Spinoff: Do You Remember the WORST Sex You Ever Had??

yea. my ex boyfriend and i were laying together and he poked me. i was thinking "WTH is that pencil doing in the bedd. i know that aint what i think it is..." it was. but i loved him so i stayed.
 
Duchesse said:
Dredging up an old memory........

I was dating this very cute British boy on and off for like a year...like a bootleg version of Tyrese and Tyson...and we were party buddies as his friend was dating my friend. We never did anything beyond kissing, but one night we all went out to a club, got really drunk, etc., and "next thing I know (so cliche)" we went back to his place (his mommas basement..lol..shoulda known) and proceeding to attempt the freakydeak. I say attempt because he was a bit hesitant about letting Mr.Man out of the denims, and only wanted to :lick: me.

Well, when he finally did, I was a bit shocked to see that it was seriously like 3inches long:blush:.(I wish was fooling..he was too cute to be so unblessed), and kinda thin. I have seen very few "members" in my day, but I'se knows that 1/4 of a foot is not a good look :nono:. I honestly could not feel anything and it wasn't the liquor. I was trying to concentrate hard too, focusing my mind on my nether regions.......nada.

I feel kinda bad, because I think he needs to get drunk in order to have sex with someone. It's kinda sad actually.
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:lachen::lachen: Yall are killin me, that one had me so tickled
 
The worst sex I ever had was with my first.....

I found out that night he had about five children..
He had nothing to work with and when I left the next morning..
I told him he betta not eva call me again..

:nono::nono::nono::nono::nono:
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
Oh, I have several and will share...

Oh, I don't know if this is considered bad sex, but I don't particularly care for men with circumcised members. To me, they look like elephant trunks...:nono:...just my little pet peeve...and shaved pubies...(yeah, some men shave their pubies...I guess to give the illusion of "objects in mirror appear larger....."
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I only like them shaved now. can't stand a crazy jungle.

bellebebe said:
yes and I don't wanna talk about it. lol
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Dang, it was that bad!
 
ooh ooh ooh i just remembered another time :lachen:.i cant believe i for got about this. ok so i was dating this guy but it ended and we remained friends. so he stayed in a dorm house and i went to visit him. he is a nice size and all so one thing led to another and this fool is on top of me pounding really fast. so i tell him to slow down while im looking at him with the :perplexed:ohwell: face but he dont hear me though. he doing his thing in his little world so i just lay there. when its over he smiling and sh!t so i say "older guys are better" so he was like "get the fug outta hear with that. i aint never had no complaints. get the fug outta my house(dorm:lachen:)". so i go outside and get im my car. this fool runs out after me and stands in front of my car just to put his middle finger up at me. i died laughing and sped off.

we are still friends. he's one of those people you cant get rid of. and he still makes comments about how he will break me off sumptin:lachen:
 
Here's my story . . .
I was dating this guy way back in like high school I believe, 9 years pass and he calls a friend of mine and asks her about me. So he gets my number and we start talkin. Now way back then I never had sex with him. (I kept my goodies to myself, until after high school) So I decided to see what he is workin wit . . . He comes to my place we have a few drinks, we do the do and I fall asleep. I wake up the next morning thinking "Damn, I was alittle tipsy so I know it had to be better than what I remember". I have a sex rule. Give a man 2 to 3 chances depending on the chemistry. Any who . . . . I give this fool another chance. (This time I was sober) Now he's on me humping like a dang rabbit,No kinda skills.Now before I can catch myself I told him: "You got 2 minutes to finish up, cause this s**t aint even cool". His feelings was so hurt. :ohwell:
 
lady lina said:
Here's my story . . .
I was dating this guy way back in like high school I believe, 9 years pass and he calls a friend of mine and asks her about me. So he gets my number and we start talkin. Now way back then I never had sex with him. (I kept my goodies to myself, until after high school) So I decided to see what he is workin wit . . . He comes to my place we have a few drinks, we do the do and I fall asleep. I wake up the next morning thinking "Damn, I was alittle tipsy so I know it had to be better than what I remember". I have a sex rule. Give a man 2 to 3 chances depending on the chemistry. Any who . . . . I give this fool another chance. (This time I was sober) Now he's on me humping like a dang rabbit,No kinda skills.Now before I can catch myself I told him: "You got 2 minutes to finish up, cause this s**t aint even cool". His feelings was so hurt. :ohwell:
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Well damn! :blush::lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
The worst sex I ever had was with a guy I'd been flirting with for a while and he was so sexy, the chemistry was off the chain. We'll I let him come over to my apartment (he stayed in the dorms) and the plan was to spend the night together, however, he whipped out that pencil and stuck it in and I was like, what the ??? No he didn't get me all hyped up for this BS! When it was over, I layed there for like 5 mins, steaming hot. I got up, woke him up and told him he had to go because I needed to make the bed. I had somewhere to be. It was 3am. That was just the WORST!
 
Has anyone ever had someone beg for another chance after a bad performance? After a very bad endeavor I asked this gentleman to leave as well, and he kept asking me, "you're not going to call me any more are you?" "I know it was bad, but it was the first time, I can do it better." I lied and told him that I would call him... I was always a one strike lay and you're out kind of girl, but that is that I got for flirting with the FedEx delivery guy from my office. :nono: Learned my lesson... fine did not equate great fireworks.
 
