married I will see that as a path also. I have yet to meet any married person who did not feel the burden of their path. But if it is a gift how can you say anything about the gift God has given to you?

dicapr
You have completely conjured the bolded up in your own mind. And you seem to misunderstand the using of the word gift in this context. The OP asked why singleness is called a gift. Obviously she has heard it referred to that way by others. Do you think people just made that up for themselves? They did not.

When talking to his disciples about the gift of singleness Jesus said, "Not all men make room for the saying, but only those who have the gift. For there are eunuchs that were born such from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs that were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs that have made themselves eunuchs because of the kingdom of the heavens. Let him that can make room for it make room for it."-Matt. 19:11, 12, NW.

Note also what the Apostle Paul said:
"Indeed, I want you to be free from anxiety. The single man is anxious for the things of the Lord, how he may gain the Lord's approval. But the married man is anxious for the things of the world, how he may gain the approval of his wife, and he is divided. Further, the single woman, and the virgin, is anxious for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in her body and in her spirit. However, the married woman is anxious for the things of the world, how she may gain the approval of her husband. But this I am saying for your personal advantage, not that I may cast a noose upon you, but to move you to that which is becoming and that which means constant attendance upon the Lord without distraction."-1 Cor. 7:32-35, NW.

You may need to do some research on the scriptures if you don't understand the references to eunuchs ect.. What I like to do is read the entire chapter of a cited scripture to get a better understanding of the context and surrounding circumstances.

Also see 1 Cor 7:38 "Consequently he also that gives his virginity in marriage does well, but he that does not give it in marriage will do better." NW

The Bible acknowledges that those who remain single have advantages over married persons for reasons I mentioned in my last post (time, freedom ect), but that doesn't mean marriage is bad. Marriage is an honorable and beautiful arrangement that God put into place. Single people however have more time and energy to devote to their service and worship of God and other spiritual matters. Both are paths that we can choose as you have said, each with their own advantages. They are both gifts in their own right. No one has to remain single or has to get married. It's up to you as an individual.
Those that complain are really complaining about the problems that come along with their marital status. Being single is really hard for some of us, there is nothing wrong with stating that nor about marriage's issues. God already knows this, which is why he gave us guidelines to live by to make it easier to deal with. 2 couples could have the exact same problem, but how they deal with it is what determines the outcome. The one that consults the scriptures and applies its advice are far more likely to resolve peacefully than one that does not. (Bible says to take your leave if you have to when in a provoked state, to make peace with one another, to be forgiving ect....) I can't really say much more than I've already said. I hope this helps.

 

[VelvetRain]

yeah you can keep it real but let's be real about the fact that you getting laid is not on God's priority list. And He's not going to send you some sorry man so you can do so. You should be thankful that He loves you so much that He is protecting you from foolishness.

Exactly. Who am I to judge but it's a bit hypocritical to be asking god to bless you with a mate when your doing the opposite of how god wants us to live life in terms of abstaining from sex before marriage. There's lots of black single woman wishing for a mate but how many are single and not having sex? Hmm you already know the answer to that.

 

[LucieLoo12]

the problem is some people think that marriage is a "cure" for thier problems..if they battle with depression, lust, lonliness ETC. they think it will make it go away.But that is things that need healing and that healing is only through Jesus Christ. Why do you think so many people cheat on their spouses? Marriage cant cure you from lust. You will be married and still be lusting after someone else. People say I want companionship but you can be in a relationship and still be lonely. That true fulfillment can only come from Jesus Christ. and until they find that, they will always be wanting something.Im done

 

[LoveisYou]

yeah you can keep it real but let's be real about the fact that you getting laid is not on God's priority list. And He's not going to send you some sorry man so you can do so. You should be thankful that He loves you so much that He is protecting you from foolishness.

Right! But isn't it still a very valid concern?

 

[LucieLoo12]

Is it a concern to God?....no

Right! But isn't it still a very valid concern?

 

[makeupgirl]

Exactly. Who am I to judge but it's a bit hypocritical to be asking god to bless you with a mate when your doing the opposite of how god wants us to live life in terms of abstaining from sex before marriage. There's lots of black single woman wishing for a mate but how many are single and not having sex? Hmm you already know the answer to that.

It's not just black women. It's all types of women.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Right! But isn't it still a very valid concern?

