Spinoff: Estate Planning

[cocoberry10]

Hi Ladies:

This is a spinoff from Relaxer Rehab's prenup thread (http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=113318).

I feel the spirit putting it on my heart to start this thread, which is on a different, but related topic. That of estate planning.

I've seen many women (and a few men, but more women) who end up widowed and without a means to take care of themselves because they either did not have a will or let one spouse take care of all finances only to find out that their spouse wasn't "handling business" like he/she should have been.

And social class has nothing to do with it. I've seen extremely wealthy people whose spouses had debt that they tried to hide (through business ventures, or just bad money management), as well as poorer people.

I think it's extremely important to have complete knowledge about all aspects of finances, even if you let someone else actually "handle it." What do you all think?

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I agree. My church recently offered a seminar on this, and they have estate planning services for this purpose.

I've already begun putting these things in order because it's important to plan ahead...I think it falls under our stewardship.

Too many folks in the church are ignorant of investing and financial planning. I think churches need to do a better job of emphasizing the importance of money and how its handled. If people knew how many times money was mentioned in the Bible, they'd rethink some of their focus.

 

[firecracker]

Oh hell to the nawl coco. What happened to just trusting that God gon take care of the future, husband, finances etc? Proceed!

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Oh hell to the nawl coco. What happened to just trusting that God gon take care of the future, husband, finances etc? Proceed!

Not trying to speak on Coco's behalf, but I think a will (planning for post death arrangements) and a prenup (planning for speculatory mishap) are two very different things. A will is not insurance against death. We will ALL die at some point so being proactive in stating how we want things to be handled posthumously can not, IMO, be equated to planning for a "what if" in a marriage.

My .02

 

[firecracker]

Not trying to speak on Coco's behalf, but I think a will (planning for post death arrangements) and a prenup (planning for speculatory mishap) are two very different things. A will is not insurance against death. We will ALL die at some point so being proactive in stating how we want things to be handled posthumously can not, IMO, be equated to planning for a "what if" in a marriage.

My .02

Preparing, securing and planning=insuring you and your children are taking care of whenever/future. Thats my 02 cents too Now back to oh hell to the nawl. Proceed.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Yeah, but you don't KNOW that you will get divorced. You can't REALLY plan for something that might not happen. Death, however, is guaranteed and certainly does need to be planned for.

 

[cocoberry10]

Oh hell to the nawl coco. What happened to just trusting that God gon take care of the future, husband, finances etc? Proceed!

I love you ladies. It was just for this reason that I started this thread. Yes, I do intend on leaving a will (I don't have children yet, and I have a preliminary will, but as I get older and assets change, etc. so will my will). I do still believe God will take care of the future.

As Divine stated, death is a certainty.

Not trying to speak on Coco's behalf, but I think a will (planning for post death arrangements) and a prenup (planning for speculatory mishap) are two very different things. A will is not insurance against death. We will ALL die at some point so being proactive in stating how we want things to be handled posthumously can not, IMO, be equated to planning for a "what if" in a marriage. My .02

Divorce (although it's getting more and more that way as the rates climb) is not a certainty, although it is a risk. I do believe leaving assets to your descendants is biblical, as most of the people in the bible left inheritances to their children. If you don't have a will, the law does provide for estate/wealth distribution through intestate succession. However, that can get really messy (which is the same rationale for those that want prenups).

I hope this answers the question. That's exactly why I posted the topic, because the two can seem intertwined. But hear this firecracker ...Estate planning can be just as evil and ugly as prenups can be or even divorce. I believe that God does look more at the condition of our hearts when we make decisions. There are people that use their wills as a means to punish children, and other relatives (it's pretty hard to leave your spouse out of everything, the law does protect them a lot, but people do try). I've seen this in the work I do, where a child made a personal decision (didn't finish college, didn't go into the profession their parents wanted, or married someone their parents didn't like), and their parents cut them entirely out of the will. So, any more thoughts?

 

[firecracker]

Coco you know I was poking fun at your spin off .
As for death I want my kids to get the insurance money and throw me in the paupers grave. They can't do that cuz you gotta claim the body to get that death certificate to claim the money. Gosh darnit there goes the free paupers burial escapade I guess I'll be laying with the rest of my family in our prepaid burial plot.

I agree with your post totally Coco. I have seen some strange things happen after a death in my own extended family with and without a will.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

There are people that use their wills as a means to punish children, and other relatives (it's pretty hard to leave your spouse out of everything, the law does protect them a lot, but people do try). I've seen this in the work I do, where a child made a personal decision (didn't finish college, didn't go into the profession their parents wanted, or married someone their parents didn't like), and their parents cut them entirely out of the will.

So sad and ridiculous.

I agree with your post totally Coco. I have seen some strange things happen after a death in my own extended family with and without a will.

I've had friends who have been in some AWFUL situations after family members have passed. Fortunately, everyone in our family was extremely pacific and diplomatic regarding my grandparents passing. I was pleased that we pulled together to comfort one another instead of arguing over who gets what. But that's my dad's side....

