Splitting Holidays -How do You do it?
- Thread starter smwrigh3
- Start date
cherryhair123
Well-Known Member
Can't wait to hear some good responses...
My SO and I did the same thing and were both kind of mad at each other for not leaving our own family parties.
My SO and I did the same thing and were both kind of mad at each other for not leaving our own family parties.
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
if both families stay in the same city, just go by one family first (whoever eats first) then go to the other family next. or alternate holidays. spend new years with his, easter with yours, mother's day his, 4th yours, and so on and so forth and then the next yr switch
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
how bout my stepmother NEVER spends any holidays with our family. She only really goes to her family and in turn my little sister spends time with her maternal side. It sucks but ok.
poookie
Well-Known Member
My SO & I have hit the year mark, & this holiday season was time to "Meet the Parents". it's a bit complicated for us, because we're in a Long Distance thing, but I went over to his folks' place for Thanksgiving, & he'll be coming over to my folks' place for New Years (we decided to spend Christmas day with our own families, but spent Christmas Eve with each other). It's all about compromise.
Nina_deF
Well-Known Member
Yeah, that does suck!!!!
My family is pretty big (I have 5 siblings, but one is an ***hole so he really doesn't count nor is welcome anymore).
Our Christmas' (and Midsummers) is always GREAT and I would hate to have to miss it.
Now adays we have everyother year at my parents and everyother year at my house.
At my parents we all spend the night.
At my house they gots to go after a certain time.
My brothers are married to women who have family in other countries
Yea I have never not spent the holidays with my parents and now the idea of NOT seeing them for Christmas is sorta nerve wrecking! I thought we could do what my parents do..we spend Christmas Eve and day at our house and then we take the 3 hr drive to my parental grandparents house and spend the night there and then the next day we take the 4 hour dirve to my maternal gma's house and spend the night there.
However my honey talking about hie cant miss thanksgiving and Christmas with his family..b/c he has to crave the turkey
erplexed . I am willing to compromise but I look like a snob when I am around them b/c they drink so much and I always say "No thanks " or "I'll pass". Christmas is not the time to be drunk. They drink for any and every occassion and they are the reason I wont be having an open bar at my wedding. 
However my honey talking about hie cant miss thanksgiving and Christmas with his family..b/c he has to crave the turkey
erplexed . I am willing to compromise but I look like a snob when I am around them b/c they drink so much and I always say "No thanks " or "I'll pass". Christmas is not the time to be drunk. They drink for any and every occassion and they are the reason I wont be having an open bar at my wedding. 
UmSumayyah
Well-Known Member
Yea I have never not spent the holidays with my parents and now the idea of NOT seeing them for Christmas is sorta nerve wrecking! I thought we could do what my parents do..we spend Christmas Eve and day at our house and then we take the 3 hr drive to my parental grandparents house and spend the night there and then the next day we take the 4 hour dirve to my maternal gma's house and spend the night there.
However my honey talking about hie cant miss thanksgiving and Christmas with his family..b/c he has to crave the turkey
It seems only fair that if you do Thanksgiving at his family, he should do Christmas at yours or vice versa.
I know someone who was married for about ten years and her dh and his family insisted she spend ALL holidays with them.
Bad sign of things to come.
michelle81
Well-Known Member
It changes each year for us, but then again we have young kids at home. We now choose to spend Christmas Eve/Day at home and anyone can visit us if they choose.
His family is one hour north and my family is three hours south of us. This year Thanksgiving was with my family, Christmas at home and my mom is coming for New Year's.
Next year will probably be time for Thanksgiving with his people and going down sometime after Christmas to see mine. We go where we want to/feel like, but always go together since we've been engaged.
His family is one hour north and my family is three hours south of us. This year Thanksgiving was with my family, Christmas at home and my mom is coming for New Year's.
Next year will probably be time for Thanksgiving with his people and going down sometime after Christmas to see mine. We go where we want to/feel like, but always go together since we've been engaged.
My boyfriend just said he will NEVER miss a holiday with his family and the conversation got ugly from there... I am so hurt right now
UmSumayyah
Well-Known Member
The woman I mentioned is now divorced. About 8 years into the marriage she said bump it and started taking her kid to her family for the holidays.
In the family she married into, it was their way or the highway.
She finally took the highway.
It's too bad, they were college sweethearts.
In the family she married into, it was their way or the highway.
She finally took the highway.
It's too bad, they were college sweethearts.
sunnieb
Well-Known Member
Dh and I used to do the "try to go over everybody's house on Christmas" thing and we gave up. Not only were we (and the kids) exhausted, but inevitably somebody's feelings got hurt because we didn't make it to their house. Now, we don't go over anyone's house on Christmas day. We have our own traditions with each other and we do that.
We see everyone either before Christmas or after. No biggie. Everyone gets a phone call that day though. Same thing for Thanksgiving. It's worked fine for us for the past 12 years.
We see everyone either before Christmas or after. No biggie. Everyone gets a phone call that day though. Same thing for Thanksgiving. It's worked fine for us for the past 12 years.
sunnieb
Well-Known Member
My boyfriend just said he will NEVER miss a holiday with his family and the conversation got ugly from there... I am so hurt right now
I'm so sorry to hear this. See, this is why dh and I do what we do. However, it was a decision we came to together. Our families know we stand united and everyone knows we will get around to visiting, it just won't be on the actual day of the holiday. We prefer to socialize for the entire season and not be pressured to see folks on the holiday day.
Hope everything works out for you.