It's a tie. One guy was so small and thought he was doing something and all I felt was a little tickle. Technically, I doubt if he counts. The other guy just didn't know what to do. I made him stop and told him to get off of me. Q
 
Cincysweetie said:
:lachen: A mess!!!!
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Girl I think I told it in another thread but he was like, "what am I supposed to do?" I think I told him to go to the bathroom and use his hand because I was done. :nono: If you saw him and heard how he talked, you would have thought he could put it down. :rolleyes: I was dating him and tried to give it the benefit of the doubt but I was too sexually frustrated that time and just said fug it. Q
 
Queeny20 said:
Girl I think I told it in another thread but he was like, "what am I supposed to do?" I think I told him to go to the bathroom and use his hand because I was done. :nono: If you saw him and heard how he talked, you would have thought he could put it down. :rolleyes: I was dating him and tried to give it the benefit of the doubt but I was too sexually frustrated that time and just said fug it. Q
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Daaaaaag girl!!! LOL! But seriously, it always seems like the ones talking about they can put it down the best are the ones who ain't worth a d@mn in the bed!!! What is that?! It's like they know they suck...and that if you all sleep together you'll know it too...so they try to start convincing you before you even get in bed with them that they got it goin on. Ugh!
 
Cincysweetie said:
Daaaaaag girl!!! LOL! But seriously, it always seems like the ones talking about they can put it down the best are the ones who ain't worth a d@mn in the bed!!! What is that?! It's like they know they suck...and that if you all sleep together you'll know it too...so they try to start convincing you before you even get in bed with them that they got it goin on. Ugh!
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I know. They got you all hyped and excited only to leave you mad and still horny. :wallbash: I did feel bad because he was a great guy other than that. The little dude had the nerve to want another go round and I looked at him like he'd lost his mind. He was doing it fast and making all this noise and I didn't feel a thing. Yeah he don't count. That is one notch I can remove. :yep: Q
 
No foreplay, 12 seconds of him trying to push a rope through the eye of a needle and it was all over.:nono: And then he had the NERVE to ask if I... :rolleyes: Ninja please!
 
The condom was baggy and he was super sweaty. It was over very quickly and I was disgusted with myself.

I am still mad about it because it was a total waste in every way imaginable. That was about 2 years ago and dude texted me recently talking about "it would be cool if we could hang out again".
 
Oh yes do I..I have a few of those experiences actually. One that is standing out at the moment is this older guy I hooked up with that talked a real good game about how he could lay it down. Foreplay was lacking..tongue game was ok but when it got down to it..he was flopping around like fish and had one of those penises that never got fully hard. I was disgusted.
 
SoUKnoMe said:
Has anyone ever had someone beg for another chance after a bad performance? After a very bad endeavor I asked this gentleman to leave as well, and he kept asking me, "you're not going to call me any more are you?" "I know it was bad, but it was the first time, I can do it better." I lied and told him that I would call him... I was always a one strike lay and you're out kind of girl, but that is that I got for flirting with the FedEx delivery guy from my office. :nono: Learned my lesson... fine did not equate great fireworks.
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Yeah, my worst was pinkie penis guy. He called me at least once a month for almost two years after that horrible experience. He swore he could do better. nah bruh, I don't think so.
 
SoUKnoMe said:
Has anyone ever had someone beg for another chance after a bad performance? After a very bad endeavor I asked this gentleman to leave as well, and he kept asking me, "you're not going to call me any more are you?" "I know it was bad, but it was the first time, I can do it better." I lied and told him that I would call him... I was always a one strike lay and you're out kind of girl, but that is that I got for flirting with the FedEx delivery guy from my office. :nono: Learned my lesson... fine did not equate great fireworks.
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Hilarious!
 
Lessons that I have learned so far from this thread...

1. Size DOES matter! So feel it up first before sticking it in! And if it's SUPER small...it really doesn't even count! LOL.
2. Men who talk a good game are doing just that...talking. Don't believe the hype!
3. Sexual chemistry does not = good sex!
4. There is nothing wrong with telling him when he sucks...most women do anyway! Lol!
5. And if he sucks once, don't give him another chance! He is not worthy!!!
 
SoUKnoMe said:
Has anyone ever had someone beg for another chance after a bad performance? After a very bad endeavor I asked this gentleman to leave as well, and he kept asking me, "you're not going to call me any more are you?" "I know it was bad, but it was the first time, I can do it better." I lied and told him that I would call him... I was always a one strike lay and you're out kind of girl, but that is that I got for flirting with the FedEx delivery guy from my office. :nono: Learned my lesson... fine did not equate great fireworks.
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Yes, this dude was really talking me up, only to do the do that was a good 2 minutes, if that. :ohwell:

Then he had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to do it again on another occasion.

What do I look like, fool? :rolleyes:
 
TayMac said:
Oh yes do I..I have a few of those experiences actually. One that is standing out at the moment is this older guy I hooked up with that talked a real good game about how he could lay it down. Foreplay was lacking..tongue game was ok but when it got down to it..he was flopping around like fish and had one of those penises that never got fully hard. I was disgusted.
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:lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
SoUKnoMe said:
Has anyone ever had someone beg for another chance after a bad performance? After a very bad endeavor I asked this gentleman to leave as well, and he kept asking me, "you're not going to call me any more are you?" "I know it was bad, but it was the first time, I can do it better." I lied and told him that I would call him... I was always a one strike lay and you're out kind of girl, but that is that I got for flirting with the FedEx delivery guy from my office. :nono: Learned my lesson... fine did not equate great fireworks.
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No do-overs :nono: You will not get the opportunity to waste more juice. Beat it, sucka. I had a guy call me for a month straight every day, different times of the day until I had my brother answer the phone.
 
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