Talking, Dating, Exclusive-Relationship Stages

[metro_qt]

Ok everyone.
What exactly are the relationship stages, and what defines them?
Yep, i know, this sounds like a retarded question, but really...
what's the difference between

Talking vs Dating vs Exclusivity, etc.

and what are other 'TITLES' out there to define relationships?

Like an easy one for me is the difference between a Booty Call or Jump off and Dating someone... Booty Calls, the guy only calls you after 10pm or midnight.. not much conversation, more action, lol... While Dating, the guy may or may not really care

Anyway, the main terms that interest me, because they're thrown around so much are: When you're "Talking to someone" Vs "Dating someone" Vs " Exclusively Dating someone"


But, let's discuss them all!

 

[jasminestar]

Hm... that's a really interesting question.
To me talking= definite mutual interest, but not actually dating. If I say I'm 'talking' to someone, I like him, but it's not serious, we're not going out, and I'd be open to someone else coming along.
For me 'dating someone' and 'exclusively dating someone' go hand in hand- I've never dated more than one person at a time, and I've never dated anyone that was dating anyone else besides me.
My definition of 'dating someone' is going out with them (just the two of you) privately (not just to parties or clubs and such) on a regular basis (1-2 times a week for at least 4 weeks).
I'm really interested in hearing other people's opinions on the matter.

 

[DivineNapps1728]

To me:

Talking = the getting to know you phase; the parties involved have expressed interest, but are not in a relationship. They may go on dates, but are not dating. You can talk to multiple people at once & if one or both parties decides not to pursue a relationship no breakup is needed.

Casually Dating or Seeing Someone = phase before exclusivity; the parties involved have made it beyond initial interest. They desire to get to know one another on a deeper level and to determine if they want to be together. They are in the early stages of a romantic relationship. People can date more than one individual at a time, but many choose not to.

Dating Exclusively = phase before courting; the couple has decided to focus solely on their partner. Neither party is seeing anyone else. At this point, love, mutual respect & compatibility have manifested to some extent and are explored in depth. Future plans are often discussed; couples may cohabitate to determine if they could survive marriage.

Courting = dating with marriage in mind; you only date partners that have the qualities you expect your husband/wife to possess.


...I could go on, but I have a flight to prepare for

 

[DaPPeR]

I'm lovin DivineNapps explanation!

 

[FemmeFatale]

I'm beginning to think it's all semantics.

 

[ladysaraii]

I always thought that dating = exclusive. if we aren't exclusive, we're just talking.

 

[Bunny77]

It's funny because I think people have varying definitions for all of these things!

Dating to me doesn't mean anything but going out on dates. I could be dating three people at the same time.

However, I know that other people reserve the word dating for being in a relationship or close to it... which is probably why I used to get a lot of funny looks when I would talk about dating multiple people.


As for "talking," well... I stopped doing that in my early 20s. Maybe because I feel that at a certain point in your life, that's unnecessary. I see why younger folks do it, but if I'm dealing with a man over 30, he better be taking me on dates from jump. If he's "talking," then he's not serious.

So I only have two stages -- dating and then exclusive relationship (cause it's not a relationship to me if it's not exclusive).

 

[cheetarah1980]

To me, talking really isn't a stage in the dating process. Talk means absolutely nothing until an actual date is had. If we're going on dates that means we're dating. Prior to a date a man isn't a romantic option.
Given the realm of online dating I know that this gets a bit tricky. However, barring distance there's really no reason why two people need be "talking" for weeks on end before a first meeting is scheduled. If a man hasn't asked to meet me within a week or two I stop replying to his messages because he's obviously not serious.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

To me, talking really isn't a stage in the dating process. Talk means absolutely nothing until an actual date is had. If we're going on dates that means we're dating. Prior to a date a man isn't a romantic option.
Given the realm of online dating I know that this gets a bit tricky. However, barring distance there's really no reason why two people need be "talking" for weeks on end before a first meeting is scheduled. If a man hasn't asked to meet me within a week or two I stop replying to his messages because he's obviously not serious.

I agree. Unless we've gone on at least a few dates and interest has directly been expressed, you're my "friend".

 

[Syrah]

I don't understand all of these stages, "titles" and labels. I guess thats why I refer to Him as DID (Dude I'm Dating) - we're not engaged and we're not married, therefore we are dating. What stage of dating? Who cares. I know, based on his words and actions that I'm at "stage 4" (haha...like it's a disease or something). Prior to the DID, I had was stuck at stage 1 with a few different people (ain't no passing go, or collecting $200).

What is the point of all these different labels? Is this so you can explain your situation to other people? Is this for you and your SO to mutually agree upon what is going on between the two of you? Because if its the latter, men don't think in labels (and I'm not sure why we do either)...

Men base their stages on feelings - not "labels" and I'd imagine they'd be something along the lines of (and not necessarily in this order):
0- I know her.
1- I like her.
2- I like having sex with her and other people.
3- I like having sex with her.
4- I love her.
5- I can/want to spend the rest of my life with her.
6- I am spending the rest of my life with her.

Stages 1,2,3,4 can last FOREVER.
But there can also be a quick progression from stage 4 to 5.

The hard part is figuring out where you stand and how to progress from one stage to the next. And unless you are at stage 5 (planned engagement or are engaged), or have verbal confirmation, exclusivity is assumed, not guaranteed. Men like women, can be in love with one woman, but continue to date, see or "get physical" with another. And many do it out of fear...

