The case of the ex
- Thread starter ShaniKeys
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ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
I still have contact with my ex, however, I've never felt compelled to ask him the "what went wrongs" during our relationship. To me, I don't want to leave any impression that what ever went wrong could now be fixed. He has mentioned a few things that he felt he went wrong during our relationship, and for him, he wanted some type of closure/foregiveness, and I did forgive him and that gave him closure so that he could move forward.
So, to answer your question, and I hope I am not taking this out of the relm, but I do not think it is childish or stupid to do. I believe that if you have a question to ask to find out the "what went wrongs" so that you can become a better woman and try to improve on yourself, so as not to carry any excess baggage into your next relationship, then why not. Two mature adults should be able to have these types of discussions, without any hangups or disregards. Again, I personally do not see anything wrong with it. In fact, I want to say that it should be welcomed in that I think these types of conversations should happen, so that we as women do not carry the "what went wrongs" into the next relationship.
Not only can we all learn from our mistakes, but "knowing" gives us some type of closure and understanding. And I also think that with some individuals, it can leave the lines of communication open and possibly keep the "ex" as a friend, if nothing else. My ex and I are very good friends because of this.
So, to answer your question, and I hope I am not taking this out of the relm, but I do not think it is childish or stupid to do. I believe that if you have a question to ask to find out the "what went wrongs" so that you can become a better woman and try to improve on yourself, so as not to carry any excess baggage into your next relationship, then why not. Two mature adults should be able to have these types of discussions, without any hangups or disregards. Again, I personally do not see anything wrong with it. In fact, I want to say that it should be welcomed in that I think these types of conversations should happen, so that we as women do not carry the "what went wrongs" into the next relationship.
Not only can we all learn from our mistakes, but "knowing" gives us some type of closure and understanding. And I also think that with some individuals, it can leave the lines of communication open and possibly keep the "ex" as a friend, if nothing else. My ex and I are very good friends because of this.
ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
Sure Shani, no problem, and glad I was able to help. I believe that every relationship, be it good or bad, is a learning experience. For example, if the relationship was negative or ended in a negative way, we should take the negative and try to learn from it. Even in relationships that end in the "positive." This is what helps us grow and mature and makes us strong black women. And even if you do not get the answers to your questions, guess what...it's still all good. Just remember that when and if you do ask, and the answers may be something that you do not wish to hear, just listen anyway and do not be quick to react negatively. Ponder on it on your own time, learn from it, and don't take it personally. It's life....
I hope this helped.
I hope this helped.
SpiritJunkie
Well-Known Member
when my ex & i broke up we had this blow up that just sealed the deal that it was over. very emotional for both of us.
the next day he sent me a letter titled where did we go wrong? it was written from his heart and outlined how he felt we both may have made mistakes.
i still have it. he made some very good points that i will keep in mind about what not to do next time.
good luck!
the next day he sent me a letter titled where did we go wrong? it was written from his heart and outlined how he felt we both may have made mistakes.
i still have it. he made some very good points that i will keep in mind about what not to do next time.
good luck!
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