Strawberry Letter - "Am I Being Petty?"

BeautyPoint

BeautyPoint

Well-Known Member
I heard this on the Steve Harvey Morning Show this morning. Just wow...:nono:



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Subject: Am I being petty?

Dear Steve and Shirley, my wife and I have been married for over 20 years. When we met, she already had two daughters from her 1st marriage. They were 2 and 3 years old at the time.

We married a year later and I have loved and raised those girls as my own. Their biological father had very little to do with them over the years, other than gifts on birthdays and holidays. He is a prominent doctor and never really had any time for them. I asked my wife why doesnt he pay child support and she said, "He has a new wife and family, so we will let him worry about them. We have you, we dont need him." So thats how it's been.

I got them through school, they both got cars when they turned 16, Ive put one through college and the other one graduates next year, all that with no financial help from the good doctor.

Okay thats a little of our background.

So now my oldest daughter is getting married. We have been planning the wedding for six months. So far I have spent over $6,000. Thats not easy to do on a blue collar job. By the way, my wife has been a housewife since we've been married. But anyway, I felt my baby girl was worth it so I put in the overtime.

Recently her biological dad retired and has decided to reconnect with his daughters. Im okay with that, they are two remarkable women and he should get to know them. Heres the problem..

Now, she wants him to walk her down the aisle and give her away. I suggested that we both walk her down, one on each arm and was shot down by she and her mother. Then we were planning the reception and she wants him to do the father/daughter dance. So I asked her, when do I get to dance with you? They both laughed and my wife said, "Honey there is no such thing as a stepfather dance."

Later when my wife and I were alone, I told her that they hurt my feelings and that I was feeling left out. My wife said to me, "This is not about you, it's about your daughter. Stop being petty." To tell the truth right now, I dont even want to go to the wedding, but I would never disrupt her big day by not being there. But I am still hurt by this whole thing.

So finally heres my question, am I being petty? Am I wrong for feeling this way, or do I have a valid point for feeling left out?

Oh yeah Im still getting bills to pay for everything. Please advise me on this situation.

Thanks.
 
I would pass the bills on to her Dad and have him pay for the wedding since he is supposed to be doing it. There is no Step-father/daughter dance right? If he wants to play daddy at the wedding then he should with all the costs associated with playing daddy.

ETA: His wife is user. She didn't ask for child support because the Doctor had a new family to worry about? She totally played this man after relying on him for 20 yrs to raise her daughters. She must still carry a torch for the Doctor. I'd be majorly upset if I was this guy. He's been "Daddy" for 20 yrs and just to be dismissed like that is painful.
 
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Wow! Are those women for real? He deserves to be on her arm walking down the aisle!
 
This is so messed up on so many levels.. What he should do from here on out, is forward those bills to their biological father to handle. After all he's done for them, he could at least get a dance. And I'm sure close friends and family will side eye this at the reception.

When my cousin got married, her step father walked her down the aisle. Why, he was there for her and got her through school just as this guy did. Out of respect for her biological father, who was also in attendance at her wedding, she danced with both men separately.

This is just so sad!!
 
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i hate steve harvey. even seeing the phrase strawberry letter is enough to make my blood boil. its like im a sim when they think of something and get mad and their thoughts are on fire :lol:
 
I heard this on the radio this morning also. I feel so bad for the step-dad:nono:

That man has raised those girls as if they were his own, put them through school and everything. I feel bad for him.
 
No he's not being petty. I could understand why his feelings are hurt. He shouldn't attend and should stop paying for the wedding.
 
I often times think these Strawberry Letters are fake. There is no way this be perceived as being petty. The honor of walking the bride down the aisle is for the man who raised her, not the deadbeat bio dad.
 
OMGGG really? terrible!!!! the wife and daughters are trifling

i would have put my foot down way before the wedding and their bio dad should've paid child support--da hell!!!!
 
Ever since they had the one about the girl sleeping w/her dad and loving it, I concluded all this is fake.

Steve needs to quit trolling. :rolleyes:
 
ladies, all the ratchet stories we hear in the ET forum and you think this is made up? engagement during a 'break baby', suing for custody to get out of child support, etc.
i mean it could be fake, but sadly it is very much within the realm of possibly. Some people are, as we say in the islands, 'wotless' :nono:

i would bet good money that the biological father is promising to gift his daughter financially. i really think she is "selling her soul" for a down payment on a house or something. trust this 'affection' isn't out of the blue.
 
