Stay at home dad

CurleeDST

CurleeDST

Well-Known Member
Folks, would any of you consider agreeing to your husband staying home w/ the kids while you went to work? I was watching Surviving Motherhood and they had a men's edition and this Kappa from FAMU was a stay at home dad while his wife, a physician (oncologist), went to work daily.

It was definitely a nontraditional situation. Wondered how many of you would consider it or are living it. What are the pros and cons as you see it?
 
Yep. It wouldn't be my first choice, but I'm certainly not about to let something like that get in the way of my marriage or my children being raised properly. I'm very pro-parent at home so while I would love to be at home with the children, I would not buck at the suggestion of him staying home if for one reason or another (financial, physical, etc), it was a better choice.

I think issues may arise with the male ego and the woman bringing home the bread, but I would hope that a man would be able to put that aside (at least temporarily) for the sake of our children. I also don't know how I would feel about my own issues surrounding being a woman and wanting to do more "nurturing" things but being too consumed and exhausted to take that on once I got home from a long day.

I think there are so many opportunities for legitimate issues to arise in a marriage that the friction should be kept to a minimum where possible. I would not pout if my husband was man enough to stay at home and care for our children. As a married couple, you're like business partners making moves for the corporation that is your family. You've got to work together and exploit your respective comparative advantages.
 
Not necessarily, unless he is going through a period of unemployment, I'd definitely step in and be breakwinner temporarily while he stayed at home. Or if he became sick/disabled and decided to work from home as well as take care of the house. But otherwise, no.

With that being said, I've seen plenty of these set ups work out with no problem. Sometimes the male's job allows him to work from home and he could take over the "mother" roles while the wife can work and come home to a clean house and food on the table. Often times the male is actually better at household duties due to his upbringing and therefore agrees to be a SAMF while the mother works. HOWEVER, I don't plan on having children, so who knows.

If we did have children, and were both able to work, I'd sacrifice and stay at home. That's a role I feel most comfortable with in that situation. Either way can work out for a family as long as both partners agree on the setup.
 
Divine Inspiration said:
Yep. It wouldn't be my first choice, but I'm certainly not about to let something like that get in the way of my marriage or my children being raised properly. I'm very pro-parent at home so while I would love to be at home with the children, I would not buck at the suggestion of him staying home if for one reason or another (financial, physical, etc), it was a better choice.

I think issues may arise with the male ego and the woman bringing home the bread, but I would hope that a man would be able to put that aside (at least temporarily) for the sake of our children. I also don't know how I would feel about my own issues surrounding being a woman and wanting to do more "nurturing" things but being too consumed and exhausted to take that on once I got home from a long day.

I think there are so many opportunities for legitimate issues to arise in a marriage that the friction should be kept to a minimum where possible. I would not pout if my husband was man enough to stay at home and care for our children. As a married couple, you're like business partners making moves for the corporation that is your family. You've got to work together and exploit your respective comparative advantages.
Click to expand...

My second co-sign this evening. ITA with everything.

If I had children, my preference would be to stay home with them. If that was not financially possible, the next best bet for their care would be their other parent.
 
I have nothing against it theoretically. If it works for a particular family, why not? Having said that, it's not for my family.
 
CurleeDST said:
Folks, would any of you consider agreeing to your husband staying home w/ the kids while you went to work? I was watching Surviving Motherhood and they had a men's edition and this Kappa from FAMU was a stay at home dad while his wife, a physician (oncologist), went to work daily.

It was definitely a nontraditional situation. Wondered how many of you would consider it or are living it. What are the pros and cons as you see it?
Click to expand...

I don't have kids yet, but I definitely consider it if this arrangement was best for my family.
 
I think I responded in the other thread. But no it would not be my thing or work for me and my family. I'm pretty traditional, I know it works for some though. Actually, it would never happen because dh would never go for it.
 
I want to stay home with my babies...I think I'd resent my husband if he was a stay at home dad and I had to work:sad:.
 