I'm really concerned to see how my mom's family will behave when one of her siblings dies because they are drama-ridden and don't seem to mind it. I am not looking forward to having to deal with them when my mom passes (if she goes before me).

 

[Southernbella.]

Oh hell to the nawl coco. What happened to just trusting that God gon take care of the future, husband, finances etc? Proceed!

I agree with your post, Coco. I handle all the bills and finances in my house, and I think it's VERY important that a woman take an active role in financial/estate planning.

My mom used to joke that the reason black folks threw themselves all over the casket was because the breadwinner died and there was no more money coming in. White people feel cry for a minute and then go to the bank because there's a windfall coming.

 

[kbragg]

Divorce is not guaranteed. Death is. No one is getting out of this one alive. Once again if we look to THE WORD we see that an inheiritence was not only left but was a very big deal (think Jacob & Esau). We do not see prenups in the Bible. Sure there's other things not in the Bible blah, blah, blah. However, we're talking about Covenants here. An inheiritence is a covenant. A prenup is a "I trust you God but just in case you messed up hooking me up with this person, I'm gonna be full of pride and make sure I get mine."

 

[Southernbella.]

Divorce is not guaranteed. Death is. No one is getting out of this one alive. Once again if we look to THE WORD we see that an inheiritence was not only left but was a very big deal (think Jacob & Esau). We do not see prenups in the Bible. Sure there's other things not in the Bible blah, blah, blah. However, we're talking about Covenants here. An inheiritence is a covenant. A prenup is a "I trust you God but just in case you messed up hooking me up with this person, I'm gonna be full of pride and make sure I get mine."

What is your post in response to? Just curious, because I didn't see anyone debating prenups in this thread.

 

[kbragg]

What is your post in response to? Just curious, because I didn't see anyone debating prenups in this thread.

It was mentioned, i.e. a spinoff (the h*** to da naw comment was a stab at those of us who are against prenups so it was brought up.

 

[Southernbella.]

It was mentioned, i.e. a spinoff (the h*** to da naw comment was a stab at those of us who are against prenups so it was brought up.

I thought it was a joke.

 

[cocoberry10]

Coco you know I was poking fun at your spin off .
As for death I want my kids to get the insurance money and throw me in the paupers grave. They can't do that cuz you gotta claim the body to get that death certificate to claim the money. Gosh darnit there goes the free paupers burial escapade I guess I'll be laying with the rest of my family in our prepaid burial plot.

I agree with your post totally Coco. I have seen some strange things happen after a death in my own extended family with and without a will.

Thanks, I love how we can all joke with each other .

 

[cocoberry10]

I agree with your post, Coco. I handle all the bills and finances in my house, and I think it's VERY important that a woman take an active role in financial/estate planning.

My mom used to joke that the reason black folks threw themselves all over the casket was because the breadwinner died and there was no more money coming in. White people feel cry for a minute and then go to the bank because there's a windfall coming.

And yet, we still have the nicest funerals or "homegoings" as we usually call them .

I've learned a lot from watching others. I'm still young, but I want to also be prepared for the future.

 

[FunkyMunky]

Coco, I'm glad you started this thread because there was something on my mind a week or so ago related to this that I wanted to make sure I told "my sistas."

There are a lot of single parents on this forum and I implore you to immediately get a will, living will, health care surrogage and some type of power of attorney for your child(ren) done. The main thing I was thinking of was the power of attorney document though.

What if something happens to you (spouses too) who have you designated to care for your kids? What if something happens to both of you? What if your child is at your parents/caretaker's place for the weekend, you are not around and something happens to your child. Do your parents/caretaker have the authority to make decisions for your child on your behalf? This document needs to also be filed with your child's school.

Over the holiday break my son went out of town with my mother for 1-1/2 weeks. I quickly made a power of attorney to cover my basis while they were away but I intend on sitting down with a family lawyer or estates and trusts lawyer to ensure my wishes are followed in the event I am unavailable.

I have explicitly stated my guardian choices, my wishes in regard to my child's medical treatment etc... etc..

DO IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[cocoberry10]

Divorce is not guaranteed. Death is. No one is getting out of this one alive. Once again if we look to THE WORD we see that an inheiritence was not only left but was a very big deal (think Jacob & Esau). We do not see prenups in the Bible. Sure there's other things not in the Bible blah, blah, blah. However, we're talking about Covenants here. An inheiritence is a covenant. A prenup is a "I trust you God but just in case you messed up hooking me up with this person, I'm gonna be full of pride and make sure I get mine."

Even though I don't personally plan to get a prenup (shhhh firecracker ), I do understand why people get them, and like I said in a post on prenup thread, they aren't always as "complete" as people think. Some prenups are "partial." So if you had a family business (or even your own business I guess), or something like that, your prenup could state that in case of divorce or death, your spouse would not be able to touch that.

I'm not sure if they had a prenup, but for example, Theresa Heinz Kerry now runs Heinz Ketchup company (her dead husband's family's business). While she runs the business, it's not really hers, and will go to her sons when they get older (I think they are in early 30's now). Suppose she was younger (of child-bearing age) when she remarried John Kerry. A prenup could prevent her from passing that business on to her and Johns Kerry's children, instead of her and Mr. Heinz' children (hope this makes sense) . But so can a will, so there is more than one way to do things. And, for those that are really concerned, there are "post-nup" agreements. Much more rare, but they do exist.

