Spin off: So you pursued a guy. Did it work?

[Crystalicequeen123]

Yes i have

Last year i met an english dude who i thought was really cute. He was working at the café and me and my friends were having lunch there.

Some days later my friend joked and said "call there and ask him out! you clearly thought he was cute.."

The morning after i was like "off course i can do this" and i called. And asked him out

The day before my date with him i was on a date with an italian guy.. reallly gorgeous btw ... and i could tell a very big difference on the two dates.

I was more comfortable with the italian cause he came after me!

With the english dude it was almost like i had to prove something.. Hard to explain.

In my defence im only 21 and i won't do that again

I still cant believe how brave i was tho lol! My heart was beating like crazy when we had the phono convo

Omg! I remember when you were going through this situation a while ago LANGT !!!

Automatically a woman feels MUCH more relaxed and herself when it is the MAN who has pursued and asked the woman out. Don't ask me why it's this way....it just is! I say, let the man be the one nervous and trying to impress YOU on a first date. Let him try to prove himself to YOU!

I just think that a woman asking a man she barely knows out on a date is just admit for trouble IMO. Then you start to wonder about who should pay since you're the one who asked HIM out. Does he pay? Do you both go dutch? It just gets waaay too complicated. Almost like it inteferes with the natural order of things.

I see nothing wrong with a woman hinting that she would love to do xyz activity and then waiting for the guy to ask her out and make plans. But there's a difference between hinting and downrigt asking.

I have yet to see things progress to marriage when one of my friends has pursued a guy. It hasn't worked for them and it certainly hasn't worked for me. So I'm actually curious as to who this has worked for.

Keep the success stories coming ladies!

 

[Renewed1]

My ex-bf pursued me first and I turned him down flat. Than I pursued him a few weeks later. I convinced his brother to help me and I asked him to be my man within a weeks time.

We had an on again off again relationship for about 11 years. I finally ended it. Ladies, I learned the hard way that the biblical scripture is true. HE that FINDETH a WIFE FINDS a GOOD THING! Because when I THOUGHT I found something special....it wasn't.

I refuse to pursue a guy. If he wants me then come and get me.

 

[Renewed1]

Girl, I can't wait to meet some English men over here in the States. You (minus asking the English guy out) is living my dream. I wish I could have an Italian and A English man.

American guys bore me.......

Yes i have

Last year i met an english dude who i thought was really cute. He was working at the café and me and my friends were having lunch there.

Some days later my friend joked and said "call there and ask him out! you clearly thought he was cute.."

The morning after i was like "off course i can do this" and i called. And asked him out

The day before my date with him i was on a date with an italian guy.. reallly gorgeous btw ... and i could tell a very big difference on the two dates.

I was more comfortable with the italian cause he came after me!

With the english dude it was almost like i had to prove something.. Hard to explain.

In my defence im only 21 and i won't do that again

I still cant believe how brave i was tho lol! My heart was beating like crazy when we had the phono convo

 

[hopeful]

Most of the examples in this thread I feel are "showing interest", not pursuing. It appears that in the above examples, the men pretty much took charge once that interest was expressed.

When I think about a woman pursuing a man, I think of someone that...

- Approaches him
- Asks for his number.
- Initiates most of the phone conversations and dates.
- Presses a man to "take it to the next level"

You're probably right. Here's my story.
Btw: married the year after I graduated college/ married 24 years this summer.
When we were still in college. Told dh's friend I thought he was cute and that I liked him . After that he would always ask me to dance at parties but that was it. Then one night he walked me to my dorm after a party and I said thanks and gave him a quick peck on the lips before darting into my dorm. From then on he took the ball: asked me out on dates, asked for my #, called often, and asked me to marry him.

So, is that pursuing or showing interest?

 

[LoveisYou]

No. I am an advocate of positioning and/or showing interest, but I don't pursue. I don't even think it's in my nature to pursue a man. I am a total traditionalist when it comes to dating.

 

[Love Always]

I have to give it to LANGT and say she pursed the guy but it wasn't reciprocated on his end. I see that the other ladies showed interest on their part and their SO's/DH's got the hint and took it from there.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Disregard.........

 

[Okay]

I have to give it to @LANGT and say she pursed the guy but it wasn't reciprocated on his end. I see that the other ladies showed interest on their part and their SO's/DH's got the hint and took it from there.