He called me back and explained himself but I think it is a matter of cultural differences.I was raised by a 2 parent house hold so I ALWAYS split holiday between my gparents and so it normal to me. But he was raised by his father who only deals with his mom's side sooo he has never had a holiday w/o them so any other idea is foreign to him. I can understand him but if thinks its gonna be all about his family his is in for rude awaking.
sunnieb
Well-Known Member
He called me back and explained himself but I think it is a matter of cultural differences.I was raised by a 2 parent house hold so I ALWAYS split holiday between my gparents and so it normal to me. But he was raised by his father who only deals with his mom's side sooo he has never had a holiday w/o them so any other idea is foreign to him. I can understand him but if thinks its gonna be all about his family his is in for rude awaking.
I'm so glad you are thinking this way. Get this straight from the start so if you two get married some day, there are no surprises. There's no way the holidays should be all about one side of the family.
I'm so glad you are thinking this way. Get this straight from the start so if you two get married some day, there are no surprises. There's no way the holidays should be all about one side of the family.
yes.. I am very big on laying out everything on the table I want us to as open and honest as possible. The conversation by Hill Harper helped ask this we wouldn't have other wise thought of... I wonder if there is a book like that for marriage. We have promised our parents that we wont get married for at least another 2 years. My parents eloped and they think Im going to do the same thing. I still want us to be prepared!
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Ever since dh and I were first dating, we split the holidays. A few hours with my fam, a few hours with his. We don't live near family now and it's great, very peaceful and calm. Every now and then we will travel to our hometown for the holidays. OP, this is a red flag. It's a sign of overall maturity and commitment to your SO/Wife/Fiancee to spend the holidays together IMO. If I were you I'd fall back and observe. He has told you how he feels and right now it sounds like he is not open to compromise. I hope things change. This is the same guy who was choosing her fraternity first too, right? Make sure he views you as as much a priority as you view him.
msbettyboop
Well-Known Member
My SO??? and I are in a really long distance relationship. He came to spend xmas with me. It was away from his family. Things got ugly, I got mad, we had a big fight, hence the question mark next to SO above. He's gone home now to spend new year with his family. He spent last year xmas and new year with his family and I don't think it would have killed his family because he spent 1 xmas out of like the last 35 xmases since he's been born with me. Anyway, I'm rambling. I'd love to hear a solution too.
I spend all holidays at my house.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I decided that Christmas that I would never spend a holiday anywhere else but at home. After going to my mother's, grandparents, father's, DH's mother, Dh's aunt, my aunt... I have spent every hoilday at this house but one. Dh's father forced me to go to his mother's house for Christmas several years ago. It was not fun at all. I love her to death but I know she wanted her children and her grandchildren there.
People come here for holidays.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I decided that Christmas that I would never spend a holiday anywhere else but at home. After going to my mother's, grandparents, father's, DH's mother, Dh's aunt, my aunt...
I have spent every hoilday at this house but one. Dh's father forced me to go to his mother's house for Christmas several years ago. It was not fun at all. I love her to death but I know she wanted her children and her grandchildren there. People come here for holidays.
michelle81
Well-Known Member
I spend all holidays at my house.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I decided that Christmas that I would never spend a holiday anywhere else but at home. After going to my mother's, grandparents, father's, DH's mother, Dh's aunt, my aunt...
People come here for holidays.
Now Dlewis, how's that going to work when your kids have their own families and have to "share" their time with the inlaws.
I love being with my kids for each holiday, but I'm already feeling some anxiety about when the time comes and they will have to/want to miss some holidays with me.
BTW, my oldest is 13.
Now Dlewis, how's that going to work when your kids have their own families and have to "share" their time with the inlaws.
I love being with my kids for each holiday, but I'm already feeling some anxiety about when the time comes and they will have to/want to miss some holidays with me.
BTW, my oldest is 13.
They'll just have to stop by here on their way to their inlaws. Or the inlaws can come here also.
They'll just have to stop by here on their way to their inlaws. Or the inlaws can come here also.
Would you be upset if they didn't come by at all? What if your DIL wants to do things at her house? Or with her family if they live far away?
Our families are on opposite sides of the country (Georgia and Washington state). This is the first year that we're married, so we stayed here with my family, then we'll see his family during the summer. We'll probably go to see his family for Thanksgiving, then my family for Christmas. When we have children, we'll probably do our own thing.
My kids are young so that won't be an issue for a long while. I'm sure I'll work with them on whatever they decide to do.
Farida
Well-Known Member
We do alternate. One year thanksgiving with them, then Christmas with mine. Next year the opposite.
I would advise you to soak up every last holiday with your family that you can before you get married. You will have the rest of your lives to be together. You'll appreciate those holidays a lot more once you have to split them every year.
I would advise you to soak up every last holiday with your family that you can before you get married. You will have the rest of your lives to be together. You'll appreciate those holidays a lot more once you have to split them every year.
Farida
Well-Known Member
My boyfriend just said he will NEVER miss a holiday with his family and the conversation got ugly from there... I am so hurt right now
He called me back and explained himself but I think it is a matter of cultural differences.I was raised by a 2 parent house hold so I ALWAYS split holiday between my gparents and so it normal to me. But he was raised by his father who only deals with his mom's side sooo he has never had a holiday w/o them so any other idea is foreign to him. I can understand him but if thinks its gonna be all about his family his is in for rude awaking.
Be very wise about this. I would not even consider marrying him no matter how great he is if he is uncompromising about holidays. It will not end there. When you have kids then it is extra interesting.
The biggest lesson about marriage is it is not about you anymore. It is not about how you do things at your house or what your parents did.
I never had to split holidays growing up and I knew I would have to once I married.
I've seen couples who spend holidays separately because of such drama and it is so not worth it. Anything that sucks when you are dating is X 500 worse when you are married. I don't care how in love you are.
Similar threads