Integrity said:
is the underlying assumption here that being a housewife or househusband is 'easy'?
Click to expand...

I'm wondering the same thing. Women are forever talking about how being a SAHM isn't easy and it's a 6 figure job, etc so why is it that when it's a man staying home, he's lazy? :confused: Is a SAHM lazy and unwilling to work too?

What if the husband was home bound after an accident? What if he worked from a home office? I know several men and women outearning their spouses from the comforts of their own homes.

I don't understand the double standard.

And if it came down to it, would you send your kids to daycare before letting your husband and their father care for them? I guess some would, but my traditional desires tendencies don't trump the well-being of my kids.
 
Divine Inspiration said:
I'm wondering the same thing. Women are forever talking about how being a SAHM isn't easy and it's a 6 figure job, etc so why is it that when it's a man staying home, he's lazy? :confused: Is a SAHM lazy and unwilling to work too?

What if the husband was home bound after an accident? What if he worked from a home office? I know several men and women outearning their spouses from the comforts of their own homes.

I don't understand the double standard.

And if it came down to it, would you send your kids to daycare before letting your husband and their father care for them? I guess some would, but my traditional desires tendencies don't trump the well-being of my kids.
Click to expand...

I totally agree with this post:yep:
 
Divine Inspiration said:
I'm wondering the same thing. Women are forever talking about how being a SAHM isn't easy and it's a 6 figure job, etc so why is it that when it's a man staying home, he's lazy? :confused: Is a SAHM lazy and unwilling to work too?

What if the husband was home bound after an accident? What if he worked from a home office? I know several men and women outearning their spouses from the comforts of their own homes.

I don't understand the double standard.

And if it came down to it, would you send your kids to daycare before letting your husband and their father care for them? I guess some would, but my traditional desires tendencies don't trump the well-being of my kids.
Click to expand...


Right out of my mouth! Thanks:yep:
 
We are considering having him stay home, if we have kids. He hates his job, I assume I will love mine, so why not?
 
Divine Inspiration said:
I'm wondering the same thing. Women are forever talking about how being a SAHM isn't easy and it's a 6 figure job, etc so why is it that when it's a man staying home, he's lazy? :confused: Is a SAHM lazy and unwilling to work too?

What if the husband was home bound after an accident? What if he worked from a home office? I know several men and women outearning their spouses from the comforts of their own homes.

I don't understand the double standard.

And if it came down to it, would you send your kids to daycare before letting your husband and their father care for them? I guess some would, but my traditional desires tendencies don't trump the well-being of my kids.
Click to expand...

Hey Girlie :wave: I'll answer & try to keep it as short as possible:

*Since I'm not a SAHM, I can't answer the first questions because I think I'm a little biased. I'll cross this bridge when I get to it.

*IMO if the man is home bound after an accident, I'm thinking he's just going to be home temporarily trying to recover, and shouldn't be caring for the kids anyway.

*Working out of a home office is completely different than being a stay at home dad. While both have various work responsibilities, when kids are involved, you're either going to have one job or the other.

*I really don't think its a double standard. I don't care what anybody says, men and women are not created equal in certain areas. I personally think it "does" something for a man to be able to go out and fight the good fight for his family and have a castle that he can actually come home to. It keeps him King, for lack of better paraphrasing.

* If it came down to it and I had to chose between letting strangers take care of my children versus my husband - there's no contest there... the husband easily wins without question. Health and financial issues in life are unpredictable and we naturally have to make the best adjustments for what comes our way. I don't have a problem with that at all.
Yet the idea of a man making the conscious and voluntary decision to remove himself from the work force, to stay at home with the children (given that there are no family financial or health related problems of any kind) while I'm out there busting my butt every day just doesn't sit well with me. Probably never will. In fact I would not respect the man who would sit back allow me to be his bread winner while he's taking on my own divinely assigned job as the nurturer and tone setter of the home. Just being honest.
 