I think I may be pms-ing because this story totally made me want to cry. How dare that ingrate treat her FATHER this way! Now because its going to make him look good, the donor wants to come out of the shadows and be super. I also think its a status thing..it looks better to the mom and daughter for her father to be a doctor rather than of blue collar status at the wedding. Uggh..Im mad.
 
I heard this on the radio this morning and all the call-ins.

I believe the mom did play him. She never had to work while she was with the 'new' man. He paid for her living and her children's living. After this is over, the mom will discard him since he's no longer needed.

They should all be ashamed and will have a lot to explain when they meet their maker.
 
I don't believe this story is fake at all. I mean, read our very own tea thread. :look: Definitely strawberry letter worthy..LOL

Blended families can be difficult and I've heard my fair share of stories as a result. I really feel badly for the husband to be used and discarded like that. And the bio father shows up in the 4th quarter to play and gets the MVP award….Oh heccck no!
 
Fake or not, I don't doubt situations like this happen.

Not petty at all. The bio father would have had to pay child support period especially since he has the means.

I would be hurt as well and probably stop paying for anything. I wouldn't doubt if ms housewife was screwing her ex as her response was quite smug.
Including the bio father is fine but I don't think excluding the stepdad who has been there and been a present supportive dad is kind.
 
To be honest, I don't fault the daughter that much. If the bio dad has been sending gifts, she's obviously aware of his existence and probably has some idealized view or thoughts of him. So, I could see why she would be thrilled for him to show up after all these years and want to be in her life. It's naive, shortsided and thoughtless to the step dad, but I can see it.

The mom, however, is a piece of work. I would be more understanding if she were trying to find a way to incorporate them both into the ceremony, but this is ridiculous. Where does she plan on sitting? WIth the Dr and his new wife?
 
BeautyPoint said:
My wife said to me, "This is not about you, it's about your daughter.
Click to expand...

He's good. I would be getting ready to walk right about now. He has been played for 20 years and just a meal ticket. So when the bio dad wants to walk her down the aisle, she is the bio-dads daughter. But when the step-dad wants to he is just the step-dad. Then she says its not about you, its about YOUR daughter. So is it his daughter or not? She switches when its convenient.

I'm sure there had to be signs along the way that he just ignored. I don't think the wife just turned up this way one day. He isn't being petty but he is being foolish. I would be changing wills and beneficiary forms quick.
 
Two things:

He said his wife has been a SAHM? Why is that relevant to the story unless he's been stressed about money???

And then my question...has momma been creepin with the good ole doc behind stepdad's back?
 
faithVA said:
He's good. I would be getting ready to walk right about now. He has been played for 20 years and just a meal ticket. So when the bio dad wants to walk her down the aisle, she is the bio-dads daughter. But when the step-dad wants to he is just the step-dad. Then she says its not about you, its about YOUR daughter. So is it his daughter or not? She switches when its convenient.

I'm sure there had to be signs along the way that he just ignored. I don't think the wife just turned up this way one day. He isn't being petty but he is being foolish. I would be changing wills and beneficiary forms quick.
Click to expand...
Excellent points faithVA.

Actually, the first signs of her use and abuse of this man was her OUTRIGHT refusal to check bio dad on child support and putting the financial burden on stepdad. Taking the CS would have enhanced all their lives. Hint 2 was her not working to help support her own kids on top of refusing to push CS.

The bolded shows her manipulation tactics. The mom is sick and has raised some sick kids. And you're right. This mess didnt show up overnight. However, the man was in love. And sometimes when we're in love we do foolish things, ignoring the signs.

A decent mother would be all over that daughter to change it up to how it should be. But she is not a decent wife, much less mother.
 
Wow. There is so much wrong with this...

I would probably show how petty I was by not paying for the wedding and citing that it's the father's responsibility to do so. I would also leave their mother...

But really I would pin a lot if this on mom. The daughter sounds like she's in bridezilla, engagement, IDGAF, la la land and isn't thinking clearly. She needs her mom to stop spoiling her and to speak reality and truth.

It's interesting to watch how some mothers and daughters get when it comes to planning weddings...like they don't care about anything or anybody else.
 
JaneBond007 said:
Two things: He said his wife has been a SAHM? Why is that relevant to the story unless he's been stressed about money??? And then my question...has momma been creepin with the good ole doc behind stepdad's back?
Click to expand...

I think it's relevant because he's showing he has been his family's sole provider all these years. I don't think he was shading the fact she was a SAHM.
 
I wonder if some of these letters are fake too. But I must say that I have seen children treat the person(s) that raised them as an after thought when the absentee parent decides to show up.
 
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