Stressed Out.....Advice Please

M

mstaiti

Well-Known Member
Morning!!!! Ok, as happy as the holidays are supposed to be, I dread when it comes around. Reason being, my family cannot stand my boyfriend. Now him and I had an extremely rocky start in our relationship, we both are to blame, we both had issues. But they only want to see his. I even told them somethings were my fault (which they were) But they don't care. He never had a chance with my family because they knew his ex and she was telling them stuff about him and would never tell about what she was doing. All this before I even came into the picture. We broke up and got back together, live with each other. Things are sooooooooo much better between us, nothing like it used to be. However my family doesn't care. So every holiday, my kids go with my family and we stay home because they don't want him around. It's wearing me down. I haven't even told them we got back together. :( Advice please!!!!!!!!!
 
Stay home with your man and keep your kids with you and have a holiday.

Tell your family you are back together.

There is nothing else you can do.
 
Does he not have family to visit? What will you do if y'all get married...continue to miss holidays?

You are an adult so gather yourself together, tell them about the relationship. Talk about it if that will help. You can always cook dinner at home and celebrate in that way or go to dinner with your family and they can suck it up.
 
I posted it in the Off topic one.

Why not have the Holidays as a family in your home? I don't see the reason why you should be stressed. You are creating it somehow trying to accomodate everyone .You are family so you and your kids and your man should be home together enjoying it as a unit. Do not send your kids away spend it with them. People respect you more when you do not bend over backwards accomodating them. If you don't want one of us you will have none of us. The End. Good Luck OP.
 
I wouldmt choose my boyfriend over my family. He can marry you if he wants to be a part of your family seriously. Is he your childrens father?
 
TayMac said:
Does he not have family to visit? What will you do if y'all get married...continue to miss holidays?

You are an adult so gather yourself together, tell them about the relationship. Talk about it if that will help. You can always cook dinner at home and celebrate in that way or go to dinner with your family and they can suck it up.
Click to expand...

He does have family to visit and I'm welcomed there.
 
Why are you spending the holidays without your children. Keep them home or go with them. Don't stress yourself out about it

If you are going to marry this man you are going to have to have a come to Jesus meeting with your partner and your family.
 
Tamrin said:
I posted it in the Off topic one.

Why not have the Holidays as a family in your home? I don't see the reason why you should be stressed. You are creating it somehow trying to accomodate everyone .You are family so you and your kids and your man should be home together enjoying it as a unit. Do not send your kids away spend it with them. People respect you more when you do not bend over backwards accomodating them. If you don't want one of us you will have none of us. The End. Good Luck OP.
Click to expand...

That was my thought. Then I thought about hearing my family's mouth because of my kids not being aound their grandmother etc.
 
so_stush said:
Why are you spending the holidays without your children. Keep them home or go with them. Don't stress yourself out about it

If you are going to marry this man you are going to have to have a come to Jesus meeting with your partner and your family.
Click to expand...

I don't like spending the holidays without my children. I want us all to be together. They don't care if I come, but my kids have to be there. I did keep them with me one year and they blasted me.
 
My kids are 15 and 11. They get told, oh tell you're mom just to drop you off over here. Everyone is here, etc etc etc. Then they want to go. Then I'm being talked about because I didn't go or kept the kids with me. I think the key thing is for me to be an adult. Keep my unit as a family.

Last year they told my aunt her step children are grown and they couldn't come. So she stayed home.
 
mstaiti said:
I don't like spending the holidays without my children. I want us all to be together. They don't care if I come, but my kids have to be there. I did keep them with me one year and they blasted me.
Click to expand...

@ the bolded: Girrrl, don't you dare leave your babies with people who feel this way :nono:. You are gonna have to grow up, woman up, man up, something. You need to be a role-model for your children. They can spend time with grandma another day. Sit down, decide how you want your holidays to be, and proceed.
 
hopeful said:
@ the bolded: Girrrl, don't you dare leave your babies with people who feel this way :nono:. You are gonna have to grow up, woman up, man up, something. You need to be a role-model for your children. They can spend time with grandma another day. Sit down, decide how you want your holidays to be, and proceed.
Click to expand...