Love Always

He didnt even recognise me! He was very sweet though.. he paid my cup of coffee but after two weeks he wrote a text saying "Im going back to the UK so i cant date anyone in denmark right now. I hope you keep up the courage you had in asking me out" I thought that was sweet, but he wasnt my type.. There was no spark. Now the Italian He was BEAUTIFUL! Funny and verry stereotypical lol. He wanted to be a plastic surgeon

Girl, I can't wait to meet some English men over here in the States. You (minus asking the English guy out) is living my dream. I wish I could have an Italian and A English man.

American guys bore me.......

MarriageMaterial

GO TO ENGLAND THEN Brits are great. The accent is a nice bonus (and no im NOT moving there because of that! LoL

 

[nappystorm]

I pursued one. He served his purpose very well

 

[Nina_deF]

Most of the examples in this thread I feel are "showing interest", not pursuing. It appears that in the above examples, the men pretty much took charge once that interest was expressed.

When I think about a woman pursuing a man, I think of someone that...

- Approaches him
- Asks for his number.
- Initiates most of the phone conversations and dates.
- Presses a man to "take it to the next level"

I've done all but the bolded. I also give it one call, if they bore me, it's a no go.
I'f I bore them, it's a no go.
When men do the bolded they show how desperate they are and are bound never to see me again so I won't do it to them either (I have no reason to).

I pursued one. He served his purpose very well

I am so hearing you!

 

[Renewed1]

@MarriageMaterial

GO TO ENGLAND THEN Brits are great. The accent is a nice bonus (and no im NOT moving there because of that! LoL

LANGT girl, I always dreamed about living in England since I was a kid. Not for the accents or the "royals". I love the culture and some of the traditions, which I feel is lacking in this day and age.

But I did date a English guy here in the States, one of my better experiences. Can't wait to date another one!

 

[Mai Tai]

You're probably right. Here's my story.
Btw: married the year after I graduated college/ married 24 years this summer.
When we were still in college. Told dh's friend I thought he was cute and that I liked him . After that he would always ask me to dance at parties but that was it. Then one night he walked me to my dorm after a party and I said thanks and gave him a quick peck on the lips before darting into my dorm. From then on he took the ball: asked me out on dates, asked for my #, called often, and asked me to marry him.

So, is that pursuing or showing interest?

hopeful ...I would say this is showing interest and is actually quite a cute story.

 

[hopeful]

Thank you Mai Tai, I appreciate your opinion.

 

[anon123]

When I knew my longtime friend was interested I lead him on by letting him know I was interested too, but I didnt actively go and say, "I like you. I know you like me too. So.....wanna hook up?" No it was more subtle. Flirting with him, sitting on his lap, things like that that I had NEVER done to him before. That let him know the door was open. After about a year he proposed to me. We been married going on 11 years.

Sitting in his lap isn't subtle That's pretty bold! It's a cute story

 

[OhTall1]

Yep.

I initiated contact when I responded to his online profile.

After a few weeks of online chatting and talking on the phone, I asked him out (mostly because I was doing the same with two other guys, and I wanted to meet face to face with all three guys).

I initiated the "let's be exclusive" conversation.

We'll celebrate our four year wedding anniversary in September.

 

[imaccami]

pause



would you PURSUE and make a move here?

I would say it was just a convo and he probably was building up to asking you out to see the movie, but because you didn't show interest, he never did.

By interest I mean questions like, what's the movie about/why do you want to see it/how did you hear about it/I've never heard of that, is it an independent film? Then when he answers you can say that sounds interesting or you two can go off on a tangent and talk about the subjects addressed in the movie.

If you two get a good convo going and he gets the idea that going to that movie would be something you would enjoy doing, it would be more natural for him to ask you if you want to go see it together.

Did you post the whole convo or did you take some parts out? Because from what you posted it seems like you kinda just questioned the title and then said nothing and waited for him to ask you out?

Sitting in his lap isn't subtle That's pretty bold! It's a cute story

In my mind, this all happened when they were in college, so I don't think sitting in his lap is really bold in that case. If she were 34 and went and sat in a guy's lap who hadn't even asked her out, it would be kinda bold. But, 25 yrs old and younger, I don't think it's that bold in that case. ITA it's a cute story.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

There's this guy at my gym, I want to say HI to. He's sooo intimidating and I am not going to lie. You ladies give me encouragement. I just wanna have fun this summer.