No and people can't make it valid by saying that you are trying to keep it within the confines of marriage. They are actually revealing their true heart on the matter but trying to make it appear to be a spiritual thing. They certainly aren't fooling God.

 

[LoveisYou]

Is it a concern to God?....no

I think it is, nothing is too "unimportant" to bring to God. If it is something that bothers her, take it to Him in prayer. After all the Word does say it is better to marry than to burn right, which goes to show that the concept of "burning in the flesh" was important enough to be mentioned. He gave us a way out through marriage. While we are to put the flesh under submission, finding it hard to do is human/valid and worthy of bringing to God.

 

[LoveisYou]

No and people can't make it valid by saying that you are trying to keep it within the confines of marriage. They are actually revealing their true heart on the matter but trying to make it appear to be a spiritual thing. They certainly aren't fooling God.

but sex IS spiritual, struggling with lust is a spiritual warfare? We become spiritually connected to someone when we engage in sex so how is it not spiritual? I think the church should be having these very real conversations not shunning them. We have natural sexual feelings, ignoring them doesn't mean they go away.
Instead of reprimanding someone for having these very real concerns/urges maybe we can point to Biblical examples/ways to stand firm in Christ/overcome lust.

 

[LucieLoo12]

When i said it wasnt a concern to God, I meant it as in, God isnt going to give you a husband because you want to have sex. Yes if we are struggling with things God is concerned about it. BUT God isnt going to give you a desire because YOU feel like you can't live without. God's FIRST concern with you, is your soul being saved. And if He knows something will only drive you farther away, you better bet believe He isnt giving it to you. Instead of people saying "God, im lonely give me a husband"....they need to be saying"God , Im lonely but take away the lonliness and show me how to make you my husband". People dont want to take the time to seek God and find Him, they just want to find instant gratification through other people. And if they always result to other people making them happy, they will NEVER be happy. I totally agree to bring it to God to get delieverance, but read some of the posts in here. Some people are flat out saying "I want it and I want it now". Some dont want delieverance, they want their desired fulfilled.

I think it is, nothing is too "unimportant" to bring to God. If it is something that bothers her, take it to Him in prayer. After all the Word does say it is better to marry than to burn right, which goes to show that the concept of "burning in the flesh" was important enough to be mentioned. He gave us a way out through marriage. While we are to put the flesh under submission, finding it hard to do is human/valid and worthy of bringing to God.

 

[Guitarhero]

Do people think of sex and desire for it as dirty and sinful? It's beautiful and G-d created the mechanics of it. We are higher animals with a soul and the ability to reason. Sex fulfills it purpose under G-d's plan, that's where sin can come into play - not that we desire it because it's innate, but that it's fulfilled within the confines of marriage for the purposes of preocreation and love of the family. It's also the higher order of things. I don't think that one is less spiritual for desiring to have sex. Without that innate desire, no one would marry. What for? It's a necessary part of marriage and few are the marriage that survive without sex. It is an holy act.

 

[Guitarhero]

But see I think it's easier when you have been there done that. You've been married and have your kids. Many of these women have never had that and that's where the struggle comes in. The urgency I think is instinctual cause biologically speaking if it weren't ingrained in us, women would be having children in their 70's.............not good, LOL! That clock must go off to keep us on our toes per say.

But its great to have women like youself who are compassion. We def. need compassion and understanding for each other.

I'm actually the one defending a young singles sense of urgency to marry, not the other way around. I was making a point that people who have already had sex/marriage/children should not truly poo-poo this sense of urgency in someone 1/2 their age. I'm sure there is no 20-something here who desires marriage to wait until their 40's.

And actually, I'm in child-bearing age and that desire never goes away, esp. when you see a newborn. The juices start flowing. You want that fresh baby to suckle at the breast. And once you start having sex, to be cut off abruptly - let's just say, my struggles are going to be a bit more intense...believe me. I'm FAR from the person saying they shouldn't "worry" (read...desire, have a sense of urgency).