 

[Bunny77]

Is this for you and your SO to mutually agree upon what is going on between the two of you? Because if its the latter, men don't think in labels (and I'm not sure why we do either)...

I'd have to disagree on this.

I've found that if a man isn't thinking of whatever he and a woman have with labels, then he's keeping his options open. And that's fine as long as both parties understand that.

However, when he decides (whether sooner or later) that he wants to be more serious, he is VERY quick to want to define the relationship and give a title to his partner.

So yeah, I think men probably think MORE in labels than women do... which is why they try not to use them when they aren't ready because they know the expectations that come with each label.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Men base their stages on feelings - not "labels" and I'd imagine they'd be something along the lines of (and not necessarily in this order):
0- I know her.
1- I like her.
2- I like having sex with her and other people.
3- I like having sex with her.
4- I love her.
5- I can/want to spend the rest of my life with her.
6- I am spending the rest of my life with her.

Why does sex have to be apart of the dating phase and particularly between liking someone and loving someone?

 

[Syrah]

I'd have to disagree on this.

I've found that if a man isn't thinking of whatever he and a woman have with labels, then he's keeping his options open. And that's fine as long as both parties understand that.

However, when he decides (whether sooner or later) that he wants to be more serious, he is VERY quick to want to define the relationship and give a title to his partner.

So yeah, I think men probably think MORE in labels than women do... which is why they try not to use them when they aren't ready because they know the expectations that come with each label.

I don't know...I've found that men think in feelings and actions and we think in labels. I know a lot of dudes who refer to girls, when the girls are around, as their girlfriends, knowing damn well we all saw him with a different girl the night before.

What is a girlfriend? What is a boyfriend? What does that mean? The problem is it has so many different meanings to so many people that men and women can exploit this lack of definition to their benefit. Maybe its because I don't use the term girlfriend and my SO doesn't either. He introduces me by my name, as "his other half" as "his better half" but never his girlfriend because they are not terms we use. However, I know exactly where I stand and what his plans for US are and none of this came from titles.

Call me whatever you want. It has no bearing on how you feel about me, and that end of the day how you feel about me and the actions that support those feelings are what I care about.

 

[Syrah]

Why does sex have to be apart of the dating phase and particularly between liking someone and loving someone?

The phases aren't sequential and they aren't exclusive. I just wrote them out how they came to me.

I didn't include a dating phase because I don't know what that means - dating means different things to different people. Some people believe you can have sex without dating. Others believe you can be dating without sex. What does "dating" mean? For some, sex comes after the "I can/want to marry her" stage or "I am married to her" stage, for others it happens after "I know her" and before "I like her", or after "I like her" and before "I love her".

 

[LovelyNaps26]

After having a convo with my younger sis' tonight i just have to submit what i hope is obvious. The "wifey" state is not a real stage. if a man fixes his mouth to call me his wifey unless we're really married and he's tryin' to be cute i'm hitting the brakes and making a U-turn. sorry, i'm kinda venting. i just don't get young people these days. (mind you, i'm 26)

 

[Bunny77]

After having a convo with my younger sis' tonight i just have to submit what i hope is obvious. The "wifey" state is not a real stage. if a man fixes his mouth to call me his wifey unless we're really married and he's tryin' to be cute i'm hitting the brakes and making a U-turn. sorry, i'm kinda venting. i just don't get young people these days. (mind you, i'm 26)

You are smart!

Wifey is NOT a stage. You are just a girlfriend.

 

[kismettt]

talking = just met. talking. for some it means hooking up.

dating = seeing them more often. spending a lot of time together, no other labels. open to seeing other people.

exclusive = seeing them exclusively. not dating anyone else.

 

[cheetarah1980]

After having a convo with my younger sis' tonight i just have to submit what i hope is obvious. The "wifey" state is not a real stage. if a man fixes his mouth to call me his wifey unless we're really married and he's tryin' to be cute i'm hitting the brakes and making a U-turn. sorry, i'm kinda venting. i just don't get young people these days. (mind you, i'm 26)

I was just talking about this exact same thing with my best friend 2 days ago. On facebook one of my exes put up a picture of his current girlfriend with the caption "my wifey is hot." I gave that the ILL side eye. The man is 31 years old calling his woman "wifey." All wifey means is that you're just like a wife but NOT. I wish a man would call me his wifey. I'm not violent but I might could punch him in his throat. The sad thing is that there are grown women walking around proud to be someone's "wifey." Foolishness.

 

[EccentricRed]

I'm beginning to think it's all semantics.

Agreed. (This may be a long one, I apologize)

When I was younger, I thought "talking" was supposed to be like "courting." Go on dates, get to know the individual so that the point is to develop into a relationship. So I found myself talking to dudes for-ev-er to no avail. Chances are, he was kicking it with another girl, while I was only with him. I couldn't be mad because I never made a commitment with him. But I was still hurt like I had been in a relationship...

Now that I'm older, it all sounds like semantics to me. A kinship is what you interpret it to be. I feel as long as both parties are absolutely clear about what the relationship level is going to be, then that is good for them. The problem that arises is that people have two different intentions, and eventually, it comes to light. If everything is on the table, this allows each person to determine if there is a need to continue pursuit of the relationship.

It's pretty cut and dry for me now. I feel like you are either friends with a man, getting to know a man for purposes of developing a relationship (which shouldn't last forever), are in a relationship with a dude (which is a level of commitment) or you are married. Hopefully, both parties are on the same page...

 

[Syrah]

I'm beginning to think it's all semantics.

And for what?

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

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