Sorry to get off topic!

 

[Shimmie]

I'm glad to see everyone laughing...you are all too funny

I have my daughter in charge of everything for me. She's my power of attorney. She's extremely responsible, and I know she'll make sure my implants aren't removed so I will look perky for the 'viewing' ... and even up to the Pearly gates.

 

[kbragg]

For those of you considering a Will, Miz Rhonda (She posts most often on the Career Forum) is a Prepaid Legal Associate and with their plan they actually do your Will and Living Will for free and update it anually. Me and Hubby have our Will's done seeing as we are guaranteed death just like everyone is (except Michael Jackson because as I understand it, Martians don't die sorry Michael fans I couldn't help myself! Blame Jerry O'Connell)

 

[Shimmie]

Even though I don't personally plan to get a prenup (shhhh firecracker ), I do understand why people get them, and like I said in a post on prenup thread, they aren't always as "complete" as people think. Some prenups are "partial." So if you had a family business (or even your own business I guess), or something like that, your prenup could state that in case of divorce or death, your spouse would not be able to touch that.

I'm not sure if they had a prenup, but for example, Theresa Heinz Kerry now runs Heinz Ketchup company (her dead husband's family's business). While she runs the business, it's not really hers, and will go to her sons when they get older (I think they are in early 30's now). Suppose she was younger (of child-bearing age) when she remarried John Kerry. A prenup could prevent her from passing that business on to her and Johns Kerry's children, instead of her and Mr. Heinz' children (hope this makes sense) . But so can a will, so there is more than one way to do things. And, for those that are really concerned, there are "post-nup" agreements. Much more rare, but they do exist.

Sorry to get off topic!

Wow! I was right about 'post-nups' ... I was only kidding/guessing in the nup thread. Man, I'm a lawyer... almost. But these 'nups' are something else.... Whew Boy!

 

[live2bgr8]

You all really got it going... Y'all beat me to the punch... I'm in agreement: Estate planning and having an active role in the family finances is a must. I think estate planning is an act of love if done properly.

I think it says: "I care about you, and I trust you to be a good steward(everyone named). I want to make sure all of the finances are in order should I preceed you in death. That way, you don't have to worry about the fiancial part of my "homegoing" and you can proceed with the rest of your life guilt free."


I have seen all hades break loose when a proper will was not in place... But with a good one, the drama can be kept to a minimum.

 

[cocoberry10]

I agree with your post, Coco. I handle all the bills and finances in my house, and I think it's VERY important that a woman take an active role in financial/estate planning.
My mom used to joke that the reason black folks threw themselves all over the casket was because the breadwinner died and there was no more money coming in. White people feel cry for a minute and then go to the bank because there's a windfall coming.

That's excellent. It scares me that so many women run from learning/knowing about money. It can be very empowering to be able to handle this or at least know how to handle it, especially since women tend to outlive men.

There's an excellent book called "Smart Women Finish Rich" by David Bach.

I've also heard him speak, and he is really good. He has been on Oprah.

 

[Shimmie]

That's excellent. It scares me that so many women run from learning/knowing about money. It can be very empowering to be able to handle this or at least know how to handle it, especially since women tend to outlive men.

There's an excellent book called "Smart Women Finish Rich" by David Bach.

I've also heard him speak, and he is really good. He has been on Oprah.

You're right Coco ; and here's another person who is excellent with financial strategies...Dave Ramsey.

http://www.daveramsey.com/

 

[cocoberry10]

Wow! I was right about 'post-nups' ... I was only kidding/guessing in the nup thread. Man, I'm a lawyer... almost. But these 'nups' are something else.... Whew Boy!

Yes, these do exist. Strange isn't it. You can pretty much make a contract for anything. My torts (like personal injury law) professor did a will for a woman who left everything to her cat, b/c she said her kids were good for nothings and didn't help her in her old age. This woman lived in Beverly Hills!

But like the saying goes....

Where there's a WILL, there's a way (no pun intended, of course)

 

[Divine Inspiration]

You're right Coco ; and here's another person who is excellent with financial strategies...Dave Ramsey.

http://www.daveramsey.com/

I absolutely him!! My dad raised me on DR, and I am eternally grateful for it. DR knows his stuff.

 

[live2bgr8]

I absolutely him!! My dad raised me on DR, and I am eternally grateful for it. DR knows his stuff.

Yes, and his testimony is awesome! I like a lady named Mary Hunt, too. She is a pastor's daughter who found herself in similar circumstances to DR. She's the one who wrote the "debt-proof" series and started the cheapskate monthly webzine.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Yes, and his testimony is awesome! I like a lady named Mary Hunt, too. She is a pastor's daughter who found herself in similar circumstances to DR. She's the one who wrote the "debt-proof" series and started the cheapskate monthly webzine.

That's good stuff. My dad was able to take a 6 month leave of absence and care for his dying father because he was not in debt and he had an emergency fund. DR's principles were truly a blessing to him and our family.