 

[LucieLoo12]

Sex outside of marriage is dirty and sinful,...called fornication....thats the bible.God created sex for MARRIED people. Im single and yes, I was sexually active before I got saved, so I know their can be a struggle. BUT i also know there is deliverance in Jesus as well. You dont have to stay bound up either.You can be free. But alot of people feed their desires and bondages...how? (Example) Now Jane, wants to be married really bad. Its all she thinks about....but Jane also watches every love movie, reads every romance novel, listens to all types of love songs, talks about marriage all the time...thinks about it all day. and then wonders "why do i want to be married, I cant stop thinking about it...I really want a husband",.....well look at what Jane is putting into her spirit continously! No wonder she is battling this thing. If you noticed alot of the people said I'm not even thinking about, and those was the same ones that said, Im in no rush to get married. We bring ourselves into bondages with what we meditate on and set before our eyes. ONCE AGAIN, for the 10th million time, the DESIRE for marriage is not wrong, but be careful that it isnt driving you crazy. So a man thinks, so is he. You think you lonely and pitiful, thats exactly what you will be...

Im speaking from the point of someone who is 25, single, WAS sexually active ,SAVED, and waiting on God. I know the struggles and mindbattles that can come with singlehood, but i also know a man name Jesus that can comfort and make you content until he blesses you.

Do people think of sex and desire for it as dirty and sinful? It's beautiful and G-d created the mechanics of it. We are higher animals with a soul and the ability to reason. Sex fulfills it purpose under G-d's plan, that's where sin can come into play - not that we desire it because it's innate, but that it's fulfilled within the confines of marriage for the purposes of preocreation and love of the family. It's also the higher order of things. I don't think that one is less spiritual for desiring to have sex. Without that innate desire, no one would marry. What for? It's a necessary part of marriage and few are the marriage that survive without sex. It is an holy act.

 

[Poohbear]

but sex IS spiritual, struggling with lust is a spiritual warfare? We become spiritually connected to someone when we engage in sex so how is it not spiritual? I think the church should be having these very real conversations not shunning them. We have natural sexual feelings, ignoring them doesn't mean they go away.
Instead of reprimanding someone for having these very real concerns/urges maybe we can point to Biblical examples/ways to stand firm in Christ/overcome lust.

Sex is really physical. People want to make it like it's spiritual and write all these articles about soul ties and such, but we need to look to the word of God and Jesus Christ if we want to know about the spiritual. Our spiritual health is the only thing that is important when it comes to our souls. Our physical bodies will die. When we sin physically, we will suffer earthly consequences.

Spiritual warfare is when we are at war against the things that are not of God and things that do not align with his word. A struggle against sin is when we are fighting the flesh or suffering persecution for doing the RIGHT thing, NOT giving into the flesh like so many people want to say or think.

People will say "I'm struggling with lust" or "I'm struggling with premarital sex"... no! You are desiring that lust, you are enjoying that premarital sex. You aren't struggling.

 

[Poohbear]

Why is this called a gift exactly? If being single was such a gift why did God give Adam a mate? I’m really not understanding this concept. If I end up being single for the rest of my life I will not die thinking I had a gift, I will die feeling pretty sad honestly. I just don’t get it.

Kinkyhairlady

First off, the Bible never refers to singlehood as a gift. God is just saying that if you end up single, you are to care for the things of the Lord and be holy in both body and spirit as Ladybelle pointed out from 1 Corinthians 7:34. Here is the context of that chapter in regards to the unmarried:

25Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful.

26I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be.

27Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.

28But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

29But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;

30And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not;

31And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.

32But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:

33But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

34There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

35And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

36But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry.

37Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well.

38So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.

39The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

40But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.

 

[Guitarhero]

Sex outside of marriage is dirty and sinful,...called fornication....thats the bible.God created sex for MARRIED people. Im single and yes, I was sexually active before I got saved, so I know their can be a struggle. BUT i also know there is deliverance in Jesus as well. You dont have to stay bound up either.You can be free. But alot of people feed their desires and bondages...how? (Example) Now Jane, wants to be married really bad. Its all she thinks about....but Jane also watches every love movie, reads every romance novel, listens to all types of love songs, talks about marriage all the time...thinks about it all day. and then wonders "why do i want to be married, I cant stop thinking about it...I really want a husband",.....well look at what Jane is putting into her spirit continously! No wonder she is battling this thing. If you noticed alot of the people said I'm not even thinking about, and those was the same ones that said, Im in no rush to get married. We bring ourselves into bondages with what we meditate on and set before our eyes. ONCE AGAIN, for the 10th million time, the DESIRE for marriage is not wrong, but be careful that it isnt driving you crazy. So a man thinks, so is he. You think you lonely and pitiful, thats exactly what you will be...