Last edited:
Well I already work from home (except for the occasional travel to a meeting) and I make more money than the man I'm planning on marrying so there goes the whole theory of the breadwinner leaving the house. It's not easy. I work more hours and don't even have time to REALLY attend to the things I want to around the house.
 
I have been watching this thread but not replied, I think I will now.

My DH is a stay at home dad. In order for me to advance in my career and take an international assignment, he gave up his job.

To me that doesn't make him lazy, that doesn't make him not the king of the castle, that make him a MAN that is willing to do whatever to ensure that his family has the best.

He also doesn't sit around all day either...what a thought....

He decided to use this time to get another degree(which my company is paying for), he cooks, he takes care of the child, he goes to the store when needed, he fixes things when required, he gets up to take me to the airport at 4am, pick me up from the airport late at night, and is still attentive to me!

So I don't understand how a man is not a man, just because he isn't working or because we chose that it is better for him to be a stay at home dad?? We could not have had the success or enjoyed this experience if it was not for my husband being a stay at home dad.

Ok, that is at least my story.....
 
By the way, I work with quite a few executive women, about half if not more, have stay at home husbands.....
 
How a man is thought of in his home is based on the respect his family has for him, and the respect he has for himself and his family. My SO is traditional, so I don't know if he'd go for being a stay-at-home dad, but we both know he's the better household manager than I, and he'll probably have more flexibility in his job/career than I will. I would have no problem with him being at home with the kids and will always respect him as head of household regardless of whether his job is working outside or inside the home.

I might resent it a bit only because I'd like to take a break from work after we have kids.
 
We sorta do this. I say sorta because my husband's job is flexible and I only work when he isn't teaching. So we both work and neither of our boys have been in daycare and the oldest is 3. I was home with them until April last year and then I went to work parttime. I needed to get away from this then-2yo because he was driving me crazy - still does.

We're moving this summer because I got my dream job teaching at a law school and he doesn't have a job yet. Even though he is looking for a job, he KNOWS that I prefer that he NOT so one of us is always home.

My husband is infinitely more patient than I am with these boys and they just love him to death. And I absolutely love seeing that. I really don't know how they would react if he weren't home with them as much. They are seriously daddy's boys. When he leaves for class, they have a fit and I know it's because he's with them all the time.

So when we move, we may do this. This might not be his first choice, but he ALWAYS puts my needs and his kids' needs before his own. ALWAYS!!! This definitely works for us.
 
If we could afford it, I wouldn't mind him staying at home for 3-6 months while the baby is still in the infancy stage. We would really have to sit down and discuss the pros and cons of him or I staying at home during the early months.
 
Last edited:
I'm not married nor do I have kids but I'm not adverse to it.

Bottom line, if it makes sense in the household, especially if I'm bringing in more moola than DH - and this may be a possiblity somewhere down the line - and he had the desire and inclination to stay at home and take care of the kids, absolutely. :yep:
 
Integrity said:
is the underlying assumption here that being a housewife or househusband is 'easy'?
Click to expand...

I'm not saying it's easy, but it seems lazy for a man to do that to me. I grew up with my father working several jobs non stop, so I couldn't imagine being married to someone who WANTED to stay home. Ambition is a turn on to me.

I , on the other hand would be a stay at home mom if I could, but that is at the discretion of whomever I'm with.

To each his own though
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

envybeauty
Have you sacrificed for your DH's career?
Replies
10
Views
191
MD_Lady
MD_Lady
sweetvi
Dating while living home with parets.. what are your experiences, advice,etc
2
Replies
58
Views
2K
caribeandiva
caribeandiva
brownb83
My Stay-at-home Wife Wants To Hire A Cleaning Person. Why Can't She Clean?
3 4 5
Replies
131
Views
4K
caribeandiva
caribeandiva
PuffyBrown
Wouldn't your rather stay home and play in your hair
Replies
17
Views
2K
Angkin73
Angkin73
B
Men living at home, are some unfairly judged?
Replies
25
Views
438
MizAvalon
MizAvalon
Back
Top