I know... I do have to WOMAN UP.
 
Assuming you are not making excuses for your boyfriend, keep your kids home with you if your family can't make nice with your boyfriend for the same of you and your kids.
 
Keen said:
Assuming you are not making excuses for your boyfriend, keep your kids home with you if your family can't make nice with your boyfriend for the same of you and your kids.
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No excuses for him at all. All the advice is leaning towards us staying at home TOGETHER. Which is best because are living as a family unit. I know it bothers him though just as much as it bothers me.
 
To me this would send the message that you're choosing your boyfriend over your children. You should do thanksgiving with your children. Whether it's at your home with your boyfriend or with your family is up to you but this set up makes it seem like you had a choice between your boyfriend and your children and chose the boyfriend
 
Can you tell us any of the stuff they don't like him for? Because opinions can change based on that.

Sometimes women, because they love the man and want to be with him, tend to down play a lot of bad stuff. But you have to remember, when you tell people bad stuff that he does, you may become okay with him and push his past behavior to the past. But the people you've told NEVER FORGETS. It's not really their fault either.

mstaiti said:
No excuses for him at all. All the advice is leaning towards us staying at home TOGETHER. Which is best because are living as a family unit. I know it bothers him though just as much as it bothers me.
Click to expand...
 
Foxglove said:
To me this would send the message that you're choosing your boyfriend over your children. You should do thanksgiving with your children. Whether it's at your home with your boyfriend or with your family is up to you but this set up makes it seem like you had a choice between your boyfriend and your children and chose the boyfriend
Click to expand...

No, I would never chose my boyfriend over my kids.Keeping my kids home is no problem with us. Because They are my kids. The problem is my family making me chose between them and my boyfriend. It's either "just drop the kids off or you and the kids can come, but he can't come." Then my mother/family has a fit if she/they don't come because the kids stayed home with us. Hope that makes sense.
 
mstaiti said:
No, I would never chose my boyfriend over my kids.Keeping my kids home is no problem with us. Because They are my kids. The problem is my family making me chose between them and my boyfriend. It's either "just drop the kids off or you and the kids can come, but he can't come." Then my mother/family has a fit if she/they don't come because the kids stayed home with us. Hope that makes sense.
Click to expand...

These are your kids. You get to make the decisions...your family can't make you choose.

You can tell them that either EVERYONE is coming for dinner or no one is coming for dinner from your family. Which do they chose? Then, if they don't see their grandchildren, it is on them. Your family keeps being pushy and telling you what to do, because you allow them to.
 
*CherryPie* said:
Can you tell us any of the stuff they don't like him for? Because opinions can change based on that.

Sometimes women, because they love the man and want to be with him, tend to down play a lot of bad stuff. But you have to remember, when you tell people bad stuff that he does, you may become okay with him and push his past behavior to the past. But the people you've told NEVER FORGETS. It's not really their fault either.
Click to expand...


That's exactly where I messed up, because we would argue alot, then I would vent. That's when I went wrong by venting to them. Sometimes it would be my fault and sometimes it would be his. But of course, they keep it over his head. Where were were before is not where we are now. But even before we had ups and downs, He never had a chance because they knew his ex and she used to talk about him and he said/she said mess. Its messy.....:nono:
 
RocStar said:
These are your kids. You get to make the decisions...your family can't make you choose.

You can tell them that either EVERYONE is coming for dinner or no one is coming for dinner from your family. Which do they chose? Then, if they don't see their grandchildren, it is on them. Your family keeps being pushy and telling you what to do, because you allow them to.
Click to expand...

That's what my uncle said..... one of the few family members that's ok with him.
 
There was no abuse. Just arguments regarding insecurities on both of our ends, which we worked out. They heard he was a dog from his ex and other people.
 
It sounds like your family is being unreasonable yet you choose to compromise with them. I agree with others to take a stand and say all of us or none.
 
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