Im speaking from the point of someone who is 25, single, WAS sexually active ,SAVED, and waiting on God. I know the struggles and mindbattles that can come with singlehood, but i also know a man name Jesus that can comfort and make you content until he blesses you.

Um...I don't quite know how to respond to this...but you're just speaking in general, right? I just wanted to address this particular point in light of just a few posts. We're all sexual beings, no matter which age one is. As for sex being dirty, I don't believe it to be dirty in itself but that it can become a sinful act depending on HOW it is done. I get the distinct feeling that some people loathe even the thought of sex as though it is something filthy. If one removes the fact that humans desire sex and that christians will desire sex via marriage, it seems quite imbalanced. It's biologically fueled in all humans. It's sanctioned within marriage and we all know that marriage is a relationship, not just sex. The biological support the spiritual union. Folks are getting caught up on viewing sex as the only reason others wish to marry. Is that actually true, though??? If people never desire sex, then I'd say that there is a psychological or physical problem. This is not to say one should not be balanced emotionally/spiritually. I see quite a lot of extremism in this thread and it's confusing as to why. You truly cannot have one without the other in a valid union....sex.....marriage. It should be obvious that, in a CF, the higher spiritual plane of marriage and relationships is the number one reason for desiring marriage...but that biology rather pushes one towards taking those steps. (Edited)

 

[Poohbear]

Alicialynn86 is really making some good points in this thread. I definitely see what she is talking about. It makes me think further about my desire to get married.

I see a few women here mentioning sex as a reason they want to get married. Well, think about why that is. Did you have such a big desire to get married when you were 5 years old? 10 years old? I know I did not. And I know that's back when I did not think about sex either nor having a boyfriend or man. Why is that? Because I was not exposed to alot of the vices in this world such as the sexual message that television and music give as well as some people at school.

I know some people desire to marry because of peer pressure from family or seeing all of their high school friends already married. That can be difficult to deal with too, but marriage is something that you never want to rush into. We should all just live day by day. I know alot of people advocate praying for that husband or praying for strength to wait on your husband, but we should be praying to strengthen our relationship with Jesus and then everything will fall into place. When we worry about getting married, it takes your focus off of what's really important which is our spiritual souls. This physical world does not last forever.

 

[Afrobuttafly]

Um...I don't quite know how to respond to this...but you're just speaking in general, right? I just wanted to address this particular point in light of just a few posts. We're all sexual beings, no matter which age one is. As for sex being dirty, I don't believe it to be dirty in itself but that it can become a sinful act depending on HOW it is done. I get the distinct feeling that some people loathe even the thought of sex as though it is something filthy. If one removes the fact that humans desire sex and that christians will desire sex via marriage, it seems quite imbalanced. It's biologically fueled in all humans. It's sanctioned within marriage and we all know that marriage is a relationship, not just sex. The biological support the spiritual union. Folks are getting caught up on viewing sex as the only reason others wish to marry. Is that actually true, though??? If people never desire sex, then I'd say that there is a psychological or physical problem. This is not to say one should not be balanced emotionally/spiritually. I see quite a lot of extremism in this thread and it's confusing as to why. You truly cannot have one without the other in a valid union....sex.....marriage. It should be obvious that, in a CF, the higher spiritual plane of marriage and relationships is the number one reason for desiring marriage...but that biology rather pushes one towards taking those steps. (Edited)

She didn't say sex was dirty. She said Sex outside of marriage. That the desire for sex is normal should go without saying. That desire is simply supposed to be fulfilled only in the confines of marriage, in the eyes of God.

 

[Guitarhero]

She didn't say sex was dirty. She said Sex outside of marriage. That the desire for sex is normal should go without saying. That desire is simply supposed to be fulfilled only in the confines of marriage, in the eyes of God.

I wasn't talking about her, per se...I asked this question a few lines up because of several postings...just want to know how people view sex (as part of marriage, as the sometimes catalyst of those desiring to marry). We're expounding on several posts.

 

[Ladybelle]

You said the problem is the whole "finding a man mentality" which women technically should not have cause we are suppose to be found but then you went on to say dating today is very different. In essence, because dating has taken a turn for the worse, woman ARE having to find men cause men are not on the hunt. There are way more women in the church than men so basically you have more Christian women than men meaning less men are following the teachings of the bible and not trying to find wives and live according to the bible. This puts women in a comprismising situation cause they do have to go on the hunt and this is certainly not within God's plan.

I'm about to stir up some controversy here and just keep it real okay......

As much as the feminist movement opened up opportunities for women it also released men of some time honored values and traditions that should not have never gone out of the door. So the feminist movement both helped women and hurt them. In was in direct opposition of the bible to begin with and we are paying for it dearly! It's not our fault but to be honest I would like to sit down and talk to some of them white women who started it, give em a piece of my mind and tell em to look at the mess they created, especially in our community............and lets face it, white women are still getting theirs!

Second, my hormones are raging and I wanna get laid too. (The right way) Sorry but it's a fact. Sometimes it's so off the chain I wanna call up my neighbor and tell him to just do me in more ways than one but I know this is asking for some serious trouble and plus I am trying to live according to the bible but it's real frustrating when you can't even secure the man cause of lack of quality. I just wonder how much longer I can hang on................just keeping it real and being human here!

Like I said earlier, I think you would hear less complaining if there were quality men out there cause then most women could at least secure a good man. This would provide some hope but when you aren't even going past dating because of the poor quality, this is what has many women on edge. It heightens the nervousness and frustration. When you keep meeting jerk after jerk after jerk and you know you are doing everything right and carrying yourself right it will make you SCRRRRRREAM!

I agree with the bolded, 100%. I think the feminist movement did have a somewhat negative impact on relationships, but on the same token- I enjoy my freedoms. I like making my own money, but I also love chivalry. It's a catch 22 I suppose.

the problem is some people think that marriage is a "cure" for thier problems..if they battle with depression, lust, lonliness ETC. they think it will make it go away.But that is things that need healing and that healing is only through Jesus Christ. Why do you think so many people cheat on their spouses? Marriage cant cure you from lust. You will be married and still be lusting after someone else. People say I want companionship but you can be in a relationship and still be lonely. That true fulfillment can only come from Jesus Christ. and until they find that, they will always be wanting something.Im done

AMEN TO THIS! For real, marriage is not the cure to anything. In fact, it magnifies the problems that are already there. You have to be prepared to go into a marriage WHOLE & SELFLESS. One of God's designs for marriage is to illustrate his love for the church and for his people. It's hard to show that when two people are joined together who don't know jack bone about that kind of love.

but sex IS spiritual, struggling with lust is a spiritual warfare? We become spiritually connected to someone when we engage in sex so how is it not spiritual? I think the church should be having these very real conversations not shunning them. We have natural sexual feelings, ignoring them doesn't mean they go away.
Instead of reprimanding someone for having these very real concerns/urges maybe we can point to Biblical examples/ways to stand firm in Christ/overcome lust.

I have to agree with you on this one. We are taught to wait and be patient and as taboo as it may be, sometimes we have to be taught how to keep our legs closed or how to train our flesh. Just because we are Christians does not mean we automatically become pro's at how to do it right. So, yeah- I see your point. I think some of us have a tendency to become so heavenly bound that we are no earthly good. If you can't be honest at church, where Godly counsel is supposed to come from, where can you?

Listen ladies who are going through the phase of:

God doesn't love you because you are still single.
Crying because you don't have that special someone in your life.
Not truly understanding what it means to be 'happily single.'
Your faith diminishing because God hasn't answered that one prayer of marriage.

Listen.

Been there, done that, all that. Your feelings are valid, trust; however,

Ladies, stop fantasizing about marriage and start realizing that it's even more devastating to finally be married only to understand that those who told you not to rush into it were not lying to you. There's nothing more hurtful than to be married to a man who is not emotionally available and affectionate toward you. A man that you try to share your day with who doesn't care about what happened. A man you thought would comfort you when you were hurting only to look at you like 'why are you crying?' A man who only showed you love before you got married AND while divorcing.

Marriage is no good when the two people are broken.

It hurts.

I see now that all of those books, seminars, affirmations, etc I received from others about being happily single were not in vain. It has clicked for me.

Philippians 4:11 also, see my scripture in my siggy.

Cry out to God about your heartache of being single and ask Him to HELP YOU deal with those emotions. Only He can. For real, only HE CAN.

No man can.

Girl, you said that! Thanks is not enough. This.is.it in a nutshell. For real.